How do we have a relationship with God?
I think what you're really wrestling with here, like Jacob at Peniel (Gen. 32:24-42), is the notion of what religion, or faith is. You're trying to approach the question from a perspective that sees these things as a set of beliefs, doctrines and rules, which is partly true. At a more elemental level however, faith (at least in the Abrahamic traditions) is about the innate need within us to have a relationship with God, God's desire to have a relationship with us, and how to have that relationship.
So before we set in on beliefs, doctrines, rules and definitions. The real question we need to start with if you believe that God exists (and it sounds like you do) is, "How do I have a relationship with God?" This seems complicated because we can't perceive God with our senses as we do other people. Yet, it's simple in that we have a relationship with God in a similar manner to the way we have relationships with other people.
In our relationships with other people there are outputs from us, and inputs from them. Just like in good conversation, there's give and take. Now this is where your list of beliefs and practices is interesting to me. They read like a collection of things you want to be true because you like how they seem or make you feel, but are ultimately at odds with belief in the existence of God. In a healthy relationship with another person we can't just interact with them based on who we want them to be, but on the basis of who they actually are. And over time in the course of this relationship, we should come to increasingly know who that person truly is, and grow in our love and appreciation for them. The same is true of our relationship with God. Yet, your list of beliefs and practices from a relationship standpoint are all outputs with no inputs.
You claim belief in the Christian God, but are uncertain about who Jesus Christ actually is, or at least the Biblical account of Christ. Yet, Jesus is the Christian God, since he and the Father are one. (John 10:30) As Christians we believe that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us in the form of Jesus. (John 1:14) God became fully man while remaining fully God. And while He was with us here on earth, He had the type of personal relationships with the Apostles and early disciples that all of us wish we could have with God. The privilege of such a truly personal experience with God (in the form of Jesus) was so transformative in their lives that they were able to work miracles through the Holy Spirit, and were willing to suffer agonizing deaths in service to spreading the revelation of Christ. It is these experiences that serve as the basis for the New Testament, which we can properly understand as an input from God.
This divine input serves as the primary evidence that we possess for this revelation alongside the Old Testament, which in its totality as a complete work is referred to as Sacred Scripture. It sounds like, based on your beliefs/practices, you may have trouble accepting Sacred Scripture as being entirely correct. Again, we must think about what Sacred Scripture actually is. It is a collection of writings by people who were able to receive God's inputs more clearly than the rest of us as a result of divine intervention or as eyewitnesses, which is why we consider them to be divinely inspired.
You might think, "How can I know that what they've received is true, or if they're telling the truth?" Some truths are discernible to the light of human reason (like the existence of God), while others are innately known (written on the heart - e.g. murder is bad), while still others are mysterious. However, as you grow in your relationship with God these truths should become increasingly evident to you as God's identity becomes clearer. To experience this though, you must make room for God's inputs and not just your outputs. Reading scripture regularly is a good means of doing this, as is prayer. Trusting in God's will, and paying close attention to your experiences can provide another means by which God can speak to you.
The above statements constitute what I think are most relevant to you, but if you're willing to read further I'll go through your list and offer a Catholic perspective on these beliefs and practices since I'm a Catholic, and you rang our bell by tagging your post with #catholic 😀
Synopsis of Your Beliefs and Practices
You claim belief in the Christian God, but are uncertain about who Jesus Christ actually is, or at least the Biblical account of Christ. This is problematic since the Christian God is a triune God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit), wherein Christ is a part of the Trinity. It would logically follow that you don't consider the totality of scripture to be correct, or even necessary to understand God. At this point, I would question whether or not you actually believe in the Christian God, or just believe in the existence of a personal god. If it's the latter, this is essentially a deist perspective. You can read more about that here. Deism is rooted in what is called natural theology, and is dependent on human reason to determine truth as opposed to divine revelation or religious authority. However, you then go on to state that you practice witchcraft, which is a practice that is not discernible to the light of human reason. This is completely contrary to the principles of deism. You then list off what reads like a series theological problems you have with Christianity specifically, so I'll spend my time addressing each one in turn.
A Catholic Perspective of Your Beliefs and Practices
1. I believe in the Christian god, but I don't believe in many things Christians say about him.
This is fine, because it would depend on what specifically the Christians you are referencing say about Christ. People can have incorrect notions about Christ or the Christian faith even if they profess to be Christians themselves.
2. I practice witchcraft and tarot readings.
For a Christian this is simply not permissible, but why? Well, the first commandment states:
I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me. - Exodus 20:2-3 NRSV
All forms of divination or magic ultimately seek to place the person performing these acts in a position of power over creation apart from God. (CCC 2110-2122) As human beings, we are a part of creation, and while we exercise dominion over aspects of it, we are not meant to act in the place of God. In my experience, people who turn to divination or magic oftentimes have an unhealthy desire for control as a consequence of negative past events. As Christians we are called to trust in the Lord; failure to do so is the root of all sin, and is what resulted in the fall of Adam and Eve from original holiness in the garden of Eden. (Gen. 3:1-24; CCC 215; CCC 385)
So what does this have to do with the first commandment against idolatry? In a basic sense, magic and divination constitutes a form of worshiping the creature over the Creator by putting our faith in ourselves, other people, other beings, or aspects of creation over God. To be clear, people can also fall into this form of idolatry without turning to magic or divination. As Christians, we must have faith in God's will and providence, and turn to Him in prayer when we are in need (and other times too!).
3. I believe that God makes mistakes and isn't perfect.
This is a patently false claim that is entirely incompatible with Christianity, and if true would bear problematic implications for reality itself as His creation. Fortunately, that's not what we find when we explore the created universe. What we find is a finely tuned universe where the conditions for existence are in fact exactly what they need to be (see this, this and this). The universe is highly ordered, and if it were any other way life would not be able to exist. God is omniscient and omnipotent, and as such does not make mistakes. We are certainly imperfect and make mistakes, but God doesn't, and this theme is echoed throughout the Bible, and is observable in the makeup of the physical universe. (CCC 215)
4. I believe that Jesus Christ existed but he was intersex and/or a trans man (if he really was a virgin birth, as this is biologically how he would've been. If a cis man, either a devine miracle (if a virgin birth) or a bastard child.
In your first supposition you're attempting to provide a scientific understanding of Jesus' virgin birth as a non-miracle, which is frankly impossible. Humans are not capable of asexual reproduction whereby the offspring would inherit a full set of genes from a single parent.
Your second supposition contains the only two possibilities. Either Christ is who he claims to be, born of the virgin Mary by the Holy Spirit (a miracle) making him both fully man and fully God, or his claims are false and the divine revelation the Christian faith is based on is untrue.
5. Jesus is NOT the only way to heaven.
The reason that Christians say this is based in Sacred Scripture. Specifically, the book of John:
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." - John 14:6 NRSV
Christ also states in John:
Jesus answered, “Very truly, I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and Spirit. What is born of the flesh is flesh, and what is born of the Spirit is spirit." - John 3:5-6 NRSV
I imagine that you, like many others, view this as unfair to people unaware of this requirement. What about someone who's never heard of Christ or read the Bible, that dies? Are they unable to be saved?
The necessity of Christ and baptism are affirmed in Sacred Scripture. However, Catholics also hold that truth comes from both Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition. Sacred Tradition includes the Magisterium of the Church, which is the teaching authority of the bishops in communion with the Pope. These teachings are included in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, which states the following:
"Since Christ died for all, and since all men are in fact called to one and the same destiny, which is divine, we must hold that the Holy Spirit offers to all the possibility of being made partakers, in a way known to God, of the Paschal mystery." Every man who is ignorant of the Gospel of Christ and of his Church, but seeks the truth and does the will of God in accordance with his understanding of it, can be saved. It may be supposed that such persons would have desired Baptism explicitly if they had known its necessity. - Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC), paragraph 1260
This however does not serve as license to remain willfully ignorant of Christ, Sacred Scripture or the necessity of holy Baptism. I'm telling you, and any who may see this post that these things are necessary for salvation, and at a minimum you should read the Bible to verify my claims and discern the truth for yourself.
6. Homosexuals don't go to hell just because they're homosexual.
The Catholic faith doesn't teach that people with same-sex attraction go to hell. We distinguish between the sinner and the sin. Homosexual activity is sinful, not people afflicted by same-sex attraction. I wrote a longer post on this topic in response to someone else, which you can find here. Another good summary can be found here. But I'll sum up the main points of the Catholic position below.
There are three primary reasons the Catholic faith teaches that homosexual activity is sinful:
Sacred Scripture states it to be sinful (Gen. 19:1-29; Rom. 1:24-27; 1 Cor. 6:10; 1 Tim. 1:10)
Sacred Tradition affirms this interpretation (CA, What the Early Church Believed: Homosexuality)
Homosexual activity is contrary to natural law (CA, Homosexuality - Natural Law)
The distinction between the person and the action is key here, because people always say that Christians are against certain groups of people, but we're not. We're against certain types of actions because they separate people from God, which ultimately brings about suffering. All people are capable of doing this regardless of sexual orientation, gender, etc. Many Christians have failed to live up to their calling, and have caused great suffering. And yet, all people are equally capable of redemption in Christ.
When we separate sex from its generative purpose (having children), we are twisting an aspect of creation (a biological process) to serve our personal desires apart from its creative good. In doing so, we act in the place of God by orienting this aspect of creation towards what we believe to be our own personal good. Yet, in its original orientation it was already serving our good, and the good of all creation. What's interesting is that the underlying reasoning here is the same reasoning employed in understanding why magic and divination are considered sinful. The Catholic faith is consistent in its moral reasoning.
7. Evolution did happen and the earth is billions of years old because science proves that. (I cannot believe that has to be said. Smh.)
Catholics don't believe in what is known as "young earth creationism". The Catholic faith is in no way incompatible with the theory of evolution as advanced by Charles Darwin and others. There are excellent videos from the Thomistic Institute concerning the perceived points of friction in Genesis with science and the theory of evolution, which can be found here.
If you've made it this far I do appreciate your willingness to venture to the end with me. I hope I've at least given you something to think about, and that it will ultimately help you on your journey to figuring out your faith and who you are!
