This marks the day where the life vouchsafe upon me parted ways from my human body. I've come to the point where I accepted my fate. Heaven or hell. You can never step back from death. That's the concept of life. I guess I've fulfilled my duties in earth as a student, a daughter, a woman, and as a human being.
When I was at my worst , I would ask myself what it feels like to be dead. In all common sense, you won't literally feel anything anymore since your body in lifeless. Your face will be pale and your body will get cold. Not a single finger in your hand will move because your time has stopped. But rather, what would it feel like to be a lingering soul invisible in one's naked eyes.
Nonetheless, I am forever grateful for being able to experience living life. It is indeed like a roller coaster ride. It's full of ups and downs. Twists and turns. I can't believe all of the things I've done have ended at the speed of light. I wish it never did. But I realized that we didn't know we grew tired yet it felt so hard to leave at the same time.
To my parents who did nothing but shower me with pure love, to my courageous brother who fought his battles to survive life, and to my friends who believed in me and found my purpose, if they only knew how much I cherish them with all my heart. They added colors to prevent my life from drowning in a monochromatic void. They became the missing puzzle piece to my incomplete masterpiece.
I hope this will serve as statement to each and everyone of you who have become part of my life. This was never a last goodbye. Let this be my farewell and excuse to leave the universe here my soul can finally rest in peace. And somewhere in paradise, we'll meet again.
Being the only daughter in the household, I always wondered what it feels like to have a sibling. We we're doing great as family of four including my mom, my dad, and me back then when we used to live under the same roof as my grandmother. Yet something feels missing and it keeps bugging me since we somehow look incomplete without it.
As of February 16, 2014, we we're blessed with another addition to the family. A lovely baby boy in which they named that'll sound similar to mine, Eldran Rei. Even our relatives fancy the name so much they grew fond of him the moment he was introduced to either side of my kin.
I couldn't contain my happiness once I knew I am going to be a big sister as it has been a dream of mine to become one. At first glance, I thought he was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. Given his mestizo features, plump cheeks, small, cherry lips, and sharp nose. He was swaddled in my mother's arms after a few hours of birthing him out of her womb.
He's unlike any other kid. Later then we found out he was diagnosed with Congenital Heart Disease at such a young age. They'd visit the hospital every few months or whenever his designated doctor would give them their schedule for a check-up.
Who knew a child could have such a fragile a heart and God meant it literally. As we grew up, I noticed how I'm lacking in certain areas as a sister to him. In fact, the more he was close to me, the more I'd hurt him for I wasn't being careful with my own actions. But once he was born into this world, I can't even imagine my life without him anymore. He became part of my future plans. To take him and see the beauty of the world upon him.
It didn't matter if they're sick. Once you felt some sort of affection towards someone, you'd continue to value them until you knew the importance of acknowledging once presence and someone's life.
There's this time we tag along with my father's workmates on a trip to Tagaytay. At first, the weather was kind of unsettling. I do not want to go out in a gloomy weather. The vehicle and the overall cost of the trip wasn't the problem. The question is, "Am I going to have fun?", "If I endured my carsickness, will it be worth it?". Not gonna lie. I love hanging out, especially when I'm with my family. But doing it with people I barely interact with won't be easy. Knowing how much of an introvert I am, I knew I wasn't gonna last long. I'd go running to my mom, begging her for us to go home already. But you never really know what's in store for the next few hours.
We went to this place called "Fantasy World". The place looked uncanny once I stepped in. No people, dried leaves scattered everywhere, and just pure silence. I recently watched a documentary regarding the place. It was established by a Japanese man but was put into pause when they got low on budget and was left behind. It funny how we visited an abandoned place without the sidewalks. I caught a glimpse of the beautiful scenery in my glistening eyes. The gush of wind was just fleeing the worries and stress I felt at that time. It's like time stopped for a moment. They're busying themselves by taking pictures while I admire the sound of birds chirping as they fly across the sky, and embracing the gift of nature. Being there isn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Our last stop would be at Puzzle Mansion. It became the fun part of the whole trip for me. I found myself staring at one the most renowned collections displayed in the acrylic cases. Nevertheless, all of them were complete masterpieces. We even got some magnets and other souvenirs to bring home. Shortly after, we had a meal in a nearby restaurants before returning back to our humble abodes.
By the time my father claimed his very first car, he couldn't help but cherish it with all his heart. That's when he planned a family getaway in Tagaytay with just the four of us including my mom, my brother, and me. As well as to get his car blessed in one its known churches, "The Pink Sisters". Using his newly bought gray Chevrolet Spin, we drove off to the land where the adventure starts.
I can already feel the adrenaline rushing throughout the car ride as it is my dad's first time taking us on a trip with his car. I remember my mom scolding him about it since he can be a bit clumsy sometimes and t old him to wait until he gets used to driving on far places. But no one can stop the breadwinner of the family. Gladly the whole trip went safe and nobody was harmed.
Going back, as soon as we arrived at our first stop, I immediately hopped off and felt the fresh air. The sun shone brighter but it never competed with the coolness of the air. Getting the car blessed never felt safer. The drive to Picnic Grove was smooth like butter. Luckily the area wasn't packed with a bunch of people. It's easy for us to accommodate a space where we can set-up our pika-pika foods. Of course pictures is no exception. Once the timer on the camera started its countdown, we got out poses ready. That's another memory that flashed afore my eyes that I'll never forget.
Why hardworking people are more successful that those who work smarter
a testimonio
I came across this particular video as I was scrolling on TikTok to pass some time. Wherein one of its top recommendations is about "academic validation". It's funny how the app's algorithm can strongly influence and empower people. That's when this question popped in my mind, "Why hard working people are more successful than those who work smarter?"
To make things clear, I'm not saying that those who work hard are not smart. Considering that one's intelligence can be categorized or classified rather. But there's a huge difference between working smarter and working harder, and here's why.
Being a student/learner for 14 years, one thing I notice is how my former classmates, who are often seen and described as smart and academically excellent, have gone through their downfalls. You're probably wondering why this happens to certain people who re lazy. I am not generalizing them but some think they'd go through their life with just their minds without actions. They rely too much on the potential of their brains and academic achievements like medals and certificates of recognition. But really, it's hard to predict where this could lead someone.
The thing about hard working people is that they think strategically. They picture what they want for their future self and that's how they're able to formulate ideas and has plans to execute them properly.
No hate for smarties but few people I know that some used to perceive as "literally smart" aren't really thinking good enough and would always cling on their superiority complex such as the immense capacity of their mind.
In a nutshell, what's the point of being smart if you're lazy and don't have enough motivation to do some actions yet you're questioning yourself why haven't you become successful like those you think you can surpass on because you think they're inferior.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
We never truly know what lies in one's smile. People often show themselves as if life's doing it easy for them. Not until we get to know them more as we grow up. That's the time when we think that if we put ourselves in their shoes, you'd understand that people go through certain hardships they never told you every time they narrate the story of their lives.
Every time I recognize my mother's face, there's always this unsaid emotions I often felt. From her black hair with white highlights, her small eyes, undefined nose, and pale lips. As if everything heavy that my heart carries has decreased until it becomes easy to breathe again. All the worries and problems distracting my mind are long gone.
Marilyn Bohulano is quite known for her humble and down to earth personality. I was never the type to show how affectionate I am to someone but I love her from the bottom of my heart.
There's something about her that makes me feel relieved. Especially in the way she talks, her soothing voice is there to remind me how beautiful I am and how important I am to her. You can never judge a mother's instinct and sense. But what intrigues me the most is how the glint in her eyes tells a lot of things she's yet to express. It's fascinating that she sees the what's positive in everything or everyone that surrounds her.
However, behind the positive facade she shows to people is the tiredness and pain that is left unsaid. She knew that expressing the side of hers shouldn't interfere in a certain situation. Remaining positive and hiding her weaknesses so as not to worry her loved ones.
As a daughter, it took me a long time to distinguish what lies behind her gleeful expression she used to present herself in front of people. As someone whose undergoing the stage of puberty, it can be a bit hard for parents to handle them as they get curious of themselves wherein the level of emotion increases. This is the point where it become challenging for them to validate their feelings. I can see how my mom's trying to counsel me the best she could when I got anxious for a week despite other problems she's currently facing.
That's where I learnt to appreciate my mother even more. For me, she's the epitome of an undervalued art. I see the best in her when everyone only see her flaws. Her face is as beautiful as Mary on a cross. She's not perfect but she's the mother all I could ever ask for.
----- It's not just a word on its own. If we're going to delve into the whole concept of "beauty" it is more than just having a pretty face and the kindness of the soul. In fact, being pretty and being beautiful is completely different. As Margaret Wolfel Hungerford said, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." There are certain things in life that are bewitching in someone's eyes that I may not or can't perceive as one and vice versa.
----- A host once asked me, "What is true beauty?". If we're going to analyze the question, it's simple yet the vastness of its answer lies on the response my mouth's about to emit. Beauty is subjective. Every answer related to a question related to this topic is opinionated as it what makes it diverse. But the question is having a hard time sinking in my mind. Its simplicity is unfathomable.
----- What makes it hard for me to distinguish is because it has never concerned me before. The thought of defining beauty in my own words has never crossed my mind. And I never knew that one day, it'll be so much of a big deal, enough to press my mentality to the gutter. It has all the possible answers, but which one?
----- Beauty is "art" as described on how the words were used in a prose, and paintings that conveyed a deep meaning, but the inspiration can be uncanny. It can also be perceived as "picture perfect" as described in a person-- hourglass, slim or bulk figure, clear skin, pleasing scent, smart, having the right sense of fashion, privilege, and everything ideal in one's facade, not until you get to know what's behind it. They're beautiful as roses but as prickly as the thorns that grew in their stem. I'm not saying that they're dangerous. It's more like their ugly side.
-----Even as a critic, you get criticized back. The problem is they keep insisting it to themselves to the point it go so heavy I fell through the earth. Spots decorated on the face, flabby body, dull hair-- were characteristics that remained unacceptable in today's society. Their soft skin turned into leather, plastic and told not to be dramatic. Because no one will love them if they're unattractive.
----- But the true eye of the beholder could never discriminate a single flaw and one's distinctness-- skin color and race, or even in status, and would think of the positive sides that help bloom the beauty within someone despite the disparity of others.
----- Few years later, I was asked with the same question again. Finally I clapped back, "True beauty is seen through the heart, no through the eye."
misanthrope n. a person who dislikes humankind and avoids human society.
anthropocene n. period of time during which human activities have impacted the environment enough to constitute a distinct geological change.
"I love humanity; it's people I can't stand." - Charles M. Schulz
This user is a Grimes enthusiast.
by Enah Lei Bohulano (12-Dewey)
CREATIVE NONFICTION (MASTERLIST)
The chaos within-
Knowing Thyself: A dreamer who lost its passion and how she found a spark of hope
(an autobiography)
For once, I called myself a dreamer. A visionary. An idealist. An imaginative woman. It starts with a change of perception towards the world we're living in today. As someone who is fond of reading books, watching cartoons appropriate for my age, and observing the people around me, I know it is something that will shape me intro a different person rather than just being someone who yearns to finish education or enjoy simple things in life.
Read here.
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Life's Miserable Encounters: A Ceaseless Journey Throughout the Breakdowns
(a biography)
She was a mess in distress. Danica Pura was always torn between two things. Setting foot into the real world has never been so challenging for her after graduating college. She's the type to train her mind through a variety of opportunities ahead of her. But reality can be harsh sometimes. Especially when we're in the stage where we feel like the heaviest burdens in our lives is the cause why we can't move our feet to keep going on.
Read here.
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Quaffed the Remaining Leisure: Life in a Vivid Dream (a personal narrative)
Has it ever occur to you? To be delving too much to the world unknown. To get yourself consumed by the darkest state of your mind. Because I've been there. This is how the other side of the universe opened its doors for me when I tried to run away from my quandaries.
Read here.
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Frontier between Two Worlds: A Sweet Escape to Her Silent Sanctuary (a reaction to a personal narrative)
Skimming through Kimberly Cortesano's personal narrative, I already knew we share something that only the both of us could understand. We're definitely riding the same boat all this time. There's this special sympathy within as we go through each other's feelings.
Read here.
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Peculiar Minds: Sublimity of the Eccentric Mental Phenomena (a reflective essay)
I've reached the point where other people's opinions didn't matter to me anymore. In the eye of the storm, I am built poles apart from the others. But once I learned that it is what makes me odd and remarkable at the same time, I didn't let the negative insights of people affect the distinctiveness of my ideas.
Read here.
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The Beauty Hypothesis: Nurturing the Natural Nature of Our Own Beings (a definition essay)
It's not just a word on its own. If we're going to delve into the whole concept of "beauty" it is more than just having a pretty face and the kindness of the soul. In fact, being pretty and being beautiful is completely different. As Margaret Wolfel Hungerford said, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." There are certain things in life that are bewitching in someone's eyes that I may not or can't perceive as one and vice versa.
Read here
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Behind her Wonderful Facade: A Mother's Love and Sacrifice (a facial recognition)
We never truly know what lies in one's smile. People often show themselves as if life's doing it easy for them. Not until we get to know them more as we grow up. That's the time when we think that if we put ourselves in their shoes, you'd understand that people go through certain hardships they never told you every time they narrate the story of their lives.
Read here
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The Fruit of Hard Work: Why hard working people are more successful than those who work smarter (a testimonio)
I came across this particular video as I was scrolling on TikTok to pass some time. Wherein one of its top recommendations is about "academic validation". It's funny how the app's algorithm can strongly influence and empower people. That's when this question popped in my mind, "Why hard working people are more successful than those who work smarter?"
Read here
++
The Cool Breeze of Tagaytay: Unforgettable Moments in Time (a travelogue)
There's this time we tag along with my father's workmates on a trip to Tagaytay. At first, the weather was kind of unsettling. I do not want to go out in a gloomy weather. The vehicle and the overall cost of the trip wasn't the problem. The question is, "Am I going to have fun?", "If I endured my carsickness, will it be worth it?". Not gonna lie. I love hanging out, especially when I'm with my family. But doing it with people I barely interact with won't be easy. Knowing how much of an introvert I am, I knew I wasn't gonna last long. I'd go running to my mom, begging her for us to go home already. But you never really know what's in store for the next few hours.
Read here
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In One's Heartbeat: Recognizing the Importance of Someone's Life (a literary journalism)
Being the only daughter in the household, I always wondered what it feels like to have a sibling. We we're doing great as family of four including my mom, my dad, and me back then when we used to live under the same roof as my grandmother. Yet something feels missing and it keeps bugging me since we somehow look incomplete without it.
Read here
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Somewhere in paradise, we'll meet again (a self-obituary)
This marks the day where the life vouchsafe upon me parted ways from my human body. I've come to the point where I accepted my fate. Heaven or hell. You can never step back from death. That's the concept of life. I guess I've fulfilled my duties in earth as a student, a daughter, a woman, and as a human being.
----- I've reached the point where other people's opinions didn't matter to me anymore. In the eye of the storm, I am built poles apart from the others. But once I learned that it is what makes me odd and remarkable at the same time, I didn't let the negative insights of people affect the distinctiveness of my ideas.
----- Being the only one of its kind is the greatest gift to be bestowed upon one's life. It took me some time to have that sense of purpose in certain aspects without trying to fit in just to be like the others. I learned how to accept the idiosyncrasy of my sanity. It didn't matter to what extent I got weirder and weirder. In fact, most people can't see the beauty of someone being able to establish their identities--- adding quirkiness to fashion sense or being able to name the colors in a broader perspective.
----- Seeing things with a much deeper comprehension than most people would. I discovered how my thoughts are pretty much occupied by the vividness of my own imaginations. Cherishing my disparity is another way of understanding and loving myself as a student, a daughter, and as a human.
----- Has it ever occur to you? To be delving too much to the world unknown? To get yourself consumed by the darkest state of your mind. Because I've been there. This is how the other side of the universe opened its doors for me when I tried to run away from my quandaries.
----- I refuse to take a sip from a bottle of extortionate champagne or any alcoholic beverage. But once I did, I was introduced to a world where everything felt more surreal than ever. It'll lure you for more until it gets addicting but not to the point where it is a result of making bad choices. Yet the pent up emotions will no longer be isolating itself inside the chambers of my heart.
----- As if I just stepped in utopia and I've never felt so euphoric every time I chug it down and feel the burning sensation down my throat Emitting out words I can't manage to say when I'm sober. Its pungent smell and bittersweet taste became a hurdle to the meticulous yet disturbing thoughts lingering in my mind. I was in a delirium of confusion and excitement.
----- People would usually let the ethanol take over their consciousness. Instead, I am reminded of the momentary things that simply bring joy. Enough to let me see stars and constellations. As if I'm wandering in a different dimension where my phantom drifted into. I let the drink do wonders in my head. Creating some sort of phantasms. I thought that this was my salvation. Everything on the outside terrifies me. Somehow, these series of hallucinations made by a single liquor is temporary escape from too much self-loathing.
----- Other than that, I never realized how tires I was dealing with anything. I always wondered what the world sees in me and how the world sees me.
----- The means of fleeing away just to find the sense of contentment and not facing the monsters muddling in my mind, screaming malicious threats to break me apart, made me realize that what I once thought was a living dream could also be a living nightmare in disguise. I was so lost I didn't even know where I was even going. Last thing I know is I'm in a state of reverie. But it was never a fantasy when I'm falling down the so-called firmaments that formed in my head and being trapped in the depths of the achromatic void.
----- The boundaries between both worlds' a blur. Unlike reality, no one's here to conjure and save me from being trapped by the web of my own creations but myself. In order to get back up to the surface, you have to let go of that excess baggage that's been keeping you from going back and learn to embrace what's destined for you. We tend to feel the likes of happiness, sadness, and anger --- and that's okay. Afterall, t's what makes us human.
----- Keep in mind that someday, you will be free.
----- Skimming through Kimberly Cortesano's personal narrative, I already knew we share something that only the both of us could understand. We're definitely riding the same boat all this time. There's this special sympathy within as we go through each other's feelings.
----- Leaving her comfort zone is a huge step for her. Afraid to face the fear of reality, she thought that keeping herself oblivious inside the abode hidden in the abyss of her mind would keep her safe. There are certain things that troubled her up until now. The likes of being judged and cowering over her mistakes keeps her from doing what she wants do in her life.
----- Albeit the stream of mishaps that continuously flows through the river of her life never let them make her drown or falter. In the midst of her subconsciousness, she can her whispers in hopes of pulling her out of her shell to embrace her flaws and allowing them to make her learn something from it.
----- Unlike reality, everything is predictable in one's safe space. It distracts you from the nuisance and misfortunes it could bring that'll make your mind go all over the place because of its tremendous amount of burdens they keep quilting on you.
----- If there's anything I realize is that I am not alone. And so are you. It's always a man vs. man situation. In the end, its always us who fought the battle against ourselves that enables us to distinguish who we are and what we're truly capable of. It takes a matter of time to find that courage to stand up in your own feet to confront the terrifying face of reality.
----- She was a mess in distress. Danica Pura was always torn between two things. Setting foot into the real world has never been so challenging for her after graduating college. She's the type to train her mind through a variety of opportunities ahead of her. But reality can be harsh sometimes. Especially when we're in the stage where we feel like the heaviest burdens in our lives is the cause why we can't move our feet to keep going on.
----- Being the youngest among five means being showered with most of the love from her relatives. Like any other kid, she's used to living her life playing traditional games with her friends, and can sometimes be a pain in the neck to her parents. Despite her naughty side, she's still the favored one in the family. Even after transitioning to high school where she learnt about the fun period in her life. Nothing is even more better than spending your childhood less worrisome and unproblematic.
----- However, college became her turning point. Taking the course of HRM with a desire to become a seawoman remained unfulfilled. She knew she was ready to face reality when stress and anxiety took a toll on her mentality. Luckily for her, she survived the few remaining days of college.
----- Thankfully her outgoing personality has opened up a lot of opportunities for her. She complained of not being able to apply what she learned to whatever work she was offered to. Although waiting for a specific work that is suitable to her degree would take ages. There's not a single day she never doubted her capabilities. Dominated by her own fears and thought full of 'what ifs'; "what if I can't really do it?", "what if I mess up?". In order to survive life, she tried out other work fields with minimum wages enough to support herself. Though it was never easy, if there's anything she learned from her experiences, that is to expect the unexpected.
----- For her to be looking all low-spirited is quite unusual for someone who is quite known for their jolliness. She would bewail over her commitments, only for her to realize that its been weighing too much for her to handle. Her love life is not an exception. Few guys she dated become besotted over her. And by that I mean they didn't last for a life time. Thinking that she'll be useful as a rebound. As if her feelings were just a plaything for them. The habit of impulse eating is enough to express her frustrations at the age of thirty and not being able to accomplish her goals that she planned out for her future self.
----- Garnering up every unfortunate event she confronted, she had a very chaotic and quite messed up life. No matter what has been bugging her guts to push further, that never stopped her from striving to keep her life stable.
----- In times of agony, positivity never left Danica's side. She poured her blood, sweat, and tears to get where she was right now. It may not be something she's been working for all her life, at least she's passionate about whatever she does. She's not doing everything by choice. She knew that coming across the unwanted borders has shaped her to become a better person and had her develop a more mellow personality.
----- Regardless of how bizarre the shape of significant the future is, it's just a salver. You have to take care not to break it. When you leave it alone it will gradually break down to serve as a roof that no matter what you do, it can't be restored. Through thick and thin, one's life always has an endless adventure.
A dreamer who lost its passion and how she found a spark of hope
an autobiography
----- For once, I called myself a dreamer. A visionary. An idealist. An imaginative woman. It starts with a change of perception towards the world we're living in today. As someone who is fond of reading books, watching cartoons appropriate for my age, and observing the people around me, I know it is something that will shape me into a different person rather than just being someone who yearns to finish education or enjoy simple things in life.
----- Growing up in the slums, contemplating the vulnerable people in our community has driven me with so much passion to become a doctor. Specifically, a pediatrician. Children always have a special place in my heart. During my childhood, I tended to get sick, incurable with just a smear of vaporubs or consuming medicines. There's this one time I broke my el-bone (Yes. I use to refer to it that way because I find it kind of witty). Visiting the hospital became a daily routine. Before I was admitted to my own room, I laid alongside whining children. It pains me to see them suffering various illnesses, despite it being normal to happen to children.
----- Aside from patients being my friends, I became great pals with the doctors who always keep me in check every time they pay me a visit. I always thought they're awesome professionals. I find it cool whenever they consult their patients and write them prescriptions.
----- I can somehow picture myself doing the same thing hereafter. Ever since then, I would make scenarios in my room. Using my stuffed toys as the patients and me as the doctor. If there's anything that I should be thankful for, that is for having such supportive parents. They even customized a white coat and a name template for me. Wearing it feels like I'm already living in my dream. That's how I see the vision of my future. That's how I call myself 'a visionary'.
----- But just like they always say, in order for a dream to be achieved, you might have to encounter some hurdles that'll hinder the strongest desires in your life. I've reached the point where I can't sense any motivation to pursue things. When it felt like everything is just an infatuation. At the age of eight, the death of my father had a huge impact on me. As if the colors have faded and I can no longer see the light down the path towards my dream. I struggled to stand on my own feet. Still not able to fathom the fact that losing someone would send waves of unsaid emotions. It affected my performance in school. My marks have dropped and my thoughts have gone disoriented, unabling me to make wise decisions for myself.
----- During the challenging times 2020 has given us, I have seen enough of what people have gone through. It aided me to perceive the truth about living your life. We go through certain hardships. There's these phases in life where we get to experience the things that are least jovial; loss, downfall, and false hope.
----- I admit we get to feel things like that. I may have failed to see the ones who continue to support me. The ones I turned a blind eye on. In spite of the series of distress, life goes on. The pain will eventually leave as long as you find a way to help yourself. And I did. I conquered every fear, and walked through every obstacle I encounter. From this moment, looking back from what I've been through, I know I have no other reason to give up. I guess I get to call myself a dreamer of yesterday, and still a dreamer today, tomorrow, and always.
