Well ain't that a Kicker?

See the things I'd love to say in real life.

[vintar]

i’m watching a british youtuber’s birthday stream and an aussie viewer sent in a comment saying “why was he born so beautiful, why was he born at all? because he had no say in it, no say in it at all” which was received with confused existential horror, and this is how i just discovered that australian happy birthday songs are not universal

[argumate]

oops

[languageoclock]

do you not sing this in other countries?!?!??

[stele3]

NO we do not sing a lament for someone’s personal beauty wishing they’d never been born. That is some weird Greek tragedy shit.

[schrammes-ramblings]

@n0rmandysr1 what the fuck

[darkestaftermidnight]

It’s not just the birthday songs. I was terrified when I gave our new Australian-raised coworker some advice, and he responded with “your blood is worth bottling.” Turns out it’s a common phrase there, but why?

[vintar]

this is the first time i’ve ever considered that this phrase miiiiight not sound like the friendly compliment it’s supposed to be

[emelang]

Google doodles to celebrate the birthday of Steve Irwin (22 February 1962 – 4 September 2006)

[defineyourterms]

[jelloapocalypse]

Original Scooby-Doo is hilarious

[movedaccount12345-deactivated20]

Oh look it’s God

[the-worm-man]

He made it with his thought and 0.000001% power

[aqueerkettleofish]

I remember this episode and it’s worth pointing out that all of the villian-in-rubber-mask’s hijinks were explained…. BUT THIS WASN’T.

[cptsdwillgraham-deactivated2019]

i’m fucking begging everyone on this website to learn how to use a search engine because i just saw a post with 700,000 notes that asserted that crying physically drains Unbalanced Emotion Chemicals from your brain. yes this is literally a medieval humorist theory

[bogfox]

We should know by now that unbalanced emotions can only be drained by leeches

[cptsdwillgraham-deactivated2019]

now this is the kind of rigorous medical science i want to hear

[thesymski]

HIS OWN FATHER….

[joshanddrake]

[apollogise]

I blame josh for me being so sarcastic

[racingbarakarts]

My fiancé just whispered in my ear, “you’re my secret Santa”

so I said “what?”

And he went, “ah shit I meant soulmate”

[racingbarakarts]

The boy forgot the word for soulmate and his brain thought, “it’s called secret Santa”

[pacificrim-archive]

[hotboyproblems]

Me spending any money that's physical cash and not in my bank account total : this doesn't count as spending, it's not real. It doesn't exist

[weloveshortvideos]

Moseby has lost it…

[binches-deactivated20220521]

this was so moving… i really hope they cast him in the next pitch perfect movie

[everythingfox]

Fox Hunting

[ghostsandgoblins]

[fiveseatisthepowerhouse]

My second week on the crew team, our coach pulled the women’s team around after practice. Since we’d made it this far, he figured we’d stick the season out and it was time to lay down some ground rules, especially since most of our team are true novices. I’ve found his rules to be valuable, so I thought I’d share them.

1) Eat. You are now an athlete. You will need the calories, especially as you build more muscle mass. Chances are you will need to eat more. You can carry granola bars with you, eat 4 medium meals a day, drink protein shakes, do what works for you. Cutting calories while doing two workouts a day is not safe. If you’re a vegetarian or have a dietary restriction, ask questions and plan what you eat so you don’t end up nutrient deficient. 

2) You are not to step on a scale. Your body is going to change as you adapt to the sport. Muscle weights more than fat. Your weight doesn’t matter. What matters is that, because you are doing the work, you are getting stronger. (Our team doesn’t separate by weight class).

3) If anyone gives you shit about how you look or eat, crush them. You’re going to have the muscle to do it in no time. You’re all god damn Wonder Women and don’t you forget it.

He then walked over to the huddle of novice men and gave them the same lecture. They are also god damn Wonder Women.

[fuckyeahcrossfit]

fittest boye

[babyanimalgifs]

Two things:

1. I don’t have a cat………… 2. I DON’T HAVE A CAT

via @brenaclifton

[justagirlelle-deactivated202103]

Now you do.

[agirlwithwingsnonecansee]

He is now your guide

[darlinghogwarts]

My favorite thing ever is how Ron just sent Charlie a random letter like “hey yo there’s an illegal dragon at hogwarts, could you come and smuggle it out of here, please?” and Charlie was just like “yeah sure, I’ll trespass into the castle and steal a dangerous magical creature, of course, lemme just hit up my friends”

[ginathethundergoddess]

It’s better if you imagine Charlie and co as a group of Grad Students trying to avoid their other responsibilities.

[hippity-hoppity-brigade]

Charlie is drunkenly revising the third draft of his thesis on proper care and feeding of greenhorns when his family owl slams into the window. 

Three of his friends jump and look around. Glinda doesn’t raise her head from her folded arms; only groans, “Is that Baines coming to do me in?” 

Charlie totters to the window and fetches Errol from the window pane. “No such luck,” he says. “You’re still going to have to take the exam.” After some consideration, Charlie lays him on a clear patch of floor to recover. “Do owls take firewhiskey?” he asks the room at large. 

“It’s not fair,” Glinda wails into the tabletop. “I swear he didn’t say anything about Bridgewort’s handling practices when we did the review in class.” 

“Oh, Merlin,” says Ali, freezing over their notes like a Medusa wyvern had bitten them. “Oh, Merlin’s sweet saggy socks. Is he covering Bridgewort?” 

“That’s what he said when I went to his office hours.” Glinda sits up. “You know his lapdragon singed my new sweater?!” 

Charlie decides not to give Errol a nip of whiskey. Flying under the influence is really not done. He unties the letter from Errol’s leg. Ron’s childish spiky handwriting spells out Charlie’s name on the front. Inside is a hastily scrawled message. 

“Yes, we know it ruined your sweater,” snaps Ysabelle. “You told us twenty times. Why didn’t you tell us Baines told you we’re going to be tested on Bridgewort?” 

“I meant to,” says Glinda. “Sorry.” She flicks her pile of notes. “I was lost in the miasma of gloom and desperation.” 

Ali puts their head back and groans. “I’m gonna die. I’m gonna say ‘fuck it’ and just fucking walk into a dragon’s mouth so I don’t have to do this.” 

“Hey,” says Charlie. They don’t hear him. 

“How much is this worth again?” Glinda asks her bottle of butterbeer. 

“Twenty-five percent,” Ali and Ysabelle chorus. Ysabelle adds, “and the thesis is fifty percent of our total grade.” 

“Hey!” Charlie repeats. They look at him. He waves Ron’s letter. “My littlest brother at Hogwarts has an illegal dragon he needs to get off campus. Anybody up for a midnight flight?” 

Ali slams their hands down on the table and stands up. “Fuck yes,” they say decisively. “Maybe I’ll fly into the Whomping Willow and die a quick death.” 

[dressesandalchemy]

Welcome to grad school

[blue-corvid]

Charlie’s friends: I want to die

Charlie: