EllenaJAila

just me and my thoughts and experiences; lost in translation trying to make sense of my life.

[ellenajaila-blog]

The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intention of loving her"

bob marley 

[girlwithcurves]

Maximum

Every girl should own a casual maxi dress.

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[girlwithcurves]

Little Black Peplum Dress

The little black dress just got an upgrade.

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[ellenajaila-blog]

Chapter 19; page 2013 ; paragraph 5; sentence 4

If i could write to you and tell you how i feel it wouldn't matter because i'm sure ive said it all before. In between the lies and the confusion and mind games i got lost in you. lost in the comfort and attention and the company. having someone to always be there for you and make you smile. i was blinded by that even blinded when you hurt me to the point where i cried, sobbed and dry heaved for hours. gallons of H20 and NaCl expelled from my tear ducts because of you. ive never cried this much as i cried in the past 10 months. no one will understand why i stayed and hell i dont know why i did either. i think it was because i was too weak and couldnt imagine anyone else caring about me like you said you did. i should of listened to your mother when she said i was to good for you. i should of had the confidence to leave. the signs were there i was just too ignorant to see them. i saw the good in you. the good that you showed me glimpses of when we were together. i put up with you treating me however you wanted to because i was scared to loose you. but what was i loosing after all? A lying son of a bitch who only cared about his own feelings. A selfish bastard who put my health at risk because he couldnt be honest? i kept making excuse after excuse because of your past but that can only carry you so far. i was willing to give up my future for you, but im so glad that i didn't. I finally got God's message. Doesn't matter how much i love and care about you, you do not deserve me. You served as a lesson and im glad you taught me what i want and dont want out of a relationship. Im waiting for my prince charming. I dont have to settle for something mediocre. i'll continue to live in my fairy tale world in which you hated. It will have a realistic spin to it but if you cant treat me as well as or better then my father treats me then ill have to pass on you. & i shoudve known we wouldnt of lasted because you didnt even like my dog. red fucking flag right there. 

[ellenajaila-blog]

stream of consciousness

11:47 pm

as i sit here and think of all the good times and the bad that we had

i should be studying biology having my mind focused on obtaining these A's on my exams to make myself and my parents proud

slowly but surely you creep back into my mind; given its been less the 24 hours since we last spoke; i hope the days get easier where i can forget you and how you made me feel

you promised never to hurt me again but how little that promise means when your with someone else

i amy be young dumb naive and not ready for love but it doesn't mean i can feel it

your happiness was my happiness you sorrow was mine and in all i don't know what to do without you in my corner

you were my biggest heartache but yet my greatest lover so far out of 19 years

we had something special yes very special

you were a troubled soul and i could not help you

you left me without any choice but to walk away

cant have someone break me down when im meant to be so much more then another babymomma 

lord knows i loved everything about you and also hated it at the same time

11:52 pm

[ellenajaila-blog]

& if i can obtain this i will be internally happy <3

[ellenajaila-blog]

I’m not giving up. I’m just starting over.