epilosipher's reblog account!

i got tired of clogging up my main blog with reblogs!

[exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear]

i love when large dogs are picked up and they’re so absolutely confused as to how this could happen that they just sorta

[exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear]

I found another

[cringeunworthy]

I'm gonna get so much mileage out of this one

[kosmogrl]

[nyctosaurid]

barnyard the original party animals is the uncontested lord of bad implications in childrens movies

[nyctosaurid]

ok so like “the secret life of x” movies tend to not strongly explore the actual reasons why, exactly, their life has to be secret… they don’t really focus on it within the narrative. They do usually have some small justification for why animals or video games or toys or whatever have never just revealed themselves:

There’s no stated reason. They just pretend to not be alive. We usually can suspend our suspension of disbelief here because when it’s something like a video game or an emoji because any odd occurrences is perceived as a glitch or something similar but the actual reason why they aren’t too hung up on this kinda shitty lot in life isn’t said

They get something out of their current relationship with humans (like in toy story)

They have some specific reason to hide that they’re alive, like they die if they’re seen (like in the christmas toy)

They perceive themselves as sentient, talking creatures, but humans can’t understand them. They just see a squeaking mouse or an inanimate hot dog or whatever. 

and the last one is what most animal movies do, and it’s like, not devoid of weird implications but you can see where it mostly works.

but barnyard is the outlier here: it goes with tier one: the animals can talk and walk on two legs but just pretend that they can’t for unstated reasons. 

in the history of the barnyard world non human animals, at some point, decided to just pretend to be unable to speak. a “cow” or a “coyote” or a “hen” do not exist as we know it in the barnyard universe. the baa of the sheep is false; the ewe doesn’t understand it either. they only made up that noise to hide the fact that they speak human languages. a dog barking and running on all fours is a facade. animals naturally walk on their hind legs and made up whole postures just to appear non sentient.

and for what? what do they gain from this? they have no rights and no voice by their own choice. at one point a donkey claims the farmer is a good person because he’s vegan and a pig mentions bacon - this is not a fantasy universe devoid of death and misery and meat. do animals, in hushed whispers, remind their children not to sob in their real voice as they’re taken away? do the dogs not beg for kindness when they’re tied up and hit? do cows and chickens not cry for their life in the slaughterhouses? does a rat not scream a human scream when the trap misses their neck and only breaks their spine? Why? what is the point? They loose so much and have everything to gain.

anyways does everyone remember this really awful cat. it only appears in one scene but i can just sense the porn of it that would pop up if i googled it’s name

[inkthecryptid]

This post is like being tied to a chair as a a joker-style villain monologues and presses a gun closer and closer to my head as he reaches the climax of his rehearsed piece on the flaws of society and when he finally pulls the trigger it’s a little flag that says “bang!”

[parakeet]

#MyCoin

[william-snekspeare]

This is so real

[pixellangel]

HOLD ON I HAVE A GIF FOR THIS

[pixellangel]

yes ive been waiting for my moment

[pupangelremade-deactivated20211]

[bestiarum]

[theawkwardqueerturtle]

this is the one meme that manages to age like a fine wine

[morallygrayautisticscientist]

i knew exactly what would happen and still watched the whole thing.

[nexx2654]

there's not a single thought in their heads

[deathtofun]

I told a guy his total was 13.21 and he said “wish it were that year, could actually get some good music on the radio”

[regularlesbian]

breaking news from the AP, our boys on the front have just sacked constantinople. take that, heretics. coming up next are the soothing lute dirges of bing crosby

[villainessbian]

*screams of a witch burning at the stake*

THOU ART CURRENTLY LISTENING TO

*Gregorian chanting*

13.21

*leper bell ringing*

HIGH MEDIAEVAL FM

*recording of John Lackland sobbing as he signs the Magna Carta*

WHENCE COMETH NAUGHT BUT LITURGIES

LITURGIES

AND MORE LITURGIES

*Templar knights praying out loud*

THIS ISN’T THY GRANDMOTHERES STATION

*Imagine Dragons - Radioactive starts playing*

[pride-knightess]

just remembered i have a degree in sound engineering and can voice act

[furo-contra-machina]

Am reading PHM after seeing and loving the film and I'm realizing that it is an academic's fantasy of getting kidnapped into your dream job with, oh no, all the resources and funding and exciting important space adventures! It's like fifty shades for asexual researchers

[dupasko]

Keep going forwards, Avery.

[that-house]

partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that

[i-fuck-audis]

MY FUCKING CAR

[uwillneverknowwho]

Literally always take headphones with you. If you decide that you probably won't need them today, that's the devil talking. You will. You will

[ai-slop-weather-report]

Weather report for July 19th, 2026.

[weirdcultstuff]

Kinda wild how my parents have known me for longer than literally anybody else on the planet and they still haven’t unlocked the relationship levels that allow them access to information like what TV shows or music I enjoy, when some random guy at Walmart got there within ten minutes today

[contemptible-scoundrel]

tch... so it's an alliance out of necessity, huh...?

[coelii]