Things Said/Heard During Finals Week
“I’m teaching myself French in one night. It’s going great.”
“I love the book on your head.”
“It’s an aesthetic. The cigarettes, the Raisinettes… it’s solid.”
“Oh, thank god, I found a banana in my pocket.”
“It’s… it’s less phlegmy than that. More sensual.”
“That’s a fucking… bird.”
“Oh, I’m paying for my sins. We all are.”
“Nothing matters any more. Do you want ice cream?”
“It’ll all be alright in the end. Depending on how you define ‘alright’ and how you define ‘end.’”
“I haven’t slept all night, I’m vibrating slightly but constantly, and I’m pretty sure I just tasted god. How are you doing?”
“A note to people writing last-minute papers: caps lock might seem like it’s your friend. It isn’t.”
“Chicago-style citations means we don’t put any ketchup on the bibliography page, right?”
“The good news is that GPA is actually pretty insignificant in the face of all of our inevitable deaths, so…”
“God, I wish I had the core strength to consider stripping as a fallback.”
“Lifehack: Sleep when you’re dead. We’re all dead inside already. So sleep whenever.”
“I haven’t seen the world outside the library in so long.”
“It’s like the song says, you know? There’ll be peace when you are done.”