JBB: An Artblog!
YOU ARE THE REASON
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Kaledo Art
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shark vs the universe
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@emeraldmoonchild
#Cashbonus #Relax is giving out cash bonus ! Everyone who sees this post can get the bonus! Click the link to get your bonus right now!Ā https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.meditation.deepsleep.relax&referrer=utm_source%3Dcom.meditation.deepsleep.relax_distribute%26utm_medium%3DHyperlink%26utm_campaign%3DuQWYYuid54DuYTCNN3NFvyViV1vcQ9Zz
I'm strong but oh so tired. Sometimes the strength is fake and sometimes it's fierce. Right now it is exhausted and just wants to rest. Being weak is not an option for me no matter how tempting it is. I have to keep fighting for my daughter and for myself. If I don't no one will.
I Can't Want To
I'm trying to want to but I just can't. I'm not up for people or food or family or any other senseless bullshit this "holiday season" is supposed to be about. I just want to be left alone in my misery. Seriously. Leave. Me. Alone.
Finding Peace
After several months of torturing thoughts and painful emotions I found peace today. In tiny ways and various times I experienced the first moments of peace in 10 long months.
It was in the soft rustle of leaves on the gentle breeze. In the quiet chirping of birds in the nearby trees. In the wisps of clouds against the brilliant blue sky. In the cleansing shower with sandlewood and rose. In the first fire on a cool fall night with the silent companionship of my husband and daughter.
In those moments my heart was lightened and my mind was quiet. And it is those moments that I will hold close to me heart as I drift off to sleep tonight. It will remain with me as I start my week and I will draw on their power to keep that tiny flame of peace and light glowing when the dark again tries to swallow me. I'm not okay yet but I'm one step closer.
Life Can Change in a Moment
My last post was over 7 months ago. During that time my mother was admitted to the hospital, we closed on our new home, we moved, my mom passed away and we held her memorial service planting lilacs in her honor.
Itās staggering how much can happen in such a short time. My mother was admitted to University of Michigan Medical Center on February 14th. We closed on our new home on February 15th and began moving in that evening. While holding down a full time job I juggled packing, moving and making the 45 minute drive to Ann Arbor to see my mom. My mom had surgery to remove an intestinal blockage on February 22nd. After surgery we were informed that the cancer had spread through her intestines and there would be no recovery. Ā
We were faced with the difficult task of discontinuing life support per her wishes. On February 23rd the family gathered in her ICU room as the ventilator was shut off and the life sustaining medications were discontinued. She passed peacefully about 20 minutes later surrounded by her loved ones. Itās an experience that I never wished to have and one that will forever be etched in my memory.
My mother was a huge part of my life and I have struggled significantly with deep depression and intense anger. Iāve floundered with finding my footing and the inner peace that is so essential to my well being. I wished myself dead on more occasions that I care to admit if only to erase the heartache that never leaves my chest. Iām sure that my mother is supremely pissed that I would consider death for even a moment.
In order to understand the impact this has had on my life you must first understand the impact that my mother had on my life. I was the youngest of 4 and the 8 year age difference between myself and the next youngest sibling meant that it was just my mom and I for most of my life. She was my biggest fan, my toughest critic, my loudest cheerleader, my foundation and my moral compass. She was not only my mother but my best friend. Her death has taken a portion of my soul that I will never get back and it has left a hole in my being that I have no idea how to fill.Ā
Iām doing my best to take each day as it comes. To handle life within the confines of my new existence. I still have a daughter that depends on me. A husband that loves me. Employees who need my wisdom and guidance. I still have a life to live. My goal is to someday find a way to live again. For now, Iāll settle for making it through one more day.
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Iāve taken an extended sabbatical from social media. My personal life has been a disaster since before Thanksgiving. My mom went into the hospital with chest pains. Just after Christmas she was back in the hospital with severe abdominal pain. CT scan showed a tumor in her stomach. She underwent surgery but they were unable to remove the mass due to its location relative to the main bile ducts and major arteries. Sheās been referred to a surgical oncologist at the University of Michigan Medical Center. We are still waiting for a surgery date.
While we are preparing for her upcoming surgery, weāre also packing up 5 years of our belongings. In January we were notified that the owner of our house has defaulted on their mortgage and we have 15 days to find a place and move.
I received a promotion in September but the stress of the new position is wearing on me when combined with everything else that is going on. Iām once again struggling to find my inner peace. It is drowning in the sludge of daily life. This is partly due to packing away all of my āsuppliesā. I feel like Iāve buried my soul in boxes and packing tape.
Iām pleased to introduce Serpia. My newest rescue baby. He was confiscated by police and turned over to our local humane society who was not set up for his care. After seeing a flyer in a local pet store and visiting him at the humane society I knew I had to bring him home. It was love at first sight. He is the sweetest boy and loves to snuggle. We are letting him acclimate to his new home and so far he seems very content. Iām looking forward to a long and lovely friendship with this beauty. #boarescue
Beautiful harvest moon from last night. So much joy was obtained from photographing the Goddess in all her glory. It brought fantastic peace of mind and facilitated some important decisions. I am at at peace with my choices and I believe that they are in the best interest of myself and my family. Thank you Goddess for clearing my mind and bringing logical thoughts.
This is the face of #fibroflares. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. If you or someone you know suffers from any chronic pain condition, please be loving, kind and patient to yourself and each other. #chronicpainawareness
Reblog if your blog is a safe space for
- witches of color - male witches - lgbtqpiad+ witches - non religious witches - young witches - beginner witches - plus size witches - differently abled/disabled witches - witches suffering mental illness
š ORRICULUMāS SAMHAIN GIVEAWAY š
hi hi!! eeek iām finally doing a giveaway!! winners will be decided October 30th, 2016, Samhain. 12:00 EST. i was gonna sell these as witch kits on etsy but imma do this instead
each lot has in various forms:
1 cast iron cauldron
wooden pentacle
crystal
small glass vials
a ring
a candle
a moleskin notebook
Rules: š BE FOLLOWING MY BLOG Ā š¹ ORRICULUM š¹
š FAVORITE MY ETSY SHOP PLEASE
š Reblog as many times as you like for a chance to win
š Donāt reblog to giveaway blogs please! (Nor tag it as one)
š Winners will be chosen randomly by an online number generator.
š You cannot win more than one lot.
š Make sure to keep your inboxes open so I can let you know!! If no response is received within 24 hours of my reaching out to a winner, another winner will be chosen.
Good morning! On my second cup already. Yep I'm a coffee slut for sure. Drinking in the dark even.
Too Tired
I just don't have the energy anymore. The energy for life. It's gone. I don't know where it went and honestly I'm too tired to care. Nothing matters. Nothing makes a difference. I bust my ass every day and for what. So I can go hungry. So I can struggle to pay bills that puts money into some big corporation's bank account. What's the damn point? My kid starts school in 10 days. Do you think I've been able to buy her a single school item? Nope. Not even a fucking pencil. And guess what. After payday I'll still be broke because I have to pay rent and a vehicle repair. Which means there will still be no groceries in the house and still no school supplies. Oh but we'll have a roof over our heads while we go hungry. I suppose that's something. Fuck it I'm going to bed because who the hell cares anyway.
Hatred for Summer Holidays
I despise summer holidays. Memorial day, July 4th and Labor day. These days are a nightmare for me. Now before I get slammed by my 4 followers, please allow me to explain. It is not because I am unpatriotic or unsupportive (is that a word?) of our military, past, present or future. My hatred is completely unrelated to the sentiment behind these holidays. It is deeply seeded in the toll they take on me spiritually and physically. There are three main reasons that I dread these holidays. They are all connected in a manner of speaking.
First, I am a solitary witch for a reason. In my experience the human race is full of judgemental, self-centered, egotistical, inconsiderate ass hats. I avoid these people as much as is possible. Not all persons but people as a whole. I have some amazing people in my life. Those that are accepting, loving and supportive. Then there are those that think only of themselves and their wants/desires. The second group largely outnumbers the first.
Second, I am an empath. I rarely intrude. I was going to say never but there are times when it is necessary. I have a 15 year old daughter after all. But as a rule, I do not push my way into anyoneās head. Itās rude and violates my beliefs as well as my personality. What does this have to do with summer holidays, you might ask. Well there are more people wandering during this time of year and most of them think too loud.
Third, I am a fibromyalgia warrior. I know youāre thinking, āWhat the hell does that have to do with anything?!ā If you donāt know anything about the condition, this question makes sense. Other warriors already know. Fibromyalgia has many triggers and symptoms including sensitivity to sound, smells, light and emotional stress. The increase in stray thoughts seeping into my head and the number of sights, sounds and smells that come with summer play a huge role in my stress levels therefore impacting my physical well-being.
Now these three things may seem unconnected but lets see if I can connect the dots for you. During the summer holidays people congregate outside. They drink. They play music. They occasionally have arguments. All of this taking place while my windows are open or Iām sitting peacefully on my front porch. More often when I am trying to sleep. Then there are the dreaded fireworks. Yes, I know they are beautiful. They are also loud, bright and smell horrible. Plus they arenāt done until after dark which in my neck of woods is after 10pm and Iām usually in bed.
Are you seeing the connection yet? My neighborhood is usually a quiet and peaceful area inside a decent sized city. Weāre not a metropolitan area but weāre not the sticks either. The summer holidays turn my neighborhood into my own personal hell. It disrupts my peace, my sleep and my thoughts. There is an abundance of sounds, smells, sights and thoughts that intrude into my personal space. During the summer I rarely have peace. I sleep horribly. I have more headaches. More pain. I become tense, anxious, aggravated, irritable and down right mean. This is not me. After all I am Wiccan and peaceful by nature. This is a direct result of the inconsiderate people around me. The ones who are too busy partying to realize that the volume level is higher than some can tolerate. The ones that think nothing of screaming at 2am or blasting their music so loud that it can heard for several city blocks. The ones who shoot off fireworks well into the night.This is the time of year that I wish I lived in a secluded cabin in the mountains where only the sights and sounds of nature can be heard.
While I love my country and have nothing but the utmost respect for our military, I canāt wait for these holidays to be over. When fall begins and the windows close out all of those other people. Where I can regain my balance where I reside. The time of year when my thoughts are generally my own. My feelings are only mine or those of the ones closest to me. Where I can practice my craft in peace and seclusion. When my pain levels off and I once again feel like myself. Is it September yet?
Final 24 hours to get your #WaywardAF merchandise! Join @kimrhodes4 @officialbrianab and theĀ @waywarddaughtersacademy in supporting Random Acts!
@kimrhodes4 I really want a tank but payday isn't until Friday. Why do you do these things to me?! š¢ Any chance there will be an extension?
Violence in the Name of Religion
For centuries there has been violence in the name of religion. There has been religious persecution on this planet since the dawn of man. So many pray for it to end but very few take steps towards that end. Pray, in any religion, is a powerful thing but it doesnāt solve the problem. It may help you to personally come to terms with a tragedy but it doesnāt prevent the next one. We will not have peace until we learn to coexist. We will not experience an end to senseless violence until we love. āGun controlā will not stop a mad man from taking lives. Where there is a will, there is a way. We must teach our children tolerance for otherās religion, sexual preference, gender identity and political views before we can ever hope to raise a generation free of bigotry and hate. We do not have to agree on anything in order to treat each other with respect.
My prayer today is that each person on this planet who is capable of independent thought will reflect on the violence our planet has faced over its entire existence. In that contemplation may they find logic and reasoning. May they come to realize that hate and fear are the root of the violence. May they choose to act in love and acceptance from this day forward. May they find peace within that spreads throughout.
Blessed be.
#Repost @misha mwahahaa! ć»ć»ć» Misha left his phone in my handsā¦. @ruthie_connell mwahaahha go to Tumblr now to tune into our live broadcast!!!
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