we are an impossibility in an impossible universe

[enlightenedcheesestring]

8 Ways to Spice Up Your Insomnia

8 highly unadvised and completely fictional ways you can spice up your experience with chronic sleep deprivation

We all suffer from the occasional sleepless night.

But have you ever failed to fall asleep at all; every tiny sound only further fuelling the fire of adrenaline that you have raging inside your dumb anxious self?

Or skated by for four days straight on just a couple hours of snoozing before the rest of the world rudely announced that it was time to wake up? I know I have!

I take your boring night and I raise you eight ways you can spice up your bouts of insomnia, for when you’ve done everything you can but you’re still conscious.

[gotham]

Steve crying after Bucky fell

[casspeach]

What I love about this, is that this isn’t Hollywood crying ™. This isn’t the single perfect manly tear of the hero, or the over the top Noooooooooo!!!!

This is real, ugly, in public and still can’t stop, tears down the nose, can’t breathe properly, awful crying.

And I love that we get Captain America doing it. Anyone who thinks Chris Evans doesn’t do an amazing job of portraying this incredibly human superhero, or Steve Rogers is a boring character in these films isn’t paying enough attention.

[wereopossum]

yeah what gets me about this part is that it looks like he’s at that phase where you just made yourself stop crying, but every little thing is making you want to start again, the effort of speaking especially about the situation really is a strong chance you’re gonna start bawling again.

[whitepeopletwitter]

[corvus-woodfordi]

Had a dream that I was being chased by Ghostface, and I knocked him out at some point I think, and when I pulled of the mask for the big identity reveal, it was one of the Property Brothers. Then the other one came rushing around the corner and attacked me, and I woke up.

[postapocalypticparenting]

Because Property Brothers are pack hunters, you see, they use coordinated attack patterns and they are out in force today.

[enlightenedcheesestring]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[whitepeopletwitter]

During quarantine I designed these:

What do you think?

[whitepeopletwitter]

I uploaded some of these on Teespring

You can find them here…

[whitepeopletwitter]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[fuck-customers]

Customers are allergic to being wrong, even for trivial things and it's so annoying. I work at a theater and I take tickets at the door. Ever since we changed to the cheaper reciept paper years ago, the individual tickets are prone to falling off in the 20 or so feet between the box office and the front door. And the conversation basically always goes like this:

Me: [says greeting, takes tickets]

Me: 'Oh! It looks like you're missing one." [Checks reciept] "It says you paid for all of them, so it probably just fell off outside."

Customer: "Well this is all they gave me! Just use the reciept!"

Me: "Unfortunately, I can't. The receipts even have 'not valid for admission' printed on them. I'm sure the ticket just fell off outside."

And then it goes back and forth a couple times while they basically accuse me off conspiring to steal their money by denying them entry that they paid for while I try to persuade them to just please go look outside to see if it fell off before I give up and go:

Me: "Stay right here for a second, please." [Walks over, opens door, picks up the lost ticket from the ground right outside]

Me: "here, this one matches the rest, so here's your last ticket."

Customer: [silently takes ticket and goes in without so much as a "sorry"]

[the-final-sif]

When someone tells you a plan, if your first thought is “that has to be illegal” it’s probably not a good plan. However, if your first thought is “I don’t think that’s illegal, but only because it’s so insane that nobody making laws thought of it first” then it’s an excellent plan.

[andmaybegayer]

Shout out to the guy at the municipal waste dump who tried to sell me weed but used slang that I am so incredibly unfamiliar with that he had to keep simplifying his sell until he literally settled on "I am selling weed, do you want to buy some."