a comprehensive (but incomplete) list of things that iāve learned are red flags (the hard way):
if heās mean to his mom- not always in big ways, either. i think the most common version is when boys just wonāt listen to or respect their moms. or ever give them any credit for all the things theyāve done. i dated a guy who just treated his mom like a doormat. surprise, surprise, he treats ALL women like that.
if he refuses to wear cologne- no one wants to bring around their boyfriend that stinks. he liked that i always smelled nice, but it was always so awkward when i couldnāt say it back, because best case scenario he just smelled likeā¦ warm human? idk, it just wasnāt good. and he liked to give me his clothes so i could āhave something that smelled like him.ā maybe iām a bad person, but i always just washed them so they smelled like my detergent instead of raw boy. he didnāt have any candles either. or use room spray.
if heās always soft-launching marriage- ew. we just started dating, i never wanna hear about marriage unless weāve been together for a bunch of years and itās super serious. i donāt even wanna move in with a boy, much less share a life, and a bed, and a name with one. iām saving myself for my best friend, iād much rather marry her. sheās nicer to me anyways.
if heās a bad listener- and not just even in a serious way. like he just always forgot what weād be talking about while we were actively talking. or he interrupted me all the time. or he just didnāt really care what iād be talking about because heād be trying to kiss me. i talk a lot because i care about a lot of things, and i want to share that with whoever iām talking to. ignoring what iām saying just so we can make out is so sad. not romantic. the only mood that puts me in is disappointment.
if he plays hockey- this is so devastating. my type (if itās a guy) is literally almost always hockey players. and theyāre evil! theyāre manipulative manwhores who think that classic rock is niche and that because you know pink floyd you must be the coolest girl ever. also theyāre usually so hot, and they know it. which means they have a ridiculous ego. and theyāre prone to fumbling you for someone so genuinely heinous it isnāt even funny. every time i date a hockey guy i feel like i set all women back fifty years.
if youāre his manic pixie dream girl- run. run so fast and so far. iām so sick of being the manic pixie dream girl, itās so evil and draining and frustrating. you get turned into this ācool girlā object for him to parade around. ālook at my cool girlfriend, isnāt she so weird and unique?ā the devil himself mustāve molded all the men who treat girls like this. once you become the manic pixie dream girl you cease to be your own person. he creates a new personality for you and youāre just stuck as his fantasy forever.
if heās always comparing you to his exes- get out of there! men are lying ass hoes! if girls are mean itās because they have boundaries, if girls are bitches itās because they didnāt roll over and take it, if girls are hoes itās because theyāre confident, etc, etc, etc. unless i get corroboration that his ex was evil, i donāt believe it. alsoā¦ itās so mean to compare your new partner to the ones in the past, whether they were good or not! itās weird :(
if he doesnāt have any healthy girl friendships- clearly he canāt act right around girls, so why would he act right with you? itās important to be able to view women as whole people outside of romantic or sexual situations. and some men just canāt do it at all. itās so frustrating! itās hard to love somebody you donāt even like on a human level, and some men genuinely just think lust will turn into love overnight and donāt ever bother getting to know the girl theyāre into as a friend and a person before rushing into a relationship.
if heās really gatekeepery/pretentious about music- kill him actually. music is my whole world, so iām extra opinionated about this one. men who just assume by default that you donāt know music, or just donāt know any āgoodā music are the most irritating. and then they have the audacity to steal your taste and call it their own! bitch! i was the one that put you on, and we both know it! erasing women from the narrative seems to be a full time job for many men out there.
if he doesnāt have a personality of his own- donāt just date a blank canvas, trust me. itās one thing to still be discovering yourself, but some men just literally donāt have a personality outside of what their friends like, or what their girlfriends like. stealing your interests and then pretending he had them first? standard procedure for these men. āwhat do you mean i donāt understand batman? iāve literally been a fan since i was a kid!ā iāve heard it all before, especially as a girl who likes music and film and comics and video games. it sucks that these are such male dominated spaces, especially when some guys donāt even know anything about them, they just wanna seem cool. ew.
anyways, to make a long story short, sometimes the best man for you is a woman. me, actually. #iheartwomen. happy pride <3
stormborns
titsay
romaincrisis
blakekathryn
turnnoffyourmind
gummygunk
