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[bonnieternal]

[emoherauoy]

The Isolation Journals - Day 06

Close your eyes. What do you see?

I see light - maybe that is nothing, but maybe that is everything? I have seen the dark. So maybe it is everything. 

[emoherauoy]

The Isolation Journals - Day 03

This place is foreign to me - it hasn’t housed me in this state before. The windows usually open, but unnoticed. I often walk through this place, but never stay in it, and now it is my home. Most days, as I work, it is my home. It has its own life force now, powerful in ways I never knew. It gets the light other rooms do not get. It doesn’t face the TV, which is a blessing and a curse some days. 

I look out the window, to a courtyard I have walked through before, but never observed. It is peaceful, but has a life to it that can only be understood from this view. I wonder about others who have looked on, wondered. Is this my home now?

[emoherauoy]

The Isolation Journals - Day 02

Fine. I am Fine.

How often do we say that from a place of honesty? How often from a place of wishful thinking? Which is really more powerful? Is being fine really a feeling we have or a feeling we wish for? 

Fine. I am Fine.

[emoherauoy]

The Isolation Journals

http://suleikajaouad.com/the-isolation-journals

[wishbzne-deactivated20210526]

plainwater: essays and poetry — the interviews (III), anne carson

[emoherauoy]

[emoherauoy]

[emoherauoy]

I loved you. I loved you. I loved you. It never mattered.

[desflorecia]

[thingsiwisheditoldyou]

I’d never wanted anything so bad, as I wanted you that night. The way your hand hung beside mine after you would run it through your hair. The way you would lay low in your chair so that when you laughed I could feel it move through me; just like the goosebumps. The way you would look over at me during a really funny part and smile, it made me want to melt. You had my heart already, and you may have known it right then If the theater wasn’t so dark. It hid all the small parts of me that were a dead giveaway, like my hand that hung so close to you, but just far enough that you couldn’t feel it. The way my eyes would dart to you every once in a while just to see you smile. The way my body leaned towards yours and my feet crossed in your direction. The way that I would sweep my hair from my face so that it hung across your arm. The way my heart was beating louder than any laugh in the theater that night. I tried to get inside your head right there, see if I could feel the rapture in your heart as well. All I felt though was sadness, because here I was sitting as close as I could to this boy, this beautiful boy who I loved, and I knew that it was the closest I would ever get.

[thingsiwisheditoldyou]

What you never understood is that I don’t want you to miss me. I don’t want you to stop calling because it’s too hard and then send me drunken messages about how we used to be. I don’t want to be someone you slowly forget. What I want is to be yours. To be so irrevocably yours that missing me is not an option. You won’t forget me because we’d be together. I don’t want your promises, I just want you. Missing me means nothing when I know you don’t have to. I could be in your bed, beside you forever, but instead you are missing me. You are missing me because you can’t promise me forever and I don’t want to have you now, if tomorrow you are gone.

[emoherauoy]

I know I was a lot of things. But I am good and I am grounded.

The National, ‘I Need My Girl’

[coral]

And in the end, I’m still hoping it’s you and me.

(via coral)

[emoherauoy]

Go to New York... Although it was my handwriting, the words were hers, whispered in the air all around me, breathing in the land rushing past, and they filled my chest with a buoyant kind of pain, a lover's keepsake that I would carry for the rest of my life, guiding me toward an impossible atonement. ...know that I loved you.

Mindy Mejia, Everything you want me to be

[emoherauoy]

You were the boat that breached In a tale of Conrad's Oh I loved you with the good and the careless in me But it all goes back

Ben Howard, “Conrad”

[wnq-writers]

i tried. i tried so hard, you have to believe me, i tried with everything in me. i wanted it to be you, on sunday afternoons. i wanted it so badly to be your name written over and over on the margins of my notebooks. i wanted it to be you for as long as possible. i wanted it to be perfect; no hurt, no faults. you have to believe me, i tried so hard.

writersforgays, writing prompt #67: write about an almost relationship, which broke your heart (via wordsnquotes)