Too Many Professional Hobbies

Personal Tumblr for Ellen who lives in Los Angeles | 40's | pansexual | genderfluid | Writer, artist, photographer, cosplayer, fandom veteran

[thesniperandthespy]

It’s a been a long time since I posted on here. Recently I got back into TF2 so more content should be coming along when I have the time. Please enjoy this Spy piece for now.

[ellensama]

Long Time No Post

I don’t know if I’ll ever be posting here again regularly but just in case anyone comes looking for news about ‘It’s Better If We Just Pretend’, you can find any updates at my Twitter. Chapter 32 is still in the works and if you made it this far, here’s a taste of what’s to come that I’ll edit out of this post once it’s finished and live on AO3.

A fierce sob chokes at Rey and through her Kylo sees her play the same memory again in her mind. He can feel it’s been watched over and over again, like an abused old holovid. She’s torn it apart relentlessly, studied every detail, but the pain is always the same - vast and all engulfing. Despite the years gone past her question still burns at her lips, just waiting to spill carelessly from them at any moment.

“Why,” she screams into his shoulder, louder and harsher than had been expecting. “Why didn’t they love me? Why didn’t they stay? Let me stay with them? I would have gone anywhere! Anywhere if I could be with them! I just… I just don’t understand. Is there something wrong with me? Did they hate me?”

There is a lump in Kylo’s throat and it threatens to choke him if he’s not careful when swallowing it down. Rey is now looking up at him, more tears than he’s ever seen falling so quickly it looks more like two small streams. Dripping and falling to mix with the ocean waters around them. His stomach, painfully heavy, feels like there are stones sitting within, weighing down his everything. He can’t stop but think about how he’s gone and messed this all up for Rey. That if he could only get out the right words from his mouth that he could fix this mess he’s made by opening it in the first place.

Clearly in Rey’s mind he can hear her as she calls herself so many names and words, all of them apart of a still ripe but old pain that is trying to drown her. Quick to try and snap Rey from her melancholy, Kylo states firmly at her, “You’re not Rey, you’re not worthless. Not to me.” 

[ellensama]

[squidsorbet]

oh! oh! maybe some Reydar?? with a very flustered Matt?

ey you mean my favorite iteration of kylo? 

character design for rey/osira is froms @ellensama ‘s it’s better if we just pretend fic

[keybladesoras]

A New Hope/The Last Jedi

[film-psycho]

“If I told you about her, what would I say? That they lived happily ever after? I believe they did. That they were in love? That they remained in love? I’m sure that’s true. But when I think of her - of Elisa - the only thing that comes to mind is a poem, whispered by someone in love, hundreds of years ago: “Unable to perceive the shape of You, I find You all around me. Your presence fills my eyes with Your love, It humbles my heart, For You are everywhere.”

[reyloshope]

“I feel it again… the pull to the Light.”

[lenv-xo-deactivated20201115]

[insomniac-arrest]

fanfic writer moods

the thrill of posting something

you’ve got comments emails

existential crisis’s over getting views but no feedback

24 hour high of getting a long ass comment

the inclination to Stop

the addiction to keep going overtaking that

‘when’s the next update?’ lol, wish I knew friend

[ellensama]

Writing update

I know I’m behind on the newest one, I ended up getting sick for a week and I got busy again / I need to figure some plot stuff out still. I have an anime con next weekend (Anime Los Angeles if anyone is going too) and after that I’ll be free. I should finally be back to having time to write and I want to do more because I also have other stories that badly need updates. Thanks to everyone waiting, I always try and make it worth it.

[ellensama]

Happy Reydar Day!

[ellensama]

As soon as I found about these figures I had to get them. When both arrived I knew the first pose I needed to try with them together. It took me a while but I got Kylo to hold Rey up all on his own. It’s not the best picture with my phone but these figures look really great from S.H.Figurats. I really want all the other Star Wars ones now. I’m also inspired by that one Japanese twitter account to do some fun photos with them.

[otoxin]

Like grandmother, like grandson

[vhspositive]

DANKVHSMEME

[ellensama]

Feel better!!! I get sick all the time, try a nette pot if you don't start feeling better. They do wonders totally with the $5-$10. If not just stay hydrated!

I’m going to have to pick one up for next time. I at least get one bad head cold once a year and because of a moldy house I lived in a while when I was little, it takes me a while to get over them. I think I’m getting to the end of this one now because I’m just endlessly coughing trying to work up crap. Which is a good sign but leaves me tired.I’m on top of the hydration, lots of water, tea, and even had a bottle of Pedialyte. This time sucked because my Husband got me sick so I had to take care of him so he could get back to work, I work from home now so the first few days I could rest as well. But thanks so much for the input, I’m going to look on Amazon right now.

[ellensama]

Chapter Delay

Sorry I haven’t finished the newest chapter yet, I ended up getting a bad head cold and I’m just starting to get over it. I hope by early next weekend or maybe this weekend if I get better quicker to have it out.

[ellensama]

The one moment that needed to be copied after that one vine.