EmSudoPoetry

Writing, photos, life

[emilysudopoetry]

The difference between women and men may just be, the ability to pull out all of the dishes to just to put one dish away correctly, and men who will undoubtedly just shove it in.

[emilysudopoetry]

My kids will never know a love so young,

That they are forced to let go so early,

That it burns them eternally

Leaving them to believe

That true love would ever

Let go

Without coming home the next morning

Would ever say they promise

Without committing

Would ever say your theirs

Without providing stabilty.

They may also never know a love so strong

It leaves their soul

Eternally searching

For home

[emilysudopoetry]

Nothing in my life,

Will ever amount to

Your hands around my face,

Tears falling from your eyes,

Screaming

"You don't think it hurt me, watching someone else fall in love with you?"

Your hands slipping,

Into my hair,

Both of us slamming

Against an old already broken door,

Holding up two almost perfect lovers

[emilysudopoetry]

I went through my whole life knowing it wasn't any one,

If it wasn't you.

[emilysudopoetry]

Every decision we make together

Leads to consequences I face alone

While you keep promising

I keep breaking

Completely alone

Not from lack of asking

But your lack of desire for us.

[prosebyday]

I’m a better lover to myself than you ever were to me I make the best coffee for myself in the morning I keep myself warm at night, snuggled up in blankets I worked on the lawn and garden today I cook myself meals from homegrown veggies I’ve spent all week since I sent you away cleaning the house and it’s so much easier just doing everything I asked of you by myself, then waiting for someday when you might do it,  because someday never comes.  I do everything you did for me without the resentment you showed me because I love myself enough, I see my worth, I don’t resent me like you do and I still have so much time on my hands to be a person,  instead of taking on the burden of your emotional needs.  I can’t be a therapist, a mother, a provider each day to my partner.  I can do so much more for myself with that time and energy.  I love you and I deserve so much more.

August 19, 2023 // Grazia Curcuru

[emilysudopoetry]

When I think about home,

Once in a while,

I think about how much we loved that tree,

The huge, overbearing branches, the way they wrapped us up in comfort,

And had us dreaming of raising our babies, and what ifs, just from that old beautiful, sad, lonely tree,

Just waiting for the day that hugs, kisses and laughter filled its branches again,

A day when kind words whispered yet again

And when the wind blows through the branches now you're gone and the whispers an echo,

I wait for the repeats in my dreams, reminding me that we both found love in that big sugar maple

[nothingatallinthenight]

Trying hard against the night-red silence

Feet on the floor bare like a dream in reverse; a handful of nights in a row raw around the edge like a rose stem;

I leave signs & echoes of myself all over the place, I don't always mean to; last night I dreamed that any and all signs of what we had for each other just sort of, poof --

were jerked out of existence by an invisible, unmitigated, uncompromising, unsympathetic hand.

What kind of power could do that?

I couldn't find your number anywhere, any and all directories on this earth; I couldn't remember your email address of all things; I tried driving to your old house but all the trees had been changed and had doubled anyway in the intervening lifetimes of a single horrible drawn-out year (remember 2020? it's August three years later, now). We all still carry the same November fears, the same smoke in our lungs; the same charred livers of our defunct addict bodies.

Love leaves the way the dark does this whole terrible protracted ugly summer.

[emilysudopoetry]

I've never felt more lonely,

Then when you say "I love you"

Knowing you're walking out that door

Smiling

While I'm trying to hold together all the pieces of home,

While mine is so far away

[emilysudopoetry]

If a man ever looks at you,

So seriously, That he had to look away,

cheeks clenched, puckering,

Just to hold back the tears,

Just know that you were worth every single second,

Of that shitty decision

That that man made.

[emilysudopoetry]

It's not about the passion,

Or lack there of-

It's about the desire, the way it would fill your eyes, forcing your hands

Up my skirt

So effortlessly

It was about the control,

The way you had none, when it came to me

The way grab me, forcing me, the kind of girl who's free will could conquer countries, feeling powerless to the poison

That I wouldn't call passion

[emilysudopoetry]

Your kids are playing in the sink,

"I know, I put the towels down."

Your kids are doing flips on the bars,

"I know, I put the mats out."

Your kids are yelling in the store,

"I know, they're checking their echo."

You're kids want to hold my hands,

"I know, they're seeing if you'll let go."

Your kids are arguing with you,

"I know, they're testing their boundries,"

Your kids are touching us,

"I know, they need to feel that you're safe."

Your kids are doing things kids do,

"I know, they're doing things kids do."

Your kids are wild,

"I know, they're free."

[emilysudopoetry]

And through the winds, the whistles, and her wishful words she just waits,

Knowing your coming home.

[emilysudopoetry]

humanity and moms

Exhausted and out triumphed,

Waiting for another day when she can feel human,

Piss, shit, and bleed alone,

Without someone starring her square in the vagina, asking her why;

She bleeds for those she loves, and keeps fucking going,

Despite the fact she hasn't showered in a week, or ate a warm meal in five years,

She sits hoping for a glimmer of humanity, as her ovary explodes, she collapses in pain, and falls to the floor, begging for humanity,

Hoping for one second alone, to regain composure,

So her children don't know, she's

begging, for just one second, to be

Human.

[emilysudopoetry]

I have loved you

To the point of my heart strings tearing--

Like those of a well plaid guitar

Exausted from entertaining

The idea

That you no longer pick me.

[emilysudopoetry]

the circus

I thought of joining the circus,

It seems I already had,

The elegance of the elephant, the roaring of beautiful cats,

The same roars that exist in the souls of the young, before they were worn out from the illusions of life

And like the innocence of onlooking passerbys, and sweet children smiling,

Our hearts were full of love, eyes glistening with wonder,

That even we forget to remember,

It was all just was all a mirage of the heart.

[emilysudopoetry]

Nothing eats at your heart faster than loneliness,

The fear, the hope, the constant throbbing that pagans you and leave you desprate,

For one glimpse,

Of something that matters more than the hurt,

Of someone to hold you and say that they understand,

Of someone to kiss you through the breakdown,

And hold you tight when it's over,

Murmering, "I told you so." At the mere thought that it would be ok.