CYBER CONFESSIONS
꩜ ・ you work at an office and instantaneously find anonymous notes on your cubicle, as well as emails about a love confession? of course you don’t have a slightest idea who this could’ve been written by. it could be a prank, or maybe a co-worker among you, one who is closer to you than you think.
You and Armin have been great friends since high school. The two of you were always together through ups and downs — Armin has always been supportive towards you, no matter the circumstances, and you were really appreciative of that, but you felt guilt knowing that you couldn’t mirror his support completely because you always kept to yourself.
That’s right. You were a loner. Not avoidant, but you preferred solitude over anything. Anytime there was a hangout? Didn’t bother coming. Family dinner? Stayed snuggled in your bed. Out clubbing? Just stood on the sidelines, outside, rather, away from all the screaming, heavy bass and drama.
Because of that, you never really had the opportunity to establish bonds with your friends. You had a lot, which is surprising, but you weren’t exactly close to them at all. Armin was the only exception. The thing is, you felt guilty because he was always by your side. Not that you wanted him to be, but he was still there, no matter what. But that wasn't the case for him.
Whenever he felt troubled or in a tough situation, you couldn't do anything for him. You couldn't comfort, couldn't be affectionate and last of all, couldn't even give good advice.
Though the reason why you and Armin managed to get so close was really just because he was a special case. It was the bare minimum, but he genuinely understood you, didn’t argue or try to change your mind — he just listened, accepted whatever you wanted and left it at that. He always respected your privacy, your personal space, your opinions, and for the most part? He mostly agreed with you too.
Were you a fool for liking something as little as that? Maybe. But as said before, a moment like this is rare.
You might’ve developed a slight crush on Armin, but you refuse to believe so. To you, crushes are just silly little things that just keep high school entertaining, and a lack of information. But no. You had all the information on Armin, so you couldn’t call it a crush. Would you say you’re in love? No. That’s too cheesy. Plus, you’ve never been in love before. How would you know what it would feel like?
Today during lunch, you sit at your office desk completing tasks before its due date. It’s a normal day, nothing important; just analysing data, working on presentations and sending emails. Right. Just a normal day. Until it’s not.
One email catches your interest. Curious, you drag your mouse and click on it.
It's anonymous.
You raise your brow, scanning the short text.
’i really like you’
You lift your finger and click off the email, sending it from your inbox, straight to your bin. It’s probably one of those scam, prankster accounts anyways.
Then another one pops up, same anonymous email, except it’s a different message.
‘your smile is so contagious.’
Brows furrowed, you send that one into the bin too. You still don’t think any of it though, possibly some silly high schoolers that found out emailing exists. But how the hell would they have found your work email?
Ignoring the whole scheme, you go back to doing your work. A focused expression taking over your neutral one.
”Hey…” A familiar voice sounds from over the cubicle wall, catching your attention.
You lift your head to meet the blue eyes of Armin. His eyes were so pretty and bright, the ocean reminded you of him; sun rays reflected against the ripples of the water, creating a shimmering effect as it moves along with the waves. the vivid azure sky reflects off of the ocean, painting it in a dark yet warm blue hue. It was so beautiful.
You smile in return, responding with a small nod. “Hi. What’s up?”
Armin scratches the back of his neck then crosses his arms over the wall, “You’ve been working for a while and lunch is about to end soon so I figured maybe you'd want to come with me to get something real quick?”
You shake your head, a low chuckle slipping past your lips. “No it’s totally alright, I prefer finishing this off first.”
This is the first time Armin has looked conflicted. He looks at you with a worried gaze, although he’s scared to go against your words, he wants to make sure you’re well energised before continuing on with your tasks.
“I don’t know about that… You don’t even have a lunch box and you’ve been sitting here for a while. Surely you’re a bit hungry?” He tilts his head, “Hey, I’ll pay for your lunch as well.”
You frown, looking up at him. “Armin… I can assure you I’m—“
Before you can even finish your sentence, a low growl erupts from your stomach, subtle but very audible. Armin only stares at you with pursed lips before bursting out into quiet laughter.
“On second thought,” Warmth spreads through your cheeks as you spin and rise from your chair, “I’ll go with you.”
"There we go..." He giggles, waiting for you to be by his side before walking off with you.
The walk wasn't that long. It was silent, but was anything but awkward.
Armin's arms brushed against yours occasionally as you walked side by side comfortably. His eyes flickered to you. Once. Twice. Then a third time again, this time longer than usual. You ignore the sensation of his eyes burning holes into the side of your skull which sends a bubbling feeling in your stomach that you're unable to name. Maybe butterflies? No, of course not, it was probably just your stomach rumbling again.
From your peripheral view, you can see Armin typing on his phone, brows slightly furrowed as if he was focused on something, maybe playing a mobile game. But then you catch onto the way the muscles in his jaw tightens, frustration at his peak.
You have never seen him so stressed, usually sad but never this pissed, and it worries you to the point where you can't continuously stay silent.
"Hey," You nudge him, "What's with the long face?" You say teasingly, expecting a light-hearted response but he doesn’t retaliate at all. You only get another sigh as he avoids your gaze.5
"It's nothing, I'm thinking of something nice to write to a friend but my mind's a desert right now..." He sighs, thumb hovering over his screen.
Tilting your head, you face forward, thinking about the many things he could write. “First of all, what is it about? Like an appreciation message?”
He hums, “Something like that…”
You wince a little, a sheepish smile painted onto your face as you chuckle, “Yeah I’m not quite good with that, but…” You pause, placing a finger on your chin, “For starters you could obviously tell them how appreciative you are of them?”
Armin presses his lips into a thin line, chewing on his lower one. “Yeah, quite the obvious answer, no?” He retorts, “I need examples not a summary…”
You blink, head darting toward Armin in slight shock. He’s never been so irritable before. Even the slightest change in body language catches you off guard.
“Okay okay! You could say…” You trail off, suddenly the mood becomes solemn, “Tell them how much of an important person they are to you, and how they helped you change to become a better version of yourself, bring up the good memories that you can laugh and reminisce on, and the bad memories that you can reflect on…”
“Just tell them how much they matter, tell them how much they make you smile, make them feel like they matter, let them know how much they’re cared for… that’s all I have to say… like I said I’m not really good—“
“What would you do if you got confessed to…?”
The question comes suddenly.
Armin asks in a tone too quiet, but audible enough you can pick up what he said in time. The slight shake in his voice was undeniable, and you could feel the warmth of his body increasing slowly.
You shift your eyes, not facing him fully but to catch a glimpse of his face. Scarlet red spread up from his neck, to his cheeks and the tip of his ears.
Warmth engulfs your entire body, a wave of embarrassment flushes through you. You blink at first, then open your mouth to get a few words out, but nothing does.
“Sorry.. but why?” Your initial moment of shock overshadows the embarrassment that stills in your heart, “What does that have to do anything? Are you asking for my advice on what you should do?”
His eyes widen in realisation to what he says, “Wait that was a stupid question! Ignore that, I’m so sorry for asking.”
A pause settles between the two of you, only for a second until he breathes, “But… what would you do?”
You don’t respond yet, letting the silence linger in the air for a moment as you think deeply about your answer.
What would you really do?
“To be quite frank with you… I can’t imagine myself being in a relationship. It may sound nice and all, but it sounds like such high maintenance— feeling the need to spend money or do something for them to make them happy… having to give your attention to them at basically all times…? That’s just not me to be honest.”
He listens intently, nodding at every word in agreement without interfering. But you couldn't miss the way his eyes began to dim.
“I don’t really think i’m for that life…” You chuckle, quite bitterly though, “I’m not a people’s person, and I can’t guarantee I would be a good partner honestly, especially because of my absence sometimes.. hell, I’d probably be an awful one.”
“Hey…”
You skip past his interruption as you continue to speak, “I don’t think I could get myself to say no though, out of guilt. But definitely not yes..” You trail off, but suddenly a spark sets off in your mind, “But… I could try giving it a shot if it means changing my life for the best.”
Armin frowns and shakes his head, “If you think relationships are based off on gift-giving and acts of service then you’re entirely mistaken.”
Your eyes widen at his firm tone.
“You are right, but that’s not what relationships are about. All these couple videos on social media are just pushing expectations and ideals on how relationships are ‘supposed’ to be!” He argues, “Yes they might require a bit attention, but that’s for building trust and a bond. If your partner can understand you, respect your wishes, boundaries and privacy then that’s a genuine partner who cares and will do anything to make you happy without making you feel the pressure of having to return a favour!”
You’re taken aback by his sudden outburst. The way his fists are clenched, the way the corner of his eyes crinkles, the way his jaw tightens. It’s all such a surprise to you. It seems like he has so much faith in humanity.
He lets out a sigh, coming down from his burst of emotions, looking at you with earnestness in his eyes. “But don’t ever think that you’d be an awful partner. That’s just looking after yourself, and it’s good to do that.”
The words that had left this man’s mouth has moved you so much, you couldn’t even express your feelings of gratitude, the urge to just kiss him pounded through your skull.
A smile, appreciative, carved onto your face as you let out a low hum, “I guess you opened a new world to me that I couldn’t see before.”
The two of you arrive at the café and he immediately cuts in front to hold the door open for you, “I want you to see the good in things too.”
You smiled at the gesture, the words coming unexpectedly out of your mouth, but you don’t bat an eye.
“You’re so cute.”
You tread the path towards the counter as you leave him at the door looking flustered, glasses fogged up.
He approaches the cashier from behind you, asks for what you want and kindly orders for you. The two of you patiently wait and sit at a table, catching up, bringing up memorable things, playing silly two player mobile games on Armin’s phone and silently enjoying each other’s presence.
꩜
After having your lunch, you walk back to the office building in a cheery mood, hand subtly brushing against his while he walks you to your desk.
The moment you face him, you lock eyes, intertwined. Usually this would’ve meant nothing, but now, it feels like there’s something between you. A connection built with chemistry.
And before you even realise it, a smile appears on your face. slow, but genuine.
Blood rushes up Armin’s cheeks as he holds the eye contact, cheeks puffing up in happiness while returning the smile.
“Thank you for whatever that was.” You cross your arms, a pleasant smile on your face.
He shakes his head, “You don’t need to thank me. I’d just prefer you didn’t overwork yourself.”
You let out a scoff unwillingly and roll your eyes, “I wasn’t! I had a lot on my plate and wanted to get it off.”
He hums in response, “Mmm… alright? But can you just promise me…?”
You blink and he inches closer. The only thing left between you are unspoken words of acknowledgement and attraction.
Then he lifts up his hand, extending his pinky finger. “It may not seem that big of a deal, but you really shouldn’t value work over your personal needs. So can you promise me you’ll take care of yourself?”
Your gaze trails towards his pinky then back towards his face, taking in his heartfelt smile. You sigh and reluctantly bring your pinky towards his, but with profound feelings of fondness and affection.
His grip on your pinky tightens for a brief second before letting go, glancing at you with one last smile and walking off.
You watch his back as he fades into distance, then turn back to your desk, a usual bored expression washing over your face once again.
Once again, you are shoved back into the familiar, monotonous routine you’ve been committed to since the beginning of your job.
Staring at the illuminated screen and the thousands of words that are printed on it, your eyelids fall right above your pupils, a subtle sign of exhaustion that washed over you in an instant.
Your body slouches, arms getting tugged forward by the deadweight of your inert body. It’s hard to keep your head up while staring at the same screen for seven hours. Now you’re glad Armin took notice of your misfortune.
Eyes continuing to fall shut and rise, you drag your gaze from email to email, watching them pop up like whack-a-moles. This really wasn’t anything interesting, and you begin to wonder why you even chose this job.
Phone calls, emails, documents, printing — you move back and forth through the office, body nearly reaching the highest point of exhaustion.
Momentarily, you sit back at your desk, scrolling through your emails again. A new one suddenly pops up, same email as before, but as soon as you’re about to send it to the bin, the few words capture your eyes.
It says your name.
As much as you would like to just delete the email and go on with your job, the growing impulsive thoughts pulling you away from your designed tasks.
You click on it. You've done enough today already.
Your eyes take its time reading the email as they grow more watery. And your heart, it flutters, bringing unforeseen thoughts into mind.
I've taken thought of your suggestion, and it doesn't at all, put into words how much of a person you mean to me.
It's comforting, the way your presence fills me up with warmth, even in my darkest days, when you're not there even when I'm targeted by mournful gloomth. There's no reason to for me to beware.
You may not feel it but I do - the everlasting love that grows in my heart when I talk to the stars, a close signal, my heart in contact with yours, whilst I stare at the sky above. Our fingers brush against each other, though I deny it when I'm able.
My heart is honest, my mind reads tales but my mouth says nothing. That contagious smile, vivid in my thoughts before fading with a ring. But it's burnt into my memories, one of those unforgettable dreams, if only I could face you and tell you what it really means.
Could I be a coward? Am I just in denial? Or am I just boring? I stare through the window, my eyes stuck to the clouds in which seemed to be painted an egyptian violet. I maintain my focus onto the speckled dusts in the sky, but I can't avoid the slight silhouette of my reflection, the image of you, you're the apple of my eye.
In summary, you're my favourite person. I value you more than the ocean. I love you.
