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This is my Day One of trying to believe more in myself.

I’m turning 24 this year. But at times, I still think I haven’t done anything commendable.

Where is this pressure coming from? I guess it’s my past self believing I could achieve everything in my mid 20s.

But we’re in no position to panic. Other people’s lives may be fast pacing but mine’s a different ride.

Slowly, we’ll get there…

Even when life sometimes discourages us.

suenghun

𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒎 :: 𝐘𝐄𝐃𝐀𝐌

Song Jae Rim could play off as my husband for 50 years and I'd never complain!!!

#song jae rim #jae rim song #sexy husband #hubby material

Finding God in the midst of depression

Once upon a time, everything in my life became pitch black: career, emotion, mentality, spirituality, you name it, it wrecked the hell out of me. It was so dark I couldn't sense the people around me; even I had no idea if I was still alive.

HOW MESSED UP MY LIFE WAS

I had no sense of time--whether it was already Monday, or lunch time, or it's 4 a.m., I didn't give a damn as long as the clock was ticking for other people's lives.

The food I ate seemed so unfamiliar. My palate was never satisfied no matter how much food I put into my mouth. Even when I had few people eating beside me for the sake of sharing our time, I couldn't stress enough how bad it was to dislike the food I used to eat.

Being sad is an overstatement.

It was so difficult to get out of the bed and take a shower. It was damn hard to deal with your physical changes especially the acne breakouts, hair losses, and weight gain.

It was freaking hard to pretend that I was cool.

The hatred for myself fueled even more because of spending 12 hours and more on social media. Self-pity, insecurity, shame--these guys taught me how to eat up my brain slowly. And they would constantly remind myself that I was a failure and nobody cared about me.

THINKING IF PEOPLE EVER BOTHERED

And lately I've just begun to realize the red flags. Nobody asked in the family if I was okay. They thought I was going through it easily and successfully. Maybe because I'd still talk and eat? Maybe because I'd still try to meet friends outside? Maybe these were the reasons why they did not bother checking up on me. Or maybe they were afraid to hurt my feelings. I don't know. Maybe because my mouth was too quiet for them to wake up and say, "Let's go to the doctor." Perhaps they were indenial that I was depressed, just like I was indenial of myself, too.

FINDING LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE

And one day, the emotions got the best of me. I started to bawl my eyes in frustration and hopelessness. I started to yearn for somebody's approval and reassurance that everything's gonna be fine. But people's advices didn't give the answers that I needed.

Until I met God.

I found Him. Or it might be the other way around. Just when I thought I would be stuck in this situation for a very long time, He pulled me out of it and brought me to a place out from the wickedness--to a place where my heart was yearning for.

The first start of our relationship was full of adjustments. There were temptations, moments of doubt, and afloat questions. It was never easy but He sure knew what He was doing in my life.

He slowly gained my trust to believe in Him again through spiritual means. It was like a fulfilling situation where I felt reconnected to the Almighty God after so many years of being a lukewarm Christian. I found the Bible as one way to communicate each other aside from prayers. The Scripture helped me tremendously to get to know Him and the Lord Jesus. And everytime I hear the Word of the Lord, surely I would feel the Holy Spirit blessing my soul and earthly body; I get goosebumps and, most of the time, get in tears.

HOW GOD MOVED MY LIFE AND MADE AN IMPACT

Knowing God, His promises and graciousness towards us, humans, felt overwhelmingly good. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was a huge blessing that came upon my life. It brought me vast knowledge and understanding about His unconditional love for me. It brought me new perspectives to live my life according to His will. He changed me. And knowing that He is my savior and my refuge, I do not have to worry about what other people might think or say about me, because He taught me how to value my life while I still have the chance to before I get judged in the afterlife.

Meeting God was a great blessing. And I've just realized that there never was a time when my despair wasn't noticed. He knew it was gonna happen in my life, and He used such depressing situation to change my life and go back to His arms again.

#thank god #godislove #testimony #bible #scripture

Song Jae Rim, the boyfriend material.

#song jae rim #jae rim song #ulzzang

fyeahrpmemes-blog

Reblog if its okay to message you on anon until I am comfortable enough to reveal myself to you

rowoonie

mom i love him

youngtiffany

park bom x mamamoo all the way +

emjaisy

aaacckk 😭

Do you feel lonely even when surrounded by people?

"How long must you wait for it?"

- Coldplay

#coldplay #in my place #song lyrics #lyric quotes

An open letter to universe

[TRIGGER WARNING!!! The post might be triggering for people who suffer from mental illnesses.]

Dear universe, I feel so very disheartened, discouraged, extremely miserble, anxious, and fucked up today. There is a lot more pressure from the problems arising in my life. My whole body wants to cry, but for some odd reason, it doesn't; it just can't anymore.

Thinking about the times, I feel like I've wasted all of my energy into nothing. And I can't believe I'm losing the battle. How many times have I convinced myself that everything will be alright? How many months have gone that I started to feel insecure about everything? How many ways have I thought to end my life just to stop thinking about my issues?

I've searched for validations and confirmations, but the comforts I receive from my boyfriend are mere plasters and band-aids to temporarily heal my sadness. There are too many thoughts going on in my mind every day and I've become too sensitive to situations, I admit. I feel like everyone has forgotten about me. Have I become a bubble to my friends? Have I become a nobody to them?

It suffocates me everytime I wake up thinking it's a never ending loop. I struggle to get up, but trust me, I've always tried my best to get out of this misery. It's just that you are being too cruel and selfish to opportunities.

Dear universe, I always pray to be better. But it only gets worse everyday.

#open letter

Normalize mental health awareness

Same mental health issue. Same entertainment company. Does this ring a bell?

This is the disturbing world of Korean entertainment. Your idols might be suffering the same, too. Let's be more observing. Check your friends from time to time, too.

Rest in peace, Sulli.

#sulli #f(x) sulli #jonghyun #r.i.p #rest in peace sulli