Author Essay for Direct My Wrath
Hi everyone!
This is Emi. It’s lovely to see you all, if you are here from my Fanfic “Direct My Wrath” in FFNet or AOE3, welcome! This is going to be A LONG essay. There will be behind the scenes information, such as: How I structured the story, how I work on the story, research that goes into it and much more. I will also be addressing a particular reviewer from FFNet here as well, so strap in. It’s going to be a ride.
For those who do not know me, I am Emi (Emihkka or Emikka depending on the platform) and I have been a silent shadow reader in the SasuHina fandom for years. Recently, with the encouragement of a really good friend, I emerged from the shadows and began to take an active participation role within it. With their encouragement I also decided to publish my very first fanfic; “Direct My Wrath.” You can find it in FFNet and AO3. In order to provide context without spoiling everything I will be linking to the pertinent chapters that I will be grabbing quotes from so that you can keep track with me.
Now, this story has been rattling in my brain along with others for a very long time, and I prepared for a few months prior to posting the story. A great deal of research went into it. This is a Sasu/Hina/Ita fanfic, without a distinct pairing as of yet. I originally had intended for it to be SasuHina, but as the story progressed I began to lean towards ItaHina, however, at this point I do not see a pairing AT ALL for it. (Hate me for it all you want, but there is an explanation for this).
The story is set in a made up town in Japan, I have not named the town as of yet and it has not been mentioned in the fic, but for the sake of clarity and for the math that will happen in the future let us pretend this is modern day Japan. I used the year of 2022 as the timeline setting so that I could utilize the school calendar to orient myself as far as when things were happening within the story. First I researched the different Holidays and School related dates in Japan for 2022 as you can see below:
Then I decided on relationships. This screenshot is redacted because I am planning on releasing the information later on for fun:
After I had a vague idea of who was who I decided on the chapter titles:
From there, I briefly charted where in the timeline each chapter would be so that I could appropriately decide what went down each chapter:
After I had figured out where in the timeline each chapter fit, I began jotting down notes based on the chapter title and the chronological location of said title, some gave me little direction (Such as Chapter 3 pictured below) and some gave me lots of direction (Such as chapter 10 also pictured below):
From there once I had sufficiently mapped out a few chapters to guide my writing, I began actually writing. Some chapter names changed along the way, some were re-arranged in the timeline and some changed direction all together, as the story began to take on a life of its own. One of the advantages I found doing it this way was that I was able to write out of order, so I could write when inspiration struck based on what I wanted that chapter to be about and how I wanted it to tie to the rest of the story. I wrote for about 2 months before the first chapter was ever posted, so I had plenty of time to go back and rearrange. My beta readers at the time (I love you guys) can tell you that the chapters I originally had and the ones that are posted are quite different. This means that some chapters are written right now (14, 16 and 18 for example) while others I am still working on (Working on 11 right now). I also only have notes up to chapter 26, but it is not the ending, I just am not yet sure where the story will go when I get to that point. This has allowed me immense liberty with changing things, especially when I feel like more explanation or exposition is needed based on the reviews left behind. This also helped because some chapters required a decent amount of research, specially when I talk about things that are technical such as Kyudo, many chapters are littered with translation notes, links and other information that I need to properly depict what I am talking about, even videos so that I can study the movements and accurately represent them in the writing (Like how to traditionally open fusuma and shoji). A simple example is depicted below:
I spoke of Ikebana in that chapter, and while my roommate is Japanese he doesn’t know heads from tails when it comes to flower arrangement. I also engaged in conversation with his mom, grandmother and aunts when I encountered things I didn’t quite understand so that I could write about the culture respectfully.
I prepared floor plans for the main houses I describe (I will post those in due time) so that I could be consistent in my writing, especially when I knew the house would come up more than once in the story.
Now, you must be thinking: “Wow, that is A LOT of research for a fanfic, but why are you telling us this?”
The answer is both simple and complicated. Chapter 8 of the fanfic dealt with some very sensitive topics, such as abuse, neglect and assault both physical and sexual. Please read at your own discretion. I agonized over the chapter, I agonized over the verbiage used in particular because I wanted to depict an abusive situation, a NON-consensual abusive situation, but somewhere I lost my audience. The reactions to the chapter were incredibly divisive and not at all what I expected. So in an attempt to calm the ire of the readers I attached a very succinct author’s note at the start of Chapter 9. However this was not enough to satisfy them, so I then wrote a much more extensive Author’s Note which I posted individually so that people who wanted to read it could and it would not interrupt the experience of those who were there for the story. I thought at the time that I sufficiently got my point across and was delighted to see reviews come in that pertained to the actual chapter as opposed to the author’s note itself. That was until the reviews I will be discussing came in.
Those who know me, know that I am a transparent person, and while I do not like calling people out publicly when its not needed I sadly feel like it is right now, but before I get into the reason why I ended up writing an essay due to those reviews I want to set the stage for you with some math and geographical ideas.
I mentioned previously that this story is set in Japan in an imaginary town. But I took inspiration from real places to help me when doing research. I based the “town” on Hiroo, Azabu, Shoto, Akasaka, and Takanawadai, which are affluent areas in Tokyo. A common feature is that they are up on the hills, so they are spacious and have great views. Naturally the houses are very expensive. They average between $9,000 to $12,000 per square meter, for reference the Uchiha couples house is measured in Tatami, which is roughly 1.62 square meters. Itachi’s house is measured the same way. Since I do have a layout of his already done I can tell you that his home is roughly 101 tatami mats, not counting the engawa and the garden (which would add to the value), please see the math below for the size and price of Itachi’s house based on today’s value per square meter in in Azabu ( ¥1,334,299 ($9,729.96) per square meter)
101 Tatami x 1.62m2 = 163.62m2
¥1,334,299 ($9,729.96) x 163.62m2 = ¥218,318,002.38 or $8,884,207.21
Please note that the Yen to USD conversion rate might change based on the current currency market and these are the conversion rates as of 7/12/2022.
For the place where Hinata ended up living, I based it off of Kabukicho, which is the red-light district in Shinjuku Japan. Right now you can rent an apartment nearby (1 bedroom) for roughly ¥185,000 or $1349.06 based on the floor plan I have given Hinata for her apartment at the time. You can find cheaper ones but they are literally 16m2.
Now the minimum wage in Kabukicho fluctuates but according to one of my friends who lives there he has seen jobs with as little as ¥1000 per hour or $7.29. With that being said, let’s say Hinata made a little more, closer to ¥1300 ($9.48) per hour, she works 40 hour long weeks as she is a full time employee and does bring some tips home. Based on her income alone though, Hinata is making ¥208,000 ($1516.78) a month before taxes and before her tips. Due to her income she would fall under the 10% tax bracket, so 10% of her take home is taxed away (about ¥20,800 or $151.68) leaving her with ¥187,200 ($1365.10). Thankfully she makes tips so lets say that gives her enough to pay for utilities, keep them clothed and with the help of food pantries and other services she manages to keep them fed (This is spoiler territory, so forgive me). Childcare is at minimum ¥20,000 ($145.84) a month, but we knew she had been fortunate as she had Suigetsu and Jugo to help. So let’s assume she paid with her tips and she only paid ¥15,000 ($109.38). I have not yet decided if the apartment included utilities in rent like most other Japanese apartments do, but it honestly would not make that much of a difference. For a visual, see Hinata’s budget below:
Monthly income: ¥187,200 ($1365.10) (After taxes, excluding tips).
Rent: ¥185,000 ($1349.06)
Child Care:¥15,000 ($109.38)
Total expenses: ¥200,000
Let that sink in. Hinata is in the Red every month, without accounting for food or clothing. Japan does not have a tipping culture, but based on where she works I was willing to suspend disbelief and say she was getting tips that were big enough to help her make up the difference and have enough to provide food and clothing. When I had originally done her math I had lowered her rent so that her job would make her enough money to provide without the need for tips, but for the sake of this essay I used real pricing in real estate listings in the area for an apartment that vaguely resembles the one I wrote her in.
Believe it or not, social services are not as easy to access in Japan as you may think them to be, but that would be a whole other essay, there is only one women’s shelter in Tokyo and from what friends have told me it is quite difficult to get in.
All the math and fun bits are over. You are probably wondering why I bored you with that information and I promise it is pertinent, but I just wanted to illustrate the level of research I went through while making the choices I made while writing this story.
Now, Alquiem, I did this primarily to illustrate to you why I made the choices I made. But I also want to take the time to respond to the reviews you left me so that I may clarify again some points you may have missed in my notes.
We will start with this one, you will remember from my note on Chapter 9 that I said the following:
“Your anger towards either character is valid, but I do want to point out one thing: No one is a perfect victim. We cannot invalidate how someone deals with trauma just because it's not how we think they should deal with it.”
Hinata is not a perfect victim. I described what a perfect victim was in my Author’s Note because someone had asked in the reviews, so I thought I would clarify. I understand sometimes we misunderstand things when we read them, and had you left it at that I would have simply moved on, but then you followed that review with this one:
Which I also was happy to overlook, your feelings about Itachi are your own. I did become annoyed with your narrative that Hinata now basically “owes” Itachi for him being there for her and thus she must develop romantic feelings for him. Itachi, in my story, did so because he wanted to, because he cared, and because he loved Haru. He did so without expecting anything in return, because he’s a good person. You, nor I, get to dictate what she misses or doesn’t miss from his home, for all you know at this point in the story Hinata associates her time there as a time where she felt powerless, useless and ashamed. You do not get to define what people view as gratitude, in my story the only thing Itachi wanted was for them to thrive, there is no better way to thank him than by doing exactly that. Now for your sentiment that they need to end up together and go through it together… No, just no. I still haven’t decided which way this is going to go, but trauma bonding is not how I’m going to make that decision. I could have also ignored this review and moved on from it, although I was quite peeved by it. It was as though you had missed the part in my Author’s note where I clearly stated that:
“ I ultimately decided to write a story about how they - as flawed individuals - overcome these circumstances and what they learned from them instead.”
This at no point was meant to hint at a possible relationship. The characters will develop as they will.
Again, that comment alone was not enough for me to really write an essay though, but you did ultimately take the cake by the last comment that you posted:
There is SO much wrong here that I am not even sure where to begin. Let’s start with your points, as you numbered them:
1st Hinata took money and jewelry with her, considering this I think it took a year to spend everything considering the birth, that is, it had only been 4 years since had to look for work.
Hinata was staying in a Motel until she found her job. She worked through her pregnancy. As illustrated previously, I’m unsure how far you thought the money would take her, but a simple cheap motel in Kabukicho averages around ¥5000 ($36.46). Plus food and other expenses. She couldn’t live there indefinitely, and additionally I broke down her expected expenses, she could not have made it without a job. She has been working since before having Haru.
2nd Hinata comes from a morally proud family (that's why she ran away, right?) That's why giving up or prostituting so easily is not... believable, such a level of degradation is or occurs with people who have lived in degrading situations Practically since childhood, in the case of this Hinata we do not have an illiterate or knowledgeless person, unable to think of some alternatives, such as: looking for a shelter for single mothers, doing research work for students, translation or employing where they usually hiring students, being a waitress in a cafe, wow, even illegals get jobs as dishwashers, it's more difficult with a baby, yes, but not impossible, especially for someone you define as proud.
This part, this is really where I have no words for you, so I will regale you with a tale from my youth to illustrate how ignorant this sounds and how wrong this mentality is.
My best friend in highschool came from a rich family, her family lived in what we called in my town “The Street of Dreams.” The houses were easily worth millions of dollars at the time. A silver spoon if I ever met one. She tragically met her end with a drug overdose at the tender age of 17. Now, how did someone like her end up like that? Well, neglect played a huge part, her parents were incredibly busy professionals, but one of our “friends” played a much bigger role. Now this friend spoke 3 languages and was incredibly intelligent and ended up exchanging her body for money so that she could fund her drug habit. Such a level of “degradation” according to you should only be possible if they came from equally degrading circumstances and that is simply not how the world works. How dare you imply that only illiterate and ignorant people have to do anything in their power to survive? That type of thinking is so incredibly biased and classist that I can’t even begin to imagine that you possess a single empathetic bone in your body. This review comes off as ignorant, as classist and as though you took no time to read the story I have been writing and have zero empathy for those who struggle.
such as: looking for a shelter for single mothers, doing research work for students, translation or employing where they usually hiring students, being a waitress in a cafe, wow, even illegals get jobs as dishwashers, it's more difficult with a baby, yes, but not impossible, especially for someone you define as proud.
The average cost of raising a baby in Japan is roughly 29 to 60 million Yen, which is roughly 208k to 400k usd. Not to mention that childbirth alone roughly costs anywhere between 500k yen to 1 million yen (3.5k to 5k usd thank god this is cheaper than in the US.)
Now, what is the difference between Hinata and “illegals” as you so kindly called them (another classist term if I ever heard one.)?
Most undocumented immigrants come into the country without children or babies to take care of and live in adject poverty, just as she was, in order to send money home where the dollar value is higher than the value of their home currency. They often live with many roommates and in incredibly dangerous housing arrangements if they are lucky enough to find a roof to put over their heads. You know what undocumented females have in common with Hinata? A good number of them are subject to sexual violence on their way to the border and beyond. I would put examples and quotes in here, but I will just direct you to the New York’s Time Article titled: ‘You Have to Pay With Your Body’: The Hidden Nightmare of Sexual Violence on the Border. Please read it and many others that outline the violence these women go through just to make it to the US where they hope to build a better life.
I never once said that Hinata in my story was going through what she was going through willingly, in fact I made it clear in the verbiage to state that he was doing this by force. I also clearly stated in my Author’s Note that she was not driven by pride, and there were other feelings motivating her.
Again, as I have mentioned before, I appreciate all criticism that is constructive and comes from a place of having understood the source material (in this case my writing). If I am somehow not being clear enough, then tell me that. I speak 3 and a half languages and have been subjected to violence, I have done things I am not proud of to stay alive, do not tell me that I came from a degrading background since childhood or that I am illiterate or ignorant for letting those things happen and making those choices. Do not tell any woman that has gone through any of the things I have mentioned Hinata going through any of those things. They are heartless and damaging and have no place in my fanfic or the community of people who read my work.
To that guest that said "EVERYTHING the reviewer 'Alquiem' said...PREACH!”
You apparently also didn’t manage to read the subtleties. Again, this might be my fault and a problem with my writing as I may not be getting the point across as well as I wanted to be. For that I apologize.
This is the last time that I will address anything in regards to that controversial chapter or any reviews pertaining to it or my author notes that are not explicitly constructive criticism.
I will say this one last time. While I appreciate and value everyone that reads my fic, you are free to stop at any given time.
Now, I will quickly address the 3 (?) claims that my writing is OOC... That isn’t constructive criticism. You say EVERY character except for some parts of Itachi are OOC, thus far we have encountered Fugaku, Mikoto, Temari, Gaara, Sai, Shikamaru, Naruto, Sasuke, Hinata, Haku, Kisame and Itachi. With the majority of the last chapters being ONLY Hinata and Itachi. While I have agreed that Hinata has been OOC because that was a sacrifice I was willing to make, somehow in the brief appearances of the others you have surmised they are also OOC to collosal degrees. If you really think this to be the case, instead of telling me “This is ooc, it sucks, it ruins all my beloved characters”, tell me what you would rather see, all you are accomplishing is making it harder to write because I second guess every sentence now wondering if I am veering too far from your ideal of a particular character.
I guess I did miss the murdering aspect of Itachi’s personality and the unhinged terrorism of Sasuke’s. Maybe I’ll have them bomb a small village next chapter idk (this is a joke).
Whew, sorry for the essay guys! Hope this helps clear up some things, and helps you understand how much research has gone behind the scenes while working on this fanfic. I do have some additional behind the scenes stuff coming to my tumblr, so please look forward to that!
Much love,
Emi
