"You Told Me To Keep A Lookout."

Last of his kind. A lonely wandering soldier with no friends, family, or purpose. (Ask and RP blog for the Emesis Blue version of Jane Doe, former BLU Soldier. Sideblog. Mod is 18+.)

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Rules of Engagement.

-For those of you on mobile, Jane’s dossier (bio) can be read HERE.

-This version of Jane is existing one year after the events of the Fortress Films SFM movie ‘Emesis Blue’. It is *highly* recommended you watch this movie for necessary context before interacting. (Reading a summary is fine if you’re unable to watch the film for any reason, though some subtle contexts and details may be missed.)

-Mun is 18+.

-Sexual content is unlikely (but not impossible) on this blog, however, follower discretion is advised due to other kinds of mature content. Possible trigger warnings include but are not limited to- discussions of abuse, discussions of body horror, unreality, mental illness, suicidal ideation, self-harm, strong language, gore, psychological horror, drug use, human experimentation, ptsd. Any triggers in place for Emesis Blue’s content is in place for this blog.

-Please observe common sense RP and ask blog etiquette. The mun reserves the right to ignore any prompts or questions that are inappropriate, either to the themes of this blog or in general.

-Jane’s blog is a side blog- follow backs will be done via the connected blog, ‘blackblackheart’ if I’m not following  you there already. :)

-Mun can be sporadic- feel free to gently poke me if I haven’t gotten to your ask or RP!

-Have fun :)

[lisssliss]

Doc.. what's wrong with the respawn machine?

[icaruscitrus]

When twilight falls and gently embraces us

[justabrax]

¿Por que te vas?

[blubushie]

If you still want movie recs, Manos: The Hands Of Fate. It was supposedly made on a dare which should tell you enough about the quality

NOTED. THANK YOU

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

You may prefer the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version- their riffing of this movie us one of their most classic episodes :)

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Fritz Ludwig wrung the telephone cord around his finger as he held the receiver to his ear and took slow breaths. His eyes danced over the numbers on the dial. He didn't know much of the world since he'd been away.

If he called the office, would Jane still be there to pick up? Would he be calling a dead man, or no one at all? Did the office lie empty or did a new business fill the space, painting over the past with a shiny new coat?

He glanced over his shoulder to the closed door behind him, then pressed on the ten different numbers which would direct him to the office landline.

It rang.

@emotionallyunwellmedic

It rang exactly twice.

The first sounds the doctor would hear would be the rattle of the receiver, the creak of springs taking on a sudden heavy weight, and a pronounced 'oof'!!

When he finally heard a voice, it was panting, but above that, extremely hopeful.

"Hello?"

Jane Doe tried his best to adjust himself from the haphazard position he'd landed on the couch. He dearly hoped the caller was who he thought it was.

If not he was going to feel pretty silly.

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Instant relief.

"Hallo! Jane!" The Medic's teeth were gritted in a tight grin, restraining his excitement as he struggled to find something to say. "We--we have, ah, about thirty minutes, ja?"

He took another breath to steady his pulse, his voice, releasing the phone cord from his grip. "How are you? Were you on a walk?"

Already there was a sense of deja vu, being on the phone with his better half again. Granted, they were not divided by time and instead only distance, but playing the guesswork of what was happening on the other end of the line was an experience Fritz didn't miss.

A part of him, too--tucked far away--could still be heard wondering if the Soldier's voice was a playback, either.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"No, it's raining. I was about to make myself some lunch but I can wait half an hour."

Jane gave a scowl out the window as he righted himself. Still, even the downpour couldn't spoil his mood. Not when Fritz's voice was trickling through the phone. It was the sweetest sound. Him. Hymn.

"I heard the phone across the room and I answered it fast as I could."

Jane paused, fingers kneading idly at the phone cord, the twisting length of wire weaving in and out of calloused fingers. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, his wrists, his throat. He wondered if Fritz could hear it on the other end.

"How are you doing over there? Are they treating you good?"

It wasn't jail, but Jane could only imagine things were super regimented. For the residents' own good, of course. Like the military, but you weren't fighting people- in a way, you were fighting yourself. Least, that's how Jane pictured it.

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Fritz straightened up in his seat, scooting it forward a bit and sending a short scraping noise across the otherwise quiet room. "Well..."

He looked about the plain walls. It wasn't home by any means. "It's--it's quite funny, really, being a doctor treated by doctors. Although I don't think they take my profession seriously in this case!" He followed it with a little laugh, playing lighthearted.

"Yes, the staff are doing their jobs." That was the best way to phrase it. Not cruel, but not warm. "I'm kept to a firm schedule. I think I do enjoy this, although the 'blocks' could be adjusted, I think. And I am always around people. I think this is the first time I've been around others so much since--ah--the team."

His gaze tracked to the left, pondering. "My quarters are shared, but I keep my portion neat. Many young people here, but a few older than me..."

He dwindled off. "What will you have for lunch?" He had a thought he decided to speak aloud, encouraging. "It's good that you're cooking!"

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"Soup."

Jane couldn't help but wince inwardly. That didn't sound good. He didn't want Fritz to think he wasn't taking care of himself. Maybe he could be doing better, but it wasn't that bad! He just didn't gave much of an appetite. Still...

"A sandwich maybe. Probably some leftovers I can use up. ... Ah, dammit, we don't have much time and I'm talking about sandwiches."

He laughed a little, rough. Unsteady. Like someone who's forgotten how and was re-learning.

"I.. I miss you so much. I wish I could visit. But I know why I can't."

It would be worth it in the end. The long quiet broken only, blessedly, by dove coos. The empty rooms. The dark corners that grew darker at night to swallow him whole. The spot beside him. His untouched skin and unkissed mouth. The goddamn rain.

It was worth bearing it up for Fritz to be better. So he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. Anything was worth that.

"Oh, hey. Someone wants to say hi real quick."

Breaking up the awkward longing hanging in the air, Jane whistled softly.

"Pati! Come here, sweet thing."

A shuffling, a soft rustling of feathers and a couple taps- the pecking of a curious beak.

"Cooo~"

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Fritz didn't mean to let the silence hold as long as it did while he searched for what to say, but the soft murmurs of the bird on the other end of the wire sent his spirits on the wing. He set his worries aside for the moment.

"Oh, Hypatia, my darling! Es ist dein Vati! Meine süße kleine Dame," He cooed right back. "Vati is here. Does she know? Has she been behaving?"

Impulsively, he scratched at the receiver, as if his and Jane's dove could somehow feel it.

"Does she know I miss her?" A chance to turn the conversation again. "And... I do miss you too, Jane. Terribly."

Fritz worked his tongue over his teeth, chest tight and brow twisted sadly.

"I would love a soup and a sandwich with you again. That sounds very good. I think—there are many rules for visiting—I don't think they would let you bring food for me."

He could hear a little beak tapping at the other end again.

"Or bring Hypatia, which is a shame. She would certainly make things more exciting."

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"She's been a good bird. She looks for you sometimes, but I think I did a good job explaining things. I said, 'Pati, your Vati's gonna be away for a while. It's gonna be tough on him, and me, and you, but when he gets back he'll be so much happier and healthier, and it's going to be more than worth it. So in the meantime...'" Jane paused. These words. It was true, but saying them always made his heart bleed a little- he couldn't help remember saying them to someone else once upon a time. "...'in the meantime, we'll take care of each other.' And she's a smart girl, I think she knew what I meant. Still, it's too bad they wouldn't. I can just see her flying around, making up to everybody, begging for seeds. She's a damn glutton sometimes. I keep telling her if I give her all the treats she wants out of me, you're going to come back to a round white ball of feathers." This was followed by a rather indignant sounding coo, as if Hypatia resented even the mere suggestion of the possibility she could ever get fat. Jane chuckled, gently skritching the back of her neck with a broad finger. "Do... you know how much longer it'll be? Not that I'm rushing you, please don't think that. I know it'll take as long as it takes. I just... yeah. I could find a birdsitter for Pati if I had to and come visit, I'd really like to, but... y'know." He's not sure how long they'd be allowed to see each other. If that length of time would ease the longing inside them both or whet it like striking a knife to a sharpening stone.

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

So charmed was the Medic by the Soldier's regaling that the phone cord found its way around his finger again and brought a soft curl to his cheek. A sharp, surprised laugh burst out of him at "round, white ball of feathers."

And then it dwindled, just a little bit. How much longer?

It had been some time, already. Fritz had passed through the controlled withdrawal phase, gone to several meetings both in groups and alone, and found routine.

As it were, he realized a stable routine was something he desperately needed. The predictability. The confidence nothing could go wrong.

That was the hard part, too, was knowing this wouldn't be how the world outside worked. There were plenty of things that could go wrong, to prick at his lungs with terror and dredge up that old hunger from the pit of his stomach.

Something else he desperately needed, though, was Jane.

"I... I don't know." He winced. "I have to think about... What I should do when I get back. I need new work. I can't—can't keep sitting in that office." He clutched himself a little, jaw tight. Especially not after that Halloween night.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"We don't have to. I told you before. I want to go away with you. Anywhere. You're... you're brilliant, Fritz. The best damn doctor I've ever known. You could work at any hospital in the world, or open a little clinic of your own, or... even do something else with those smarts of yours. And as for me... heh. The upside to being a nobody is that people don't ask a lot of questions. I can do anything where somebody needs some muscle. I got by that way before."

Jane bit his lip, fingers winding around the phone cord. Hypatia took wing slightly, fluttering up to perch on the cloned soldier's shoulder.

"It doesn't matter what I do. If I can be by your side and see you smile, that's all I need. I mean it."

Perhaps that was a naive way of thinking. He had his own end of things to keep up, after all. Once he found the right person. He didn't rely on an overabundance of medication to keep going, but that didn't at all mean he didn't have his own mountain of issues. Identity. Guilt. Grief that never went away. And that was just for starters.

He's working so hard. And what have you done? What makes you think you won't just be a millstone hanging around his neck?

"I... I'll follow you wherever you go. Me and Hypatia. I promise."

Twice he'd promised Fritz he'd wait, and twice... well, once and once in progress... he'd kept his word. Promises, after all, meant everything to Jane.

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Fritz ran his tongue over his teeth, chest tight. His voice came softly. "I... I know. I know, Jane. I know you'd do just fine--that we could do well."

He took a deep breath, squeezing out an uneasy groan in an effort to relieve the tension. "The... The problem is... Now because of me being here, this is on my record. Even if rehabilitated--a doctor in addiction to his own supply is too--too risky to trust."

He curled his nose, feeling his face get warm. "Ach--this is why the doctors here don't take me seriously! And any place who would hire me would still be just as dangerous as before."

Fritz had to admit, he, too, had his concerns about returning to the medical field. Part of why it was so easy for him to spiral downhill in the first place was because his standing gave him easier access to those resources--to the diazepam. What if he emerged from rehabilitation, only to ruin everything for not just himself again, but Jane now, too?

He's sacrificed so much for you. You can't let him down like that.

Something hot slipped down his cheek. "I don't think I can practice medicine anymore."

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

The other end was quiet for a time. Jane didn't know what to say right away. His fingertips brushed the phone receiver, a poor substitute for a comforting touch. "...you... don't need to. You're so smart. You can do anything. Anything at all." Everything except be a doctor. Jane wished he could properly articulate how much he understood. You did a thing for as long as you can remember. You're proud of the thing. You get defined by the thing. And then it's gone. "But... but I know how you feel. What it's like. To not be able to do something you've built yourself around. That you've always done and always been good at. You're a great doctor, Fritz. But that's not all you are or all you need to be. No more than a soldier is all I am." His rough tone, softened with affection, quavered a bit. He wanted to hold Fritz so badly. He'd always been a physical person, after all. But if all he could be at this moment was a voice on the phone, he'd be the best phone voice he could possibly be. His grip on the handset tightened just a little. "It'll be alright, your highness. You... we... will be just fine. We have to be, right? What's all this been for otherwise?"

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Calling all TF2 RP people!

Do you have a therapist OC?

Does that therapist OC have an Emesis Blue version (or could one be created?)

Would they like to help this giant mess sort out his Titanic sized boatload of issues?

Hit me up, because this boy really needs to see a professional, ideally one who won't think he's *entirely* delusional.

[gibblegoob]

Soldier from Emesis Blue moodboard!

[buttercup-barf]

if you please do cutie patootie flustered solly I’ll litterally behead myself for you 🙏

I hope the cutie-patootie levels are sufficient enough.

This one got away from me a bit, but, y'know. You kissed him, he's a bit flustered, but also very touched. Love wins!

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

[y4nd3r3x]

the signs do be kinda vibin doe 👀👉👈😳✊👊🖐️🥺🥺

[ominous-signs]

Official ominous sign(s)

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Fritz Ludwig wrung the telephone cord around his finger as he held the receiver to his ear and took slow breaths. His eyes danced over the numbers on the dial. He didn't know much of the world since he'd been away.

If he called the office, would Jane still be there to pick up? Would he be calling a dead man, or no one at all? Did the office lie empty or did a new business fill the space, painting over the past with a shiny new coat?

He glanced over his shoulder to the closed door behind him, then pressed on the ten different numbers which would direct him to the office landline.

It rang.

@emotionallyunwellmedic

It rang exactly twice.

The first sounds the doctor would hear would be the rattle of the receiver, the creak of springs taking on a sudden heavy weight, and a pronounced 'oof'!!

When he finally heard a voice, it was panting, but above that, extremely hopeful.

"Hello?"

Jane Doe tried his best to adjust himself from the haphazard position he'd landed on the couch. He dearly hoped the caller was who he thought it was.

If not he was going to feel pretty silly.

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Instant relief.

"Hallo! Jane!" The Medic's teeth were gritted in a tight grin, restraining his excitement as he struggled to find something to say. "We--we have, ah, about thirty minutes, ja?"

He took another breath to steady his pulse, his voice, releasing the phone cord from his grip. "How are you? Were you on a walk?"

Already there was a sense of deja vu, being on the phone with his better half again. Granted, they were not divided by time and instead only distance, but playing the guesswork of what was happening on the other end of the line was an experience Fritz didn't miss.

A part of him, too--tucked far away--could still be heard wondering if the Soldier's voice was a playback, either.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"No, it's raining. I was about to make myself some lunch but I can wait half an hour."

Jane gave a scowl out the window as he righted himself. Still, even the downpour couldn't spoil his mood. Not when Fritz's voice was trickling through the phone. It was the sweetest sound. Him. Hymn.

"I heard the phone across the room and I answered it fast as I could."

Jane paused, fingers kneading idly at the phone cord, the twisting length of wire weaving in and out of calloused fingers. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, his wrists, his throat. He wondered if Fritz could hear it on the other end.

"How are you doing over there? Are they treating you good?"

It wasn't jail, but Jane could only imagine things were super regimented. For the residents' own good, of course. Like the military, but you weren't fighting people- in a way, you were fighting yourself. Least, that's how Jane pictured it.

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Fritz straightened up in his seat, scooting it forward a bit and sending a short scraping noise across the otherwise quiet room. "Well..."

He looked about the plain walls. It wasn't home by any means. "It's--it's quite funny, really, being a doctor treated by doctors. Although I don't think they take my profession seriously in this case!" He followed it with a little laugh, playing lighthearted.

"Yes, the staff are doing their jobs." That was the best way to phrase it. Not cruel, but not warm. "I'm kept to a firm schedule. I think I do enjoy this, although the 'blocks' could be adjusted, I think. And I am always around people. I think this is the first time I've been around others so much since--ah--the team."

His gaze tracked to the left, pondering. "My quarters are shared, but I keep my portion neat. Many young people here, but a few older than me..."

He dwindled off. "What will you have for lunch?" He had a thought he decided to speak aloud, encouraging. "It's good that you're cooking!"

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"Soup."

Jane couldn't help but wince inwardly. That didn't sound good. He didn't want Fritz to think he wasn't taking care of himself. Maybe he could be doing better, but it wasn't that bad! He just didn't gave much of an appetite. Still...

"A sandwich maybe. Probably some leftovers I can use up. ... Ah, dammit, we don't have much time and I'm talking about sandwiches."

He laughed a little, rough. Unsteady. Like someone who's forgotten how and was re-learning.

"I.. I miss you so much. I wish I could visit. But I know why I can't."

It would be worth it in the end. The long quiet broken only, blessedly, by dove coos. The empty rooms. The dark corners that grew darker at night to swallow him whole. The spot beside him. His untouched skin and unkissed mouth. The goddamn rain.

It was worth bearing it up for Fritz to be better. So he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. Anything was worth that.

"Oh, hey. Someone wants to say hi real quick."

Breaking up the awkward longing hanging in the air, Jane whistled softly.

"Pati! Come here, sweet thing."

A shuffling, a soft rustling of feathers and a couple taps- the pecking of a curious beak.

"Cooo~"

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Fritz didn't mean to let the silence hold as long as it did while he searched for what to say, but the soft murmurs of the bird on the other end of the wire sent his spirits on the wing. He set his worries aside for the moment.

"Oh, Hypatia, my darling! Es ist dein Vati! Meine süße kleine Dame," He cooed right back. "Vati is here. Does she know? Has she been behaving?"

Impulsively, he scratched at the receiver, as if his and Jane's dove could somehow feel it.

"Does she know I miss her?" A chance to turn the conversation again. "And... I do miss you too, Jane. Terribly."

Fritz worked his tongue over his teeth, chest tight and brow twisted sadly.

"I would love a soup and a sandwich with you again. That sounds very good. I think—there are many rules for visiting—I don't think they would let you bring food for me."

He could hear a little beak tapping at the other end again.

"Or bring Hypatia, which is a shame. She would certainly make things more exciting."

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"She's been a good bird. She looks for you sometimes, but I think I did a good job explaining things. I said, 'Pati, your Vati's gonna be away for a while. It's gonna be tough on him, and me, and you, but when he gets back he'll be so much happier and healthier, and it's going to be more than worth it. So in the meantime...'" Jane paused. These words. It was true, but saying them always made his heart bleed a little- he couldn't help remember saying them to someone else once upon a time. "...'in the meantime, we'll take care of each other.' And she's a smart girl, I think she knew what I meant. Still, it's too bad they wouldn't. I can just see her flying around, making up to everybody, begging for seeds. She's a damn glutton sometimes. I keep telling her if I give her all the treats she wants out of me, you're going to come back to a round white ball of feathers." This was followed by a rather indignant sounding coo, as if Hypatia resented even the mere suggestion of the possibility she could ever get fat. Jane chuckled, gently skritching the back of her neck with a broad finger. "Do... you know how much longer it'll be? Not that I'm rushing you, please don't think that. I know it'll take as long as it takes. I just... yeah. I could find a birdsitter for Pati if I had to and come visit, I'd really like to, but... y'know." He's not sure how long they'd be allowed to see each other. If that length of time would ease the longing inside them both or whet it like striking a knife to a sharpening stone.

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

So charmed was the Medic by the Soldier's regaling that the phone cord found its way around his finger again and brought a soft curl to his cheek. A sharp, surprised laugh burst out of him at "round, white ball of feathers."

And then it dwindled, just a little bit. How much longer?

It had been some time, already. Fritz had passed through the controlled withdrawal phase, gone to several meetings both in groups and alone, and found routine.

As it were, he realized a stable routine was something he desperately needed. The predictability. The confidence nothing could go wrong.

That was the hard part, too, was knowing this wouldn't be how the world outside worked. There were plenty of things that could go wrong, to prick at his lungs with terror and dredge up that old hunger from the pit of his stomach.

Something else he desperately needed, though, was Jane.

"I... I don't know." He winced. "I have to think about... What I should do when I get back. I need new work. I can't—can't keep sitting in that office." He clutched himself a little, jaw tight. Especially not after that Halloween night.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"We don't have to. I told you before. I want to go away with you. Anywhere. You're... you're brilliant, Fritz. The best damn doctor I've ever known. You could work at any hospital in the world, or open a little clinic of your own, or... even do something else with those smarts of yours. And as for me... heh. The upside to being a nobody is that people don't ask a lot of questions. I can do anything where somebody needs some muscle. I got by that way before."

Jane bit his lip, fingers winding around the phone cord. Hypatia took wing slightly, fluttering up to perch on the cloned soldier's shoulder.

"It doesn't matter what I do. If I can be by your side and see you smile, that's all I need. I mean it."

Perhaps that was a naive way of thinking. He had his own end of things to keep up, after all. Once he found the right person. He didn't rely on an overabundance of medication to keep going, but that didn't at all mean he didn't have his own mountain of issues. Identity. Guilt. Grief that never went away. And that was just for starters.

He's working so hard. And what have you done? What makes you think you won't just be a millstone hanging around his neck?

"I... I'll follow you wherever you go. Me and Hypatia. I promise."

Twice he'd promised Fritz he'd wait, and twice... well, once and once in progress... he'd kept his word. Promises, after all, meant everything to Jane.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Fritz Ludwig wrung the telephone cord around his finger as he held the receiver to his ear and took slow breaths. His eyes danced over the numbers on the dial. He didn't know much of the world since he'd been away.

If he called the office, would Jane still be there to pick up? Would he be calling a dead man, or no one at all? Did the office lie empty or did a new business fill the space, painting over the past with a shiny new coat?

He glanced over his shoulder to the closed door behind him, then pressed on the ten different numbers which would direct him to the office landline.

It rang.

@emotionallyunwellmedic

It rang exactly twice.

The first sounds the doctor would hear would be the rattle of the receiver, the creak of springs taking on a sudden heavy weight, and a pronounced 'oof'!!

When he finally heard a voice, it was panting, but above that, extremely hopeful.

"Hello?"

Jane Doe tried his best to adjust himself from the haphazard position he'd landed on the couch. He dearly hoped the caller was who he thought it was.

If not he was going to feel pretty silly.

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Instant relief.

"Hallo! Jane!" The Medic's teeth were gritted in a tight grin, restraining his excitement as he struggled to find something to say. "We--we have, ah, about thirty minutes, ja?"

He took another breath to steady his pulse, his voice, releasing the phone cord from his grip. "How are you? Were you on a walk?"

Already there was a sense of deja vu, being on the phone with his better half again. Granted, they were not divided by time and instead only distance, but playing the guesswork of what was happening on the other end of the line was an experience Fritz didn't miss.

A part of him, too--tucked far away--could still be heard wondering if the Soldier's voice was a playback, either.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"No, it's raining. I was about to make myself some lunch but I can wait half an hour."

Jane gave a scowl out the window as he righted himself. Still, even the downpour couldn't spoil his mood. Not when Fritz's voice was trickling through the phone. It was the sweetest sound. Him. Hymn.

"I heard the phone across the room and I answered it fast as I could."

Jane paused, fingers kneading idly at the phone cord, the twisting length of wire weaving in and out of calloused fingers. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, his wrists, his throat. He wondered if Fritz could hear it on the other end.

"How are you doing over there? Are they treating you good?"

It wasn't jail, but Jane could only imagine things were super regimented. For the residents' own good, of course. Like the military, but you weren't fighting people- in a way, you were fighting yourself. Least, that's how Jane pictured it.

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Fritz straightened up in his seat, scooting it forward a bit and sending a short scraping noise across the otherwise quiet room. "Well..."

He looked about the plain walls. It wasn't home by any means. "It's--it's quite funny, really, being a doctor treated by doctors. Although I don't think they take my profession seriously in this case!" He followed it with a little laugh, playing lighthearted.

"Yes, the staff are doing their jobs." That was the best way to phrase it. Not cruel, but not warm. "I'm kept to a firm schedule. I think I do enjoy this, although the 'blocks' could be adjusted, I think. And I am always around people. I think this is the first time I've been around others so much since--ah--the team."

His gaze tracked to the left, pondering. "My quarters are shared, but I keep my portion neat. Many young people here, but a few older than me..."

He dwindled off. "What will you have for lunch?" He had a thought he decided to speak aloud, encouraging. "It's good that you're cooking!"

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"Soup."

Jane couldn't help but wince inwardly. That didn't sound good. He didn't want Fritz to think he wasn't taking care of himself. Maybe he could be doing better, but it wasn't that bad! He just didn't gave much of an appetite. Still...

"A sandwich maybe. Probably some leftovers I can use up. ... Ah, dammit, we don't have much time and I'm talking about sandwiches."

He laughed a little, rough. Unsteady. Like someone who's forgotten how and was re-learning.

"I.. I miss you so much. I wish I could visit. But I know why I can't."

It would be worth it in the end. The long quiet broken only, blessedly, by dove coos. The empty rooms. The dark corners that grew darker at night to swallow him whole. The spot beside him. His untouched skin and unkissed mouth. The goddamn rain.

It was worth bearing it up for Fritz to be better. So he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. Anything was worth that.

"Oh, hey. Someone wants to say hi real quick."

Breaking up the awkward longing hanging in the air, Jane whistled softly.

"Pati! Come here, sweet thing."

A shuffling, a soft rustling of feathers and a couple taps- the pecking of a curious beak.

"Cooo~"

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Fritz didn't mean to let the silence hold as long as it did while he searched for what to say, but the soft murmurs of the bird on the other end of the wire sent his spirits on the wing. He set his worries aside for the moment.

"Oh, Hypatia, my darling! Es ist dein Vati! Meine süße kleine Dame," He cooed right back. "Vati is here. Does she know? Has she been behaving?"

Impulsively, he scratched at the receiver, as if his and Jane's dove could somehow feel it.

"Does she know I miss her?" A chance to turn the conversation again. "And... I do miss you too, Jane. Terribly."

Fritz worked his tongue over his teeth, chest tight and brow twisted sadly.

"I would love a soup and a sandwich with you again. That sounds very good. I think—there are many rules for visiting—I don't think they would let you bring food for me."

He could hear a little beak tapping at the other end again.

"Or bring Hypatia, which is a shame. She would certainly make things more exciting."

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"She's been a good bird. She looks for you sometimes, but I think I did a good job explaining things. I said, 'Pati, your Vati's gonna be away for a while. It's gonna be tough on him, and me, and you, but when he gets back he'll be so much happier and healthier, and it's going to be more than worth it. So in the meantime...'" Jane paused. These words. It was true, but saying them always made his heart bleed a little- he couldn't help remember saying them to someone else once upon a time. "...'in the meantime, we'll take care of each other.' And she's a smart girl, I think she knew what I meant. Still, it's too bad they wouldn't. I can just see her flying around, making up to everybody, begging for seeds. She's a damn glutton sometimes. I keep telling her if I give her all the treats she wants out of me, you're going to come back to a round white ball of feathers." This was followed by a rather indignant sounding coo, as if Hypatia resented even the mere suggestion of the possibility she could ever get fat. Jane chuckled, gently skritching the back of her neck with a broad finger. "Do... you know how much longer it'll be? Not that I'm rushing you, please don't think that. I know it'll take as long as it takes. I just... yeah. I could find a birdsitter for Pati if I had to and come visit, I'd really like to, but... y'know." He's not sure how long they'd be allowed to see each other. If that length of time would ease the longing inside them both or whet it like striking a knife to a sharpening stone.

[tf2incorrectquotes]

Jacques: Soldier, I think you should be in charge.

Jane: Why do I have to be the one in charge??

Jacques: 'Cause then it's your fault.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Fritz Ludwig wrung the telephone cord around his finger as he held the receiver to his ear and took slow breaths. His eyes danced over the numbers on the dial. He didn't know much of the world since he'd been away.

If he called the office, would Jane still be there to pick up? Would he be calling a dead man, or no one at all? Did the office lie empty or did a new business fill the space, painting over the past with a shiny new coat?

He glanced over his shoulder to the closed door behind him, then pressed on the ten different numbers which would direct him to the office landline.

It rang.

@emotionallyunwellmedic

It rang exactly twice.

The first sounds the doctor would hear would be the rattle of the receiver, the creak of springs taking on a sudden heavy weight, and a pronounced 'oof'!!

When he finally heard a voice, it was panting, but above that, extremely hopeful.

"Hello?"

Jane Doe tried his best to adjust himself from the haphazard position he'd landed on the couch. He dearly hoped the caller was who he thought it was.

If not he was going to feel pretty silly.

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Instant relief.

"Hallo! Jane!" The Medic's teeth were gritted in a tight grin, restraining his excitement as he struggled to find something to say. "We--we have, ah, about thirty minutes, ja?"

He took another breath to steady his pulse, his voice, releasing the phone cord from his grip. "How are you? Were you on a walk?"

Already there was a sense of deja vu, being on the phone with his better half again. Granted, they were not divided by time and instead only distance, but playing the guesswork of what was happening on the other end of the line was an experience Fritz didn't miss.

A part of him, too--tucked far away--could still be heard wondering if the Soldier's voice was a playback, either.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"No, it's raining. I was about to make myself some lunch but I can wait half an hour."

Jane gave a scowl out the window as he righted himself. Still, even the downpour couldn't spoil his mood. Not when Fritz's voice was trickling through the phone. It was the sweetest sound. Him. Hymn.

"I heard the phone across the room and I answered it fast as I could."

Jane paused, fingers kneading idly at the phone cord, the twisting length of wire weaving in and out of calloused fingers. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, his wrists, his throat. He wondered if Fritz could hear it on the other end.

"How are you doing over there? Are they treating you good?"

It wasn't jail, but Jane could only imagine things were super regimented. For the residents' own good, of course. Like the military, but you weren't fighting people- in a way, you were fighting yourself. Least, that's how Jane pictured it.

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Fritz straightened up in his seat, scooting it forward a bit and sending a short scraping noise across the otherwise quiet room. "Well..."

He looked about the plain walls. It wasn't home by any means. "It's--it's quite funny, really, being a doctor treated by doctors. Although I don't think they take my profession seriously in this case!" He followed it with a little laugh, playing lighthearted.

"Yes, the staff are doing their jobs." That was the best way to phrase it. Not cruel, but not warm. "I'm kept to a firm schedule. I think I do enjoy this, although the 'blocks' could be adjusted, I think. And I am always around people. I think this is the first time I've been around others so much since--ah--the team."

His gaze tracked to the left, pondering. "My quarters are shared, but I keep my portion neat. Many young people here, but a few older than me..."

He dwindled off. "What will you have for lunch?" He had a thought he decided to speak aloud, encouraging. "It's good that you're cooking!"

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"Soup."

Jane couldn't help but wince inwardly. That didn't sound good. He didn't want Fritz to think he wasn't taking care of himself. Maybe he could be doing better, but it wasn't that bad! He just didn't gave much of an appetite. Still...

"A sandwich maybe. Probably some leftovers I can use up. ... Ah, dammit, we don't have much time and I'm talking about sandwiches."

He laughed a little, rough. Unsteady. Like someone who's forgotten how and was re-learning.

"I.. I miss you so much. I wish I could visit. But I know why I can't."

It would be worth it in the end. The long quiet broken only, blessedly, by dove coos. The empty rooms. The dark corners that grew darker at night to swallow him whole. The spot beside him. His untouched skin and unkissed mouth. The goddamn rain.

It was worth bearing it up for Fritz to be better. So he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. Anything was worth that.

"Oh, hey. Someone wants to say hi real quick."

Breaking up the awkward longing hanging in the air, Jane whistled softly.

"Pati! Come here, sweet thing."

A shuffling, a soft rustling of feathers and a couple taps- the pecking of a curious beak.

"Cooo~"

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Fritz Ludwig wrung the telephone cord around his finger as he held the receiver to his ear and took slow breaths. His eyes danced over the numbers on the dial. He didn't know much of the world since he'd been away.

If he called the office, would Jane still be there to pick up? Would he be calling a dead man, or no one at all? Did the office lie empty or did a new business fill the space, painting over the past with a shiny new coat?

He glanced over his shoulder to the closed door behind him, then pressed on the ten different numbers which would direct him to the office landline.

It rang.

@emotionallyunwellmedic

It rang exactly twice.

The first sounds the doctor would hear would be the rattle of the receiver, the creak of springs taking on a sudden heavy weight, and a pronounced 'oof'!!

When he finally heard a voice, it was panting, but above that, extremely hopeful.

"Hello?"

Jane Doe tried his best to adjust himself from the haphazard position he'd landed on the couch. He dearly hoped the caller was who he thought it was.

If not he was going to feel pretty silly.

[emotionallyunwellmedic]

Instant relief.

"Hallo! Jane!" The Medic's teeth were gritted in a tight grin, restraining his excitement as he struggled to find something to say. "We--we have, ah, about thirty minutes, ja?"

He took another breath to steady his pulse, his voice, releasing the phone cord from his grip. "How are you? Were you on a walk?"

Already there was a sense of deja vu, being on the phone with his better half again. Granted, they were not divided by time and instead only distance, but playing the guesswork of what was happening on the other end of the line was an experience Fritz didn't miss.

A part of him, too--tucked far away--could still be heard wondering if the Soldier's voice was a playback, either.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"No, it's raining. I was about to make myself some lunch but I can wait half an hour."

Jane gave a scowl out the window as he righted himself. Still, even the downpour couldn't spoil his mood. Not when Fritz's voice was trickling through the phone. It was the sweetest sound. Him. Hymn.

"I heard the phone across the room and I answered it fast as I could."

Jane paused, fingers kneading idly at the phone cord, the twisting length of wire weaving in and out of calloused fingers. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, his wrists, his throat. He wondered if Fritz could hear it on the other end.

"How are you doing over there? Are they treating you good?"

It wasn't jail, but Jane could only imagine things were super regimented. For the residents' own good, of course. Like the military, but you weren't fighting people- in a way, you were fighting yourself. Least, that's how Jane pictured it.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Fritz Ludwig wrung the telephone cord around his finger as he held the receiver to his ear and took slow breaths. His eyes danced over the numbers on the dial. He didn't know much of the world since he'd been away.

If he called the office, would Jane still be there to pick up? Would he be calling a dead man, or no one at all? Did the office lie empty or did a new business fill the space, painting over the past with a shiny new coat?

He glanced over his shoulder to the closed door behind him, then pressed on the ten different numbers which would direct him to the office landline.

It rang.

@emotionallyunwellmedic

It rang exactly twice.

The first sounds the doctor would hear would be the rattle of the receiver, the creak of springs taking on a sudden heavy weight, and a pronounced 'oof'!!

When he finally heard a voice, it was panting, but above that, extremely hopeful.

"Hello?"

Jane Doe tried his best to adjust himself from the haphazard position he'd landed on the couch. He dearly hoped the caller was who he thought it was.

If not he was going to feel pretty silly.