The theme song of my life is Perfect by Simple plan
The theme song of my life is Perfect by simple Plan here is why
When I was a little girl, I was what other people may term as a “daddy’s girl” I really love him. I used to go to him when my mom scolds me,I used to go to him when I wanted to have fun. I even remember his words before after he scolded me because I did something wrong. He said “Walang magulang ang makakatiis sa anak nya.Kung nagalit man kami sa inyo, lilipas din yun”(No parent can stay mad at his/her child for a very long time,If we get mad at you, it’ll pass soon) I used to approach him everytime but that was when I was little. He used to be my hero and my idol.
But when I got to my teenage years, I got closer to my mama than my papa but I could still approach my papa quite well. When my mama started leaving to go and work abroad, things are still going quite well bur after sometime, they became really cold with each other. (When my mama goes home every after 6 months, they wouldn’t even talk to each other, most of the time, they wont even share the same room and then they wont talk even until after my mama leaves. My papa is also in a very bad mood everytime my mama goes home) But I think it could be resolved soon too…. I hope ANYWAY as I was saying I could still approach my papa quite well until lately.
See, I was a good daughter (so I think), When I was in Highschool, I got high grades, In fact I was an honor student well not until fourth year Highschool. I remember when I had nothing left during that time,just a darn Loyalty award that most of us got, I cried a lot but both my mama and papa were there to support me emotionally they kept on saying that it was okay and they really made me feel that way.
When I got to college, I followed what my papa ‘suggested’. He suggested that I take up Chemical Engineering. Many times I have told him that I want to shift already (I really didn’t like engineering then) but he kept on telling me that I shouldn’t but I did feel his support during that time. There was one time I failed a subject during prelims, he kept on telling me that I could do it and heck yeah I did it . I became A dean’s lister for 2 years (not consistently but hey!) Because I felt their support all the way.
As supportive as my father was, he was seldomly with us. I dont know what he was up to when he’s not here but I can still feel that he would like to make it up to us. He would take us out for dinner, or a simple bbq sometimes, we would go out of town. We even had allowance when there were no classes but because of the limited time he spends with us, other relatives (grandparents and uncles) would say something not so good about my father but my brothers and I would keep on defending him so that he won’t look bad. At times I really dont want to hear their words anymore because at some point they would already say something that would criticize his beig a father. Okay he is not the perfect father but they had no right to criticize him because we are the children, not them but as of this point I also got tired of explaining for him because lately he’s provig them right. He’s out of the house more often, He’d go home really late despite the fact thatour helper was not here, he’s being more “plastic” by showig a facade when in front of other people.We keep on hearing about our papa’s driver dude, papa’s like protecting him from some people more than us. He gives his support to that guy more than to us, he spends his time with that dude more than with us…why is it always about that guy lately?! The more I think about it, the more I resent…fak di xa na…
Now, I can’t really feel any support from my papa at all.As I said, I told him I wanted to shift long ago but he didn’t let me actually at first he scolded be and told me things I wouldn’t like to hear but at least after that he I felt his support, See lately, I have been failing some of my subjects and he keeps on getting mad already. Semester after semester we had to pay miscellaneous fees already (tomorrow’s the 3rd time I think) (When you are an SLU dependent, you wouldnt have to pay for anything,except ID sticker, when you dont fail any subject). I really cant feel any emotional support anymore I can also feel that he is hesitant to pay for the damn miscellaneous fees. My mom was still very supportive and told me that things are alright and I shouldn’t really stress too much.. But It really hurts that I can’t feel any support from my papa anymore. He’s making me feel bad about my failures as if I didnt try, as if I liked this. Im not that to let myself get delayed for a year. He keeps on bringing back people from the past that I didnt even like to remember. I dont know what’s wrong with him lately but one thing’s for sure Im starting to feel anger towards my father. I hate this feeling but I cant help it! Before I would still manage to say that he has a reason and whatever it is, it is for us so I shouldnt get mad but now, he’s getting into my nerves… its like I dont want to talk to him about anything anymore because he’ll shrug it leaving me feeling bad about myself. I really love my papa but it seems like he doesnt care anymore. He cares more about that whats his face driver guy. oh and he keeps on blaming my mama about everything. He knows that my mama shouldnt have left us to work abroad but why would he like to leave us too? He thinks that things are alright? No they are not! I just hope we’ll resolve this soon
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