Emaciated Soul.

Im seventeen. Im diagnosed with Depression and Anorexia Nervosa. They say i'm slowly killing myself, but maybe that wouldn't be so bad. possible trigger warning. Ask Myself Stats Me: Dec 09 - Jan 12

[emaciated--soul]

I find it funny that Im still getting new followers on this blog

I DONT USE THIS ONE ANYMORE

[emaciated--soul]

i feel utterly repulsed by myself right now.

[emaciated--soul]

Back to the hospital I go.

:(

[emaciated--soul]

so lost and confused right now.

I was all for giving recovery a go, but over the past few days I've just wanted to starve, I haven't, but wanted to so badly. I want to be thin, I want to lose weight, not gain. im feeling really low again, I'm still on home pass but back into hospital tonight.

[emaciated--soul]

Okay, hello again.

It's me, Nicola. I'm out of hospital for the weekend and I'm doing ok, I'm trying to give recovery a go, I think. Things are hard but I have the want to get better. I had to add an extra '-' into my URL for reasons which I'll explain later. I can't spend much time online right now, and again I'll explain later. I just wanted to update you all, and I hope you are all well xoxoxo

[emaciated--soul]

Wait, are you not even outpatient at CAMHS?

yeah I am..

[emaciated--soul]

don't you think it's kind of selfish of you to want to kill yourself? i mean what about your sister, your parents, friends?

that's the reason I'm still alive

[emaciated--soul]

going inpatient for the weekend.

to keep me safe. not for an eating disorder, because of suicide risk.

[emaciated--soul]

Is that bad to want to be deadly skinny ? Like.. Invisible and thin ? I really wish I could stop eating. I think i'm mindly fucked up.

it's not bad, it's just not 'normal'. but I feel the same.

[emaciated--soul]

How old is your sister, if I may ask? I wish I had someone like her to keep me from killing myself.

5.

[emaciated--soul]

I'm in a similar boat in the sense of, I either have to willingly go inpatient what is never going to happen or they'll section me. I'm terrified, I don't want to gain weight. My thoughts are with you m'dear. I: ♥

yeah. thats why I'm going along to these appointments today because if I don't the end outcome wont be helped any.

[emaciated--soul]

I've to go see someone at CAMHS. and if my parents aren't happy with what he says they've to take me to a&e. Also, my mum read my tumblr.

[emaciated--soul]

maybe right now you can't afford not to.

:(

[emaciated--soul]

I can't go inpatient.

they'll make me fat. they'll make me even more disgusting. my birthday is in a month, who knows how long I'd be in there for, my aunt is due her baby in a month. I can't be away from my little sister. I'm praying the don't put me in.

[emaciated--soul]

What do you like most about your personality and aboit your appearance?

personality- that I'm caring.nothing else I like, at all.

[emaciated--soul]

I hope everything turns out fine. You are one beautiful soul pretty girl.

I'm so so scared.

[emaciated--soul]

also my mum came on my iPad and seen my tumblr.