The Red Team.

The Red Team: the White Team attacks and the Red Team cleans up the mess. 

[elseleredteam-blog]

The Good Guy I

This one was tricky. This is for you, if you’re still out there watching me, I’m truly sorry... but also not sorry.

There is the belief out there that there’s someone out there for everyone. I’m a cynic when this romantic equation comes into play but I stand down and root for the hopefuls whoI feel might beat the odds and whatnot. Recently it seems I might have taken a big steaming dump on this idea and ruined it for someone.

There is someone out there who I have been painstakingly talking to for near enough half a decade, this goes back to the height of teenage romance and hormones. It began all new and exciting, my Spring Awakenings; girls and boys were discovering their attraction to one another and started to act on it. One girl in particular had taken a shine to my foolhardy younger-self, being one of, if not the first, to ever do so. I didn’t know the first thing about the fairer sex, especially when one tried to make me their own, so I said ‘fuck it!’

I flirted, charmed, allured, whatevered my way right back at that enchanting creature until I could flirt no more. I don’t know how I was doing but I have a feeling that she wasn’t making it too hard for me. I don’t know what exactly I was feeling at the time either, probably horny; I can say that with an uncomfortable amount of surety. But I kept going at it until that musty veil of fancy had lifted and I saw that I was merely whoring myself off over the internet to this girl, selling a preened and polished version of myself over social media in a dumb crusade to get laid as fast as possible.

That’s right, it was a digital thing, a fucking messenger relationship, intangiable, and therefore inconsequential to me at the time.

By the time I woke up and smelt the proverbial roses, the ‘L’ word was being ping-ponged back and forth across chatboxes like no tomorrow. That spooked the shit out of me. I made the most of another situation to cut the head off the hydra and get the fuck outta Dodge before two heads could take its place. I removed myself from her electronic life like a tumour; I blocked, deleted and deactivated everything where she could reach me and carried on with life as if it never happened.

Cruel isn’t it? I’ve made myself out to be a loathful, skullduggerous little shit in a post ironically entitledThe Good Guy. But I assure you there’s an ‘I’ after 'Guy’ for a reason: the detail and the truth.

To be continued, and finally put to bed...

[elseleredteam-blog]

It happens.

My mind races. Not sure if it’s the marathon of The Newsroom that I’ve been running over the past couple days or the amount of coffee I’ve had, but let’s do this, first one. This past week can firmly be regarded the most bizarre week of my life so far. I have done a lot of stuff: I have dealt with the death of a friend, consoled another over what can only be described as the most devestating thing a mother-to-be can endure, I’ve spent a day in the sun painting a fence, a true blue American summer break stereotype, old-school style. I fixed an oven door and spent an hour being handed the wrong screws for the fittings, I discovered that my friend of over a decade now has been dealing with depression and I was blissfully unaware, I celebrated with my old school friend as he makes history in the firm that he works with, and I made some kick-ass food... and the week is only now coming to its close. Those are but a few of the events that I care to mention publically. Give it some time and, just maybe, we can all laugh about it someday.

I didn’t realise at the time but life was happening to me: ups, downs, discoveries, failures, victories, kitchen appliance repairs and garden upkeep. If I could have recognised it at the time, I wonder if I could have enjoyed it more, just to be there in the moment. Maybe it will keep me inspired, you never know. That’s the challenge I guess. I’m on my way.

[elseleredteam-blog]

Zero And One.

Zero And One. https://elsele.wordpress.com/

‘There’s no need to sharpen my pencils anymore, my pencils are sharp enough, even the dull ones will make a mark ... let’s start this shit up.’ -Zefrank1

[elseleredteam-blog]

What is The Red Team.

A Semi-Pretentious Intro. (Sorry)

I’ve racked my brain for the past week thinking about what the fuck I’m doing with myself, again. I still have no idea what I’m doing. And I have a tumblr AND a Wordpress blog that talks about the same thing... so here’s what I’ve come up with: This blog will henceforth be known as The Red Team: A place for my scribbles to be seen, cleaned, polished, destroyed etc. What survives will have make it into the definitive edition on Wordpress. I once was quite the drawer as well so who knows, there might be the wannabe edgy art piece to go with a post or two. If anyone find themselves reading this blog, and find themselves enjoying it; they can find a more-sophisticated version with less swearing and more integrity and intellectual value in the Wordpress link at the beginning of each entry to The Red Team.

“....Here’s me sat at my laptop naively thinking that this is something huge and that it will eventually be picked up. I shouldn’t be. I should be remembering the night I started this crusade for the truth within me. I was out-of-my-gourd drunk, and I mean two bottles of vokda, anihilation-level blotto. Earlier that night, I had just learnt of the death of an old friend and had to console another on what is one of the most tragic things a frightened mother-to-be can endure. All the while, I was losing a long, drawn-out battle to find the truth about certain events that lead to me to destroying a relationship of which I was not a part of. I remember being sick of the path that I have walked, and I took a laptop and did the foolish thing: I began to type. Something I have been too afraid for best part of four years.

That’s changed now. I’m changing teams, I’m going with my gut on this one, and I am determined to follow to wherever it goes...”