the fic in which Dean admits that he loves Cas too.
The words bounced around Dean’s skull, though they weren’t harsh. It wasn’t something that would give him a headache; it was more like the echo of what could have been. A melancholy tune that left him reeling on the floor, tears pooled in his eyes. Why hadn’t he said it back? It felt like he’d been on the floor mourning his best friend for years as he stared at his ringing cell once more. The first time he’d looked, it hadn’t registered who was calling him. In all honesty, it was the last thing he could focus on. Not when Castiel had just.. no. He couldn’t wallow in this forever. On the fourth call, he answered, voice hollow, “Hello?” His voice didn’t even feel as though it had belonged to him. It nearly surprised him.
On the other line Sam was frantic, but simultaneously grateful that his brother hadn’t actually disappeared just as the rest of the world had. “Dean! Dean, thank god, I-“ his voice cracked and he took a moment to compose himself. Dean was alright, but he didn’t sound like himself and he’d never answered the phone before with a simple “hello.”
“Everyone is gone, Dean. Is.. Is Cas-?” Before the statement could even fully pass his lips, he was interrupted by Dean.
“He.. He’s gone too.” As he spoke the words he’d been wishing weren’t true, the tears finally fell from his eyes. It was hard to grasp the entirety of the situation at hand and he certainly didn’t understand why Sam was so worried or how he knew.
Sam inhaled deeply as tears filled his own eyes. He was exhausted and so very done with loss. He didn’t want to lose anyone and he sure as hell didn’t want to have to deal with a bored God anymore. He glanced at a suspicious Jack and smiled at him. He hoped to quell the kid’s worry, but it was unlikely after everything they’d been through.
Before speaking, he cleared his throat, “That’s- He wasn’t supposed to, I don’t understand.” He turned away from Jack, unable to completely hide his emotional response.
Dean looked down at his legs before letting out a sob, “I didn’t get to tell him that I loved him too, Sammy. He doesn’t know.” He wished more now than he ever had, that he could turn back time, if only to tell Cas how long he’d loved him. He had a hell of a way of showing it, but with growing up the way he did, he was sure that Castiel would’ve understood. He didn’t want the angel to think that all this time, after everything they’d been through.. that this love was unrequited. If the older Winchester was being honest with himself, it was reciprocated with such a ferocity it scared him, and now it was too late for their beginning. Instead it had been the end of something that could’ve been so much more than it was.
Sam’s eyebrows raised in recognition, “Oh, Dean..” He sighed, understanding now why there was so much pain and emptiness behind his usual tone. The only sound between the two of them for a few moments were the other man’s unsuccessfully contained sobs.
“You will be able to tell him. We always find a way.” Sam was a bit skeptical with his own reassurance, but he attempted not to let that escape through his practiced calm tone.
Dean shook his head before chuckling incredulously, “I really hope so, Sam. This time was too much.” Knowing that Castiel loved him, made this death more unbearable than any other that he’d experienced. He really hoped that Sam was right and that they could fix everything this time. He couldn’t live like this.
“Jack and I will be there soon, hang tight.” With that, Sam hung up the phone and guided Jack away.
Dean set his phone on the ground beside him and inhaled. He looked to his left to see the mark that Castiel had left and he prayed to whatever was listening that it wouldn’t be the last one.
blakekathryn
kaledo-art
ellievsbear
dailybridgerton
kianamaiart
baratheonpilled
