Crack, all nonsense, no seriousness in sight (no Rose Landry's were harmed in the making of this drabble):
Marly drags Ilya out Post Hollandry News and they get drunk. Cliff is tipsy, but Ilya thinks anything is better than thinking about Shane with a sober brain so he gets shitfaced. Like, drunker than drunk. So drunk he definitely should've done this at home drunk. This is the hilarity that ensues.
"Come on babe, you've been more than grumpy the whole week. I'm worried about you, Roz." Ilya frowns into the table as Marly pats at him. He really wants a pickle, and now thinking of Hollander with... her is ruining his appetite.
"Fucking Landry," he mutters, but Cliff clearly hears him because he pauses from where he's rubbing his back. Ilya grunts in dissent and the massage continues but Cliff presses on.
"Did you just say Landry? What did she do to you? Does she know Jane? You better not have introduced her to Jane before me or I'll cut your dick off, jerk. Is she Jane? No, she's not your type and the schedules don't line up-"
"She stole my Jane," Ilya sulks and Cliff freezes. Stole. Not is, not talked her out of being with him. Stole. Oh.
Ooooh. Oh hoho, she's so dead.
"What an asshole, who does that?" Ilya mumbles his agreement into the table as Cliff pulls out his phone and begins typing up a storm. The team group chat was relatively dead due to it being 11pm on a Saturday with the sane people of their group sleeping or chilling at home. The bomb Cliff just dropped changed that really quick.
"Your Jane isn't in the clear just so you know. Why the hell would she leave you for Landry? I'm sure she's a good lover but you're you! What's she got that you don't?" And now Cliff is stewing on Ilya's behalf.
Landry had a lot of fucking nerve. She had Hollander and she had to take Roz's girl too? This is a level of greed even he doesn't think he'd bank on. And it's nothing to do with her apparently being bi. He'd be happy for her if she didn't ruin a relationship that made his best friend smile like he'd been personally gifted the sun.
Ilya was one of the best guys he knew. Yes, he's a brat on the ice, but anyone with a brain that spent more than five minutes with him in person could tell it was mostly all bark.
He was kind, funny, and the hottest person on their team. And he was a pretty decent cook! If he showed Jane even half of what Cliff knew about him, she's batshit for ditching him for anything less than not being in love with him after all, which Cliff still thinks is insane, but that's not the point.
And poor Hollzy! That's if he doesn't know his girlfriend has a side piece. Either way, he's not letting this shit slide. Landry can face the consequences of her actions with her first scandal and see how she feels about her life being blown up.
Connors is being reasonable and suggesting they wait until the morning to act upon anything, but Cliff's too angry to take his advice. He's on twitter within the minute and the post is up. The retweets from some of the guys follow immediately and Cliff finally turns his phone off as he hauls Roz up so they can walk back to his, the Russian muttering about freckles and pickles the whole way.
@ peakmarly yo landry, wabna tell th e ppl abt ur habit of homewrcjig?
| @ bearsbunny help is he drunk genuinely what is bro on abt😭
| @ rozrules I think he's trying to say homewrecking?? Cliff, quick, chug some water and finish spilling the tea. What did she do I thought she was cool, especially for bagging Hollander.
| @ hollanovtruth I'm gonna start a rumor
| @ bearsbunny not right now user hollanovtruth
| @ rozrules aye why did half the team just fucking repost, yo what? rose, babe what did you DO😭🙏
It's safe to say that Ilya stays far away from alcohol for a bit after this one. At least he got his pickle.
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