Often times my adhd and my autism just drive each other up the wall. On one hand, autism wants order and predictability. On the other, adhd wants novel experiences and new stimuli. They clash a lot. And a lot of the advice people with adhd get is along the lines of "just be more organized" or "have a routine" which is sort of like trying to tell a cat not to sleep on the sweater you laid out on the bed. Like you could try, but it's just gonna end up covered in cat fur anyway.
Something I find helps me is Flexible Routine, building a routine that allows for some variation. So for example, every morning I have the same routine: Wake up, boil water, bathroom, make tea, wash face, make cereal, eat cereal, do makeup, get dressed. I do this even on days when I don't have to go to work or else it just doesn't feel like I've started my system correctly. But within that routine, I can switch up what kind of make up I wanna wear that day, or I can switch out my cereal if I don't feel like cereal that day.
Another way of implementing this would be tasks for the day. On days off I'll have a list of tasks I want to accomplish. I'm working with limited attention span and limited energy so sometimes I know I'm not going to get everything done. But I have two categories of tasks: "functionally necessary" and "bonus" and I'll set the expectation of how many things need to get done (half, two-thirds, but never 100%) So if my work clothes are dirty and I work tomorrow, that gets put in the "functionally necessary" category, but if I have clean clothes for the next few days, that can be put into "bonus." If all my bowls are dirty, dishwasher is necessary, but if not then it can be bonus for the day. Framing it as functional rather than a measure of character helps to put your plan in perspective and takes some of that pressure off. And again, we see a routine that has some flexibility built in: would I like everything on that list to get done? Of course. But giving myself the space to acknowledge my limitations allows for more effective use of my time and energy.
Basically, knowing the general gist of the plan without needing to adhere to the letter is what I find works for me to get my adhd and autism to get along. Is it perfect? No! But it protects me from overwhelm, streamlines my day, and ensures that my basic needs are met. :)
(PS the idea of chores as functional vs moral is something I learned from KC Davis, of domesticblisters on tiktok, who makes content that has helped me immensely. She's also written a book, though I haven't read it but I very much want to.)
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