barbss

[elyyssi]

[elyyssi]

ending my 2022 with a happy heart 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

[elyyssi]

best view <33

[elyyssi]

THE CHANGING NORMS OF FASHION:

Traditional and Modern Pieces in Asia

[elyyssi]

"DIVING INTO CHANGES"

The year 2019 is when it all began; at the time, I was aware that there were instances in which this was actually taking place, but I didn't pay attention. I was aware at the time that some women had irregular menstrual cycles, going months without having any. During the first months, I didn't tell my parents because I was still a little complacent. However, I became concerned when it was over a year. I started by telling my mother about it, but even she was complacent because she said she was experiencing it herself, she said she had been experiencing it for a long time. A year passed, but still nothing. I have an application that during the pandemic, it became my hobby. I have this application called "tiktok" where I watch different types of dance, trends and all that. In this app I first heard about “PCOS” Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. According to Mayo Clinic (2022), a hormonal issue known as polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) affects women during their childbearing years. You might not have regular periods if you have PCOS or perhaps you experience longer menstrual cycles. A hormone called androgen may be present in your body in excess. 

I experienced changes in my body such as, deepening of the voice, becoming hairy, darkening of some parts of the body, a lot of pimples and I also gained weight. That’s where I gained a lot of insecurities, especially my body type. Many people I know are giving comments about the changes I had with my body, even the changes that happened with my voice, they are pointing it out. Of course I wasn't okay at that time, because before they found out I had already noticed it myself. It's just annoying that every time they see me, that's all they pay attention to. It's really hard for me at that time, the pandemic came along and we were all struggling with the situation. Everyone was adjusting so it really challenged my mental health. When I first heard about PCOS, I searched for its symptoms and it matched all the changes that were happening to me. At that time I suspected that I might have that case. I also told my parents about it, but because of the pandemic at that time, we couldn't get checked up because they were still strict and it was too dangerous to go out.

Two years passed without my menstruation, and then in 2022 we were able to go out a bit so we decided to have a check-up. January 7, 2022, my first check up. The doc just asked me about my menstruation, when did it start not visiting and then she also asked about the changes. After that she just prescribed me medicine to take for 10 days and she told me to wait for the results days after taking it.

This is my first prescription from my doctor, I can't really remember its name but it was effective. After 4 days, January 20, 2022 I got my period. Since the doctor said to return to her when I got my period, I followed it. I went back to my doctor and then I started taking different pills.

As months passed by that I was taking pills, they were effective since I was having my period monthly. And as I’ve said earlier, I was insecure when it comes to my body, and because of the medicine I was taking, my insecurities decreased a bit since its effect included my weight loss. I continued taking the pills until the day of my ultrasound came, where I'll know what the real problem is, and why I'm like that. And then through transvaginal ultrasound, it was found that both my ovaries are polycystic. That means I really have PCOS.

The result didn't surprise me as much because everything that I had read about PCOS and searched for matched, so I assumed that maybe that's what was actually happening to me. After that, the doctor urged me to reduce my intake of meals high in carbohydrates. She also warned that diabetes could develop if I didn't reduce my intake of all the prohibited foods. Until now I'm still taking pills, although sometimes I don't follow the doctor's advice, but most of the time I'm still careful.

[elyyssi]

really had fun with this activity <33 so happy with the results!!

[elyyssi]

[elyyssi]

Hugot? itabi niyo, ako na.

[elyyssi]

Concealed Series of Desolation: A Scrutiny Behind the Anthology “Lockdown Litanies: Countless Untold Stories”

an Essay by Elaiza Joy Barber

Stories have always been part of our life. Through storytelling, it helps us to express and interpret everything we encounter, including science, personal relationships, feelings, memories, thoughts, and challenges. Every story has a different arc, which keeps readers interested. Some stories feature innovative plots and profound concepts, which improve the overall quality of the work. Every author has a distinct story to tell as well as some experiences to give. Just like the poems that we’re about to scrutinize, the authors shared their experiences as they expressed the feeling of desolation. Boundless stories that demonstrate fortitude in the face of difficulties. 

As I read the first poem, “Dear Diary” I came to understand that we are aware of our own changes. And that changes happened because of the experiences the author had gone through. Because of all the author had encountered, he or she changed. Nearly lost everything and was abandoned, but in the end, the author still had the freedom to choose where he or she is happier.  It was noticeable in the lines “It felt different, I, too, became different”, “But all was left in me, I ended up alone”, “I own up my mistakes in finally choosing freedom.” It does remind me of the song Don’t be Afraid by Anji Salvacion, where, although coming from a place of darkness that prohibited her from seeing the wonder of life, she had the ability to choose freedom particularly in the lines, “And no, I'll overcome this feeling, this incomplete feeling, I wanna seize life outside, be free with you in my life”. Despite feeling incomplete because of the things that have happened in his or her  life, yet the author still believes that he or she has the freedom to choose happiness. Instead of being free with someone, let's do it for ourselves and, as the poem suggests, move away and discover a world on our own. 

The second poem, “The tale of a Modern Sisyphus”. As I analyze the poem, I have learned that the persona is going through the same phase over and over again. It’s like she’s fighting for the same purpose but then always ends up trying again. Rolling a large boulder up a hill repeatedly, only to have it roll back down when it approaches the peak. It was evident in the line, “Gracious to push the boulder up the mountain, and start once again like nothing happened”. This reminds me of the song The Climb by Miley Cyrus. Manifested in the lyrics, “The struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking, sometimes might knock me down, but no, I'm not breaking.”  This song encourages working for your goals while ignoring obstacles. The song teaches us that success in life isn't just about what you accomplish; it's also vital to reflect on the path you took to get there and to recognize and value the lessons you picked up along the way.   

Moving on to the third poem, “O’ Yayi (A Prose Poem)”. As I read the poem, it was clear that the persona is longing for his partner’s love and attention. It’s about someone who gave everything a loving husband could ever give, evident in the line “ I picked her up. Married her. Eased her pain. She received all the comfort and luxury a woman could ever get from a loving husband.” But then unfortunately, he’s not receiving the same love he’s willing to give. I remember the song All of me by John Legend. In this specific line, “'Cause all of me, loves all of you, love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections” This line represents the willingness to love your partner even though there are flaws or even they have had problems in the past. Just like in the poem, despite everything Yayi had to endure, and even though he is aware that she has not fully let go of her past, he still accepted and loved her. 

On to the next poem, “Two Red Laces on the Wonderwall” My understanding about this poem is that the persona is being used. He or she is being used but still, willing to give his or her all. It was shown in the lines, “I fell in your words. You, vindictive. I did what you said and leaned forward, I opened my whole to bare my soul.” Sam Smith’s How do you Sleep is the song that reminded me the most, specifically in the lyrics “Love to you is just a game, Look what I have done now” It portrays the idea of being used or being played. 

The fifth poem, “Umbilical”. As I understand the poem, I think it’s about a mother’s suffering as she was giving birth to a child. The poem’s about a child's perception while in the mother's womb and how he or she experiences the anguish and suffering the mother is going through. It was shown in the lines “The pain she suffered just for me to see. Drained herself to save me from misery”. And so this reminds me of the song Iris, a song by Goo Goo Dolls. The line “And I'd give up forever to touch you, 'cause I know that you feel me somehow.” Despite what the mother is going through, she’s still willing to risk everything for her to see and save her baby. 

The next poem, “RE: Paper (I’m Red, IMRaD)” discusses our nation's educational system. This piece shows what quality of education we have compared to the other countries. According to the character, imparting adequate education to others is never a simple endeavor. The line “Ironically, in areas we expect for leadership, Communication, media, and socio-emotional management, We are not that high.” demonstrated it. Individuals expect from them, but they are unattainable because of how poorly the educational system is managed. I would relate to this Taylor’s Eyes Open with the lyrics “But now we've stepped into a cruel world, where everybody stands and keeps score, keep your eyes open” by this lyrics, it will represent the persona’s appeal to let us know what the current situation is. 

The seventh poem, “3 A.M. Awakening”. In this poem, it is shown that the persona is preparing him or herself to go even though he or she is having a hard time since, I think, he’s being judged for who he or she truly is. It is expressed by the lines, “Breathe as if it’s easy to do today, but I think much in a different way. Heaven spoke lies to me telling I’m sick, with people’s eyes daggering every inch.” This also reminds me of Goo Goo Dolls’ Iris, particularly in the lyrics, “And I don't want the world to see me, ‘cause I don't think that they'd understand”. It represents the persona’s feelings since he or she feels like everyone who’s judging him or her has no idea of who he or she truly is.

Upon reading the poem, “My Frail Lady” I have confirmed that we all really have our own battles to face. I realized that it is really a must to be kind to others because we do not know what they’re going through especially when they're left alone. We might see them happy now, but we’re not sure of what they truly feel. Just like this poem that  talks about a person who struggled alone. It was obvious in the line, “Such frail, frail lady, Bookkeeps her internal screams.” Since it was inspired by the life magazine’s “most beautiful suicide” it reminds me of the song. If depression gets the best of me by Zevia. The lines, “'Cause the one thing on my mind, Is for me to disappear” and “And lover, when I leave, I know that we don't speak, I'm sorry that I failed you” It reminds me of the story behind Evelyn Mchale. The note she wrote including her message to her fiance. 

And the last poem, “Major Arcana”, As I read the first stanza there are signs showing that the persona comes in for fortune telling. Evident in the line, “...beamed a smile; harbored all nerves; placed your palm over—...defy the secrets of the heavens and asked, what do you see? Tell— Me.” As I continue to read the poem, I have learned that it is also about hope. It’s about the persona who’s hoping for a better future, shown in the line, “What you want most right now is success—to win and never give up this fight.” The cards push them to still believe and hope for their future. This prompted me to the song Flashlight by Jessie J, with the lyrics “I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight, you're getting me, getting me through the night” This represents that even though they will walk through the darkness because of the things that will happen to them, there is always a flashlight that will serve as hope to get out of that darkness. 

Reading all of these poems made me realize that there really are a lot of untold stories that reflect our society’s current situation. Through reading these, I feel like I’ve also gone through their difficulties. By this activity I had the chance to view current issues from different perspectives. I also discovered that, in spite of all the challenges, we will always have the option of choosing to be free and grateful. That there is hope despite everything we experience in life.

[elyyssi]

Nakapagdesisyon na ako,

Hahayaan na kitang lumiko, bumalik at bumyahe patungo sa kaniya

Siya na itinuturo ng ‘yong daan

At ako na panandalian mo lang.......

[elyyssi]

"Byahe ng Sandali"

Bawat hakbang papalabas, tinatansya ang sarili. Handa na ba ako? Handa na ba akong makipagsapalarang muli? Pag ibig nga naman. Parang kalsada lang ‘yan. Kalsada na paulit ulit kong tatahakin. Maingay man, magulo at delikado. Kalsada na handa kong baybayin, marating ko man ang dulo. Ang tulang ito ay pinamagatang “Byahe ng Sandali”.

Dumating na ang araw na hindi ko na paghandaan,

Sinanay na hatid sundo dahil hindi sigurado sa daan,

Ngunit ngayon, kailangan nang subukan,

Kailangang lakbayin hindi man malaman ang pupuntahan

Naririnig mo na ba? kaliwa’t kanang ingay ng sasakyan,

Hindi man sanay, ngunit kailangan kong sabayan,

Maging takot at pangamba ay ipagpapaliban,

Kasi gano’n naman talaga eh, sanayan lang ‘yan

Naaalala ko tuloy ‘yung mga panahon na, takot akong sumubok

Itinatak ko sa sarili ko na hindi, hindi ako marupok

Kaya kong humarap sa mga pagsubok,

Kaya ko nang mag isa, at hindi kailanman magmumukmok

Ngunit nagkamali ako, nakilala kita

Tila ako’y nabusog nang kainin ang sariling mga salita

Isa kang kalsada na handa akong tawirin at lakbayin

Daan na uulit-uliting tahakin, hindi ka man sigurado sa akin

Una palang alam ko nang delikado,

Ipinagpatuloy ko kahit hindi ka sigurado,

Nagbabakasali na ako ang iyong gusto,

Hanggang sa nagbigay ka ng motibo

Hindi naman ako tulad ng ilaw sa kalsada na madalas mong makita,

Kahel, berde at pula

Malalaman ko ba kung maghahanda, itutuloy o ititigil na?

Malabo, magulo pero heto ako handang magpakatanga

Sabi mo wala na, sabi mo tapos na,

Sabi mo ayos ka na,

Eh gago ka pala!

Anong akala mo saakin? Paradahan na pwede mong tambayan habang hinihintay mo siya?

‘Aba’y nag-U turn, akala ko tuloy tuloy na, may kailangan pa palang balikan

Wala ka naman palang plano, bakit hindi mo pa ako pakawalan?

‘Yan ang hirap sayo eh, bakit ka sumubok kung hindi ka pa tapos sa nakaraan?

Bakit hindi ka prumeno kung alam mo namang may masasagasaan?

Napaisip nga ako, parang nangyari na sakin to? 

Ano nga bang tawag do’n? Ayon! Hit and run

Matapos mo akong tamaan, iiwan mo na lang ako at tatakbuhan?

Tatakbo pabalik sa ‘yong nakaraan?

Ako si Princess Sarah na matapos maabanduna ay handang magpaalipin,

Magpaalipin sa magulong pinararamdam mo saakin,

Magpakagago sa malabo mong plano,

Kahit hindi naman talaga ako ang itinitibok ng puso mo

Handa akong tumawid, kahit nakamamatay

Patungo sa iyo, at sasabay na maglakbay

Habang ika’y patungo sa kaniya at aakbay

Kahit dulot nito saakin ay lumbay

Tadhana! Oo ikaw, tadhana!

Gusto ko lang namang mahalin ng tama,

Bakit itinatagpo mo ako sa taong sa kanilang nakaraa’y malakas pa ang tama?

Kailan ba ako maitatrato ng tama?

Minsan iniisip ko rin, sino ba ang problema?

Ako o ikaw o tayo?

Kung sabagay, wala nga naman palang tayo

Nakalimutan kong hindi ka pa tapos sa nakaraan mo

Nakapagdesisyon na ako,

Hahayaan na kitang lumiko, bumalik at bumyahe patungo sa kaniya

Siya na itinuturo ng ‘yong daan

At ako na panandalian mo lang

[elyyssi]

Hidden Sunshine 🌞

This task was difficult for me because my partner was one of my classmates whom I rarely interacted with. We are both quiet, so I wasn't sure what to do when I learned that she would be my partner. I'm wondering how to approach her because I'm also shy. She is Janelle. My research said that her name is a modern variant of Jane which originally derived from the Hebrew name Yochanan, and means "God is gracious" or fair one. Which matches what she told me. At first she didn't know what she was going to share with me because she said her life was happy.

She has full freedom. She is free to do as she pleases. Because it is not clear to her from the way I see her, I was stunned by that part. Because she was the complete opposite of me, I was jealous at the same time. She claimed that her parents are content since they are sure she understands her boundaries, which is accurate. She is aware of his obligations and her limits. She is the younger of two sisters. She also noted how their parents treat them equally despite the fact that they are just two. But she also admitted that there had been a time when her sister and her had been compared since the latter was thought to be smarter than the other. She claimed she didn't mind being compared to others. Only once did she experience pressure from wanting to live up to others' expectations. She acknowledged that she felt pressured when it came to managing her academics, particularly when she switched sections. When she transferred, she did not anticipate that nearly everyone would be good, but she was also pleased because the build up was good every time there were groupings, unlike in her former section, where there were only a few talented individuals. She felt pushed by her academics; whereas before she didn't mind not being an honors student, today she feels guilty if she isn't accepted into the honors. Which, in some ways, I can relate with because I'm also like that. In that sense, I can relate to her because I also experience that pressure.

Like me, I also observe that she doesn't interact much in class. She admitted being an introvert, and I also asked her what might happen if she were to leave her comfort zone. She simply stated that she is hesitant to try because she feels she will fail. Which somehow had an impact on me and also made me realize how similar we are. I'm not sure whether it's appropriate for me to feel this way, but I somehow feel better knowing I'm not the only one. I believed that other people might be going through the same things I was. But you won't really be able to tell someone's inner nature from what you see if you only look at their physical appearance. And that's what I discovered during this activity. I may use the adage that the only thing we can truly do is to be kind to everyone we meet because we never know what they are going through. 

I'm happy to know the tale of the hidden light. Even though I can't disclose everything, I'm grateful for the brief period of time we had together to share certain aspects of our personality.

[elyyssi]

Tranquility Behind the Storm

The pandemic's outbreak utterly caught me off guard. I never imagined that things would end up like this and go through all of that back then. Perhaps I was naive at the time, thinking that nothing could possibly affect the fact that everything around me would last. I experienced a lot during the recent outbreak, whether it was happy or sad, but I can't deny that it taught me a lot. I became aware of several things that I had previously ignored.

I was in ninth grade when the pandemic began, and the year ended early. When the school informed us that we would have a week off, I recall that we had no idea that that day would be the final chance for us to go out and see each other. I initially believed that since there would be no more school, I would be pleased. For the first few weeks, everything was enjoyable, but as time went on, the days grew depressing. During the pandemic, I am unable to do many of the things I am used to, including seeing my friends, dining out, traveling, and many more.

I learned a lot about myself and my family during the past two years that I spent at home. I observed that during the lockdown, as it was prohibited to go outside, my family and I grew closer. Because even though there were just three of us at home prior to the pandemic, we were unable to reach an understanding. I came to the realization that it might be because our family doesn't bond enough. We got used to each having our own things at school and at work, so we don't have time for each other. We did nothing at home during the pandemic because nearly everything halted, including work and school. We now spend a lot of time conversing with one another because it has been our past time since that time, which is good for the entire of our relationship.

I also learned certain things about myself, including how I had lost my enthusiasm since the pandemic. I become reserved and timid. I got anxious every time I left the house because I was used to being home all the time. At first, I was unaware of that. I used to think that my shyness was normal, but until now, I still have trouble getting over it. My last name used to be loud in class and with my teachers, and I used to participate in class activities and join everyone. But I made an adjustment once the online class began. I hardly ever take part in events and recitations.

 Even I feel disappointed in myself since I believe I have changed from that. As a result, I have struggled with my academics ever since. Not because of other people, but because of myself, I was under pressure. I worry that I'm not the same person I used to be and that my marks will suffer as a result of my infrequent participation and recitation. I'm still trying my hardest to achieve decent grades, though. Even if I still don't recognize myself as I once did, I know that I'm improving in some way, which is one of the things that motivates me to keep going.

The first time I started a relationship, where I just learnt a lot, was one of the pandemic's remarkable events that changed me the most. I've known him for almost three years. Before we started dating, we spent a lot of time together before we got into a relationship. Naturally, we struggled because we were both unfamiliar with the circumstance in which we could not see one another, unlike our previous close friendship. We were very adventurous at the time because the online class had only recently begun. Because that's not how we're used to living, we struggle every day. Until the pressure we felt caused us to lose time with one other and decide to stop. I spent most of the pandemic in oblivion,  at the same time constantly struggling with the process to survive despite the threat of the pandemic. One lesson I took away from that experience is not to rush.I admit that during those times I became impulsive in making decisions.  I didn't think about what could happen if I went right into it. I did not consider the possible results of my actions, especially since the situation was different then. As a result, I began to think differently. It kept growing as I learned to admit my mistakes and humble myself. I developed personally, and I can still remember his parting words to me. He stated he didn't regret how our relationship turned out, which I couldn't believe at the time but eventually came to understand. He won't make me regret it either if it's me, because that experience helped shape who I am today. I was better prepared back then for my future challenges, and I now have a better understanding of what to do. Even throughout my healing journey from that experience I also learned something. For two years the healing was neither straight nor continuous. There are days when I’m okay, but there will come a day when it will reconnect with me again and I'll be hurt again. "Relapse" they say. I don't mind that at all. Even if the healing does not continue, it is still important that there has been improvement. That's also one of my takeaways from what I've experienced, not to rush anything. Everyone has the right time, in my perspective. Even though you are not satisfied or happy right now, in the right time, you will eventually be. 

Despite the fact that a lot occurred over those two years of conflict, one advantage was that I learnt a lot. I developed as a person as a result of the experiences I had with my family, friends, or a special someone. I can claim that I have made significant progress, primarily in terms of my personality and way of thinking.