Triumphs and frustrations with a complex physical disability and a brain at nearly midlife… Searching for a champion to share and grow with
My Cerebral Palsy made life without diapers very traumatizing for me. From age 4–21, I was in underwear with bladder accidents from spasms at least once a week. Toilet training was a point of pride for my mom, even though most doctors and my preschool and elementary teachers told her not to focus on it. She thought I could outthink my body. Instead, having to plan my relief breaks around other people has given me kidney issues at 42 and that is after choosing to go back into diapers as a junior in college. Based on this experience, wearing diapers is healthier than waiting on people to help me to the bathroom. Also, as a guy who is 6 foot 4 and 170 pounds, toilet transfers several times a day are exhausting and potentially dangerous for me and my support people.
There is no correlation between incontinence and intelligence. Mom said she didn’t want me diapered after the typical age because she thought people would perceive me as being stupid…Well I have been wearing 24/7 for over 20 years including under my gown at my Ph.D graduation… 😘 … My advice to emerging adults with disabilities is that your ability to accomplish great things is a product motivation, not the undergarments you are wearing. In my observation and experience, the responsibility of motivation evolves throughout the developmental process. Initially, this responsibility lies with parents and other supports, to explore and educate themselves about success stories of adults with similar challenges, focusing on understanding the strategies that have led to positive outcomes. As youth with disabilities approach preadolescents (middle school), the responsibility gradually for exploration and experimentation gradually shifts from solely residing with the parental figure to a joint venture that increasingly becomes more driven by curiosity of the individual themselves. Today’s adolescent preteen and teenager is constantly engaged with personal technology and electronic media. The focus of at least some of this screen time can be given to meaningful discovery of not only strengths, interests, and abilities but also the possible strategies that can be used to bring abstract dreams into reality. As the time for high school approaches, a portion of this exploration time should be dedicated to experiential learning, this includes testing strategies that will allow the person with self-care challenges to participate in their community with minimal effects from their limitations. Some examples of considerations include exploring methods for community access through transportation, strategies for accessing nutrition while public and elimination (bladder/bowel) management.
My decision to use diapers full-time again with the occasional addition of male catheters, as I eluded to earlier, was the product of a New Year’s resolution in 2002. Ironically, I felt as if this was a means of asserting control over one aspect of my life. It was around the age of 25 that I began to realize that there were some unintended social consequences of my decision that I am still struggling to overcome. I have learned that midstream people are not very receptive to a guy in a wheelchair who needs fed and his diapers changed, but otherwise is completely cognitively intact, even bright with a sarcastic and very dry wit.
I had to learn to have fun with it along the way, finding companionship from people who will understand my needs and embrace my choices has been difficult. After some research, I discovered that there was a group of people who enjoyed doing the same things I needed and mostly by choice, the ABDL and medfet communities. Happiness for me will be finding a woman who considers the AB and medical needs as normal and has fun doing it. The lifestyle or fetish angle removes the awkwardness for both of us. It would be awesome to be in a crowded public place (i.e. restaurant, sporting event) and know that there is at least one other person there who is experiencing the same sensation I am feeling inside as well as from the diaper against my body and clothing. At last I will not feel alone in the world. There is also some intrigue and humor in the idea that only we know that each other is wearing. For those of you who prefer more crude or masculine visualization, as I used to say in one of my profiles on a certain ABDL dating site, a diaper nor wheelchair should not also be a chastity belt. Just because I must wear for medical reasons does not mean I am stupid or otherwise not worthy of sharing myself with someone. Sexual intimacy alone is rarely the basis for a solid long-term relationship, however human touch is essential for me. Having no inhibitions about giving or receiving a hug or cuddle is a must for me because I have been deprived of it so much because of misconceptions about body and mind. I am looking for a partner who understands my ambitions and is not afraid to explore their own. The ability to have someone who you can share your most intimate thoughts and feelings with even on the worst days would be a blessing for me. I hope to find someone who is willing to learn and grow together.
If you’re still smiling after reading this… DM me or comment below :-)
