i wanted so badly to be someone else

maybe if i burn myself down i can grow from the ashes fic | instagram | answered queries

[endofadream]

The year is 2026, I have been following Rachel for 10 years. She is still so so fine 😭😩 It’s really neat that she’s continuing to create and write. I’m proud of her 💕

thank you so much 🥺 i can’t believe you’re still following me. that means the world ♥️

[endofadream]

for some reason my chrome rebooted my bookmarks straight back to 2013 and i've been clicking on every tumblr link and you're the ONLY one still with the same url. the bookmark was for klaine smut in true 2013 fashion. i feel vaguely haunted? anyway i just thought i'd let you know you'll always live on in my haunted chrome bookmarks

HAHAHAHA please this has me DYINGGGG. happy to haunt you eleven years later 🫶🏻

[endofadream]

idek if you still use tumblr and i'm too shy to ask you about it on bluesky but omg please please elaborate about this? ("missed the anniversary of the time i got a double take from taika 💔")

LOLLLL i pop in here occasionally, mostly to answer questions. so last year i went to the next goal wins Q&A at regal and i was like six or seven rows back, maybe? so definitely enough to be seen. anyway when he came out he was kind of looking around when he’d talk and i noticed he looked at me, away, back again a few times. like when people are scanning the room and they land on you for a bit and you can tell? i had a friend sitting directly behind me who even noticed it. unfortunately it is not anything more exciting than that!

[endofadream]

if you happen to see this or follow me on twitter, i’m also now on bluesky @ endofadream!

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Do you have an Instagram? The link on your Tumblr page directs to nowhere

oh shoot i forgot to change it

Welcome back to Instagram. Sign in to check out what your friends, family & interests have been capturing & sharing around the world.

[endofadream]

Uhhhh….. In your new beach photos…..your ass looks INCREDIBLE. Like actually perfect…..

i worked very hard on it so thank you 😇

[rabid-transcendentalist]

[cerayanay]

[endofadream]

🐾

Sending some boops a few days late of April Fool's Day, always nice to see you around!

♥️♥️♥️ always happy to pop back up from time to time 😇

[usersukuna]

Not now kitten, daddy's busy staring at gifs of old men kissing

[endofadream]

I hope you take this as a compliment but i bet you look so attractive in a bikini with all of those tattoos and piercings <3 i wish there was a bikini pic to see them all.

no this is def very sweet of you! i dislike how i look in bikinis so there aren’t many photos, sorry to say 😩

[endofadream]

Nice! Are there any other piercings you want to get? Tattoos as well?

i definitely want to get some more ear piercings and maybe my other nostril. still on the fence about getting my septum done. as for tattoos, there are SO many i want. far too many to list! my next goal is to finish up my first half sleeve and move on from there

[endofadream]

You just got tattooed and pierced right? What are all your tattoos and piercings now?

i did! it was just a third lobe piercing for my ears, nothing special since i hate getting pierced. but for tattoos, god, i’ve got over forty now and have an appointment next week for another one! the one i just got is another twenty one pilots tattoo 🫣

[rylandsgrace]

#Literally wlw on mlm violence

[endofadream]

“I have thought of you every day—“. Reads as if you are write a message to someone in your life. Like, as Rachel speaking to a past lover. am i on to something? Is this inspiration for feeling you have towards someone? It’s beautiful..

thank you! would you believe it is just simply about gay pirates

[baggnshield]

🥺🥺🥺 they're back

[endofadream]

i have thought of you every day since you left. i remember what your hand felt like on mine. i remember the warmth of your body. i remember your laughter, and how it always made me laugh in turn. i remember thinking: this is it. this is happiness. learning so much of someone else, dovetailing their edges to yours to make a more complete piece. this is love, and it’s warm, and sweet, like everything you enjoy in life.

i could have lived in the curve of your smile, the way your fingers curled around the handle of a teacup. i could have given everything of myself to you—and maybe i did, and maybe that’s why it hurts so much. like plucking out bits of yourself with ragged, bloody nails. given slowly, day by day: those fears, those dark things inside you; then those vulnerabilities, softness bared the way a timid dog shows its belly, desperate to be loved, trusting you won’t hurt it. maybe that’s why it feels like i’m hollowed out like an old, sickly tree. because you did hurt me. when i wake up, and remember i’m alone. when i realise, in the darkness, that giving myself didn’t keep you here.

i think of you every day. i ache every day, hands clawed inward, wrapped around the mass of viscera inside me just to feel alive. i hate you, and yet still i love you. god, but i love you.