One of the things I love about Takashi is how casual he is about his sexuality. It’s not something I wrote with intention, but rather it came about because that’s who he is. It came out naturally when writing his character.
He isn’t shy about who he is, his values, or who he loves.
It’s what gives the story beautiful lines like: “Why limit myself to one gender when I can have both?”
said with a shrug because to Takashi being bisexual is the same as being a Prince. It’s natural to him and he is unapologetically proud.
Been looking back at a lot of old pictures from 1-2 years ago and some old art pieces thinking about how much happier I was then. Despite having been homeless and struggling…somehow I was happier. I was writing, I was drawing, and I was surviving.
My AM just wrote to congratulate me on my 4 year anniversary with the company coming up this Saturday.
It’s technically 5 years, but for the first year I was a contractor.
I remember when I got hired. COVID had shut down my other job in 2020, my family moved out of state and I was unemployed for over a year.
I had just had a complete breakdown because I got a rejection letter from Target and I was convinced I had wasted my college career. I had wasted going back to get my Masters and I was never going to get a job. Then, I got the call.
Now it’s been 4 years (5).
Within that time I have been promoted, received 2 awards, 2 raises, and a bonus each year.
Not bad stats.
Yet, I have found myself every day since mid 2025 searching for a new job. Not because I want to leave, but because the money is not enough. Not for the state of the world, and not for now supporting 3 other people.
And the job market is an absolute shit show so I’ve had no luck and the shoving of AI down my throat by corporate dunderheads is just so demoralizing.
They say if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life. But how can I continue to love what I do, when I can barely afford to feed my family?
If you don't already know, ever since I became head of the household I have 0 free time. I work, I drive my brothers to and from work, and the rest of the time I am taking care of my Mom who basically requires around the clock care.
I have not been able to work on Wretched & Divine in about a year. I barely draw. It's gotten so bad that looking at my iPad is starting to piss me off because it's annoying to have my happiness stare me in the face when I can't grasp it. I've contemplated deleting W & D and selling my iPad to make some quick cash since we're also hurting for money.
I've tried waking up early or staying up late to try and squeeze time in then, but I'm so emotionally and physically exhausted that I either end up crashing or I can't focus on anything.
My family does not care. There is no support. My brothers work, and then they come up and either fall asleep or lock themselves in their game room. They get the weekends to themselves as I spend Saturday and Sunday running errands with my Mom (grocery shopping, etc) and taking her wherever she wants to go which is what my Dad used to do, but now it's my job. She can't/won't drive and my brothers don't have their license or a car to drive so it's all on me.
My Mom always used to call my art "coloring" which came off very belittling and has never really cared about my hobbies or things I enjoy doing. She is 1000% focused on herself and her grief and her pain and her anxiety and her medical problems. There is no room for her children.
I have spoken up. I have asked for help. I have voiced my concerns and my pain. Nothing has changed. It's been this way my whole life.
It has been a year and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. It's only getting worse. I am so frustrated with the way my life is now that I have completely relapsed and fallen back into self harm patterns.
I'm at my wits end. And now, my job is forcing me to report to a training center (cuz there is no office where I moved to) because everyone else has to report to the office 3 days a week and they "can't give me special treatment" so now my free time is going to be even less than it already is.
And I'm the type of person where the longer I am away from something, the harder it is to get back into it...
It's been a year...and like now I don't even really have a desire to work on anything and I'm scared and sad that I'm just going to fizzle out more than I already have.
So if anyone has any suggestions or encouragement they think is worthwhile, I'm all ears.
There are plenty of themes and symbolic elements throughout the story. Some more obvious than others. One I like in particular is the use of snakes. Especially, around Hein.
The first time we get a reference is when we meet Lord Senven:
"Lord Senven turns. He’s older, his silver hair a stark contrast against his deep purple suit and umber skin. The cane in his hand has the head of a serpent on it."
Then, throughout the story we find that snakes tend to follow Hein around/he always seems to encounter them.
When two soldiers come into Myya's shop & torment Hein:
"Dark vambraces which have snake heads crafted on the outer sides protect his forearms" [...] "Both of their breast plates carry a symbol of a red half-circle with a snake acting as the other half, the open mouth pointing to the inside of the circle."
When he's in the forest:
He leans in to press his lips to Hein’s forehead but a loud TWACK causes him to jump. Hein startles, letting out a short yelp. Takashi turns and nearly smacks into the shaft of an arrow. He looks forward just as Ryuji lowers his bow.[...] Ryuji walks over to the tree and grabs ahold of the shaft. “You’re too distracted,” he says pulling the arrow from the trunk, a small snake dangles lifeless from the tip.
[later in the story] After nearly 40 steps and no sign of the assassin, he decides to turn back. He doesn't see the snake ready to strike his leg until a dagger twacks against the ground, killing it.
When they encounter a strange group in the woods:
One of the members, in a snake mask, grabs Takashi's arm, but the Prince shakes them off.
Hein even uses it to describe his inner thoughts:
The words hit Hein like a hammer. What have you done? he thinks, steadying himself on the branch. An ugly voice slithers like a snake around his heart. You spoiled everything, it says. An Essence is to uphold their Master's image, but you've ruined his. You ruin everything.
Snakes serve as a recurring thread binding predator and prey long before they ever meet face‑to‑face. They coil through the narrative as both motif and symbol—a living echo of Lord Senven's presence and a warning of the danger closing in. His serpent‑headed cane marks him as a man whose influence slithers into places he never physically steps, while Hein's repeated encounters with snakes reveal an unseen connection between them. Each appearance is more than coincidence; it is the world itself signaling that Lord Senven's reach is near, tightening like a serpent’s grip long before the truth is revealed.
Another peek into the past with a one shot that takes place after An Unexpected Meeting
Hope you enjoy!
Ryuji watches the leaves sway on the tree outside the classroom window. The Professor’s voice is drowned out by his own as he counts the number of leaves that upturn. From his seat, he can see the hill above the valley where the training camps are, and his leg bounces under the table, itching to run. In the distance, he can hear shuffling as students turn pages in their workbooks, following along with the lesson. Ryuji’s book remains closed on his desk. He finished all of it last night. There’s nothing else to do. He can complete their modules in his sleep, so he does them when he can’t. Another breeze shakes the branches, and he sinks his cheek onto his hand where it rests while his other picks at the blisters on his fingers.
The door to the classroom opens and shuts. He can hear the professor's voice and someone else, but he keeps his attention outside. It isn’t until he feels the entire desk shift that he turns, watching as a chipper red-eye boy sits down at the desk in front of him. He remembers him from the other day. The Prince of Nubik, Takashi Han. Ryuji’s done plenty of research on the royal family and heard his father speak of the King and his inept prodigy. He’s never known why the Lords speak so ill of the Prince. According to the school records, his marks are high—higher than most—although he seems to never show up to class on time, or at all. He’s a terrible shot, and his swordsmanship needs improvement, but unless they are faking the records, Ryuji can’t understand their ill will towards him. What he can't further understand is the Prince's growing attachment to him.
Since that day in the courtyard, where he is, the Prince is always nearby. He waves to him from across the hall, sits next to him in class, and pops up in the dorm rooms. It’s as if he’s following him. He can’t make sense of it.
“Hey, what page are we on?” The Prince asks, leaning back onto Ryuji’s desk.
Ryuji shrugs.
“Don’t you know?”
He does. But he doesn’t see why he should help. Especially when he knows the Prince isn’t likely to stick around for the whole lesson.
“You don’t know, do you,” Takashi continues, “your workbooks not even open.”
“Because I finished it,” Ryuji mutters.
Takashi blinks at him. “You what?”
“I finished it.”
The Prince stares and then turns completely around in his desk and snatches Ryuji’s workbook.
“Hey!” He whispers, attempting to grab it back. But the Prince turns around, scooting his desk forward as he flips through the pages, his eyes going round. He turns back to him.
“When did you do this?”
“Last night,” he answers.
The Prince looks stunned, “you did all this last night?” He asks, emphasizing this by shaking the workbook in his hand.
“Yes.”
“So, what are you like, a genius or something?”
Ryuji shrugs, “They’re simple problems and I was bored.”
“You were bored?” The Prince echoes.
Ryuji shrugs again.
“Han, Zenko,” The Professor calls out, “Might I ask what is so important that you’ve chosen to disregard my lecture?”
Ryuji sits up straight, ready to apologize, watching as the Prince slouches and rolls his eyes.
“Apologies Professor,” The Prince says, “I came in late, and my friend Ryuji was just filling me in on what I had missed.”
“I see. If his highness would be on time, there would be no need for this disruption. You can see me after class if you wish to be caught up.”
“Of course, Professor,” The Prince drawls. He puts the workbook back on Ryuji’s desk with a wink and turns back towards the front of the class.
Ryuji stares, confused. 'My friend Ryuji' the Prince had said. Since when were they, friends?
After class, the Professor asks Ryuji about the encounter with Prince Han and encourages him to surround himself with better influences so he continues to do well in the class. Ryuji nodded, unable to say anything. They speak about the Prince of their land as if he is a common Null. It doesn’t make any sense. He walks out of the classroom, surprised to see the Prince leaning against the wall waiting for him.
“Did he tell you to find better company?” he asks.
“You don’t seem surprised,” Ryuji notes, turning to walk down the hall towards his next class.
The Prince shrugs, coming to walk next to him. “Where are you headed?”
“Military Tactics.”
“Ugh, what a snooze fest,” Takashi groans.
“Your Highness,” a voice says from behind.
Takashi comes to a dead stop but doesn’t turn around. “Yes, Gorwin?”
“You’re due for your weapons training. Let’s go.”
“I’m headed to Military Tactics right now,” The Prince says, turning to face the royal servant. “I have to help my friend Ryuji here get to class. He’s new. I’m showing him the way.”
Ryuji turns, a retort on his tongue, but the Prince grabs him by the arm and starts dragging him down the hallway.
“Ok so I’ll meet up with you at the camping grounds!” he waves, not waiting for his servant’s response.
They round the corner, Takashi still dragging Ryuji along. He doesn’t think the Prince realizes they’re going the wrong way, but he’s sure the royal servant knew. Halfway towards the second group of buildings, he finally speaks up. “We’re going the wrong way,” he says.
The Prince freezes, looking at his surroundings as if he’s seeing them for the first time. “Crap,” he mutters, “why didn’t you say something?” he asks, turning to Ryuji.
“You didn’t give me much of a choice,” Ryuji says, pulling his arm back. “Why do you keep doing that?” he asks, watching as the Prince rubs the back of his neck.
“Doing what?”
“Telling everyone that we’re friends.”
The Prince blinks, “Because we are friends” he smiles casually like he doesn’t understand why he would ask such a thing.
Ryuji wonders if this is how a Prince makes friends; by commanding it. But when he thinks of all the times he’s seen the Prince, he’s been alone. He talks to no one in class, and when he waves to Ryuji in the halls, he’s never with anyone. They are alike in that way. It’s odd. He’s a Prince, who wouldn’t want to be friends with him? For that matter, why would a prince want to be friends with him?
“Now, as your friend, who has made you late for class,” the Prince continues sheepishly, “I decree that it’s only fair that I make it up to you!”
Ryuji raises one eyebrow.
“Follow me! Come on!” The Prince pats his arm and jogs out towards the fields.
Ryuji thinks the Professor is right. He should find better company if he wants to continue to do well at this school and somehow gain his father’s respect. Yet, he follows the Prince, anyway.
Ishida turns back towards Ryuji just as the first light of day breaks through the horizon. The sun stretches arms of bright orange up pushing the last bit of night before laying out across the land. It’s the brightness that catches Ishida’s attention. Strange, he thinks squinting in the heat of it. The forest is so dense he didn’t expect it to be like this. He stands, feet dragging him to the edge as Morning shows him his destruction. Everything is gone. A gray singed scar stretches out over the landscape. The once lush, green forest is nothing but ash and charred remains of dead, blackened trees lying bent and scorched on the ground.
“Ishida?” Someone calls to him.
“I…did this?…”
“Don’t feel bad, Ishida,” Hein says coming beside him. “The forest will grow back.”
“What’s wrong?” Takashi asks, then whistles when he sees the view. “Yeah, I remember when I burnt down my first forest,” he starts then clears his throat when Ryuji sends him a glare sharper than a dagger. “How are you feeling?”
Also what would be a version of me in the story? I’m being self indulgent in this one 🤣🤣 you can make some for people you like also!!
🤔🤔
I can see you as having hair similar to Uma’s. Still brown but with highlights of blue and teals in them. I can also see you as a Kubil and a friend of Uma’s maybe even working in her tavern 🍻 I feel the two of you would get along so well!
I see your damned mark being on your thigh or around your ankle. Though, I think it would also be cool on the back of your hand. 🤔
As for weapons I think you would use whatever is available to you, but would have a dagger or two strapped to your thigh, hidden, so you had the element of surprise!
If you had to make yourself a self insert in your story, just an expression of you in it, what would you be? Like what kind of human/demon/angel, your looks, your weapon of choice, your affiliation etc.
So the very first OC I made was of myself waaaaayyyyy back in like end of elementary school/beginning of middle school. I named myself Kikyu Hikonomi.
I actually have a lot of early artwork of this OC self-inserted with the Naruto characters because I was very into the show then. 😆 🙈
I had black hair, it was short since my hair usually was. My right eye was red and my left eye was blue and I had the powers of fire/ a phoenix.
So, taking all of that and putting it into Wretched & Divine. I would be a Dimian and possibly related to Takashi with my black hair and red eye.
This is fine by me! Hahaha because I would definitely be a Child of the Damned. My damned mark would either be similar to Ishida’s, but it would go all the way up to my neck, or it would be on my neck and span across my shoulder/collarbone.
Being a Dimian works because I’ve always gravitated towards fire magic (despite being a Pisces) so in reality I would more than likely be a Kubil. But Blood magic is so cool! I would wanna be able to do that! 🤣😆 maybe I could be part Dimian and Kubil and that’s why my eyes are different colors!! 🤔🤔🤔
My weapon of choice would be the weapons I gave to Ishida. Twin Kujal blades or even twin daggers like Hein has.
I really want to draw this now….hopefully my sick brain will pass so I can go back to drawing without getting a headache lol
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