with hopes for sunshine

**OFFLINE - taking a break**

[elstreem]

All my 2023 flower shop AU Bedivere in one post!

He's just my comfort guy.

This is a very long post, I decided to post them in a way that can be seen one by one.

Saying hello to my little friend, the red butterfly.

His fancy wear for festivals - the waistcoat is meant to have embroidery of snowdrops on it (which are Bedivere's symbolic flowers), I'm not sure if it looks like it though lol. His hair ribbons are slightly different in this one, too.

Feelings bloom and run rampant, beyond a heart's capacity. Sometimes they end up choking one's throat...

Some simple flower arranging (this was me testing out my new tablet).

Welcome to my flower shop (my painterly style attempt. The face is what I focused on, so everything else is just...there lol).

Dreams of a family, a little what-if. (this isn't completely canon to my AU yet haha, just thoughts of what Bedivere and Ritsuka's son might look like. His name is Faye!)

Prayers for those lost, soothing one's heart.

Love blooming on my lips, my hydrangea heart.

Now for the many, many chibis.

BediGuda-specific ones.

If I really put in all my commentary for each I think this post would be way too long and I'm already pushing it whoops.

And last: emotive ones I drew to vent! Also, the "mood" Bedis haha.

...he's mostly okay. It's me who'd channeling these moods haha. ("'Kapagod" is Filipino for the sentiment "It's tiring.")

Annnnd a comic.

[elstreem]

it's a good year to be a Bedi fan, what with the incoming 9th anniversary CE art for the NA server and the JP server not only having new Bedi CE for White Day, but also showing Bedivere with a new dialogue portrait for Arc 3!!! Bedi in main story!!!!

so this is how I feel and how unhinged I am looking i am sorry to my non-FGO friends I am inflicting this upon ye

I almost forgive the lack of playable Summer Bedi, but just saying, it's never too late FGO -

I will definitely draw Chaldea member Bedi soon, I'm just finishing my current BediGuda comic and it should be done tomorrow!

[elstreem]

I turned on news to see clips of stupid ass politicians crashing out on the news and was So Done with what I saw I stopped watching (fellow Filos will know, man, to hell with APC)

but then I saw a new trailer for FGO and pls save me -

Watching and seeing "huh, he's back???" but then -

OHHHH

OMFG

Bedi is back and for Chapter 3 no less!?!? I'm never complaining about anything again this is everything I wanted

Also, it mildly amuses me that in group shots ot's always so obvious just how tall Bedi is haha.

[elstreem]

There was another trailer and I thought maybe I might just be coping thinking Bedi will have a role in Arc 3 but

He has a new dialogue portrait!!!! And wearing the Chaldea staff member uniform no less!!!

He's gonna play a main role in the story for sure omg yes!!!

will to live extended until I get to play Arc 3 -

[elstreem]

I turned on news to see clips of stupid ass politicians crashing out on the news and was So Done with what I saw I stopped watching (fellow Filos will know, man, to hell with APC)

but then I saw a new trailer for FGO and pls save me -

Watching and seeing "huh, he's back???" but then -

OHHHH

OMFG

Bedi is back and for Chapter 3 no less!?!? I'm never complaining about anything again this is everything I wanted

Also, it mildly amuses me that in group shots ot's always so obvious just how tall Bedi is haha.

[elstreem]

Trying to work on this one now

I recently found a Bedi artwork by Tenkuu Sphere, the main illustrator for Bedi in FGO that actually shows the back of his armor in detail omfg I've been making it up for years so that definitely helped :'D

[gilkiduss]

I don't use my tumblr much anymore so if this post breaches containment I don't have to worry about it.

Nobody is transmisogyny exempt. No one. Cis, trans, doesn't matter. It affects everyone. There is no type of bigotry that doesn't affect everyone to some degree, even cishet white men. Some people are notably affected less, but very, very few people will remain completely unaffected (and anyone who does probably has enough money to solve both their problems and everyone else's).

Trans bathroom laws are a prime example of this. They are pretty much explicitly meant to target trans women, but have also led to butch cis women (especially black butches) and any other cis woman deemed "not feminine enough" as well as trans men being harassed or assaulted. And that's transmisogyny! Someone thought these people were trans women and thus assumed they were well within their rights to harm them.

This shit happens all the time. Laws restricting things like housing and other income-based essentials meant to quietly target black people? Poor white people get caught in the net. Misogyny leads to society viewing emotions other than anger and discussion of feelings as "feminine"? Men end up isolated and lonely and depression skyrockets. (I'm old enough to remember the "male suicide rate" talking point from MRAs; misogyny was the root cause all along, aka the thing the evil feminists they argued with were trying to fix.)

I think it's disingenuous to try and argue that certain groups are "transmisogyny exempt". It's not a contest to see who transmisogyny hurts more, trans women are always going to be hurt most, but it's also harmful to others within the community and outside of it. It would legitimately make the world better and safer for everyone if we minimized or even eliminated it.

You push back against transmisogyny because you don’t want your sisters to be harmed by it first and foremost. But in the process you are helping other groups that would be harmed by the same bigotry that affects them. Net positive for everyone. No need to create what's basically another "woke" gender binary by denoting someone as "tma" or "tme".

[elstreem]

i'm doing anything but finishing any art piece :)

I did sorta finish the first of the Summer Chelle fits I made. I really wanna upgrade my coloring skills but I'm stuck...

So I tried to sketch a chibi Bedi but when I was switching to the polished version it just wouldn't. look right.

so I'll leave it as a sketch...

And then decided to draw a hairstyle based off how I'm tying my hair recently. It's gotten longer than it has in a while so it hurts to have it in a high ponytail or buns for too long, so I'm doing this sorta pigtail loops that I call "bunny ear loops" in my head (it's not really an actual bunny ear loop haha, it's just a ponytail not pulled all the way through. So, a kind of loop, and the shape kinda reminds me of bunny ears).

I drew it on my OC Mist, though looking at it now their neck is too long in this sketch.

[elstreem]

sometimes the urge to BediGuda just hijacks my body and for a measure of time socks the art block in the face

just a sketch for now but I had to draw a lil something or else I'll go really mad

not even divine madness can save me from the perpetual hand struggle tho,,,

[elstreem]

finally feel like I'm getting somewhere with drawing my OC's summer outfits

Still feeling out how to draw proportions hrrm

trying to draw lately has been really hard for some reason...I have so many attempts on this including trying painting to see if a change in technique works out, but nope. I shouldn't try to avoid if it I really want to learn a prettier painterly style but this isn't the day for it. So my usual line art it is, tho I'm really struggling at the moment. Still, I had some fun adding the details.

[elstreem]

The experience of me trying to finish Ordeal Call 2 but event after event keeps appearing so I have to keep putting it aside lol. There was the Witch on a Holy Night crossover, then the Chaldea Summer Adventure re-run...and now the Arcade collab re-run....so many events pls let me get Gudao out of their mindscape hellhole first -

It's also kinda foul that. I had to pause playing OC2 to play the Witch on a Holy Night crossover and that event involves discovering dead bodies which probably isn't great for Gudao's mental health after OC 2's. happenings.

And then the Chaldea Summer Adventure one is all funny haha shenanigans...kind of a break, sure, but I played OC2 when it ended and I subjected Gudao to the mother of mood whiplashes there. So he can be spared further mood whiplashing, I'm playing the Arcade event as Gudako instead, which works out because I think I did the original as Gudao.

I feel like I'm hugely rusty drawing art, so this was also practice drawing the Gudas in a way I'm satisfied with. Drawing comics is a way to kick myself in the butt to draw the same character several times and sometimes be silly with it.

bonus silliness/vent as a Filipino witnessing the absolute stupidity that was everything that went down with recent politics, I wish our corrupt politicians a very choke on your own lies

[elstreem]

Ordeal Call 2: Id spoilers!!!

It literally took me weeks to get back to progressing this chapter what with the back to back limited time events of the Witch on a Holy Night crossover and the Summer Chaldea Adventure rerun,,,

Mood whiplash of all time to go from "haha funny pirate adventures in the Carribean with a poignant thought on fleeting moments" to "Hey welcome back to Ritsuka's personal hell"

But! went back to Id where I stopped and it's shortly before the proper Nitocris Alter boss battle. I'll touch on my thoughts about everything that goes down in the second trial eventually -

But I did defeat Nitocris Alter and it was so carthartic on a lot of levels: seeing Ritsuka's profile return to their normal self after calming down, both in and outside of the battle for one thing -

And another is - Nitocris is one of my fave all time Servants, so I was stoked seeing the ally Nitocris come to Ritsuka's aid!

I chose to use my own Nito Alter for the boss fight. I was happy that my personal favorite Ascenscion, the second one, is what Nito Alter uses in story, so it felt even more like fitting to use her.

The actual fight is something of a puzzle boss what with the Oath mehanic, but I enjoyed doing it and even made it all the way to the end keeping my Nito Alter alive and she even deal the finishing blow with her NP, right before the enemy Nito Alter does, so it felt like this do or die moment.

(that Buster Crit at 1:08 tho…)

I borrowed a Castoria for this fight, but eventually Lan Ling was the last support left, but his skills and NP were definitely crucial in upping DEF and ATK.

I'm just enjoying how well this boss fight turned out for me, the 10/10/10 skills paid off. I hope to level up her NP further someday, it's only NP 2 atm.

[elstreem]

The Chaldea Summer Adventure has the only Challenge Quest I can actually do without planning a team comp because the strategy boils down to "give Bedivere the 200% Attack CE and use NP until enemy HP is 0"

And it works almost too well to the point I not only get an NP but a full Buster Chain with crits on the last round of this fight.

Take it away, Bedi -

1.7 million damage from Sir "I feel the most powerless among the Knights of the Round Table" Bedivere (and I think with the way the game's maths are set up, Bedi deals way more Single Target damage than any other current Knight of the Round Table?)

The next Buster card is an 80% crit but ofc he lands it for 500k damage and yeahhh Koyo is practically gone at this point

Alas, the chain isn't over…

Bedi you can stop now she has 0 HP

…and there's still Extra Attack for the last little salt on the wound

Trying to get screenshots of this, it makes me realize just how flashy Bedivere's moveset animations are lol, just gold explosions all around.

Cherry on top was that he says the Battle Victory quote and I'm sure the line I got was the one that goes like "Be cautious, there may be an ambush further ahead," like no Bedi, you did good I'm sure nothing more is gonna come after Ritsuka after you practically punch-nuked a dinosaur.

[elstreem]

it won't be such a miserable experience if I make a funni comic out of it - Maybe I shouldn't have used my flowershop AU Bedi for the PSA tho because he's terrible at taking care of himself too LOL but I felt like drawing him so he's there too

Oh, I'm genuinely better today, still have a lil but of a hurty tummy but nothing as bad as yesterday and i'll take it easy until my gut gets back to normal, promise

[elstreem]

The trailer for FGO's collab event with Fate Strange/Fake over on the JP server released, so I went to look and have a screenshot of my Gudas ahaha

Can never have too many references and I'm rusty at drawing the Gudas, I need all the official arts as refererlnces as I can get.

Erm. Not really familiar with Strange/Fake's cast but I'm assuming this person in the opening scene is one, but then turns into Fujimaru, so I wonder if the case here is the Gudas' consciousness is being transferred to someone else, like in that one murder mystery event with Holmes.

Interesting to note, the Gudas are wearing their Cosmos in the Lostbelt Part 2 outfits, the Decisive Battle Chaldea Uniform. I know that currently FGO JP's arc, After Time, gave the Gudas a new uniform, the Normal Chaldea Uniform, I think? Which combines elements from the first Chaldea uniform and the Decisive Battle one.

I do love this little scene of Gudako with Mash, Ptolemaios and I think that might be Jack the Ripper, but I'm not sure. I want to be able to draw with this clean, sparkly lighting kinda look sometime.

The second thing of note to me is: more familiar faces over here in this side, with Enkidu, Gilgamesh, and Richard I (?). Enkidu with the side lean and looking so pretty as alwa -

hold up holup -

It's my sunshine cinnamon roll Gareth!!!!

I didn't think she would be in this event but there she is!!! I…hope nothing bad happens to her…

I love how serious she is standing to attention, but even with the green lighting, it's still possible to make out her blush marks.

[elstreem]

I've talked about Bedivere appearing as the boss of a low-level node in the Chaldea Summer Adventure event before -

Even drew a lil silly comic about this with Bedi dressed up as a pirate (maybe I should revisit that…but I'm in wip hell so…)

Some new stuff I noticed about Bedi's appearance in here:

Since the game updated to show Alignments and Sub-Attributes, it's also present for this event's enemies now too.

It always gets me seeing Bedivere's Sub-Attribute plainly spelled out as Star, damn right he earned that.

And maybe it's just a coincidence of placing him in this particular node, but it's so fitting he and the enemies here drop Silver Treasure Boxes.

It's probably a stretch, but the other drops are in theme too since it's swords (because he's a swordsman) and steins (what with him having a butler outfit. Also I learned via reading etymologies that butlers are called so because their role was related to looking after bottles of beverage? Seems obvious in hindsight but I was still surprised…also I opened the wikipedia page to briefly read on the etymology of butler on this and found out silver butler is an actual term???? I never realized Bedi's Spiritron Dress being named Silver Butler having any meaning beyond a fitting description…)

[elstreem]

i might have posted about this before...but i've got so many fgo posts and not all of them are tagged properly or even at all because it's just me thought dumping

Chaldea Summer Adventure for me is one of the funniest events, and even knowing the gags, the rerun makes me laugh.

One of my favorite moments is actually in the epilogue, where Sieg and Fuuma are commiserating with each other over missing out on seeing a real dinosaur themselves:

And probably because he underestimated the (roughly equivalent of teenager boys) Servants, Blackbeard runs his mouth on how HE got to be present:

Mandricardo calls him out on what he's doing and probably foresees this was not gonna end well:

And Mandricardo would be proven right because Sieg and Kotarou immediately get hostile urges:

As an aside, this angry portrait on Sieg makes me see his two upward turning locks of hair almost like horns? I wonder if that's intentional seeing as he is a dragon now...though, I think what defines his look is the two locks of hair that sweeps out to the sides around his head, almost like tendrils.

In any case, I should draw more Sieg and incorporate more dragon-y features for fun...I do like to draw him with pointed teeth on occasion.

But what really gets a laugh out of me is how the beatdown occurs:

It just makes me snort seeing Kotarou suggest violence, and Sieg initially seeming not to approve by saying it's terrible...only to say he's in -

and then being joined in by Apollo and Paul Bunyan

Which, okay, they're also younger Servants so they also got pissed at Blackbeard lording the experience over them -

But then Summer Mordred and Jalter too and I can imagine these two probably just saw Blackbeard being beat up and joined the fray without much thought lol

Too bad none of these Servants got to join the LB7 team...though, considering the tradeoff is experiencing the onslaught of the alien spider of doom, maybe it's for the best.

[elstreem]

Finished the Bedi sketch I made a while back! In my mind it's labeled "model strut Bedi" pfft

I don't think I ever drew Butler Bedi in a satisfactory way so here's a bit of a revenge match. Doing better, but still needs work (and I'll admit the background is ass)

I had a bad, bad art rut last year that went on for months where I tried to improve drawing but every piece was coming out wrong in some way and it was. Not great. And one is never supposed to wrap up the self in what one creates but it got to me pretty deep, so bad that I wanted to delete a lot of artworks I did post.

It's lifted off me and I can feel myself liking to draw again, I want to keep at it so much! I don't think I can ever stop drawing really, though I can never promise about posting. I think I'll always have mixed feelings about actually posting my work, but for now it feels nice to just be able to draw happily again and like it.