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@emilyandjamieeeee
Happy Birthday Emily.
Happy birthday my love. I do not know what I can write this time. My heart is heavy with the sincere hope that you are much happier than you have ever been. Please be happy. Please be loved.
I love you. Please take care, and have a wonderful birthday.
Happy Birthday, Gillian.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday my lovely Gilliannnn...
Happy Birthday to you.
And manyyy mooorreeeee.
I love you, I love you, I love you. Make it a good one, yeah?
So, it’s been a year.
I’m making this post a year after I made my last post, so.... Maybe you won’t read it? Maybe you’ve both forgotten about this silly little boy and you’ve gone off to live wonderful lives, as I genuinely hope you have. I just... I love you both so much and I want the two of you to be the happiest you can ever be. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by the love you show me, and It feels like my lungs are going to overflow and I’ll never breathe again, but it’s in a good way? Like my heart feels tight in my chest and my stomach gets all twisted up and it’s just.... good. It’s great. You’re great. I can’t ever express how much I love you both and it just breaks my heart because I truly hope you know and I hope you can feel it seeping into your bones when you go to sleep and I hope you always wake up happy, even if it’s difficult.
I’m rambling. Sorry. Recently with these past few posts I’ve just written what I felt and left it. I hope that’s alright with you two. I’m kind of making these in a jumbled order. I don't know.
I just wanted to say that I love you and I simultaneously hope you’ve forgotten me and that you think of me every day. It’s a difficult emotion. I don’t want you to hurt, but I want you to remember that I love you. I will always love you. Both of you. More than I could ever say and more than you will ever know.
I hope you are both happy and love yourselves as much as I do. I hope that you are both full of joy and love and hope for the future. I hope so much for you. So much.
I love you.
Yours, Jamie
(To anyone who sees this, could you please do me a favor and tell Inabilities or Araachnooid that I posted this for them? Thank you so much.)
Gillian
Hello dearest :)
I hope you are well. Still writing fan fictions I hope? I wish you let me read them. I'm sure they are as wonderful as you are. Still in love with that drawing pad you got for Christmas? You seemed so happy about that, and you're such a wonderful drawer :) Such a competition.. I still claim that you beat me on that competition of Iron man. Silly goose.
Well I just wanted to drop in... Say hello to you.. See how you are. I hope you and Emily are close. Hope you haven't forgotten me haha. Or maybe I hope that you have? I don't know.. I'm just rambling.. But that's what we always do. Ramble.
I'm really gonna miss you guys. I hope you've found someone to be close to. A best friend. Someone to love.
I know this isn't my usual letter style but if it's to you, i feel like it should be written in the same way we used to message each other. Just saying whatever's on our minds. I hope you still send me messages when you're not feeling so great. Or when you're feeling fantastic. I'm always here to listen.
I hope you both know that if It's possible for me in any way, that I am still watching over you. Can't expect me to leave you guys alone? I'm here to shield Emily from the rain at night and protect you from the boys that keep chasing you. Don't worry, I'll protect you.
Always and forever loving you beautiful women- Jamie.
(Dear anyone who reads this, please let araachnooid know that I've left this letter for her. Thank you so much.)
Emily.
I hope this works. I don't know how many people are following this blog right now, but I know it's not many. This is to you. For your birthday. 20, are you? Wow you're old, honey. I hope you are well. I hope you are a million days clean and you haven't had a bad thought in weeks. I hope you and Devon are still together. His name was Devon right? I'm a little forgetful right now. I need you to keep smiling, okay? That smile got me through so many days. It's like medicine. I always thought you were just the most beautiful thing. I've never seen anyone as stunning as you, and i never will. Your heart was like a beacon of joy and i will always love you for that. My bunny. Hunnybunny.
I wonder if you miss me. Do you think about me? I hope they're good thoughts. I hope i didn't destroy you and your life when I left. I only want the best for you. I'm sorry i never said goodbye, i just thought you would blame yourself. I know if you woke up to one of those messages you would hate yourself for falling asleep. I didn't say goodbye to anyone. Not a soul. Not Olivia, not Julia, not Gillian, not my mum, not anyone. I didn't ask for help. I didn't reach out near the end. I didn't tell anyone my plans. I did it because I was tired and broken and no matter how much of your love was given to me, I could never be fixed. I love you so much, and I appreciate everything that you have done for me. You did so much. more than anyone else ever has. You are my best friend, and I'm sorry I left you. I hope that answers a lot of your questions.
Do you and Julia talk at all? I told her to make sure you and gillian were ok through it all. To keep you and her close. You both love each other so much but you just don't talk to each other. Talk to one another, you will learn some surprising things. You both want the other one to be happy, and you both want the other one to talk to you, but somehow when and if you two ever do converse it never does come up. Befriend each other, don't just be sisters. I love you two most of all. I cherish you and your laughter. I miss skyping with you ladies. That was so fun. Most fun ive had in years. I wish we did it more often. Tell Gillian her laughter sounds like Christmas bells and she should laugh more than she does.
Bunny, I love you. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you please never forget that. I never want to hurt you. I know I said I would never leave but I cant do this anymore. I'm so sorry. Please be okay. I love you so much. I hope Alex and Rosie are up there waiting for me, if they are I promise I will take such good care of them. I'll tell them all about their princess mommy who has hair like Rapunzel, skin like snow white and eyes like Cinderella. They will know you, I promise.
I don't know how to end this letter, but I hope you are having the best birthday you could have ever dreamed of. I also want you to know that julia doesn't have the password to this blog, so if you ever need to talk to me in a way that just talking to the ceiling cant do, you can always send a message over here. I'll be watching and listening, I promise you. I love you so much. unconditionally and irrevocably.
So much love sent to you, Jamie.
I don't know who's going to read this, but who ever does, tell inabilities (if that is still her username) to read this. Thank you very much.
Dear Emily,
You never fail to make my day better. Not once have I talked to you and felt worse afterwards than I did beforehand. Whenever we talk, I always come away feeling better, even if it's only the slightest amount. I don't know what you do, or how you do it, but you never fail. Thank you, for being you.
Dear Emily,
I don't know what I'd do without you. Honestly, I have absolutely no clue how I would get by. I know people generally say that and don't actually mean it, I mean of course someone could get on with their life without one little person. Yeah, we'll they're wrong. I need you. Youre like water. I might be able to live without you for a few days. It would suck really badly, but maybe I could do it. Maybe even a week. But by then I'd be absolutely miserable. And soon enough I'd just die without you. Realistically, I doubt I could go more than a few days without you, let alone actually live the rest of my life without you in it. I can't even imagine, or want to imagine, a world that doesn't have you in it. You mean the world to me and I will never express the full extent of my feelings to you. I can try my very best, and tell you every single day how much I need you in my life, how proud I am of you, how beautiful you are, how much I love you. I could tell you every second, and spend my every breath trying to get that across I you, but I will never succeed. Love your way, Jamie.
Dear Emily,
You're such a cutie. I mean I don't understand how someone can be so beautiful and mature, but also have such an adorable childish nature about them. Most of the time when the term 'childish' is used, it's not meant in a good way, but in this instance it is meant in the most complimentary of ways. You once told me that you were embarrassed by how you try to hold on to a childhood you never had. Having beanie babies, wearing a crown on your birthday, along with other things that people have deemed to be childish. Honestly, I think It's precious. Sure, it might be what some people call 'immature' or something of that nature, and it is childish. But not childish in a bad way? In a kind way. A way in which it is visible that you are a kind hearted person. People have hurt you, but that doesn't make you a bad person, like it would other people. Somehow, it hasn't and I cannot express to you how grateful I am of that. You're such a beautiful person. I know I tell you that you are beautiful pretty much every day, but I don't think you full understand what I mean. When I'm calling you beautiful i mean that you are absolutely drop dead gorgeous, but you're also sweet and humble and you're absolutely hilarious. You are a beautiful person. An adorable person. And I love you for it.
Love your way,
Jamie.