A friend messaged me one morning and wrote,
‘Praying Jeremiah 32 over you this morning: “ I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me and that all will then go well for them and for their children after them.” May there be a singleness of heart for the Lord that would behold the gaze and affection of your heart!
It has been divided over what I want and trying to discern what the mysterious will of God is for me. I’ve been saying, “This is what I wanted, but I want what you want more.” But my heart was still holding on to what I wanted even though my mind was telling me to trust God.
I prayed, “Teach me to gracefully let go of things not meant for me.” And that has echoed in so many other hearts. How do we gracefully let go? Gracefully means with peace, a heart that can say ‘it is well’, love extended that may not be deserved, a cost of sacrifice to yourself that frees another. But first you have to be willing to open your hand and let it leave your grasp. I never wanted that relationship to end, so in my heart, I held on to my desire for it even knowing it was over. How do I accept what is not to be? You have to set free your desire for it. Otherwise that desire will keep competing with the intentions of your heart.
When you have singleness of heart, there is only one desire, and that is Christ. All others fade and fall away next to Him. They literally don’t matter. Because you have chosen Him. Because He is worthy. Because His love is better.
My heart still had affection (care and love) for a man who has none for me, and I did not know what to do with that. I struggled so much. You know what is the answer? Having greater affection for Christ. Having singleness of heart for Him. Giving Him everything out of love for Him because He is the only one worthy.
It takes repentance. It’s cleaning house, moving everything out so He fills all the room. Love for Him takes up every inch. It’s all His- and He fills it with all His goodness.
Singleness of heart is not lonely, it’s satisfying.
That morning, I felt a voice speaking to me, tearing down my doubts. Did you know God wants you to be with someone who cherishes you, who adores you, who will be affectionate to you, who will not be selfish but would be willing to lay down anything to protect and love you? Did you know God wants the right kind of man in your life? Did you know He was protecting you? Did you know that He hurts for you? Did you know He has been longing for you to come home to His heart? Did you know His heart breaks for you? Did you know He wants to heal you and make you whole? Did you know you are beautiful to Him and He desires you? Did you know He just wants to take you away from that pain to a safe place in Him?
My healing has come, my heart is free, I am being made whole. I wrote this a week ago and am just now sharing, because I wanted to just enjoy this new place with Him. I know healing is like layers: you get through one, and there’s a deeper place He wants to restore and renew. It’s sanctification. It’s purifying out every place within me as He makes me holy, as the lies go and truth enters, as the cracks and chasms of brokenness are sealed as love floods in and fills me.
One last thing that God brought me back to was His faithfulness. I was single for 25 years before my first relationship. You know how I was able to be single for 25 years? Singleness of heart, and the grace of God. He came first. And that is how I will continue the rest of my life- loving Him, putting Him first, and giving Him all my heart. There is no real ‘cost’ when you realize in the depths of your heart: how worthy is He? He is completely worthy of all.
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