god i love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home
Today's Document
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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$LAYYYTER
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
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I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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@emokimk
god i love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home
unfortunately you weren’t as excited about me as I was about you.
I can’t wait for the weekend
I want to go out
I want to drink
I want to do drugs w my friends
I want to people watch with my friends at emo night on saturday
I want to chain smoke outside KFN
I want to feel at ease
I want to feel at peace
maybe there’s a better outlet
maybe I shouldn’t do this
maybe I shouldn’t be looking forward to this
but this is what I want
but this is the only way i’ll ever believe people like me
but this is my escape
every time you leave I rip holes into my skin
all i’ve ever wanted was someone to love me as soon as they saw me
I want someone to see me and get butterflies from day one
I want to be someone’s first something
i’ll never be first
i’ll never be number one
I crave for someone possessive
I crave for someone to be obsessed
I crave for someone who’s never felt this way for anyone except for me
I want to feel special
I want to be loved
but i’ll always be used
and maybe i’d rather be used than to feel special and loved because i’m scared
because no one will feel that way with me
my life lately in pictures, esp I lost SO much weight. I was blonde for a lil and i miss it.
you called me
I clenched my fists
I stopped my tears
I counted the rings before I decided to pick up
as soon as i picked up, you asked me if I was ok, a stupid question nonetheless
“ok next question”
you told me about what’s been going on, Em told me about the teeth problems, but I couldn’t tell you she knows about whatever is going on
“i’m free tomorrow, let me call you on your break, I just wanted to hear your voice and let you know we can talk then”
it was silent, I asked why does it feel like he’s making an appointment with me? he didn’t say.
he probably wants me to be prepared or something or another
he knows my schedule, I know his, i’m not sure why he did this 
it was simple and quiet.
we hung up and we’ll never have sex played by leith ross:
“Depollute me, pretty baby
Suck the rot right out of my bloodstream
Oh, dilute me, gentle angel
Water down what I call being grateful
… Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me
Not to take me home
It was simple, it was sweetness
It was good to know
… You look perfect, you look different
I don't wonder about your indifference
If I said you could never touch me
You'd come over and say I looked lovely
… Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me
Not to make me cry
It was simple, you are sweetness
Let's just sit a while
… Depollute me, gentle angel
And I'll feel the sickness less and less
Come and kiss me, pretty baby
Like we'll never have sex”
it’s a song that reminds me of you.
you never suspected anything else or wanted anything other than to just kiss me.
my delusion is coming back of you over a 15 minute phone call
and I hate it
if I would i’d go back to the first time you kissed me and rip your hands that you gently placed around my neck
i’d knock you down before you picked me up because of our height difference and you liked when I wrapped my legs around you
you told me you would leave
you told me you loved me
you told me you might always love me
you told me you’re jealous of any and every man that came before and after you
I told you there wouldn’t be anyone after you, you could use me for all I care as long as I got to be with you
I told you that you were my favorite person, we shared our mutual love for mystery science theater, they might be giants, you got my homestar references and other weird niche things/bands
we used to stare at each other at your work till one of us cracked up and for some reason I thought those moments were so cute - i’d text you to tell you to stop staring at me, you’d say you couldn’t help it.
I miss watching you get jealous, denying it, then admitting to it later that night. I miss making faces at you every time a guy came up to me and you walking by and saying “none of these guys even stand a chance with your little ass”
our mutual friend said she could tell you loved me when she asked how I was and the reaction on your face. she said when you talk about me you’re so loving and gentle - it’s hard to hide that when you love someone.
I miss you, there’s things that happen that I know only we’d find funny.
I miss you, our inside jokes still make me cry from laughing and no one would probably find them as funny as we do.
All of this was an illusion
it was never real
it was something you planted in my head that we had, something that wasn’t steady, something that you spoon fed me for 3 years
what happened when you yelled at me infront of people? when you made me cry and told me it wasn’t a big deal and I sat outside the bar in the rain crying to myself?
what happened when I got punched by the guy and I called you only for you to hang up on me?
what happened when those times you promised me things and it crumbled in my face and you acted like they never happened?
what happens now?
what happens when Ive had enough? when ive been crying myself to sleep since september?
what happens when I stop catering to you?
what happens when the person I created in my head goes away for good and I realized what i’m left with?
i’m left with someone who I wanted you to be, that person in the beginning that you painted yourself to be.
that person still exists in my head, and I want them gone.
you are not my perfect match
I am not your person
All I want in life is to be someone’s everything
Good night, Odango.
I remember the time I thought I met the love of my life.
It was mid August 2015
This is hardcore just ended
I met a boy who I knew for 4 years online, irl
I remember thinking he was so cute
I remember thinking he was the one
He moved here
I moved in
We started a life together
We talked about marriage
How many kids we’d have
Where we’d eventually end up
Eventually we ended up breaking up
He told me he didn’t love me anymore
I remember the time I thought I met the love of my life
It was at a turnstile show
He awkwardly said hi to me
I told my friend to tell him I thought he was cute
We talked and talked and talked
I’d watch him get high in his basement
I’d sleep over for days on end
I’d make him watch KUWTK with me
We’d rap kanye west together
We’d say we were kanye and Kim
We’d watch bad horror movies and had a lot of sex
He told me I was his first love
I left him
I wasnt mentally okay for him
He deserved better
I miss him
He was my bestfriend
He told me he’d always love me
I remember the time I thought I met the love of my life
It was at an emo night
I had a friend go up to him
He was nerdy and shy
Something about him made me like him
I remember staying up till 5 am on our first date
I took him to my favorite spots in China town
I would go to his West philly apartment every weekend
We’d go on adventures
I swore I was happy
I swore he was the one
We moved in
My mental health got worse
We weren’t meant to be
He told me he didn’t love me anymore
I don’t remember when I met the love of my life
Because I haven’t met him yet
And that’s okay
OMG! 😂
The plane while I suck his dick in the bathroom:
STOP Asgdhdkkskfkff
Can u believe there are guys that don’t eat girls out like damn you weak af
Pathetic
my ghost still haunt ya
TONYA, BROCKHAMPTON // Room in Brooklyn, Edward Hopper (1932)
I think you're looking better than you ever have. Whatever you're doing, keep on keepin on. Those blue eyes will forever be burned into the stem of my brain, head up. smile. breathe. <3
Thank??? U????