ella hasson

envy did not merely have her craving things others had but made her wish for them to suffer without it, these cravings rot you from the inside out. at twenty-two ella hasson is going through the motions of 'dealing with' her sin of envy. her closet has been purged of stolen designer goods and she has been reduced to thrift store finds and a uniform. what has not ebbed is her cigar habit and her need to take from others what she wishes she had.schadenfreude is pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others

[felix-callaghan]

☾ ☼ ☽ ]|           ”But you just said…” Felix let out a small groan, head aching slightly with confusion and his heart heavy; this day was awful. “You said you were disappointed because I did not do what you wanted me to do….thus, I cannot be too good. Regardless I am not good in the first place.” Running his fingers through her hair, the virtue stared blankly at the wall of the building in front of them. “I wish you’d not dwell on those things, I already said I forgave you and it’s easier to just….forget than to dwell. Dwelling means you’ll always carry it around and carrying that around is…you just can’t. It’s like a poison. Those are not going to be the things I see when I look back on those moments, you understand? I’ll remember the first time you spoke to me, our museum date, I’ll remember you coming to me, and I’ll remember the first time we had relations…not the rest of the things.” Felix ran his hand over her back, trying to be as comforting as possible as he fought to try and find some joy or happiness in the moment; in truth he just wanted to go back to his room, put on The Smiths, and read a novel alone - he’d never felt more like Dr. Manhattan in his entire life. “Of course darling, of course we’ll have a grand time and and we shall dance, whatever you wish.”

[ellasenvy]

         "Yes, and expecting something like that from anyone is ridiculous...that isn't on you, that's on me," Ella said simply, a twitched to the side of her lips towards as she realised there wasn't really ever going to be much convincing of Felix that he was better than he thought and she had obviously done something to assist in the idea he wasn't 'good.' Ella nodded however, she wasn't sure she couldn't dwell on those things but if he said he wasn't going to then she could keep things like that to herself. "We could just dance out here," Ella said, there was a faint sound of the music inside and really Ella did not want to go back in, she just wanted to stay by his side. She had not looked up to see his expression, perhaps if she had she would have noticed he did not want to actually be there at all.

[lizzys-wrath]

Lizzie chuckled at Ella’s response, nodding her head and biting the inside of her cheek, recognizing her statement as the ugly truth. “I don’t know, man, if Bandit and Hunter possibly are more than fuck buddies I don’t wanna be the one to be in the middle of that.” The girl stated squinting her brows a bit, thoughts of not wanting to hurt Bandit swirling through her head. “I don’t wanna take any chances, you know, I don’t want to hurt Bandit like that.” 

[ellasenvy]

          "Well I guess you'll just have to wait a little longer then, I'm sure you can think of something else to do with your night."

[lizzys-wrath]

"Yeah…I don’t think people are here to find another person to sleep with; its Valentines day and guys are spoiling their significant other hoping to probably get at least a blow job as a reward." Lizzie chuckled out in a cynical tone. "Hunter already has Bandit as a fuck buddy so I think I’ll just head back to my dorm later and just get high and watch a few horror movies. I need to get my minds off things."   What the brunette was hiding was she truthfully did not want to be in the presence of couple’s as she felt alone for the first time in a while; viewing peoples affections towards another person the same time as emotions of sadness and loneliness swirled her insides, sickened her to the core.

[ellasenvy]

          "Well...likely...yeah," Ella responded, she didn't want to say it was true but really the only exception to this rule that Ella had found was Felix and she wasn't going to give him up that easily now that she had him back. "Because lusts only have one fuck buddy?" she asked with a raised brow. She wasn't going to force anyone together but assuming Hunter would stay with just Bandit was...a little ridiculous.

[lizzys-wrath]

"Yeah, I understand." Lizzie said nodding her head as she listened to the blonde’s words. "The boyfriends I’ve had weren’t really into buying me shit, they said they wanted to save their money so…I didn’t really get anything from them." The girl said biting the inside of her cheek looking up at Ella waiting for her response. "Okay, and yeah hopefully I’ll simply just get to sleep with someone…” The brunette chuckled out before continuing to speak. “I swear if I don’t get to sleep with anyone here, I’m just probably gonna dress really slutty one day or something and see if anyone’s interested then…” Lizzie waited for Ella’s reaction before admitting to joking about her words chuckling simultaneously. “Maybe it’s worth a try…I haven’t slept with someone since I was sent back home… like back in September.”

[ellasenvy]

           Ella shrugged her shoulders. That didn't seem all that long to her. The fact she had slept with Blake and Felix so close to each other was no indication of her regular sex life. Ella had only had sex four times before that and it was all in high school. "I don't know if anyone here is here to sleep with someone...well someone other than their date. I mean, if you're not going for Hunter then I don't know who else you could go for."

[felix-callaghan]

☾ ☼ ☽ ]|           ”Well..” Felix said softly, his stomach churning uneasily; the pressure finally read a point where it compressed his spine. “I cannot fix everything Ella, I’m….I’m only one person..a mere human I’m no more super man than…anything else and you have me set upon this pedestal that I humanly cannot live up to and in the process you are hurting yourself.” The virtue explained, holding her close. “I do…not understand what to do when it comes to girls and dating, and…I really only understand books. I am sorry I have offended you and I am deeply sorry I am not as good as you wish me to be….I truly am.” He cleared his throat and lightly ran his hand over her shoulder “I do enjoy the photographs…I’m sorry I didn’t understand. I’m glad that I-I make you feel this way and I am…terribly sorry I didn’t understand. I am sorry that my…gift didn’t have more meanings. Look….El…I am sorry for what I have done to you. I am sorry that I cannot be the storybook prince you want me to be…I am jsut…I am Felix. Just Felix….I thought you…understood that.”

[ellasenvy]

         Ella shook her head, heart breaking that he thought this was his fault when it was her own. "No, no, please, no, Felix," Ella said as she looked up at him, hands tight around his lapels. "You're too good and...I just want to give you something good to remember and everything we have so far I've ruined. I stole from you while on our first date so that's always going to be a sour memory, when you agreed to see me again I was plastered from just having sex with Blake, when you agreed to go out with me I thought I was pregnant and when we finally had sex it was the day after I found out...found out...," Ella couldn't say it again. "I keep messing up everything we have and I just...I wanted tonight to be perfect and I kept hoping maybe it would be and when it wasn't...I just...I got disappointed that it was just going to be another night for us to look back on where I didn't do things right," Ella sighed, resting her head on Felix's tie. He smelled so nice, she just wanted to stay there, she didn't want to go back inside. "You're present was perfect, I just...I got so caught up in this," she said. It was selfish and internally she knew that but most of the time Ella was selfish, the things she did didn't come from a desire to help other's lives after all. "I just want Felix and we'll have our totally non-messed up time in Sicily, I promise," she said because she wanted to give him that so badly. She wanted to give them that. She wanted them to have a memory that was just them, not corrupted by other people or other things. "Dance with me?" she asked him, lifting her head once again to look up at him.

[mister-ragequit]

[ ◎ ] ||         "Life’s never going to give you exactly what you want El." He replied, shoving the last bit of crust into his mouth, smacking his lips before grabbing another piece "This isn’t a storybook fantasy dream whatever. You’ll have him the rest of the night but you’re not trusting him if you think nothing good is going to come from today." All though his blood was still boiling, Blake drowned it in pepperoni and vodka; what good was getting mad enough to hit her if he couldn’t hit her. "How are you fucking up right now? Cause you didn’t pick his number right? We both know as soon as we get there I’ll go find Regan and you’ll go find him and we’ll both waltz off int our respective sunsets…mine involves light bondage and heavy drug use and yours…well…I don’t know what yours is but Felix will." Hopping off of the counter, the wrath shoved the rest of the pizza into the fridge before kicking the door closed. "If you hold onto a bird too lightly, it’ll fly away but if you hold it too tightly you crush it, you know?"

[ellasenvy]

         Ella looked at him with kind of a sigh. She knew he was kind of getting some of it right but it didn't feel like he understood what she had meant. She knew they'd have their time alone and it could be great but that wouldn't remove all the stuff around it, the stuff that made it not how she had hoped. It felt like when she remembered it later on there would be this distance between them and it would be a distance she caused because when put with everything else it just showed how much she messed up. She just wanted one perfect night where everything went right for them. "I feel like you just said no matter what I do he'll disappear," Ella sighed a little, she was sure that wasn't what he meant but that was how it sounded. "He's doing everything right and I'm just...messing up every time. Come on, let's not keep your actual date waiting."

[spencer-envy-hayes-deactivated2]

He laughed softly, shaking his head. “I don’t like dating, is all,” he explained. “A fuck is a fuck. That’s all it is and no one is confused. You kick them out of bed in the morning and that’s the end of that. If I were to want to date a girl… That’s completely different. You see?”

[ellasenvy]

         "You and your brother are total hoes," Ella said, her tone a little more aggressive than it would have tended to be. It was hard to joke when she was genuinely not in the best of moods. "So you dislike the idea of not kicking someone out in the morning?" she teased.

[lizzys-wrath]

"Seriously?! Dude, I want someone to buy me tickets to Sicily. None of my boyfriends bought me any tickets to different countries or provinces…" Lizzie chuckled out. No matter how much the girl would deny it, she wanted to be smothered in love, smothered with presents and affection. What girl wouldn’t want that, after all? The brunette than was taken from her thoughts as Ella made the comment about Blake laughing a bit smiling softly. "Well, I’m still single, you can try to set me up with someone either way, after all I wanna be spoiled and not always be single on Valentines day.” The girl laughed out.

[ellasenvy]

          Ella smiled at Lizzie's response. "Yeah, if it helps I don't like like most boyfriends do that, most are probably you know give flowers and stuff," Ella responded because she didn't want to rub it in the girls face as other's often did. Lizzie wasn't the kind of girl who deserved to have herself knocked down like Scarlett did. "Well, I'll aim for next year, hopefully we can find you someone before my school year it up," she said quickly realising that was rapidly approaching. Soon it would be looking for colleges to get into that wouldn't hold her record against her.

[mister-ragequit]

[ ◎ ] ||         "You know, you can’t just act like that and calm down when you get gifts." Blake snorted out, walking back to the fridge and opening the pizza box, pulling out two pieces out he stacked them on top of each other. "You’re welcome by the way." Leaning back on the counter, the Wrath shoved it into his hungry gob. "You need to calm down, it’s just a dance, you know? Who gives a shit? People are gonna be shit to each other, some students - including yours truly - are going to get straight up fucked in the bathroom; sex wise and drug wise. You know? People are going to flirt, people are going to fuck…I don’t know what has you so nervous." Blake too another large bite before cracking open one of his bottles of vodka and taking a large swig before offering it to her.

[ellasenvy]

          She wasn't sure if he was actually angry or joking because of how he said  it so she merely tried to stay calm about the whole thing. "It's not about the dance, it's about it being Valentines day, my first one with Felix...my first one with anyone," Ella said as her fingers traced over the creases of the camera. "I wanted things to go a certain way. It wasn't meant to matter what anyone else did because it would just be us but...it's not now," she sighed, placing the box on the space beside her. She couldn't take it with her so she'd come back and get it later. "I'm not nervous, I'm upset." She looked up at him finally, laughing just at the image of him. He was amusing to say the least even if she'd hoped for the amusement to carry on over something she could actually feel like made her matter. She stood, walking over and taking the vodka, least if it got on her dress it was clear. "I'm just fucking everything up when it comes to me and Felix. How can we last when every story we have involves me fucking up somehow?"

[spencer-envy-hayes-deactivated2]

He blanched at the mention of One Direction, but he tried his best to control it into an understated expression. “Yeah, same basic concept.” Spencer let his gaze drift around the room. Love was in the air, it seemed. How disgusting. “Well… No one says you can’t go run off with Felix when Regan shows up. It’s pretty obvious that when she’s in the room, everyone else ceases to exist to Blake. I can even cause a diversion if need be. And everyone’s stupid when it comes to dating.” He shrugged his shoulders. “She would have to be a hell of a girl, but I will hold you to that. Deal.”

[ellasenvy]

          "Yeah, I know, but it's not the same. I wanted all that...small stuff," Ella confessed lamely. A laugh escaped as he made his deal with her however, fingers gracing his just slightly before they both pulled away from one another. "Hell of a girl? You that fucking picky?"

[lizzys-wrath]

"Yeah I know, I understand every girl wishes to be swept off her feet by a guy, but sadly girl’s can’t always depend on guy’s to give them everything they desire, cause most guys aren’t really like that and will only do the bare minimum; even at times I wish I could be spoiled with all the treasures of the world from a guy, but I stay realistic.” Lizzie said sighing deeply before taking a long drag from her cigarette, fidgeting with the red fabric from her dress “Yeah, he’s really fucking tall, I thought I was the only one who felt uncomfortable around him cause of his height.” The brunette chuckled out a smile spreading on her lips. “Thanks Blondie! Your jewelry and dress and like everything that you’re wearing is absolutely beautiful as well. And really you think it would’ve been better if I went stag? Why?”

[ellasenvy]

          "Felix isn't a bare minimum kind of guy though, he got us plane tickets to Sicily, like casually we're just going overseas for a week," Ella told her. She had enjoyed the gift but since he could not actually give it to her in person at the perfect Valentine's evening she hadn't been able to be entirely thrilled about it. It was kind of like getting a birthday card in the mail, you really just wanted the person who sent it to be the one giving it to you. "I think everyone does, Blake probably stands next to him and cries," Ella joked, she actually liked Blake's height. She could look into his eyes without neck pain. "Thanks," Ella actually beamed, glad someone was going to comment on it, doing a small spin. "Well if you went stag I could push you in the direction of stag boys," she explained.

[felix-callaghan]

☾ ☼ ☽ ]|           ”What did I come to think about…” Felix trailed off, fingers tangling with hers “Well…I recently found out my sister will be taking over the company on her twenty first birthday, my girlfriend went on a date with the hellion that nearly knocked her up….and this girlfriend of mine has been acting straight insane from what I’ve been hearing. Do you wish to talk about it? Because I wish to talk about my gift…” the virtue cleared his throat and looked up to the sky “I….I don’t quiet understand it. Is it supposed to…symbolize something?”

[ellasenvy]

         Ella was a little surprised, a small smile coming she tried to push down. The idea of Scarlett no longer being at the school was one she could definitely get behind but wasn't sure how he felt about it. "Yeah, well it hasn't been much of a date if that helps," she sighed, shaking her head against his shoulder, fingers tightening around his. "I just...I really wanted tonight to be us but it isn't, even if we're together now it isn't. We didn't get to have that moment where we see each other at the door, we didn't get to go out to dinner together and show up together...this was our first Valentines and I thought...I thought you'd kind of just...fix everything, which I know is stupid and when it didn't happen I kind of figured at least Blake had a nice night planned and then he didn't and just...this isn't what I wanted to look back on," she said, clearly physically pained by the idea with how her shoulders seemed to curve in to protect her chest. When he brought up her gift and said he didn't understand it, she felt even worse but she didn't pull away, instead she moved closer to him, so she could hide herself against his side. "I can't...I can't be as articulate as you...I thought, obviously incorrectly, that I could show you how...confident you make me feel, give you a part of me but...I'm an idiot, I'm not even a good photographer so just throw them out, I'll get you something better." Her face ran against his suit. She hated he had red on, she hated that she matched Blake more than she matched him and she hated that what she had wanted more than anything to be their day was not. "I wish I knew what to give you without doing something to disappoint you."

[spencer-envy-hayes-deactivated2]

          ”I think that was Albert. Pretty sure I got bet on because if I know girls, its that all of them want a song written about them. Well, he does have a point. Regan would probably be irrationally angry if he looked like he was having fun with a date that wasn’t her. He’s my brother, but I think you have a right to be at least a little upset.” Spencer raised a brow before grinning coyly. “Myself. All the cool chicks have boyfriends.” He playfully bumped her shoulder with his in an attempt to lighten her spirits. “I know, I know. I didn’t say stop side eyeing the bitch if she keeps messing with you, but I understand. I don’t do so well in that area anyway.”

[ellasenvy]

            "That could be true. I'm kind of obsessed with One Direction, if a guy wrote a song about me like that I would die happy," Ella smiled a little. She was cheesily romantic when it actually came to having someone and that's why she'd never been with anyone before. She'd never thought it was possible before Felix. It was why she'd been delusional and thought he'd show up and say they really were having a date and he'd somehow traded off with Blake. "Well I thought so but he's probably right that it didn't even matter, I just kind of expected...something else, which was stupid, I'm so stupid when it comes to dating," she said, wanting to laugh so it felt light hearted but unable to. "Apparently, you're my only envy bud which is why if you do ever like someone I will help. Even if she has a boyfriend." Ella nudged him back.

[spencer-envy-hayes-deactivated2]

           “Yeah, she is.” He shrugged, showing he wasn’t terribly invested in the whole thing. After all, she had a boyfriend. “I think the whole thing is kind of stupid to be honest. Were you girls forced to bid on us, or what? Because I don’t think a single one of you ended up with who you wanted to take you.” He furrowed his brow. “I don’t think you’re ever going to change her opinion of you if you’re dating Felix. Just care about what he thinks.”

[ellasenvy]

           "I bid on everyone, well except for whoever thought saying they liked naps would be a good idea? I knew I wasn't going to get Felix so I kind of just figured it would be nice to just...go with someone. But then you know Blake didn't want our partners freaking out so kind of toned everything down which just kind of pissed me off because like...if this night is going to suck I'd at least like it to be the least sucky it can be," she sighed unsure where Blake even was at that moment. "Who would you have gone with if you got to pick?" she asked him, honestly just curious because while Blake seemed to be fairly confident with women she hadn't heard from any girls 'oh Spencer is such a perve' or the sweeter 'Spencer just said I was beautiful' form any of them. "Dude, I'm an envy...pretty sure there isn't a way to physically stop me, physically I can stop myself from stealing whatever is in her wallet which I have the biggest urge in the world to do but I told Felix I would try and not do that so."

[spencer-envy-hayes-deactivated2]

        ”I forget Bandy would be up for just about anything. I think Olive’s avoiding me to go spend time with her boyfriend.” He chewed his lip, glancing around. “Yeah, probably. They wanted a ball and it would look more like a rave if I was at the helm of it.” He canted his head as he turned his expression back to her. “Why so glum, chum?”

[ellasenvy]

            "Is she your date for this evening?" she asked him, her arms rubbing against the strange fabric of her dress. "I kind of...imagine tonight very differently and then the whole...date bidding thing happened...and I still imagined it very differently...and then I imagined it differently again and...each time I was kind of disappointed," she shrugged. "And honestly, I feel like I just wasted my time on tonight and wasted a whole bunch of Felix's money trying to look better than his sister only to have her continue to look at me like I'm a weed that needs pulling." Everything she said was so self involved but she didn't really hear it. At least she hadn't cried again since she'd been in Blake's dorm.

[spencer-envy-hayes-deactivated2]

           Spencer shrugged his shoulders. “I’d put on some Indietronica, maybe some synthpunk. Bitpop would be fun. Although I suppose if any of that was playng, you girls would have no fun at all.”

[ellasenvy]

         "I don't know, I think Bandit and Olive could get into it." Ella shrugged her shoulders. "I think it'd be harder to convince the teachers to allow it."

[lizzys-wrath]

"You’re right about that, sadly." Lizzie said nodding her head slightly, sighing softly before continuing to speak. "Well, think about it El… that seems like something that’d be like in a fairytale, it’s kinda impractical, no offense…I mean I understand that you’d like to spend time with him but, things don’t always work out as you want them to." The girl stated in a relaxed tone hoping not to upset the blonde. "It’s okay, thanks." Lizzie said bringing her cigarette to the match before bringing it back to her lips taking a small drag from the end. "I got set up with Albert, so I’m here with him… but without the whole auction thing that happened I would’ve probably gone stag."

[ellasenvy]

            Ella was kind of annoyed when she said it but she knew that it was right. She knew when she thought it that it was some kind of ridiculous notion, Felix couldn't just fix things and he had agreed to do the date biding thing. "Yeah, I know, it's irrational but...," she shrugged her shoulders, staring out in front of herself. "Doesn't mean I didn't want it and I kind of expected things with Blake to go an entirely different way and probably stepped backward with everything we'd kind of pushed through," Ella sighed. "Oh, that giant sloth kid? How do you even stand next to him, he's like a giraffe," Ella joked, a small smile coming to her face. "You look good though, should have gone stag."