HEY GUYS I MADE A NEW BLOG
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@embrusae
HEY GUYS I MADE A NEW BLOG
follow me @svpernovae
Hi guys. Long time no see, right? It’s been a few months now.
I log in here from time-to-time. Usually just to... Idk, have a look around. Mostly to check on a few people who I feel I should check on. I have alot of messages from you all... And it makes me want to return to this blog. I feel so cared for.
I left because I have... well, alot going on. My health, at present, isn’t good. I am severely underweight (I am actually on the border of “clinical anorexia”, according to my doctor) and have multiple deficiencies. I am bedridden at the moment. Things are hard. Besides that, I have a real tendency to... Idk, compare my skills to other people’s; It leads to a feeling of complete inadequacy that kind of eats me alive. However, the cancer is at bay, and that is good.
I left because that inadequacy, my deteriorating health, the preparation for going back to school, etc... Was a bit tough on me. I have settled back into life now, but things are still tough at times.
If I return to this blog, I will be active at my own pace - most likely, it will be a new blog, with the same kind of pages and such from here. I have taken up work as an illustrator and I am incredibly in-demand. That must also take priority, as it is my source of income and my job.
Lots of love, Nísa
sad / heartbreak starters
“i feel like i’m losing you.”
“i didn’t mean to push you away.”
“i don’t want to lose you.”
“please just stay with me.”
“give me another chance.”
“don’t you care about me at all?”
“i thought you loved me.”
“you promised you wouldn’t leave me.”
“i don’t know what i’d do without you.”
“i never thought you’d be the one to break my heart.”
“i need time to think about us.”
“please don’t leave like this.”
“i’m begging you to stay.”
“this can’t be goodbye.”
“don’t you love me anymore?”
“do you… not want me anymore?”
“i wish i could be enough for you.”
“i wish you could see how much this is hurting me.”
“i’m scared of losing you.”
So as most of you probably know, I am a stage four cancer survivor (at age 18). I was diagnosed at 17, on June 1st, 2016 - and was declared to be in remission on February 9th, 2017. I want to take you through the hardest thing I had to deal with, but something that I made the best of -- My hair loss!! Selfies below the cut!
On May 24th, 2016, I went into hospital after a “grossly abnormal” X-ray. Long story short, my left lung had collapsed and both were full of fluid. They suspcted pneumonia and I was admitted.
I was in there for two days and I was very depressed. I had been moved to a respiratory ward but I felt very isolated - so my parents bought me pink hair dye to try and cheer me up!!
On May 1st, I was diagnosed, and moved to the haematology ward. After a few days, they said I could go home for a few hours, but I had to come back to the hospital. That night, I dyed my hair electric blue to keep my spirits up.
I had my chemotherapy, and was released. After my second chemotherapy, my hair began to fall out - so we took the plunge and I shaved it all off.
But it kept falling out, and I went from a stubbly-head to a bald-head. It was really, really disheartening and I remember sobbing to my parents after taking this photo (below).
It would have been fine if it came out all at once, and not in patches. he patches made it look so ugly and it was really hard to cope with.
Eventually, I was bald -- But I rocked it! I made the best of it and wore my bald head with pride, because I WAS BEAUTIFUL! Here’s a lovely selfie ~
A wonderful charity gave me a real hair wig, and I wore it until my hair grew back...
LOOK AT ME NOW! :D
I’ve come such a long way and I’m proud <33
Ey yo, it’s ya girl back with her GREEN LIPSTICK and DEPRESSION that she’s been drowning in ALCOHOL !! lmao seriously tho, I went out last night wearing green lipstick and I looked bomb
okay so I’m gonna work on the rest of those asks tomorrow bc I am exhausted but ty for sending them in!! <33
001 // dont touch katie when shes in a bad mood
be violent, I dare you // @hackrvoice
The STING of her hand against his cheek startles him, and Shiro staggers back a little. Well – He should have thought, before laying a hand on her shoulder – but more than anything, he’s simply startled. Not angry, not even annoyed – Simply a little… WORRIED.
He thought over his words cautiously, not sure if he should even say anything. It was his fault, and that’s why all he came up with was a simple APOLOGY.
❝Sorry, Pidge. I’ll give you peace, just come get me if you need me.❞
* VIOLENT ACTION STARTERS Send me a NUMBER for your muse to :
001. — Backhand my muse. 002. — Stab my muse. 003. — Put out a cigarette on my muse’s skin. 004. — Hit my muse with a blunt object. 005. — Throw something large at my muse. 006. — Kick my muse. 007. — Punch my muse. 008. — Break one of my muse’s bones. 009. — Scratch my muse. 010. — Headbutt my muse. 011. — Shoot my muse. 012. — Knock my muse out. 013. — Strangle my muse. 014. — Push my muse roughly. 015. — Grab my muse by the hair. 016. — Bruise my muse. 017. — Threathen my muse with an object of harm. 018. — Go to harm my muse’s eyes. 019. — Bite my muse. 020. — Tear away parts of my muse’s skin. 021. — Force my muse’s head under water. 022. — Throw something scalding at my muse. 023. — Burn my muse. 024. — Step on my muse’s fingers. 025. — Rip one of my muse’s teeth out. 026. — Slash my muse’s achilles tendon ( s ). 027. — Clothesline my muse. 028. — Harm my muse enough for them to cough up blood. 029. — Drive into my muse with a vehicle. 030. — Electrocute my muse. 031. — Slam my muse against a wall. 032. — Force my muse’s arm behind their back. 033. — Kick my muse’s crotch. 034. — Trip my muse. 035. — Put my muse in a headlock. 036. — Break my muse’s nose. 037. — Force their fingers down my muse’s throat. 038. — Crack my muse’s head against a wall. 039. — Attempt to kill my muse. 040. — Attempt to kill my muse creatively.
@embrusae || cont.
It was the tired eyes that gave it away, Lance noticed as he stared at his tired eyes. The first hints of it as he exchanged some words with Shiro who was still laying on their bed, reluctant to move from it. The symptoms were irrefutable.
Lance didn’t even hesitate on his actions when he was out of the room, knowing exactly what he had to do.
A chuckle left his lips when he saw Shiro’s expression, raised eyebrows and wide eyes staring at him. The change in his demeanor was surprisingly quick, and Lance was already feeling the pride of being the source of that change burning in his chest.
“morning, Lazy Panda. Are you ready for the best breakfast on bed ever?” He was joking, of course. this was definitely not his best work, but he knew it was enough to make him smile, and with that it was everything he needed. “I hope you like them, they were made with love, fairy dust and Hunk’s recipe so this should be good” He winked before leaning on the bed to leave a kiss on his forehead.
“How are you feeling?” Lance’s hand brushed his hair, playing with it as he stared down at him.
Shiro’s eyes drifted back to the tray laid over himself, still smiling gently, fondly. Such a kind gesture -- One he could only expect from Lance. Honestly, Shiro wouldn’t have had breakfast - or lunch or dinner - had Lance not gone to all the effort.
❝You didn’t have to,❞ Shiro reminds him, before raising a bit of toast to his lips. It’s sweet, not overpoweringly, but perfect -- and he smiles towards Lance, eyes soft yet filled with what appeared to be sadness.
❝I had that NIGHTMARE again last night - not the normal one. You know, the one where I...❞ He trails off a little, and finds himself staring at the window, curtains drawn. ❝The one where I just... drift and drift, until I suffocate...❞ He finds himself tailing off once more, staring now at his lap.
❝It’s just a bad day.❞ He said quietly, suddenly not hungry anymore. He would eat it, of course, but not right now. He swallowed hard. ❝I’m sorry.❞
embrusae:
❝Earth?❞ He repeats the request as if to make sense of it, then tilts his head back a little. ❝Uh, well… In my country, we have these little… SHRINES. Uh… 神社 – Well, these are like little houses for the 神 – I guess it’s the same in English, kami – and alot of people worship these kami by paying their respects to the Shrines. The shrine is like their home, where they are embodied – so the kami live in there, almost. It’s kind of hard to explain.❞
❝I don’t personally believe in all of that – I spent quite a few years of my life in another country, so I was quite far from these things. STILL, it’s interesting, right?❞
She supposes it might sound a bit odd; and she can’t quite bring herself to explain it, lest they find it laughable. It might be, really. But the story brings a soft smile to her face. “–so they build little houses for them?” Allura asks, her expression open and fond. She knew so little of his home, for it had been a very different place the last she, or the Altean database, had paid the planet any mind.
“And this only happens in your country? How curious.“ Though a degree of….refinement was always present, and always had to be, it didn’t stop Allura from wanting to ask about these things. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
❝I suppose that’s right, yes,❞ He replies, tilting his head back. ❝We all have little customs, don’t we? Japan is a nice place, I like to think. Very traditional, sometimes.❞
❝What about Altea? Was there anything there that you think is curious?❞
( to the stars ) the moon pleaded:
STAY
no matter where I sleep, you are haunting me
but I’m already there, I’m already there. Wherever there is YOU, I will be there too.
it’s been a ROUGH few days, and Shiro has barely made an appearance. All attempts at getting him to eat have been brushed off; same with sleeping. He’s locked himself into his room, dwelling in his thoughts and tearing his flesh apart, and has hardly opened the door for anyone – But now, he’s roaming the castle halls, making his way to Black’s hangar. Everyone is ASLEEP ( so he thought ), and he stops short when he heard a familiar voice calling his name. SHIT.
❝Hey,❞ he murmurs, not turning to face them. ❝You’re up late.❞
“You haven’t left your room in days.”
Keith sidesteps Shiro’s question as he draws himself to a stop. Though they’re barely separated by about a dozen feet, the distance between them feels like an abyss. He wants so badly to breach it but, right now, he doesn’t dare cross Shiro’s boundaries uninvited.
“I know you probably don’t wanna talk about it, and I understand that.” He dares not to pry more than what Shiro will allow, not when he’s so afraid of…
He takes a deep breath and continues. “I just want you to know that I’m worried about you and that, if you ever want to talk about it, or even if you just need a sounding board, I’m here for you.”
❝Just needed some alone time,❞ He explains with a halfhearted shrug. ❝I’m doing just fine.❞
Shiro falls SILENT, hands clenching and unclenching as he tried to regain some sense of emotional balance. Guilt. Worry. Anger. Sadness. It all swirled in his chest, and he turned to face Keith, expression soft and unmistakeably SAD.
❝I’m sorry for worrying you. I’m doing okay.❞ It’s a lie, they both know that “OKAY” people tend not to hole themselves up in their room for days at a time, barely eating, barely sleeping. He falls quiet, choosing his words carefully. ❝It’s been getting bad again -- everything, I mean. The thoughts, the voices. Everything is just so hard right now.❞
Once more, h pauses, but with a careful movement he begins to close the space between them. He looks pale and exhausted; likely from the lack of food. His sleeves are tugged down over his hands, just to hide any hints of what he’d done.
❝I’m SORRY.❞
it’s been a ROUGH few days, and Shiro has barely made an appearance. All attempts at getting him to eat have been brushed off; same with sleeping. He’s locked himself into his room, dwelling in his thoughts and tearing his flesh apart, and has hardly opened the door for anyone -- But now, he’s roaming the castle halls, making his way to Black’s hangar. Everyone is ASLEEP ( so he thought ), and he stops short when he heard a familiar voice calling his name. SHIT.
❝Hey,❞ he murmurs, not turning to face them. ❝You’re up late.❞
Ey yo, it’s ya girl back with her GREEN LIPSTICK and DEPRESSION that she’s been drowning in ALCOHOL !! lmao seriously tho, I went out last night wearing green lipstick and I looked bomb
“No, no, I’m not alright. I’m definitely not alright.”
It had been an ACCIDENT - an impulse. Fear had taken over. He wasn’t expecting anyone to be awake, let alone appear behind him. In a swift movemen0 driven by SHOCK, he had turned, hand illuminated as he held it to Lance’s throat.
Now, he was kneeling before the Blue Paladin, who was huddled against the wall and having a panic attack -- likely over the fact, Shiro assumed, that he had almost been MURDERED.
❝Lance, I’m sorry,❞ he said gently, cautiously. ❝Please, trust me -- breath in for four, out for eight. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m sorry.❞
+ @embrusae liked for a starter || accepting
“–forgive me for the strange request, but would you tell me something about Earth?” She supposed this could be considered her latest attempt at ridding herself of homesickness. Asking the others about their homes; so far it had worked rather well. It seemed most were all to happy to speak about some of the strangest things with the deepest fondness. “Anything at all, really.”
❝Earth?❞ He repeats the request as if to make sense of it, then tilts his head back a little. ❝Uh, well... In my country, we have these little... SHRINES. Uh... 神社 -- Well, these are like little houses for the 神 -- I guess it’s the same in English, kami -- and alot of people worship these kami by paying their respects to the Shrines. The shrine is like their home, where they are embodied -- so the kami live in there, almost. It’s kind of hard to explain.❞
❝I don’t personally believe in all of that -- I spent quite a few years of my life in another country, so I was quite far from these things. STILL, it’s interesting, right?❞