queen of disaster

"she'll promise you more than the garden of eden, then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding." - billy joel.

[emrberts]

I've been putting this off for so long because I really don't want to have to do it, but I'm leaving England to go travelling for 10 months in February which means that I'm going to have to give Emma up. (That's why I've been so MIA recently too- been working hard, applying for visas, getting jabs etc) I just won't have the time or internet connection to come on anymore and I'm actually super sad about it because I've been in this rp for so long and have grown to love each of you so much. Please do, if you want to stay in contact, message me and we can swap Kiks or Instagrams or something and you never know, on the off chance that Emma's still open when I get back, I will return, a la Rachel Green as the ‘runaway bride', but please don't forget me ok. Thank you to everyone for making my time here so gr8. I'm going to miss you sluts.

[emrberts]

RT @hemsworthliam: Always⚡️

[fybillielourd]

Billie Lourd and Emma Roberts with FIJI Water At amfAR’s Inspiration Gala Los Angeles at Milk Studios on October 29, 2015 in Hollywood, California.

[emrberts]

Text ✉️ Queen of the World

Di: Is asking what happened overstepping boundaries? Was it just a thing where the two of you started to grow apart? Of course you can! I'm always here for you, love. I'll gladly take the offer. It'd be an absolute honor to walk you down the aisle. See, this is exactly why I love you so much. You're the absolute best. I'll just watch from the sidelines as they all trample each other to get ahold of it.

Di: You should be! This is such an amazing thing and I'm so beyond happy for you! You're getting married! xD Oh, god. I'm already terrified for what she has in store.

Emma: It's okay, it's not a secret or anything. My mom kinda got sick of his behaviour, with the arrests and everything, so she got a divorce and raised me herself. I barely ever saw him growing up, and now he's remarried and got himself a new little family to concentrate on, but honestly it's taught me independence that I wouldn't have got otherwise. My mom's my role model, she's a champ.

Emma: Even though it was supposed to be you I'm marrying? I've gone back on my word. I suck. How about a polyamorous marriage? I vow to protect you from her crazy plans, even if it's a suicide mission.

[emrberts]

text✉ ride or die

Anna: If the sex is as good as you say, just print out a picture of his dick and I'll show it to you every time you get nervous. I'll also give you the option of running away with me before the wedding if things get too crazy, don't worry.

Anna: I already yelled at him, he said he showed your mom the ring but not me... like?? We need to work on his priorities. Excuse me, if I had planned it, it would've been super romantic but also exciting. Like "search through the pound of pot until you find the prize" while in airport security - I'm all about an adrenaline rush.

Emma: I'll get it framed too and once we're married I'll hang it above the fireplace. Pride of place. I'm sure he wouldn't mind, he has nothing to be embarrassed about. Tempting. Where would we live out the rest of our days?

Emma: How very dare he??? The audacity??? I'm lowkey upset you didn't propose to me now, I would've enjoyed that challenge.

[emrberts]

Text ✉️ Queen of the World

Di: That's kind of sad.. I mean, I guess I could see why he wouldn't be too thrilled, but still.. having your dad walk you down the aisle is still something that just seems incredibly important.. either way, though, I'd be happy to have the honor if it was given to me. I'll even give Evan the stern glare right before I give you away and everything. But, you'll be fine! Just don't get cold feet. I'll make it look like I'm participating in that, but no -- I will not be fighting to other girls to have it in my hands.

Di: Well, now I'm super excited to see the dresses! God, I can't wait. This is so exciting! That's a lie, you're going to look absolutely stunning. You'll put me to shame, easily. Well, your bitches are here and we'll be happy to help with anything you need.

Emma: That used to be the dream, but it became very unrealistic the older I got and the more distant we became. Now I think I would much rather have someone like you by my side, you've been a much more active participant in my life, and I can always count on you to be there for me, so the offer's there if you want it. Okay, I'll do you a deal and make sure I aim away from you, so you're not caught in the scramble and can come away unscathed.

Emma: I'm way too excited, honestly. We're going to have so much fun. I've put Anna in charge of organizing the bachelorette party so it's probably a wise idea to take out life insurance now.

[emrberts]

I’m sorry, I forgot to mention you’re never down for anal. Yes, I am, maybe. I get really happy when you call me “Mr fiancee”, it’s cute, I have to get used to it. don’t I? You are a tiny person, maybe you should forget about it and try something else. Something for a dwarf, maybe.

You’re forgiven this one time. Just because Lady Gaga let you in the backdoor, jeez. I thought it was cute myself for a grand total of five seconds, then I just couldn’t believe something so cutesy came out of my mouth and I got ashamed of myself. Still gonna call you it though. So, something more along the lines of an extra on The Lord Of The Rings? I see how it is.

[emrberts]

Always do. Yeah, you never know. What if I say yes and what if I say no?

The answer to those two options are simply life and death.

[emrberts]

If this is a thing that we’re eligible to do, I’m totally coming with you. I may be too short to be considered a model. But fuck all the obstacles that hold us back from our destiny.

That’s just another reason we need to do this. We’re both so short that currently if we walked into a modelling agency they’d think we were delivering the mail- but after we win America’s Next Top Model we’d be shitting over their current requirements and paving the way for hundreds of other midgets who just want to parade down an aisle in Christian Dior. We’d be trailblazers. Toddler-sized trendsetters that would change the world and bring hope to others like us that weren’t blessed with the legs of Kate Moss. Are you with me?

[emrberts]

I don’t actually think there is. I mean, half the artists who go on the Voice are already established, so this is kind of just one of those cases, right? Not to mention, they’ll probably undermine you because of your height, so you’ll have the shock factor. Just make sure to seem less put together at auditions, this way you set the bar low and rise above it.

I’m hiring you as my advisor and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not a job offer, more of a “tell me what to do because you have this all figured out while I can barely work out my limit on drinking vodka, or I’ll kidnap you and make you do it anyway”.

[emrberts]

Who says you need to be on the show to rock that look? I’d do it on the daily.

All I need to do is kidnap Tyra and a bird cage.

Well, you know, I’d rather be on a popular tv show getting paid for it than getting arrested for kidnapping the host. But you go ahead and do that, Styles. Lets see who gets the most out of it in the end.

[jfc-jacob]

I don’t think so? I mean I don’t watch the show, but I think you should sign up. But the photo shoots do seem a little hard to do.

[emrberts]

You do realise you just dropped yourself in it, right Gyllenhal? How do you know the photoshoots are hard if you don't watch it, hey? I see you. You're the number one fan really.

[haizhq]

Wait a minute, I thought that show was canceled? 

[emrberts]

Damn it, how does a man know more about it than I do? Is that a guilty pleasure of yours?

[emrberts]

You’re very welcome. I know I am. How’re you, Roberts?

I’m pretty good, thanks. I have a lot to be smiling at at the moment, so no complaints. And how about you?

[emrberts]

text ✉ princess emma ♛

Liana: that's cute, using Adele to talk me in to it

Liana: But I'm in

Emma: You know, I'm having second thoughts- all of my bridesmaids are real life angels and I'm going to look shitty in comparison. If you can't ugly yourself up by the time the wedding day comes around- you're out.

Emma: Real talk; you're all going to look absolutely stunning and I'm already discussing your dresses ok.

[noora-novak]

Well next time you see her, tell her that I’m in love with her. 

[emrberts]

You know, I would, but with a face like yours there's a possibility she'd fall in love with you, and I can't be dealing with you being like- my uncle in law, or something.

[emrberts]

No clue, call up Tyra and ask.

I must’ve lost her number. Probably left it next to Harrison Ford’s, dammit. Do you happen to have those sort of connections?