ellaspore

Growning like fungi | Multifandom BL | 32 | Bi | Italian | My brain is a dumpster fire🔥

[ellaspore]

Masterlist of my cursed thoughts

Nothing real here, just me wilding.

BEST OF THE BEST (IF YOU FOUND ME AND NOT THEM GO THERE NOW, BECAUSE THEY BOTH HAVE MY WHOLE HEART) @lutawolf masterlist @hael987 masterlist

KINNPORSCHE

EP7 - MUTUAL EXCHANGE

EP 8 - Escape reality - Wavelength

EP9 - Trust

EP10 - GUN

KIMCHAY

EP8 - Write me a song

EP11 - I'm sorry

VEGASPETE

EPISODE 11

Vulnerability

Revelation

PET

POISON

EPISODE 12

A guy like you it’s no fun if you don’t give in

Seduction: a war between want and fear

Dirty talk

EPISODE 13

Vegas and English : a sociolinguistics analysis

A guy like you will never regret

When is a mirror not a mirror anymore

EPISODE 14

Because I am hungry

Pet (and food): disconnect and reconnect / rage vs love / EP13 vs EP14

I love you

Families and Rings

OVERALL THEMES

Words vs action

On Kinnporsche, humour and the fragmentation of the self

On toxicity

Love as worship - Vegaspete - Kimchay - Kinnporsche

Love and Drugs

RANDOM

Vegas and Porsche EP10

EP5 and EP13 PARALLELS

SHITPOSTING

DANCING DICKS - VEGASPETE - KINNPORSCHE

Me wilding under other people posts, shitposting and everything else may found oneday a tag. Maybe. Possibly. We shall see.

[ellaspore]

WU may not be a BL but it is so intrinsically QUEER.

It's QUEER because it is essentially against capitalism, heteronormativity and patriarchy.

It's QUEER in its systematic subversion of the status quo and in its dismantling of normative binaries, hierarchies and exclusionary structures.

It's QUEER because it's a story about the outcasts, the ones society left behind because they don't fit, because they dared to ask questions, because they dared to challenge the norm.

[ellaspore]

What wrecks me about Niran and Pete is how they work as mirror images of each other, a reflection of the self in the way they began to truly see themselves in the eyes of the other.

Pete’s trust in Niran makes Niran develop his self-confidence

a person who trusts you more than you trust yourself.

Niran’s care for Pete makes Pete realize his self-worth

a person who cares about you more than you care about yourself.

Niran lacks emotions except with Pete

a still lake seeing ripples of life.

Pete lacks calm except with Niran

a ticking bomb being defused.

And the thing is, they’re not set up only as a reflection of each other, but if you look closely enough, it feels like the edges are starting to blur, encroaching on each other's space without a care, as if there is no clear separation.

And so it’s even more jarring when suddenly the mirroring is lost. When the Yao traps Niran in the mirror maze and asks him who he is, it’s like Niran reverts to who he was before.

And it’s kinda ironic how Pete recognizes it after, that something is wrong with Niran.

"Either your mind was playing tricks on you or it was heaven, giving you a sign. I think it’s the latter, and the one whose mind is playing tricks on him is you."

And it’s saddening how, when they meet again after and Niran recognizes what is going on with Pete, Niran tries to put distance between them,putting boundaries and limits between them, refusing to be Pete’s mirror image. And the thing is, while Pete tries to break through, in the end, Niran, still trapped in his head, runs away.

[thebroccolination]

I keep seeing people criticizing SkyNani and DewTee for "not wanting to fully commit to BL" but apart from that being a gibberish accusation that means nothing, how can you blame anyone for not wanting to be part of the Thai BL industry? With how vulgarly some BL fans talk about the actors in BL? Stalk them? Harass them? Reduce them to The Top and The Bottom and then sexualize them to the point of using actual kink language publicly?

How on earth can you be offended or even surprised that there are actors out there who may just be put off by fan culture like this:

Consider the likely reality that there are plenty of actors out there who wouldn't mind kissing men onscreen if the fandom that came with along with it wasn't likely to treat them like objects. I'd say there's a far higher chance that it isn't homophobia keeping actors from "committing" to BL, it's self-preservation from the fans.

I say this as someone who has been firmly in the camps of two imaginary BL couples for six years: instead of throwing rocks at the few actors who opt out, try making this fandom into a more pleasant place for them and the rest of us to be first.

[ellaspore]

Let me add something not many people are aware of here. Sky has been friends with BKPP since Nadao Bangkok days, Boss Kuno loves Sky and keeps reposting his work on his socials. Sky went to the Gelboys premier while he was preparing for his own fancon. Not kissing on screen doesn't mean people are homophobic.

[thebroccolination]

Entire fandoms were built on less than this for decades.

If you can't ship this by yourself, that is a Skill. Issue.

[thebroccolination]

As someone who grew up reading and writing non-canon queer fic, y'all are missing out on the joy that creative challenges like "Wu" and "Peaceful Property" offer. If you can't find the queer potential in two platonic besties onscreen, that's a skill issue, comrade.

One can have BL as dessert all day every day, but sometimes one needs some good ole platonic series for the brain nutrients.

[ellaspore]

We don't have a name. We just call them a duo usually cause that's how they have labelled themselves

[thebroccolination]

As someone who grew up reading and writing non-canon queer fic, y'all are missing out on the joy that creative challenges like "Wu" and "Peaceful Property" offer. If you can't find the queer potential in two platonic besties onscreen, that's a skill issue, comrade.

One can have BL as dessert all day every day, but sometimes one needs some good ole platonic series for the brain nutrients.

[lamonnaie]

supernatural... saving the world... red thread connections... bromance... anyone else seeing what i'm seeing 👀

[ellaspore]

High School Frenemy is taking over my brain and I cannot stop thinking about it 

I think of Saint in the past, alcoholic father, absent mother, unmoored and unrestrained, his anger festering inside himself, violence the only way to let his feelings out

And the way that Shin is his anchor, his everything, his motivation purpose and will to live, the thing most precious to him, the only person to really care about him and take care of him

And the way in the past, no matter the importance Shin had for him, how he was unable to articulate himself out loud, to share his love, his care, the way he needed to use excuses to do things for Shin

The way Saint showed his love through actions and his presence

The way his fear of Shin leaving him transformed into anger, into hurting Shine and became the biggest mistake of his life

I think of Shin in the past, absent father, a mother who left him to care for his little sister. The only person always there for him cheering his games, sharing his dream, being Saint.

How Saint was there to always take care of him in his darkest moments, to keep him from being hurt, to make him laugh

How Shin was always saying how important Saint was for him, how he was always there to save Saint from himself

And then it all went to shit and they were both left in shambles

Saint with his guilt and inability to even face Shin because of what he did 

Shin hurt and alone without his best friend there to help him

How their relationship was changed by the trauma and the absence, how it became this powerful thing they couldn’t let go of, this hurt, this yearning, this unhealed festering wound, kept deep within themselves 

The way Saint couldn’t stay away from Shin and he tried to see him but was sent away by his mother, and the way he had to just accept it because he did not deserve Shin even if it was what he wanted and needed the most and how depressed it made him and how he kept trying to find indirect ways to see Shin, because even a glance would have been better than nothing

How Saint spent three years in a half-dead state, atoning for what he did to the person who mattered the most, never resorting to violence again, being beaten and taking it because it was what he deserved

How Shin named his gang Tsunami because he hadn’t left even then, how all his friendships never reached the same level as the one with Saint, how there was always a wall between himself and the rest of the world, how nobody could take care of him but he took care of everyone

How he resorted to violence because he couldn’t take the loneliness and anger anymore

How in a way he took Saint’s worst traits and made them a part of himself

And then I think of when they meet again, under the rain, under the same umbrella, how it felt like a miracle for Saint, his dreams coming true, Shin in his reach again, how he had another chance and he would take everything if it meant being with Shin again

And how Shin felt betrayed and was angry because he couldn't trust Shin, he couldn’t believe he wouldn’t run away 

And so Saint had to prove it all, prove his resistance his willingness to bear it all and in the end Shin could do nothing but capitulate because he missed Saint more than he missed soccer, more than his lost future because Saint gives him meaning just as much as Shin gives meaning to Saint

How the tables turned and now it’s Saint declaring his love for the world to see because he bottled his feelings for 3 years and he can’t contain them anymore and if he doesn’t get another chance at least he was able to say it all.

And how after they cleared the air they feel alive, like different people, able to smile freely, using every excuse to spend time together, to touch each other, to test and see that this is real, they’re together again

And I’m in love with how they feel like platonic soulmates but there is still something more, a romantic undertone just waiting to happen when they’re on steadier ground sure of who they are, where they stand, because they are too happy to find each other again to risk it all so soon

They’re a potential just waiting for the right time to happen

[ellaspore]

Ge

There’s power in words. 

Words create, shape, define the world, the people, their relationships with each other.

And I keep thinking of “Ge”, of how such a monosyllabic word, such a “simple” form of address accompanies the evolution of Jiang Tian and Sheng Wang's entire relationship.

How at the beginning it starts as something forced upon them by their parents, a relationship and a closeness which do not exist yet and that neither want. Something Sheng Wang refuses on principle alone. 

How it slowly develops in something they both come to accept as a form of intimacy, a sign of their bond. Something they both share, full of longing and possibilities, a kind of home. Something not so clearly defined, taking on a broader meaning, opening to further possibilities.

How it becomes something Sheng Wang uses to coax Jiang Tian, a weakness, an exploitation.

And how in the end, Sheng Wang uses the same word as a boundary, a limit, forcing their relationship into an ill-fitting box, pre-established roles.

How it becomes a reminder for Sheng Wang of what he should not to feel, of how he needs to let this love go.

A way to create distance between them.

A way to break his heart. 

A knife into Jiang Tian, as cutting as the rift he feels opening between them.

[ellaspore]

The last episode of The On1y One laid me on the floor and the only thing I can think of is this saying in Neapolitan which goes “Nun aprì ll'uocchie a li gattille” which roughly translates to “Don’t force open kitten’s eyes” which has the meaning of rendering someone conscious of possibilities he wasn’t aware of before.

And that’s exactly what the teachers’ kiss caused in Sheng Wang. He became aware of the possibilities of his feelings for Jiang Tian, opened the curtains on what really he was feeling, the reason behind his behaviour, his beating heart. it was like suddenly light shed on something he hadn’t seen before. He was in too deep, drowning in his feelings before he even knew what he was doing.

Sheng Wang fell in love slowly, unconsciously unaware, eyes shut, closed and unseeing.

And the problem is

You can’t force someone’s eyes open too soon when they’re not ready, the sudden light will make them blind, panic because they weren’t ready to see what’s in front of them. 

And that's exactly what happens to Sheng Wang. Suddenly he knows he is in love, he’s not ready for it, he hasn’t come to terms with what it all means.

He’s drowning and he doesn’t know what to do, so the only solution is to sit back, put space and understand and that’s exactly what makes him bomb his exams.

But Sheng Wang is still unseeing, he’s still blinded by the light, he thinks he can revert to a previous state, cut the stalk of his feelings and make something else grow anew, he can lie and no one will be wiser.

What makes this all the more devastating is that Jiang Tian’s eyes have been wide open right from the start, he took the plunge consciously, he surrendered knowing exactly what he was doing. Yes, his capitulation was not without fight. Jiang Tian has been fighting his feelings since the start and his surrender happened only when he finally laid in bed with Sheng Wang.

And he knows and he sees exactly what’s happening to Sheng Wang, he knows about the aborted kiss, the panic, the fear but he can’t do anything about it. He knows they’re on the edge of the cliff, but this is not something he can force, he has to wait for Sheng Wang to decide whether love is worth it or not.

[thatgothsamurai]

drunk babygirlies behavior

[thebroccolination]

Krist was absolutely right to call this scene art. ♡ And when I read Ella's poem based on it yesterday, I had to drop all my KawiPi Week fics and make an edit for it.

Music: "The Mentor" Sleeping At Last

[ellaspore]

[biochemjess]

I give you Alice Oseman on why her queer content is inherently better (hint: it’s “pure” and, you know, Western).

And what the actual queer writers in Asia are saying…

And hat’s off to Jojo for pointing out that it’s good to have variety and there isn’t just one story to be told.

[ellaspore]

I am tired of all this bullshit so let me tell you this.

I want it all. All the stories. All the types. All the genres.

I want the sex stories, I want the love stories.

I want them innocent, I want them mature.

I want the hurt, I want the comfort.

I want the school ones, I want the office ones.

I want them healthy, I want them dark.

I want the sci-fi, I want the historical.

I want the BDSM ones, I want the vanilla ones.

I want the rom-coms, I want the political.

I want the Western ones and the Asian ones.

I want the full plate, all flavours.

Because queer stories are just stories and they should NEVER EVER be held to an IDEAL STANDARD because we deserve every aspects of our life to be put on the screen same as everybody else.

[ellaspore]

I'm so in love with how they ended full circle on the give and receive angle for Kawi and Pisaeng. They click and work when the balance is achieved, when one stumbles and the other is there to pick up the slack. Because their strength is borrowed from each other, their love is nurtured in each other and nothing can be more right than them being together.

[lutawolf]

Luta my love 💜🌸 Hell Sisters need to suffer together. You can't leave me to die in a puddle of my feels on my own for a whole week. It is profoundly unfair.

Platonic love of my life... I adore you beyond measure, but I'm not watching this episode of Be My Favorite so we can be sad together. I will wait till next week. Thank you very much!

Tokyo already has me crying. Damn, Ren, you killing me, dude!

[ellaspore]

Why are you betraying me like this my love?

It's totally worth it. You know I would tell you otherwise.

Nobody loves me😭😭😭 except @akitbeast