physician, heal thyself

but i am just a broken machine, and i do things that i don't really mean

[entr-judearchive]

Even after about seven years, it takes him a beat to realize who it is. Especially when his head is rushing at, what, warp factor fucking--

"Jude, please do not ignore me." 

"I'm not. I'm not." He rubs at his face once more in the vanity and turns around, watching Abel go over his expression. Algorithms and maybe a touch of empathy let him figure out what's going on at once. He didn't have to explain anything, which would have been nice if the guy hadn't been reading him like a book for forever. So much for having a shred of privacy. 

Abel folds a tissue and hands it to him. He notices how neatly pressed his sleeves are. Jude wonders if he had to get a suit tailored for himself by a human while he dabs at his eyes. 

"Human matrimony customs sometimes are cut short by a colloquialism called 'cold feet.' If that's what you're experiencing, I can tell Doctor--" 

"No, no, not at all!" He knows his face is already bright red, but there's a tinge of offense to be taken from the whole thing. There were always patches to be made in his perception. "I just...I knew I was gonna get emotional, so I decided to do it now." 

"You cannot turn emotion on and off like a water faucet, Jude." 

"I can try." He tries to hoist himself up and sit on the counter, but the android shoots him a glare from behind fashionable spectacles. 

"Please, you'll wrinkle your clothes like that. Jude, I will not tell anyone about your...emotions. Somehow I doubt your guests finding out you are having them will be much of a surprise." 

Jude shakes his head, but sniffs nonetheless. Abel approaches him, something they both know is not really within Jude's limits, and sets a hand on his shoulder. 

"I don't understand what concerns you about this. You both are in love. You both decided to live together and raise your canines years ago. Now we're about to begin a ceremony to legally bind the two of you and increase your tax benefits." 

"That's really romantic, Abel." He smiles at him anyway, which seems to confuse him; usually the bemused smile is a dead giveaway. 

Then, he says to him, in the most human voice he's heard out of him yet: "Everything's going to be all right. Now go." 

[entr-judearchive]

When the mission is over, the only thing you can think is that you're about to begin your life with Jesus. You're happier than you ever have been. But he only gives you a cold stare. There is no sign of love in his expression. Little do you know, it is only his way of protecting both of you from heartbreak. He knows it won't work with your families, and he figures it's easier to part like this than go through tearful goodbyes. But you don't know that. You never even got to say "I love you".

Fuck that. 

Three decades of his life, and then some, Jude has put up with this kind of shit. And of course at the moment of utmost certainty about the six or seven to follow something falls apart. But it doesn't make enough sense to accept. 

To think it took five years in the middle of fucking nowhere to earn this strength. And that he had it all along. He won't do this again. 

He follows him and knows where he would go. One of those moments of untapped anger that surprised the both of them, except it has no foreseeable end, and it's flushed out with that hideous sense of pining he hadn't had in a long time. He shaves, makes himself presentable, remembers all the little things he knew about him and replays them in a bizarre charade to win him back, in his mind. 

But when he finally sees him, he remembers those looks on his face and that hand on his shoulder and he can't do that anymore, so he only sits there and breathes, deep. 

"Talk to me." 

[entr-judearchive]

How do you like Jesus' hair?

I'd like it better if it didn't get tangled all the time. 

Also, if he didn't act like a cat getting a bath whenever I try to untangle it. But it's nice to pet. 

[delevingned-deactivated20151023]

Aaron Paul attends The Variety Studio: Sundance Edition

[allaaronpaul]

Aaron at Sundance.

[aaronpaulbr]

[0rionis]

[entr-judearchive]

Are you going to keep one of the pups?

I thought it wouldn't be a good idea to keep a dog, but apparently they'll shape out to not be as big as Coyota. 

And there is one I'm a little attached to. So. Maybe. 

[santiago-cabrera-deactivated201]

[allaaronpaul]

[entr-mary-blog-blog-deactivated]

[The trumpet had stumped Mary for a while, but now she was pretty confident about who it was actually for. With the trumpet case in her one hand, she used her other to knock on the door to Jude’s quarters.]

[entr-judearchive]

[He had the bag containing the duvet and pillow tucked under his arm, and was about to head out to put it in some sort of lost and found when Mary knocked on the door.]

Ah, hey. Is this yours? [He showed it to her, but doubted it really was. Nothing like the colors she had in her dorm way back when. Then he glanced down at the small case, and winced.] Oh, Christ.

[allaaronpaul]

New still from “A Long Way Down”

[verysherry]

Aaron Paul attends the 14th annual AFI Awards Luncheon at the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills on January 10, 2014

[enterpriserp-blog]

Jude Isley | 27 [Human] | Physician | TAKEN | Aaron Paul

☆ Loyal, Patient, Nurturing

★ Anxious, Self-critical, Self-neglecting

Background:

Jude showed interest in taking care of other people from an early age, protective of his younger sister and his friends in his tumultuous family life. A sharp albeit troubled and anxious child prodigy, he attended Brown University for med school at the age of fifteen, then moved on to Starfleet Academy. 

At twenty-five, he was assigned to the USS Kosai, a small and tightly-knit exploration ship, and often served alongside the senior officers as a medic during expeditions. The year mission ended abruptly after an attack on the ship by Klingon warbirds, severely injuring the Captain and putting his life in his hands. He failed to save him; although Starfleet didn’t put the blame on him for his death, he still was heavily traumatized and lives with the guilt. A year later, he was assigned to the Enterprise after the outbreak due to the lack of medical personnel.

At first only consisting of his respect and admiration, Jude maintains a trusting working relationship with Leonard McCoy, especially after his time spent with Joanna McCoy. In Medical, he often works closely by Pranvera Sihira, Christine Chapel, and Abel—and can sometimes be seen having coffee with Abel’s creator, Randy Kent, or spending time with Mary Ueda, a childhood friend. He inadvertently opened up to Jesús Olivera during the warp core malfunction and continues a strong, feasibly long-term relationship with him. 

[korina-bavelyn-deactivated20140]

[Before she could even get her bearings, a hand was extended towards her. Taking it without a second thought, Kor got to her feet, brushing herself off, cheeks tinged blue with a light blush at the embarrassing situation. Finally looking up at her helper, she realized just who it was]

Dr. Isley, thank you. [She had of course seen him around sick bay in the past, though the two had never really spoken before. She didn’t know much about him besides his name]

It’s…well, I don’t think it’s the walls fault. The poor thing was just standing there, I was the one who walked into it. Maybe we should pay better attention to where we’re going. [Her tone was light and teasing]

[entr-judearchive]

Hey, don't mention it. [He smiled, taking a sip from his coffee with both hands, rolling his neck around and waiting for something to crack, to no avail. He'd probably tried that half a dozen times and his shift had just started.] 

Um--Dr. Bavelyn, right? [Who was he kidding; of course he knew who she was, but there was still a jab in his stomach prompting him to make sure. It wasn't like there was much work to be done between general practitioners and specialists. A palpable, but understandable rift.] Nice to see you again.

I don't think anybody saw except me. Where are you headed? Um, is your PADD okay? Those screens crack really easily. 

[korina-bavelyn-deactivated20140]

[Engrossed in the PADD in her hands, Korina navigated her way through the halls, making her way to sickbay as fast as she could. She was rather unaware of her surroundings, a fact that only became clear to her when she collided with a wall, falling backward onto the floor]

Ow- Jeez, I hope no one saw that-

[entr-judearchive]

[Jude had followed a few steps behind with his cup of coffee, but stopped and dashed forward to the woman, extending a hand to help her up.] I've done that, like, twice. Real shitty place to put a wall. Are you all right? 

[merebearrrawr]