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Introspection

This is a reflection by Wesley Chung on the previous LG lesson on Godly friendships.

In doing the reading for the lesson, I found myself doing more introspection on the message that was being revealed to me by the Word. Much of it involved famous verses that I already was acquainted with; however, I felt thoroughly impacted to take a deeper look into the subject and reexamine how these concepts applied to my own life. A large part of our lesson focused on the extent to which godly friendship requires us to live for our friends. Following the example of Christ, true godly friendship entails staking even one's life for one's friends. This reality isn't at all easy to pursue, yet it is still the gold standard by which we must live. I then tried to think of smaller instances in which I needed to do a better job in pursuing this standard. If I were to really consider my friends' lives to be more valuable than my own, then what actions should I take to reflect that sentiment? This question, although somewhat broad, has deep consequences for specific behaviors within my life. It means that I should be unselfish with my time and energy, expending it for the sake of others instead of simply for my own good. This can be especially difficult especially in a competitive academic or work environment, where the tendency is for individuals to only look after themselves and leave others to their own devices for better or worse. As a Christian, I need to strive to demonstrate godly friendship to all those around me in order to better spread the good news of the Gospel. To that end, there are many challenges that I may have to overcome, but with God's grace, I can grow to become a better friend and a better reflection of God's love towards His people.

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Family

Ken Ngai writes down his thoughts in regards to last week’s lesson on the difference between Christ-centered and non-Christian families.

1) Being on campus for the first time and living independent from my parents made me realize just how much I took for granted what it meant to live as a family. It was the little things that made me really miss my parents, notably when my mom would cut fruits for me every day ( I didn't know it would be so hard to find fresh fruits on campus and I ended up not eating as much...thanks Mom).

2) After our LG discussion, I believe that there should be a difference between a Christ-centered family and a non-Christ-centered family. The biggest difference is the family's unifying belief that through God is the way in which we reconcile with each other. While other families might sweep things under the rug, become non-confrontational, or simply "forgive and forget", what separates a Christ-centered family is how we approach God together when family members come into conflict. That way, there is no lingering silence, bitterness, or apathy, but only a saving grace brought by God. This is not to say a Christ-centered family is perfect compared to a non-believing family. It's only that a Christ-centered family approaches their sins and shortcomings with God as their mediator.

3) The main thing discussed between spiritual and blood family is the fact that we often neglect bringing our spiritual family practices into our blood families, like worship and devos. We forget that those things can be done within the household. Yet, many of us came to the conclusion that with our blood family, we often serve each other with no sense of debt and "account balance". Family members serve each other, love each other, and sacrifice for each other in ways that are often much bigger than how we would operate in our spiritual families. What is really holding blood families back is how, especially in Asian households, there is an "Asian silence" around things that are not academic/career focused (like faith). Thus, while each family member may be deep believers, there is a interpersonal isolation of faith within the family. Barriers of faith and vulnerability arise and often faith (and its practices) become untouched and unexplored within a family. In the end, we need a unity in Christ, not as mere individuals, but as a familial unit.

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LG Reflection: Asian American Identity- Terrian Xiao

I thought that the lesson was very insightful. Usually the fact that I am Asian American is not at the forefront of my mind. During the lesson, we delved into the history of CBCGL, Asians and America, and our families lives'. On a timeline we were able to see how different aspects of each part interacted with another. This provided a "big picture" perspective that I had never considered. I thought that group activity was useful in opening up a new outlook. Being able to observe and analyze how my culture interacts with my relationship with God was also interesting. Having time to discuss questions in smaller groups helped to focus my viewpoint on the dynamic between being Asian American and Christian. One of the questions asked about how our culture can be both against God and for God. An answer that stuck out to me was that our culture respects and seeks to honor our elders, but at the same time is super focused on materialism. We discussed how we could combat this issue. Being more grateful for what one already has and including praise/thanksgiving in prayers is a great way to shift one's mentality to be less materialistic. Overall, the large group lesson was intriguing and had a novel topic. The timeline activity was enlightening and the small group discussions with the questions was great.

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Find Peace and Hope

Isaac Cho: I’m a rising freshman of Wheaton College (IL) with a major in Computer Science. I like to play video games, and basketball, I can play piano, viola and guitar to varying degrees, and I can speak French to a degree.  

There’s a saying that goes: “man makes plans, and God laughs”, which is another way of saying life is unexpected. This year has been unexpected, and it has been hard because of all the changes that have been made. We’ve had to wear masks everytime we go outside, we’ve had to abide by the rules of social distancing, and we’ve had to live with the changes to work and school; we’ve had to adapt to a new reality, and that’s where hopelessness comes in.

I started feeling hopeless when all of these negative thoughts began circling in my mind. I got super lazy as I could not find any joy in the activities that I did, and I gradually continued to fall down to the point that I just wanted to watch netflix all day, and never get out of bed. Yet I knew that my lack of action was all wrong, but I always kept asking the same question: “How can I change?”, and the answer was just: “I can’t change”. But thinking back now, I see that the reason why I felt hopeless was because I fell into bad habits such as binge watching, and believing in the lie of: “I can’t do anything” and it tore my apart mentally.

“How did I get here? How did I fall so low? How can I come back up?” These are the questions I asked myself constantly, and the answer was clear: “I did this. I fell down. I need to pick up the pieces”. What I found the most essential for picking myself back up was changing my mindset on each day as that’s the first thing that needs to change for one to adapt. I had to simply let go of the lie of “I can’t” and with that, all of my negative thoughts practically disappeared, and my life got better. 

While things are better off now, I know that life is unexpected and of course, I go through this process all over again. Once you let go of the thoughts and failures that you may have, you reach contentment, and then something happens and it all happens again; it’s a loop. While we may not have the ability to prevent unexpected things from happening, we have the power to get up quickly, and find peace with everything going on in our lives. Never wait for things to change for the better, you’ll only spiral down further. A bible passage that relates well to everything I’ve said is Romans 5: 1-5 which is about Peace and Hope. 

加油!

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Father’s Day

Artwork by Jess Fleming

To our Heavenly Father and our earthly fathers, thank you for your love and guidance.  

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Silence and Sleep

This post was written by Michael Ni who will be graduating from Boston University in Winter 2020. Hopefully he can find a job afterwards or something. Here is a collection of his various musings about his faith in his recent college years.

I would like to preface by stating that I will be referencing a few sources, both secular and religious. While it is important for us as Christians to meditate upon our Divine command, it is my belief that only through ruminating the words of others can we truly strengthen our faith beyond a superficial level. In his book Art as Experience, American philosopher and writer John Dewey states that “A poem and picture present material passed through the alembic of personal experience. They have no precedents in existence or in universal being. But, nonetheless, their material came from the public world and so has qualities in common with the material of other experiences, while the product awakens in other persons new perceptions of the meanings of the common world”. If we so choose to examine the teachings and musings of both Christian and non-Christian writers alike, we strengthen both our faith in His divine power as well as our resolve to defend this faith. 

We often view the embodiment of wisdom as an elderly, perhaps scholarly, man or woman, regaling those around them with tales of their vast experiences or cryptic and grave-sounding prose or parable, meant to evoke a lesson or invoke a period of introspection. However, I believe that each and every person, without regard to their age or experiences has some degree of wisdom worthy to share with the world. In fact, it is a fallacy itself to believe that a wise or even perfect man is above learning a new lesson. While God himself is the Great Teacher of humanity, I believe that there is wisdom to be found beyond just His holy scripture that may teach us to better interpret His will. 

1.

“Every word has consequences. Every silence, too.” -Jean Paul Sartre

A large part of reaching emotional maturity lies in our ability to live with others. Learning our boundaries with people, setting our limits on how to speak or act, and even how to interpret our outlook on those around us are important aspects to becoming a mature and contributing member of both society and the natural world. Intersubjectivity is a term used by philosophers to refer to the psychological relations between people, as opposed to the traditional Cartesian view of solipsism, the individual experience. French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre describes the intersubjective experience in his book Being and Nothingness as something he calls “The Look”. Imagine yourself walking through an empty park alone, taking in the sights and sounds, appreciating the world for what it is to you when you suddenly notice a man on a bench. The man looks up at you and immediately, for a split moment, you are unnerved. From the moment your gazes cross, you both now realize that you are not alone and the world around you which you had interpreted in your own way, is now a shared experience, no longer subject to your interpretation alone. In order to learn to exist in the presence of others, we must learn to live with The Look. Simply put, it is of utmost importance that we realize that the world itself is not set up specifically to cater to our will but is a realm we must share with others and their views. 

One of my primary struggles as a Christian is learning to coexist with people who do not share my beliefs. While on a surface level this includes communicating with non-Christians who may believe in a different God or no God, I also run into the conflict of communicating with Christian believers who share my same core beliefs but have differing views on concepts such as social justice, or sexual bigotry. Truthfully, this is an aspect of my faith I have not yet been able to solve, but my confidence lies in the fact that while God is my Almighty Father, my connection to the Hereditary and Original Sin have imparted upon me the privilege of wisdom and the ability of free will. Thus I am no longer subject to merely bear witness to the atrocities of false prophets and the destruction of Sodom, but am empowered to speak up against the face of hatred that masks itself under the guise of the Christian faith. 

Sartre claims that “essence precedes existence”, that is, that the personality is not built upon pre-existing models or natural purpose, because it is the conscious human who chooses to engage in behaviors or enterprise. As an example, while the traditional Christian view is that marriage is the union of man and woman in Christ’s spirit, it becomes my free will, my essence, to cement a potentially different belief, for my existence itself is imperfect by nature, as Adam and Eve indulged in the Fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Rebellion is not sinful by nature. In fact, sometimes rebelling against the word of God further bolsters the strength of our faith as we learn new insights of what His will truly is. The most fatal path to take when facing adversity against both our justice or our faith, even when originating from ourselves, is silence, as “the dead do not praise the Lord, nor do any who go down into silence (Psalms 32:3 ESV). The time of passivity in the face of injustice has passed, rather it should have never existed to begin with. Now is the time for us to no longer stay silent but to speak out against the evils present, for “what we do now echoes in eternity” (Marcus Aurelius, Meditations).

2.

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” -Rumi

 In his poem “A Great Wagon” Rumi describes a field, a world beyond even the concepts of  right and wrong, where the world is too full to talk about, and ideas, language or the phrase “each other” no longer matter. There is tranquility and peace to be found in Rumi’s words, imagining a field where the “breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you” and “people go back and forth between the door-sill where the two worlds touch”; A field where we are bathed in the light of salvation; Able to touch God. In a world distraught by conflict, plague and violence, we can only imagine this field, where the wrongdoings of others no longer matter, and the need for right-doing is a thing of the past, where the people of the world can coexist in harmony under the loving embrace of the Lord. 

However, we cannot delude ourselves into believing that this “doorsill”, the threshold to this beautiful world, can be traversed so easily. Happiness is built upon the backs of those who have sacrificed. Both the biblical martyrs and those who die to bring injustice to light have established the better, brave new world we live in today. This is another struggle I have had with my faith in the past. Is it right to live blissfully upon this pyramid of bones and bloodied soil? What is the worth of my happiness where nothing was staked? Even Jesus, the great martyr and redeemer, who died for the sins of all of mankind; Am I permitted to rejoice and exist in comfort today? 

“Don’t go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want.” For the past five to six years and even to today, I have battled with depression. Depression is not sadness. Depression is the lack of vitality, the loss of the mind’s ability to wake up and experience life itself. There were countless mornings when I would wake up and stay in bed, not because I was physically exhausted, but because I no longer had the will to stand up and face the day. There were sometimes months-long periods where not a single day passed without me thinking about how much I wished to die. What kept me going was not the fear of pain of death, nor the sinful nature of taking one’s own life, nor even the grief of loved ones had it come to pass. Within the tempest of hopelessness and hatred for the world, there was a single anchor for hope; There was work that needed to be done in the world. Even though change on a global or national level was far beyond my jurisdiction, I felt compelled to do something with my life. I felt that I had not yet paid the toll that my life was worth. While each day I struggled, I needed to endure them, and while each small step I took towards my healing was arduous, they were victories, and I needed to claim them, no matter how hollow. God has set forth a path for our salvation. Let us fight for this salvation with our own hands. In the words of Marcus Aurelius in his Meditations, “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” It is my mortal duty to open the door to Rumi’s field for those who have not yet found their salvation.

Don’t go back to sleep. You may not want to wake up again tomorrow. You may no longer feel compelled to do kindness upon others. “Let us not sleep, as others do, but let us watch and be sober… putting on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet, the hope of salvation” (1 Thessalonians 5:4-8 ESV). Truthfully it is beyond my capability to say that better days are yet to come for either you or me, but even still, let our love and faith resonate and move the hearts of others, so that we may one day see justice prevail as we walk together into a field beyond all ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing. God has granted everyone the right to live, thus it is our duty to fight for this right.

“Let your kindness be like rain, that cares not about whom it falls upon” -Rumi

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More Precious Than Anything Else

This is a post by Diana Zhou, who recently graduated from the University of Pittsburgh and will begin work as a nurse this summer. She loves designing things, annoying her cat, having conversations about faith, and starting projects without finishing them. These past few months, God has been faithfully pursuing her, teaching her to trust in Him, and revealing to her more and more of how worthy He is. Here is a (rather long) account of what that’s been like.

God completely shattered my expectations for my final semester of college, all for my growth and ultimately, His glory. I came into the Spring 2020 semester totally content with all I had and where my life was at the moment. But that was the problem: my supreme satisfaction was not in God, the creator of the universe, but in His creation. God fully revealed to me that my joy was built on a foundation of sinking sand—namely the things of the world and my own works of flesh. Leading me through presumed mountains turned into some of the deepest valleys, Christ has proven again that he is a good and faithful shepherd.

My struggles this past semester were rooted in a lack of trust in God, selfishness, and idolatry, and they manifested themselves in my relationship. As the newness of the relationship faded, so did the security I had in myself. As my boyfriend saw more and more of my flaws and sinfulness, I had an intensifying fear that he would compare me to other women and see how much I lacked. I became jealous and controlling, accusing him of unfaithfulness, which hurt him and hardened my heart towards other sisters in Christ. I was stuck in a toxic cycle of insecurity --> accusations --> arguments --> even stronger feelings of insecurity. Even as I hurt him, my boyfriend would constantly remind me that his love for me was much deeper than superficial traits and that I should be looking to God for ultimate validation, but his words only mitigated my anxieties temporarily. Worse yet, even as I read the Bible every day, God’s words only comforted me temporarily. I so often felt apathetic towards the beauty and sovereignty of our Lord; I dwelled in my anxiety rather than trusting in God. After each time I succumbed to anxiety, I would emerge angry at myself for failing again, and out of my own pride, God’s forgiveness didn’t feel like it was enough. I felt as if I needed, somehow, to make up for it myself. I was in a vicious state of self-hatred and selfishness.

However, the Lord was faithful and abounding in grace all the more. After one particularly chilling fight with my boyfriend, I saw the hurt that I brought upon him and the consequences of my sin. Christ broke me down, humbling me to a realization of how much I needed Him. My attempts to ameliorate the situation myself just led me in circles, for I was so weak to temptations of anxiety.  Every minute, every second, every moment, I needed His grace for the desire and strength to fight my sins. He opened my eyes to how I was swimming in a sea of forgiveness, shown ultimately through the act of Christ bearing my sins on the cross and reconciling me to the Father. And God did not merely break me down with intentions to leave me broken; He has used these trials, caused by my own sinfulness, to help me grow in three important areas: 1) faith in who He says I am, 2) faith in who He is and in His promises, and 3) total sufficiency in Him.

1. I am a sinner in desperate need of God’s grace, yet I am His beloved daughter. He doesn’t love me for my superficial qualities or my ability to love Him perfectly. Instead, God’s love is evident through the willing sacrifice of His one and only son for the redemption of sinners. It’s knowledge of this love that produces steadfast joy that leads to obedience. His love doesn’t rest on my attempts to be better; instead, my desire to obey and be more Christ-like should stem from a knowledge of His love. His love is steadfast through everything, and if my joy, identity, and ultimate source of validation rest on Him, those should be unwavering as well.

2. God is exactly who He says He is, and He will do as He promises. 2 Timothy 2:13 is a stunning confirmation of this as it reads, “if we are faithless, he remains faithful—for he cannot deny himself.” God in all His glorious attributes (His mercy, righteousness, holiness, justice, and faithfulness just to name a few) always have been and always will be, because He cannot deny Himself! Therefore, the numerous promises and commands to trust in Him will always hold true because He is unfathomably reliable. As Romans 8:31-32 says, “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” We can trust in all the promises God gives us because of who He is and because He has shown us ultimately, through the offering of His most precious son, that He is for us. We can rest easy knowing that this beautiful, glorious God is sovereign over all things, and He is for us. Holding on to this truth, I can have faith that any trial or tribulation is ultimately for my own good and His glory, even though I may not understand it.

3. The third lesson and the one I still struggle with most is finding sufficiency in Christ alone. Knowing the beauty of who God is and what He has done for me, do I find Him most precious? Even if I did lose my boyfriend, my family, my opportunities—even if I lost everything, would I still rejoice knowing I still had my Lord? I pray that as I am being sanctified, I can see Christ more and more in the way Paul does in Philippians 3:7-8 which reads, “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ…” Pastor John Piper explains what “counting everything as loss” means when he says, “You don’t have to choose between Christ and everything — but if you do, you have in your mind, ‘If I must choose between car and Christ, computer and Christ, wife and Christ, life and Christ, the steadfast love of the Lord is better than life. I choose Christ.’” Counting everything as loss also means that whether it be your choice or not, the loss of any person or possession will not shake your joy because your foundation is firmly rooted in Christ.

In light of COVID-19, I’m sure we have all experienced some kind of loss, but I hope that through it, we have tasted the surpassing worth of Christ as even sweeter. God’s promises to prosper us do not necessarily encompass worldly success, physical blessings, or a life without struggle. Instead, He promises something far greater for us—Himself. Jesus jumps right into the boat with us during the storms in our lives, and He is our good shepherd who faithfully walks with us through all of our darkest valleys.

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Singleness and Marriage

This post is by Phil Lee, a mysterious man who likes going to Empower outings and leads a Bible study group. What is known about him is that he studied at Gordon College at some point in time. Phil enjoys watching anime, playing video games, going to anime conventions, memes, listening to dubstep and vaporwave, and having a good Pokemon battle. But he also enjoys going on outings with friends, especially to Boda Borg, Station KTV, and The Castle. Sometimes Phil likes doing YouTube skits, but is also hoping to do challenge videos as well. He hopes to see his California friends again at Anime Expo one day. Unsurprisingly, Phil is trying to learn Japanese. Nani?!

ｗｅｌｃｏｍｅ．

We live in a culture where marriage seems to be the main key to happiness. As a child, I thought I would get married in life for sure. But that wasn’t necessarily God speaking to me, it was more like media speaking to me.

I have never had a true, genuine interest in romance. I hated to admit when I had a crush on someone in Middle School. I thought it was unchristian to date or have crushes. I have been pursuing the path of voluntary singleness starting in 2018.

I went to North Shore Community Baptist Church and attended a course on singleness.  I look back and I am so glad that I went there. I learned a lot about singleness along with my previous knowledge on how singleness can be Godly.

People tend to think that singleness is inferior to marriage. That is 100% wrong. If you don’t want to get married in life, you are not less of a Christian than a married Christian. Both singleness and marriage point to God, although they mean very different things. It is better to honor God by nor marrying than to get married for the wrong reasons. Even if you’re married, now, you were once single at some point.

Marriage is about commitment to Christ and executing His command to rule the kingdom. Singleness, on the other hand, is about a new faith and transformation in Christ.

Genesis 1:28 commands that humans should be fruitful and multiply. In the discipleship course, this verse was interpreted differently. Perhaps today, in such a populated world, being fruitful and multiplying could also mean making disciples and building one another up in Christ. Leading a Bible study is one way I feel I can be fruitful and multiply.

Genesis 2:18 states that it is not good for man to be alone. This is true in the context of marriage, but this can also mean that man needs friends and community.

I can imagine for many first gen Chinese immigrants, which many of our parents are, it is important to have a child to continue the family name. However, Isaiah 56 states that a eunuch who honors God “will have a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters.” This eunuch ends up being remembered longer than his family name. To me, that sounds so much better than feeling like I have to continue the family name. The problems I thought I could solve with marriage can be solved in better ways through singleness.

What does the Bible say about being single? Not much. 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 says that “it is good for the unmarried to stay as unmarried, as Paul did. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Currently, I have decided to walk the path of voluntary singleness unless God has someone prepared for me.

I also chose to be single to give myself more time with God. Even if I don’t always spend most of my time with God, I always try to set aside a time of the day for Him.

However,  If God has someone prepared for me, then I should marry, whether I want to or not. For now, when I say “I can’t wait for my wedding day,” I refer to the time where the spiritual Groom will reunite with His spiritual Bride.

I’ve been lately wondering how I can support people who DO want to get married, even if it’s the complete opposite path I’m pursuing. I’ve asked people whether they simply respect or actually support my pursuit of celibacy. Most people respect my choice, but few people support it.

This is where we bring in Marina Lam, who challenged me to read some Bible verses about marriage. I picked a Bible plan that was about marriage, and looking back, I’m very glad I read it, which is interesting for someone who wishes to remain single. The plan gave me some ideas on reasons to justify desires for marriage.

If someone wants to get married to commit to Christ and carry out our command as humans to rule the Earth, then I can at least justify his or her desire to marry. There are some people who marry to honor God, so as long as they honor God through marriage, I can support their desire to marry. Looking back at Genesis 1:28 and 2:18, obviously there are people who interpret these verses directly as a command to physically give birth.

If one believes he or she will glorify God through marriage, then he or she should marry. I would be in full support of his or her marriage.1 Corinthians 10:31 says “so whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

I would also justify someone’s desire to marry if he or she values the strength of the relationship and how it pleases the Lord over solely seeking benefit for himself or herself. After all, marriage is a covenant, not necessarily a contract. Marriage should not be someone where one looks for other, better options if one is not getting what one wants. A covenant, on the other hand, is about looking out for the benefit of the other person, making unconditional promises, and valuing the relationship between the husband and wife. Wedding vows are made before God, so the covenant is God’s covenant. Deuteronomy 29:9 tells us to “carefully follow the terms of this covenant, so that you may prosper in everything you do.”

One thing that struck me (and this is how I further confirmed that romance is not the true big bad) of the Bible plan is that how it describes how Satan likes to work. Satan likes to do evil things and have other people take the credit. Satan wants us to blame others for their actions. This confirms that Satan is the true big bad behind culture and romance. Similarly, in a couple, I would think (I have no dating experience whatsoever, so I wouldn’t know for sure) that Satan is trying to make your significant other or spouse the bad guy. Satan would try to destroy the marriage that God planned for you. Whatever you do, do not listen to Satan! Read Ephesians 6 if you have to. To fight Satan, married couples can be unified. This does not mean they have to be exactly the same, but means that the two have a common enemy to defeat together.

Should you remain single or should you marry? It really depends on your heart and your passions.

The next thing for me to solve is the mystery of interest. Expect a sequel... I just need to go through that story myself first so I can share it.

ｔｈａｎｋｓ　ｆｏｒ　ｒｅａｄｉｎｇ．

Sources: Discipleship group on being single, Kingdom Marriage by Tony Evans, why am i single? By Ben Stuart

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Trust in His Plans

This post is by Felicia Deng, who grew up primarily going to mainstream stores until she learned about the magic of Savers. During this pandemic she has wrestled here and there with learning to trust and rely on God's strength, as well as resting in Him. Currently, she is held up quarantining in Waltham after getting a loving shove from the nest, and enjoys dabbing in an occasional push up (is swole girl season), attempted mug cakes, indulging in anime, and has finally finished cramming for her finals. 

At the start of this academic year, I was determined to fill my schedule with activities to stay busy, as I felt I had to make up for the lack of activities and free time I had in freshman year. I filled my schedule to the brim with classes, my part-time job, volunteer tutoring, club activities, and church activities. I was honestly exhausted at the end of each week, but I told myself that it was OK, because everything was going according to my plan, and I trusted in my own abilities to finish everything.

COVID- 19 turned everything upside down. In March, I’d secured a research position in a biochemistry lab on campus, and applied for funding for the summer, which I ultimately got. But as the COVID- 19 situation evolves and it’s almost certain the campus will be officially closed during the summer, and with funding now only being distributed to 100% virtual internships (which lab work doesn’t fall under), I won’t be doing research this summer like I’d hoped. Naively believing that the COVID- 19 situation would be resolved by summertime, I didn’t think to make any backup plans, and now no longer have any solid summer plans. I wanted to ask God why this pandemic would occur right now, when everything was falling into place for my career plans.

Don’t get me wrong - I know I’m in a privileged position if the most pressing matter on my mind is summer plans, amidst a pandemic where other people are losing their long-term jobs, getting sick, and potentially dying from the virus or other causes. After long discussions and prayer with my college fellowship about the impact the virus has had on all of us, I’ve reflected that God is good, and has already provided me with a comfortable life and many opportunities thus far, and will continue to provide in ways I could’ve never foreseen. This pandemic has reminded me that ultimately depending on and trusting in one’s own plans, rather than God’s plans, will only lead to disappointment, because we are flawed and could never plan as well or be as knowledgeable as God. It’s been said over and over again, but God’s plan is so much better than ours, and we can trust that He will lead the way.

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God is in Pursuit of My Heart

This post by Ken Ngai, who took the opportunity to reflect on his transition from high school to college, something he hadn’t had much time to reflect upon ever since COVID -19 hit the nation and everyone’s lives were thrown into chaos. So sit back, get some snacks and drinks, and enjoy his ramble. It’s long.

Going into freshman year, I wasn’t on the best of terms with God. To be more specific, I really hadn’t tended to my relationship with God. In general, I would sum up my senior year as a turbulent time characterized by apathy, bitterness, and neglect towards God. Of course, I rarely opened up to anyone about what I was experiencing, partly because I was too ashamed and partly because I didn’t really care. When I say I was ashamed, I mean that I was afraid of being seen as a fake Christian. Throughout my life, especially in high school, I built myself up as an individual seemingly dedicated to God 100%. I did all the right things that one would do like consistently attend CBCGL, become a LYTE team member, find a mentor, etc. I have to admit, there were definitely stretches of times that I really felt close to God, particularly sophomore to junior year in high school. Nevertheless, I look back at my time in high school and I see that my faith was a mile wide but an inch deep. I was too busy doing things for God that I missed the times actually dwelling with God. As such, my times alone with God rarely struck me as “life-changing”, “peace-giving”, or “reassuring” as many promised to me. Sure, I picked up a few things here or there, learned to become a better Christian by title and was proud to do so. In fact, I distinctly remember how happy I was when some of my high school peers explicitly noted aloud that “Ken is Christian, he wouldn’t do __________”.  I assure you, I was happy living my life like this because during this time of my life, I wasn’t aware of the lie I was living. They say “ignorance is bliss”, and for me this was definitely the case. No matter how academically advanced and mature I thought myself to be, my spiritual life itself was beyond my comprehension. Therefore, you can understand why I began to stumble when senior year came around and I started noticing the holes in my faith. For once, I was becoming conscious of how distant I actually was from God. The more I reflected, the more I realized that I treated my faith as some object detached from my life. Quickly, I realized that the foundation of my faith was sinking sand, and soon everything else I was accustomed to came crashing down. Daily devos, worship, prayer, everything started to fade away from my life as if it was never there to begin with. On the outside, senior Ken was no different. By the account of the world, I was doing better than ever. Grades were fine, relationships were fine, emotions were fine, everything seemed fine. Everything WAS fine because they were always fine, whether or not I happened to squeeze 30 minutes of prayer between it all. Herein lies a reality that was hard for me to swallow: I never did rely on God for anything in my life and treated him as an obligation of my faith rather than the source of my life. I thought that if this “god idea” could be satisfied by my small offerings that I gave hesitantly and without thought, I could run away with blessings. Yet, all (capital g) God really wanted was heart, which I never once considered to offer. 

Senior Ken also didn’t care to share all of this. I signed up for LYTE team again because that’s what I did for the past 2 years. I continued going to church because that’s what I did for my whole life. I made it clear to the world that I was the same “Christian Ken” as ever because that’s what mattered to me. I didn’t care for anything else. In the back of my mind, I justified myself saying, “even if I don’t feel like a Christian on the inside, God can still use my actions for His will”. And thus I began senior year with this sentiment, again caught up with the same old cycle of doing things for God instead of dwelling with God. To be clear, I’m positive God used me for good ( “You take what the enemy meant for evil/ And You turn it for good”) even when I didn’t feel a fire for God, for the Church, or for my brothers and sisters. 

To this end, I want to write a confession and a request for forgiveness to those that I may have hurt, may have neglected, or may have deceived during this time. Psalm 139:24 sings, “See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting”. God really struggled with me when I began reflecting upon my senior year, and He showed me the offensive ways that were within me and how there has always been a better way, a way everlasting. 

This conveniently leads to me arriving on campus at the University of Michigan. After surviving a turbulent time as a senior and a summer that quickly came to an end, I was promptly placed on the bottom of the academic totem pole once again. To be honest, I wasn’t really sure I wanted to stay Christian in college. After all that time of faking it, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. I was just tired, tired of trying so hard, tired of keeping a reputation, and tired of failing again and again. I resigned myself to the fact that if I was going to keep sinning, I could at least drop the act. But God had different plans; He wasn’t going to give me up so easily. 

One after the other, opportunities came up for me to join a fellowship and a church. Whether it was Will and Anthony bringing me around, going church hopping with some friends, or attending the welcome events of various on-campus fellowships, the beginning of my freshman year was quite busy with other Christians. Soon, I fell in love with the people of Harvest Mission Community Church of Ann Arbor. It was refreshing to not have the burden of serving and the burden of doing. I simply showed up one night to a small-group gathering and the leaders accepted me with open arms and a warm smile. All around me were brothers and sisters dedicated to living life on life with other believers. I was overwhelmed by how hospitable they were from the get-go. But God didn’t merely use this as an opportunity to fill my social needs, but He also made it clear that this was a time of refocusing and restructuring of my faith...bottom up.

The first thing God taught me was that He places specific people in my life to remind me that He is still faithfully working in my life. God placed older brothers and sisters that were unashamed of their past, their sins, and their shortcomings. For some of them, it was their years in undergrads. For others, it was only a year before. Nevertheless, they just poured out their lives to me, and by the end of it, I was enamored by how faithful they had stayed with God, and how faithful God had stayed with them. 

Constant encounters with God’s faithful eventually struck me deep in the heart. I couldn’t help but begin to feel curious about who exactly God was and how God could work in such great ways. This curiosity was a first for me and marked a time in which I had to rediscover my faith. 

A popular saying in my church is that, “You have to rediscover your faith in every new life stage”. For me, I rediscovered my faith through the Word. I realized that in the past, it was rare for the words of the Bible to actually mean anything to my life. Nothing really struck me deep, nor did the Word change how I viewed my life. For me, it was like reading a textbook for an exam and to be forgotten by next semester. Yet, when I picked up the Word again after a few-month hiatus, I started to pick up different things from the same words. I’m confident that God, in restoring my soul and my life, also gave me a new set of eyes because words began to jump out and invade my life like never before. For example, the first chapter of James held me speechless. Trials in life don’t merely happen to you. They are actually the building blocks to our faith, and when we have remained steadfast under trial, we are left more complete and satisfied in God than ever before. How wonderful it is to know that not only is God guiding us through tumultuous times, but in fact there is an end-goal. The second thing I learned is that God is purposeful, a master in His craft, and truly all-knowing. God, in control of all things, all the waves of the storm, is also meticulously in control of my life amidst the storms. 

“God the Father” is a common saying in the Christian community. For me, I never understood what it meant for God to be my Father. It has always been hard for me to picture God, the creator of the universe and all that dwells in it, is also my very own father. But through the Word, I was finally catching on to what “God the Father” meant. Going back to my newfound curiosity for the Word and for God himself, I came to understand that the Word was providing a sense of assurance that I never knew existed before. The Word wasn’t just a sacred text outlining religious doctrines, but more importantly it is the way God communicates His love for us, both on a humanity scale as well as a personal level. The last part in particular resonated with me when I came into the presence of God in complete desperation. I just came back onto campus from winter break, and our church started a two week period of fasting. In the process of abstaining from meats, God met me through the Word and showed me that He is a good Father by providing, not food, but spiritual nourishment. During the time of fasting, I was feeling, in general, very fatigued and without motivation. In Michigan, it was getting colder and darker every day, and my mood was downtrodden to say the least. But in my weakest moment, God the Father came to give me a pick-me-up, and led me in deep prayer and devotional time, which established a long-running routine of daily reflection that lasted the whole semester. God the Father was both disciplining and maturing me through a time of fasting and repentance, but He also couldn’t help himself from embracing me through Biblical breakthroughs. The third thing I learned was that God is my heavenly Father. 

Here’s a quick recap: I learned that God places people in my life to remind me of His work, that God is in control of my life because He has not brought me this far to abandon me, and finally that He is a good Father for doing so. These three points combine to ultimately culminate to my mission’s experience. Feel free to read my Final Support Letter Update (it’s in the Empower Facebook, you just gotta scroll down). In that letter, I talked about God shattering my heart into pieces because God needed to restructure my heart for His people, His broken people. This sentiment has stayed strong coming out of missions. Truly, I am the clay and God is the potter. He forms me according to His will and when I get too dry and brittle, about to break under the weight of this world, God nourishes me, satisfies me with the everlasting water, and keeps working with me to form me into His beautiful creation. In the same way, God is in pursuit of my heart. God knew that my heart was stretched all over the place for things of the world. In His infinite wisdom, He knew that the only way for me to continue dwelling with Him is to break my heart into pieces, refine it, and shape it again. “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:2-4). My heart had holes, scars, wounds keeping me from loving Him, the Church, other people, and even myself. Apathy, bitterness, and neglect were just the product of my ruined heart. But God wants my heart to be complete, lacking in nothing. God chose to pursue my heart, and in the process mended it.

This was all said not to show that it’s all rainbows and sunshine since my semester ended. In fact, with the quarantine situation and all, it’s been harder than ever to be motivated for God and His word. But, the beauty of God and His relentless nature is that He continues to pursue me when I don’t feel like pursuing Him. He meets me where I am at, more than halfway and beckons for me. I’ve gone through the trial of my senior year, and I now know that I can go through it again, this time holding fast to the God that is in pursuit of my heart.

[empowercbcgl]

Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

This is a post by Jillian Yuan who grew up without any exposure to Christianity and had came to the US from China with her younger sister when she was 17. She is currently a senior studying Biology and Accounting at Gordon College. She likes nature and watching anime for entertainment. One of her favorites is Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood.

I always wanted to be independent. At first, being independent to me meant managing myself well at school without relying on my parents daily or making them troubled. The concept of independence was rooted in the family I grew up from. I thought I was independent because I attended boarding school since I was in kindergarten and through high school. For so many years, I only spent two days (weekends) in a week at home. So when I first came to the US and was away from the family, I did not develop homesickness as often as other international students. This idea of independence pushed me to try very hard to do things well on my own. Thanks to God, I started to attend church under the pressure of my uncle and aunt. Don’t get me wrong. I am thankful that they pushed me to go and now I know God can use all kinds of ways to bring us to him. And apparently this approach worked for me. It was a struggle to accept that there is a God and He is a good God. Thanks to God, he softened my heart and made me open to the message preached on Sunday. With an open manner, I attended Friday night UML bible studies and their prayer meetings. I was amazed by God’s character – love, justice, power, grace, sovereignty, omniscience.... Most importantly, HE is a good father who knows us well and loves us well. I felt a sense of awe because the father figure I had in me was in despair. I still remember during that time I did not know whether or not such a perfect figure really existed, but I wished. I wished HE was real. I remember this verse has always encouraged me even now - “Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief” --- Mark 9:24. I realized my source of faith is from God. I cannot control or force myself to believe in it. “Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no longer stubborn” --- Deuteronomy 10:16. With this stage being set, I felt an urge to investigate more who this God is, how I can invite him into my life, and what a community would look like if all members are Christians. Would a Christian community be better than the world I thought it was --- the world in which there is no absolute right or wrong and all truths are relative? That was when I heard about Gordon College. Unfortunately, we are still living in a fallen world. This question was destined to be unanswered or untestable. However, God did not disappoint me, and he never did. 

After I was introduced to God, I learned to seek help from God, but still had trouble accepting help from other people. The sense of achieving independence was still there. And more meanings were added on to it. How do I achieve independence financially and a sense of security so that I won’t be a burden to anyone else especially, my family? This concern of troubling anyone else affected my academic life and church life simultaneously. In my junior year, I started to have doubts about whether if it was necessary to attend church on Sunday. I could just listen to sermons online. Even if I went to church, I would just do the same thing: listen to the sermon and then go home. I did not wish to talk to anybody --- I was afraid. I had nothing interesting to share. I was just socially awkward. I thought as long as I spent time with God on my own, I did not need to be with the congregation. There was a fear in me constantly pushing me away from the congregation. However, God did not give up on me. He revealed to me that I was wrong. The church which is a  body of Christ is the primary means through which God accomplishes His plan in this world. The church is not just a physical building. It is a body of worshipers and the household of God. God lives in and among His church. God’s salvation plan is for all humans. “Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood” --- Acts 20:28. The church is precious. Jesus redeems the church with His own blood. 

Not just through the Scripture, God has taught me how good it is to be part of the Christ body through the community around me. We Christians are bound by the blood of Jesus, which makes us brothers and sisters. With my background, I understand how important blood relationship is in a family. Believe it or not, the family of God bound by the blood of Jesus can be equally related or even more related to us compared to our physical family. I have seen so many ways that Gordon faculty members helped and cared for different students. I am also one of those students who has benefited from this love of God overflown from these faculty members. The article would be too long if I listed out all these testimonies. I can give you a brief example. In the previous summer, my Gordon mentor and research supervisor went on a road trip with me from Massachusetts to Colorado, lived in the same apartment, and then drove back to Massachusetts. During this spring semester due to various reasons, we are close enough to swap our houses and live together from time to time. My cousin was so funny and told me that she would have never wanted to live with her professor. I am very thankful because this professor not only taught me academic knowledge but also taught me very important lessons – how to love and care for others with sincerity, passion, and patience. Her services for the church also amazed me. “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” --- Philippians 2:4. I realize being a part of a congregation is not about me but others. It is not about what I have to say but about the needs of other people, and God Himself or His truth is the most important.

Totally unexpected, during the summer of 2019 in Colorado I joined a church body and felt so passionate towards them. I felt very sad to leave by the end of the summer. Two friends I made even planned to attend my commencement which was later canceled because of COVID -19. Out of my comfort zone, I traveled over to another side of the country without knowing anybody in the area except colleagues in the lab. As an introvert with an intense social awkwardness, it was a blessing to find this local church, join their service and their fellowship and events. They were very open and welcoming and tried to know me personally and spiritually. With this group of Christ followers, it was the very first time I felt so connected to a community or a Christ body along with a passion to care for them and try to know them on a spiritual level. I was and still am in awe about this whole thing. I learned that building up a relationship with God and with others takes efforts and time, and needs to be intentional. I believe God was working among us. Interestingly, as an anime addict, I did not watch or even want to watch a single episode of any kind on my own during my stay. My fear to be in the congregation was gone and I loved to be part of it. “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” --- 2 Timothy 1:7. God is good and love draws away fear. 

Now, being independent does not mean the capability of doing things on my own anymore. There is a balance of seeking help and accepting help with humility. God has been correcting my misconceptions towards this world and showing me how to love my neighbors as myself. I originally was chained by iron made of sins and was banished in a lightless dungeon, but God is unchaining me and dragging me out of there step by step. I believe God is a way-maker and is constantly drawing us near to him. He casts out fear and overflows us with his love and joy and other fruits of the Spirit. He is orchestrating a symphony out of all the chaos. My security cannot be gained by pursuing money, housing or a job. “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” --- Matthew 6:33. I am still learning and God is teaching me. I am inspired to learn how to serve and love the Christ body and our neighbors appropriately with sincerity. I am learning to love those who are uneasy to love. “So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feeling and so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God” --- Philippians 1:9-11.

[empowercbcgl]

Perspective

This is a post by Jeremy Wong who grew up in Hong Kong, he and his family moved to America when he was 15. Jeremy is currently an Industrial Design senior at Savannah College of Art and Design. He loves all things car-related; designing, driving, and working on them. And also loves designing and making accessories and leather goods.

I grew up in a Christian family and growing up I always felt like I was a Christian. However, my perspective all changed at the end of my freshman year in college. The summer after my freshman year, I ended a relationship with my girlfriend from high school. At the time, I was very depressed and did not understand why it happened. Through all the sorrow and negative emotions, I heard a calling from God. I started to search harder and harder for Him; I started to read the bible more often and I became a lot more engaged in my church here in Savannah. This brought me closer to God in a way I have never experienced before and I understood what it truly meant to live as a Christ-follower. Through months of praying and reading His word, I finally understood that He meant everything for good and that we need to let go of anything and everything.

Anyone who knows me, knows that my cars mean a lot to me. There was such a big change in my perspective that even when my car broke down at the end of my sophomore year in college, instead of resorting to anger and frustration, I reminded myself that God meant everything for good. I trusted Him, and sure enough, me not having my car that I so loved was incredibly fruitful. It resulted in me cementing the best and closest relationships with my peers from church because I constantly needed rides.

Perspective is so important in life and especially during this time of quarantine for COVID-19, it is a further reminder that we should never take anything for granted. So next time we have to do something you don’t necessarily want to do, instead of thinking “I have to,” think of it as “I get to.” The Lord is full of blessings, but we cannot overlook the simple things in life that he has gifted us.

Perspective is one of the most important things in life. Remembering that God always means all things for good and not taking anything for granted, always brings true peace and joy.

[empowercbcgl]

Testimony

This is a post by Jing Zhu, a junior at Tulane University. By God’s grace she was baptized last semester on December 15th, 2019. Here is her testimony!

I started attending church when I was three years old after my parents became new believers. It became a regular part of my childhood and adolescence, but I didn’t really understand the point of going to church as a kid. It was mostly superficial for me until I heard the gospel at a youth group retreat in middle school. From that point on, I began to gain a greater understanding of who God is and what He has done for me. However, as a teenager, I didn’t fully comprehend the depth of my sin and my desperate need for a savior. 

Besides John 3:16, one of the first Bible verses that I memorized was Romans 3:23 (“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”). In my teenage mind, I wasn’t perfect, but I definitely didn’t think of myself as a sinner. I didn’t drink, party, smoke, or hook-up with people. I went to church and got good grades in school. However, my junior year of high school was when the reality of the ugliness of my sin (and sin in general) became apparent to me. As I dealt with my parents’ increasingly strained marriage, academic stress, and wounds from close friends, bitterness and anger festered in my heart. 

But God, in His great love and mercy, not only continued to pursue me after I had withdrawn from Him, but also opened my eyes to the effects of my sin. I realized that my angry words and actions caused deep hurt to my parents, my friends, and myself. Most of all, I had deeply hurt God. I sinned against Him. Moreover, through His Word, God revealed that I’ve actually been doing so all of my life, in every aspect of my life. That makes me a sinner in great need of a Savior. I cannot be my own savior, only God can be that for me. Even when I was disobedient, He was faithful. He is faithful, and always will be. My life (and time in college) has been filled with reminders of His steadfast love.

Turning to Christ meant confessing my sin to Him and repenting of it. It meant running to Him full speed whenever I felt tempted to lash out in anger and bitterness. It meant loving others and forgiving others (even when they hurt me) because Christ loves and forgives me (even when I sin against Him). I had to turn away from my sin and gladly obey Him. Doing so was painful (and still is, if I’m being honest) because it meant that I had to repeatedly die to my own desires. But I know this: I am a new creation in Christ and am continually being made new because of what He has done for me. In my place, Jesus bore the righteous wrath of God. I have the highest hope in Him because He rose and is coming again.

[empowercbcgl]

Home

Sabrina Tang is a junior at the University of Connecticut studying economics, pre-law, global studies, and business. Outside of the cow country that is Storrs, CT she enjoys cooking, baking, skiing, and attempting to learn worship songs on keys. Currently, she is studying abroad in London, UK for the fall semester.

I believe we all have a little (or a lot of) hometown pride. We defend our city/town/college when others criticize it. Ironically, only WE can poke fun and make the jokes - and in that sport with the pigskin or the one with the orange ball we'll support our home team even when others ridicule us.

During my time here in London, I've come to realize that I've held the same pride - in LYF, Cru, and eventually even with God. I compared everything here to the community I had at CBCGL/Cru at UConn. Most of all, I became prideful of how well I could function on my own. My routine and comfortability became uprooted when London didn't meet my expectations. Nothing seemed good enough for me, and I grew angry at God because of my circumstances. Deep down, I still held so much against God. I claimed my territory, my space, my home as my own; a place that didn't include Him.

As probably a handful of you are aware, the largest hole in my walk with God has been doubt. I'm not just talking about the little things but the faith-shattering-life-altering-fear-ruling doubts. For the longest time I've let my own grief, loss, and hurt rule my relationships - with people, myself, and with Christ. I held a lot against God - for the circumstances of life and the ways I felt he was silent to my prayers.

The first few weeks abroad seemed to open this wound again. Since I've been here for a little over two months now, I've had a lot of time to reflect on my doubts. Ultimately I have to trust that God is good, faithful, and gracious. I think God wants us to be satisfied in Him whether we get the answer we seek or not. Thank God he never gives up on us, not even when we have run miles and days in the opposite direction.

While I've been away from my physical home this semester, God has been showing me that we tend to forget our real home when we are so focused on our own "self-home."

We become wary of change and in some cases lash out at it.

Or we compare our circumstances to other's experiences and situations.

Or we become prideful and don't allow God to have a part in our lives.

Essentially, we defend the space we created apart from God. In doing so, we also forget the truth - that there is an eternal, perfect, and holy home waiting for us. Moreover, that this home is a place God has invited us into.

Although it might not be everyday, and sometimes it takes seasons of learning and cycles of doubt - God has been teaching me to let go of my bits of pride. To the parts I've kept for myself and the ways I've claimed my "home turf." To surrender to His will and plan. That he understands the hurt and trials we go through, and that he offers an even better alternative to one we could conceive on our own. I've had to come to accept the fact (and continue to work through) that there are some doubts and answers that won't be reconciled until Christ comes again. And while we can focus on these things and let it rule us - God has called us higher. To live for HIS home and to bring others to know that home. After all, this home on Earth is temporary - no matter where we are in the world, whether in Mass or in London.

Echoing the words of TobyMac: "We don’t follow God because we have some sort of under the table deal with Him, like we’ll follow you if you bless us. We follow God because we love Him.”

I encourage you to seek out the home Jesus Christ has promised to all who believe.

[empowercbcgl]

Trust

This post is by Brandyn Tse, who recently graduated from Gordon College and holds a Bachelor of Arts in English Language and Literature. His hobbies include poetry, badminton, and nature walks. He also has developed considerable interest in: 1) not becoming a manchild and 2) shorting oil ETFs on the stock market. Fortunately, the subject of this entry will pertain to the former interest.

It’s quite easy to compare yourself to others, these days. Around forty-five percent of the world’s population is engaged in social media. That means selfies and status updates flooding feeds in an endless parade of personal achievements. Some have contended that high exposure to platforms, like Facebook and Instagram, have had a detrimental effect on the well-being of their users. Depression, and the “fear of missing out” (FOMO) are among the most commonly cited side-effects of a social media overdose.

Now: am I writing a pretentious “editorial” with the sole purpose of vilifying Facebook? Absolutely not. There are many positive ways you can use social media to connect with people, and I’m not suggesting that it’s the root of all depressive disorders. However, the current internet milieu exacerbates a preexisting condition that  I’ve struggled with for some time.

At first, I pinned my shortcomings on my glowingly successful friends. And with childhood friends like mine, it was pretty easy to play the blame game. One went to Princeton, and now works for google; another got a job at Apple after college; yet another still started working for Raytheon right out of highschool. Me? Still at home with the fam, clacking on the keyboard, editing cringey fanfiction for less than minimum wage; the fam, understandably, is not too thrilled about this current setup, either.

With social media and the return to my hometown after college, I began to receive daily notifications, or reminders, of the disparity between my own achievements and those of my peers. This was coupled with constant rejections from prospective employers. At the end of the day, after looking at an inbox filled to the brim with emails “thanking me for my interest,” I felt like a loser. It all came spiraling down to this one question: where do I find my self-worth?

Let me just say that I am so grateful to be a church member at CBCGL. The church body has been a comfort and a blessing to me. And whenever I am confronted by the allure of worldly success, my own materialistic incompetency, or bitter envy, the fragrance of Christ wafts towards me from my brothers and sisters to lovingly redirect my sight to nobler things, to the things of God, not men. When I know that I am loved, and that my love is cherished, the contest of vanity fades from view. It is this love of God that gives my life value.

With this perspective adopted, I begin to regard the misfits of the Bible with adoration. The minor prophets, who strove in earnest to bring God to the people, failed miserably, and continued to serve in weeping and heartfelt prayer; the outcasts and the disparate who followed David in the midst of his persecution; most significantly, the sacrifice of Jesus unto death. For all of these who suffered, who lost repute in the eyes of people, God completed his work in them. I try to cling to this truth, day by day, as said by the apostle Paul, “...I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." (Philippians 1:8).

Yes, I am having trouble landing reliable work. Yes, some have thought of me as a loser. But God is using me, and God will complete his work in me, manchild or not. Knowing this is all I need.

[empowercbcgl]

Engage

This post is by Sam Zhang, a junior studying biology at Amherst College. He spends his days wandering in the wilderness and paying too much attention to distant dots in the clouds and faint rustles in the bushes. No idea why. He also loves scrolling Wikipedia, drooling at expensive optics, and being a general couch potato, preferably all at once. 

A few weeks ago, some friends and I sat down with a summer reading plan through the book of John. One of us called himself a skeptic and a seeker, with the goal to confirm the existence of God in the name of science and philosophy. Since freshman year we have had numerous conversations about the core principles of Christian theology, and they got so complex and meta that what started as a chat over dinner would trail off hours later in a dormitory common room, leaving us all dazed and comatose. You know, typical deep conversations in college. Without ever reaching a verdict about any addressed issues, we always just concluded the “standard” attributes of God: sovereign, eternal, perfect, loving, etc. In the context of Scripture, these sounded like nothing new to me, but to my seeker friend it was world-shattering. 

As a STEM student, he saw God behind the intricacies of mathematics and quantum physics, but he found it difficult to reconcile the human condition with the context of God. He contended that personal happiness is the end goal to life, and this manifested in his seeking God for validation of his purpose. After our last Bible study, his main realizations were that the existence of God has much greater implications than the possibility of finding happiness for himself, and that truly following Christ would bring more suffering and less gratification in this life, the opposite of what he sought. My friend’s world is in crisis. If you are reading this, please pray for his progress with God, that he would find joy and peace in the notion that we do not belong to ourselves.

God has also been teaching me through such discussions. Bit of background: I have been more of a recluse all my life. Even while I enjoy company, I often distance myself from conversation. I might ramble on and on about my interests (birds are v cool), but besides attempting at quips, I seldom have anything to say about mainstream things like politics and economics. My excuse is that I don’t want to engage in high-stakes topics that I know nothing about and have no interest in. Fair enough, right? But then I must wonder what that says about my relationship with Jesus in public. Religion/faith is no casual topic, but if I’m at least as passionate about Jesus as I am about birds, shouldn’t I know a thing or two about my faith? If I’m unfazed at being a weirdo for talking about birds all day, shouldn’t I jump at any chance to talk about God, in whom I have more than an “interest”?

Jesus’ Great Commission from Matthew 18:18-20 boils down to “get out there and talk about me”. God, as we know, is attentive to our needs, so in typical God fashion he sets up opportunities to make me uncomfortable. This past semester my campus fellowship started a schedule for students to evangelize at the dining hall. We went in pairs and sat with strangers – emphasis on strangers – to make friends and, of course, talk about Jesus. Cool. Before every encounter, we prayed and practiced the Four Circles Gospel. I’ve done this before. I can do it again.

Even with past evangelizing experience, I was fearful. Indeed, in a few people appeared my fears: suspicion, rejection, and even at one instance, hostility. In the latter case, we were left feeling accused and hurt. Harking back to my friend’s realization about the life of a Christ follower, it’s not always sunshine and daisies. Having been a Christian in China, I knew this by heart, and yet the fear of persecution in God-Blessed America was still great. Immediately after that discouraging encounter, my partner and I prayed that God would help us see this as a learning experience and keep us from bitterness. Still, thoughts of having messed up kept me up at night in the following week, ill will against our accuser gnawing at me. I had been rejecting my own prayer. 

Who am I to think that I have the power to change people’s hearts? I am to engage, and God does the heavy lifting. I was so hung up on the single let-down that I had neglected to appreciate our many fruitful conversations, during which students were hearing about Jesus from a peer for the first time, were asking important questions about God, and were even eager to have follow-ups. But see, Fearful Sam bumbled through many of these exchanges and often didn’t have answers for the complex questions. All power resides in God; I am but a vessel. He can fill me, break me, empty me if that is His will. So, what sense does it make that the supreme King of the universe loved this clueless creature so much that He died for me? And you are telling me that He vanquished death and made an epic comeback? Sounds like some outrageously good news. Perhaps I should tell someone about it.

[empowercbcgl]

Apathy

This post is by Christine Shi, who will be a freshman at Cornell University next year and has no idea what she's going to study (and that's probably ok for now at least)! She is confused 24/7 and has no idea what she's doing. Likes playing, listening to, and making music, loves Minecraft and pewdiepie the most right now but has had every single phase imaginable (anime, kpop, webtoons, the office, etc) so is down to talk and/or laugh and/or sing about anything. But yeah she's a good listener and an okay friend and very approachable :)) 

“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.” -- Elie Wiesel

The biggest obstacle to my faith is and has always been apathy. 

Like many people, I experience seasons of spiritual highs and lows, and I’ve always felt like a passive receiver of them rather than someone in control. I think this ebb and flow of my faith has taught me to think that my faith is an external factor that isn’t under my control, rather than something I can and should actively work on, nurturing a state of apathy. Being passive and carefree has its advantages when it comes to serving others, but I think those sides of my personality have also led me more quickly into apathy when I’m not satisfied or when something goes wrong. 

There were times in high school when I lost any motivation to spend time with God at all. It started small, but the longer I kept skipping days for prayer and devotions to play games or watch a show, the more jaded I became to it. I definitely noticed the impact it had on my spiritual health, and my emotional health as well, but I was in apathy so deep that I felt powerless. During these seasons of apathy, I found myself unable to serve or attempt to live a Christian example, as I felt so distant from God that it didn’t really make any sense to do so. Many times, I only fulfilled my basic responsibilities on worship team, often missed deadlines, and felt extremely unprepared and uncomfortable when a LYTE Team meeting came up and I had to share what I had been doing that past month. In addition, I didn’t find any joy in worship or prayer anymore, and that made it even harder to want to get back my old faith. 

These dry seasons are not necessarily caused by but definitely correlated with missing church for a long time, as going to church, LYTE Team meetings, and other church activities always bring me back to God and spark a motivation to make things better in my life. I really thank God for all the moments when I was so apathetic but he brought me out of it and enabled me to feel Him again. From dealing with multiple of these long droughts, I’ve learned to seize the little bits of desire to change that I get to start myself on the path back. 

Some of the practices that have helped me the most with apathy are fasting and journaling. Often when I continuously skip spending time with God, it’s because of playing games (couldn’t write this without talking about Minecraft or Minesweeper or Wordscapes), watching shows (shameless plug, Parks and Rec is the best show ever), reading Webtoons (asdfghjk; ask me for recs i have so many good ones), etc. Fasting from these superficial sources of happiness has given me a sense of agency over my own life. I’m really grateful to God for the strides I’ve made--I haven’t watched any shows since Lent 2019 started, I don’t play Minesweeper or Wordscapes anymore, and I don’t read Webtoons nearly as often. 

Journaling also helps me since it gives me a clear space to reflect truthfully about what life has been like. Without journaling or any quiet thought in general, my life would be totally nebulous and hazy. By just writing and following my stream of consciousness, I can come to notice behaviors or attitudes I’ve had that aren’t good and think of tangible steps to correct them, and I can also realize the good things that God has brought to pass and how he’s been working in my life. It’s a truly empowering experience.

I used to feel hopeless in the face of apathy, and even hate myself for it, but now I think I’ve changed. As I’ve grown older and gone through tests of faith and doubts, I understand on a much deeper level how much I really need God; how meaningless everything would be without God. And now that I really understand this, I’m able to see my seasons of drifting as temporary, something that is caused by sin but can be fought with God’s grace, and I have faith that I can get through them and I am still loved despite them.

And after all, these setbacks to my faith don’t set me back all the way to the point before I started going down. As I heard once from an older LYFer at a LYF Retreat I attended back in middle school, you may feel like you’re not getting anywhere, but you never end back up in the same place where you started, and every experience you have puts you in a general forward trend. I’m certain that I’ll experience many more seasons of dryness and distance in my life, but as long as I keep trying to battle apathy and grasping those little mustard seeds of desire that God graciously gives me, I’m confident that God will keep me from drifting away.