Icarus Is Dead

enzgab's thoughts (and more). figuring life and adulthood at 28. Sagittarius and Queer

[enzgabbb]

Life looks so much better underwater! Will never forget this experience in apo reef and diving the most colorful sea life I have ever seen! 🤿🫧♥️

[enzgabbb]

2023 jumped off freediving on Apo Reef. It was so SURREAL and MAJESTIC. Here's on of my dives at the edge of ego wall. #freediving #aporeefisland #aporeef

[enzgabbb]

This was when I was still technically new to freediving. Form isn't as great as now but it's nice to look back 💖

[enzgabbb]

They say you can be anything. So I decided,I wanna be a fish.

[enzgabbb]

Last dive for 2022. Had a wonderful year underwater. Met new people in the diving community which turned to friends. To more dive and meeting people on 2023. Cheers!

[retrogamingblog2]

[enzgabbb]

They say you can be anything so I chose to be a mermaid

[enzgabbb]

After work shift today, I felt so tired and worn out-more than the usual. Yesterday (November 9) was my late father's death anniversary. I just slept through the day because that day is a reminder of a painful morning I woke up with countless missed calls from everyone eventually learning that my dad had passed.

Three years after, I still vividly remember the ice-cold feeling, hands trembling, and disorientating feeling when my cousin tried her best to soften the blow while delivering the message to me.

Three years after, the pain is still there. Lurking. Waiting for the right time to pounce and remind me of the pain I've been through. Losing a parent. Losing half of your world.

Today, as I slept feeling heavier than usual, i thought this was just fatigue from overworking and numerous overtime hours (because I have nothing better to do). I was talking to my friends through livestream on an app before finally hitting the sack.

Back story, it had been months since I saw my dad before he passed away. Years even when I last hugged him because he was never showy with his emotions and I understand that.

At present, I've been always longing for my father's hug. Always looking forward for that time when we both meet again and feel his warm embrace wrapped around me. And today, I was able to feel his hug again. I dreamt of him. I dreamt of my dad. Telling me how proud he is of me. That even if I was not able to fulfill his dreams for me, he's still proud that I was able to stand on my own and gave me the best hug one could hope for. I woke up realizing it was all just a dream and cried because I wanted to feel his embrace for a while longer.

It may have been just a dream but I it gives me comfort that I was able to hear him say he's proud of me. And even for just a short while, I was able to hug him again.

I miss my dad. He was my superhero. My superman.