An Absolute Shit Show

She/her |Leo I promise I didn’t take anything I just have Emmett cullen energy 🦞✨

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

if you refuse to get the vaccine the government should sneak into your room after you go to sleep and take out the little chip in your neck that makes the supermarket doors open when you go near them

[emmettsleftnut]

The Cullens do Halloween

Happy Spooks, since I haven’t posted in a while here is what the Cullens would dress up as for Halloween :))

Emmett: The guy from midsommar in the bear suit

Rosalie: Florence Pugh covered in flowers (to match Emmett obvi)

Alice: I feel like she would wear a super detailed fairy costume

Jasper: He would dress as a vampire because he and Bella thought it was funny

Bella: Would dress as Dracula to match Jasper

Edward: said dressing up is stupid and cried over Bella matching Jaspers costume instead of not dressing up with him

Esme: Marge Simpson

Carlisle: Wasn’t super hype about dressing up but went as Homer because Esme was excited

Youre welcome

[cherrybuttermilk]

want to fall asleep under the stars(no bugs)

[inthetags]

reblog and put an explanation of the last photo in your camera roll in the tags

[sasukesun]

he’s a fictional character to you, i know him personally

[plutothewitch]

september will be kind. september will be magical. september will bring the missing energy. september will be working towards our goals and self. september will be a month full of growth.

[emmettsleftnut]

I love to think that Bella got two glasses for her and Edward, one that says ‘sexiest wife’ and the other that says ‘hottest husband’

She gave the sexiest wife glass to Edward but he said ‘I’m not a wife’ and refused to drink from either because he thinks it’s weird

Bella and Emmett now have matching glasses, Bella’s says ‘Hottest Husband’ and Emmets says ‘Sexiest Wife’

they use these every meal time

[emmettsleftnut]

I forgot they were vampires my bad

[prompts-in-a-barrel]

“I can’t believe you’re going along with her.”

“It’s none of your business, okay?”

“Maybe it isn’t. I just don’t understand what you get by coddling her so much. She’s a terrible friend to you.”

[emmettsleftnut]

Alice @ Bella about Jessica

[teamjacobthot]

im not even trying to be funny but the serious ass long ass thinkpieces floating on here abt how edward cullen somehow deserves better are the best display of satire I’ve seen in the fandom bc like…… that pasty mf is already smeyers fictional bf and he’s highly praised nearly every time he’s mentioned in bella’s narrative! literally what more could y’all want lmfao

[geezerwench]

Maybe edward deserves what he wants: humanity, aging, sickness, and death.

[teamjacobthot]

king shit

[cheaphalloweencostume]

you guys dont know what a himbo is anymore. youve lost sight. you cant just call every man you like a himbo. theres nuance

[guccixcucci]

Y'all follow me after one good post and then you get stuck with nonsense

[emmettsleftnut]

I love to think that Bella got two glasses for her and Edward, one that says ‘sexiest wife’ and the other that says ‘hottest husband’

She gave the sexiest wife glass to Edward but he said ‘I’m not a wife’ and refused to drink from either because he thinks it’s weird

Bella and Emmett now have matching glasses, Bella’s says ‘Hottest Husband’ and Emmets says ‘Sexiest Wife’

they use these every meal time

[mischiefhasbeenmanaged]

Lily: *holding baby Harry* It’s a bit odd. He never cries

Sirius: No it’s not. My cousin Bellatrix was born with a full set of teeth. That’s odd

[emmettsleftnut]

I can just imagine Bella waking up during the night with some sort of vampire question, driving over to the Cullens place and walking into the door before yelling “Hey! Does a persons blood type make them taste different?!” She hears Jasper yell “Yeah” from the lounge and immediately says “Aight sick thanks” and drives back home to Charlie’s before going back to sleep, this happens often

[twilight-mademegay]

Bella at 2 am: Can you what someone's blood type is based in how they taste? Do all Type Os taste the same?

Jasper somewhere in the house distantly: Depends on their iron levels.

Bella: Do anemics taste like the diet version of blood like sodas?

Emmett on the other end of the house: Yeah!

Edward right next to Bella on his knees begging: Please go to sleep Bella we have school tomorrow.

[emmettsleftnut]

Look I’m not trying to hype myself up… but I am actually this is the best post I’ve made to date

[emmettsleftnut]

Someone: Idk I didn’t like that post

Me: ok what are you gonna do? Unfollow me?? Haha loser wait no please don’t hold on

[toxictwilight]

All the vampires after gathering in Breaking Dawn:

[jasperwhitcock]

how this man gonna use pomegranate seed as a metaphor like bitch when was the last time u even had a pomegranate? 1918? shut up