In Honor of Kerrigan

Jeremy John, Old, Illinois. Gamer. Pan. Too shy to exist.

[depsidase]

[en-taro-kerrigan]

Mona died on Mothers day. Man.

She was only 9, but it’s been a long 9 years. She gave me so much.

Happy Mother’s Day, baby girl. Rest well.

[en-taro-kerrigan]

She’s gone.

She laid there, unblinking, for 3 hours after I found her for meds. She reached for me whenever I let go of her paw. She liked how tightly I was holding it. Brother and I talked about video games and how great she was while we rubbed and held her. She puked her stomach acid empty and stopped breathing just before 7am, then started breathing again a couple minutes later, after I had already accepted that she was gone. She held on for another hour until she started gasping for air. I woke my parents and we held her together as her gasping came and went for a while. We kept her in the sun for warmth, watching the birds out the window in her last moments. Finally, her heartbeat grew fainter and fainter until she was gone.

Father didn’t even ask the price for cremation. I said I wanted her to stay with her daughters and accepted. I’ve been preparing to fight for that for a week, when I first accepted that I was losing her.

Toni was sad, but supportive and happy knowing how good a life Mona lived.

I’m sad, but I’m relieved. She’s been struggling for so long with her condition. She went from 2.8kg to 2.1kg in the span of 3 weeks between her vet visit and the emergency visit. Her bowels just weren’t moving anymore. She’d flip between munching kibble like a gremlin and completely avoiding food like the plague. When she stopped going for food, she had one day where treats she previously hated lit up those big bright eyes like beacons. Then those stopped working too.

Her daughters can go back to normal food now, and I can clean up all the things I laid out to convenience her. I think it’s even time to get rid of the love seat.

Thank you Brooke, Momma Kitty, Mona. You were a good girl, and you gave us two weirdos and let another family have another 2. I’ll never forget your eyes or the way you rules the house, even setting Tessie straight. I’ll always love you.

[en-taro-kerrigan]

Every day for the past month, I've gone to bed hoping Mona would magically be better when I woke up.

Every day for the past week, I've just been hoping to find poop in her litter box.

I think tonight is the night I go to bed wondering if she'll be there when I wake up.

At least she had a few moments where she seemed the happiest I've seen her in a long time.

Thin, tiny, and scraggly, but her big eyes were so bright.

[gaystation4]

[it-appears-that-bruno-has-deact]

lynchian

[flamier]

[en-taro-kerrigan]

I made it a good while, huh?

[suigintou]

it must be said the ancient greeks got a little funny with it

[cryoverkiltmilk]

Parry this, you filthy Macedonian.

[yourtongzhihazel]

[thisbibliomaniac]

[sarahseeandersen]

[en-taro-kerrigan]

My mind keeps recounting Everything as if I were talking at a therapist

even though I haven’t spoken with a therapist in years. By the middle of the page, it’s usually more like I’m writing a confession

Latest dream was L hunting me down in the same mall as the last dreamed beatdown and hazing me for once again writing any semblance of me playing the victim in the experience.

She looked good. Healthier than the last time. More angry than sad, but I think I large part of that was just her having to deal with me again after being free for so long.

She acted as if I had posted the thoughts online again and she’d been forced to read them again and forced to be here out of a duty to act.

I don’t really remember putting up a fight, but the dream’s too faded now to remember the finer details.

I’ve seen her frustrated before, and I saw her express actual anger towards me once. But I don’t think her face is actually capable of the rage I dreamed, but it will haunt me nonetheless.

[enki2]

[en-taro-kerrigan]

I've let myself think way too much again lately which is human and super cool I guess especially when I've pushed away everyone who used to listen

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

one time I had a dream that I unlocked a secret never-before-discovered achievement in Disco Elysium by squeezing into various nooks and crannies and got a special copotype called “Crevice Cop: seek out and inhabit crevices like some kind of man-spider” and I thought yeah!!! man-spider!!! crevice cop!!! this game GETS me!!!

and then I woke up to find that I had fallen partially down into the gap between my partner’s bed and the wall and was horrifically contorted and in agonizing bodily pain from sleeping in a position only comfortable to a brown recluse

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

[tophatpie-deactivated20250910]

SO FIREFOX BROKE

I WENT TO CLEAR MY CACHE N STUFF SINCE DOWNLOADS WERE BEING SLOW AND FIREFOX SAYS MY COOKIES TAKE UP

17,179,869,185 GB

THAT'S LIKE 17 TIMES THE ENTIRE FUCKING INTERNET WHAT DID I DO WHAT HAPPENED

[tophatpie-deactivated20250910]

SMALL UPDATE

it was YOU

[aomitois]

google's entire server space is masquerading as cookies on ur browser and is stored on your pc specifically. sorry

[nami-castle]

i just found this old picture of a get well card i made for my coworker who got shot and was in the hospital

[thememedaddy]

[dancefloors]

Right now Israel's bombing Rafah, the last refuge for a million Palestinians, where they were previously ORDERED to evacuate to and are now trapped in while the US news cycle is dominated by Big Football Game And Celebrities In Attendance (at which Israel also aired a million dollar propaganda video). I wish I could say this is unbelievable.

[dancefloors]