...and it all comes down to a very low high... @envertigo - Tumblr Blog

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I hadn't been on Tumblr for such a long time, this year has been crazy... coming back to see so many reblogs and likes of the 'Supernatural' paint studies was amazing! Thank you so much, you don't know how badly I needed to see something a wonderful as that, I really appreciate it ❤

#supernatural #spn #fanart #art therapy #team free will #akf

etourvol

“no more after me”, a mini comic about the now-extinct golden toad. featuring lyrics from deuteronomy 2:10 by the mountain goats

marisatomay

might fuck around and read a 600 page physical published book in one sitting like it’s 2006 and I’m being bullied in middle school so I take refuge in the library and inhale books at a frightening speed that I have not been able to replicate since

teaboot

Weird how I don't remember writing this post

envertigo

If it helps at all, that's exactly what I was doing in middle school in the late 80s and for the same reason. ❤

lolfactory

damnhebig

When you trying your best but nothing is going right

bassfanimation

@envertigo

Failing to see the point in life at the moment. It's like I can only fake it for so long and then it all just wears away to nothing. I've lost so much time to my depression. So many opportunities. Learned the hard way that I can't have friends. It doesn't matter. I've forgotten how to make them anyway. Completely alone and convinced that they're all better off without me. I wouldn't know how to go back even if someone did care enough to remember. So much has been broken, and I get so tired of thinking I can still find a way through this. Another convention next weekend that I should be a part of and I'm not. I've let that fade away like everything else. I don't know what I'm doing, trying to think that I'll ever be anything besides broken. The depression leaves just enough to remind you of how things should have been. Right now I just want out. Instead I'll settle for sleep and see how far I get going on autopilot in the morning so I can go to work and pretend again for another week that everything's fine.

#depression #major depressive disorder #I'm so tired #just shouldn't be here #I'll never be anything but this

andhetakesandhetakesandhetakes

Ugly, Bitter, and True by Suzanne Rivecca

25436445767787687676786-deactiv

“Sometimes it’s incremental, a slippage by degrees. You freeze, you hide; you abandon all responsibility in an escalating series of omissions. You don’t answer the people who come looking for you. You stop being able to support yourself because supporting yourself means having the capacity to interact normally, to answer for the consequences of your actions or inaction. You no longer feel capable of going through the motions necessary to navigate the world on legitimate terms. You become convinced that you’re exempt from these terms, that they were not written with you in mind. And you’re so ashamed of your failure, so afraid of burdening people, so terrified of being beholden to or controlled by whatever might save and contain you, that you just recede, and disappear.”

Hahaha, now I fight the anxiety of ALL THE THINGS ARE WRONG WHY DID YOU POST THAT.

..haha.

Everything's ...fine...

"I will never stop..."

It's been forever since I've posted. Still think this is a speed paint for me tho, lol. Tried to keep everything loose and experiment with some new photoshop brushes. Trying really, really,really hard to keep it that way, which is why I'm going ahead and posting it. Haven't worked on this in months... depression has a horrible way of stealing time from you. On my good days I feel like I'm half my age, on the bad I can't imagine feeling any older and so very ready to leave...

I've been working on a way to fight that, to get back to being able to work my way through it... the initial SPN paintings were a way to get through my darkest period in years, it was therapeutic. Hoping to channel that again but in a way that allows for more light. The year is already half over, we'll see how things go for the rest of it.

Thank you so much for the likes and reblogs, they really do have such an amazing impact, esp when the depressive episodes hit. Thank you : )

#akf #art therapy #spn #supernatural #fanart #depression #art #character study #cain #still here #still trying

dankmemesreasonforliving

thedarkperidot

Signs you grew up lonely

- Chasing people who don’t want you

-Making up lots of stories and worlds

-Overtalking whenever there’s someone to talk to

-Excessive reading

-Daydreaming

-Clinging emotionally to others

-Being the ‘disposable’ friend in the group

-Excessive baths

-Talking to oneself

-Obsessive friendships

-Excessive helpfulness

ninjamelissajulien

Ko-fi

So... I set up a thing.

https://ko-fi.com/envertigo

Trying to draw more and get back to analog artwork, on my never-ending quest to be Productive While Blessed With Clinical Depression, and I'd heard some things about Ko-fi. I feel like building a following would put enough of a sense of accountability to ensure I keep producing artwork, between Tumblr and Ko-fi, maybe even get some commissions going? That could be fun : )

A lot of times when a depressive episode hits, a distraction from it, however slight, can be enough to find your way back from the darkness. Drawing was incredibly helpful then, I think it's time to bring that aspect of my life back into focus.

Right now I'm researching mythological figures as aspects of mental illnesses to work up a series of art nouveau prints - you'll be seeing a *lot* of art nouveau designs here, outside of digital painting, it's my favorite genre of art. Might have to get a Sailor Moon design out of my system first tho : )

A couple of examples of character designs I was working on for a series of steampunk/art nouveau prints I made a while back... I'll add the finished prints to this post tomorrow : ) Need to track down the files!

Also have plans for a Supernatural themed art nouveau series - you guys have been amazing about the character studies, it would be a blast to cross over into the art nouveau genre.

Thank you so much for the likes and reblogs. When an episode hits and I feel like I'm drowning in the middle of this depression, seeing those reblog tags has brought me out of them more than once. Thank you for that : )

#art therapy #akf #fanart #supernatural #depression #art #character study #spn #art nouveau #design #ko fi link #ko fi #ko fi sketches #just starting this #i have no idea of what i'm doing #here goes

vimeddiart

*goes to bed for five years*

50shades-of-blue

Look, guys, I know this might sound hella greedy but when ya see art you like, you always reblog it. If ya gonna like it, reblog it (even after your post limit, reblog it when it’s done). Likes aren’t gonna do shit because not everyone is gonna go through your likes and notice a piece of artwork. Artists won’t get noticed if their art is just liked up and never actually shared amongst followers.

Always reblog artwork you like

roughkiss

Please, if you like it, reblog it. No one sees your likes. When you get a note that someone liked an art piece you almost think, man they liked it, but not enough to let other people see it.

onionlegs-archive-deactivated20

the same goes with cosplay, writing, or anything that people create

creaky-will

Everyone who Art’s needs to have this, or something akin to this on there blog.

eviemaybe-deactivated20200425

blease

ithelpstodream

envertigo

Absolute truth.

#clinical depression #i've always been like this #i don't know who i am outside of it #or if there's even anyone left

Hi everyone,

I finally dove in and created a shop over at Society6. Kind of nervous about this, I've never made my work available like this before. I really want to thank everyone who showed support for the idea, and thank everyone who's liked and reblogged my work over the course of my time here, I can't say how much I appreciate it : )

https://society6.com/leannebuckley

Let me know what you think? If anything looks off, or if there's a product *not* listed that you'd like to see? Up to, and including, a credenza. apparently.

Thank you again : )

#art #digital art #art therapy #fan art #supernatural #spnart #spn related #spnfamily #castiel #cain #crowley #society6 #prints #so much art therapy #art beats depression #akf

Progress on the next #spn character study. Had a request for season 10 Cain. Posting this now to remind myself to stay looser with this one and not get caught up in detail craziness...