“How does that work, though?” Noa questioned, honestly curious and unable to understand. “I get wanting to make sure Rogue presence is felt throughout the nation or.. farther, but, are you planning on only planting your seed, so to speak, here and then moving to another state or country like you did with California? Like, is it temporary?” If it was only to be temporary, Noa wondered if she would follow them to wherever they went nect. If she had no home to go to, she wouldn’t have a choice, really. But as for now she both had a home and didn’t. “Uh, professional… I can try, yeah. I mean everyone seems like a pro compared to how well I am with it, but I’m sure we’ve got a couple floating around. Or just one good one. I think the whole social media is brilliant, honestly. You can reach so many people and get so much attention so quickly, which I think is really crucial for our movement.” Was it a movement? Rebellion? Uprising? Movement was probably a word with better connotations than the other ones she thought of.
The disappointment comment made Noa frown and shift in her seat. “I don’t know you–and I knew you even less until we started talking just now. My judgements were based on someone who, well, isn’t you, obviously. Nothing personal.” Noa felt that this time her comment needed to be explained. She barely knew Erica and how could the other woman expect Noa to know what she would and wouldn’t do? However, Noa found her words provided a very unstable foundation in forming a response to her next words. She exhaled deeply, looking down with raised eyebrows. “Well, where do I begin,” she gave a huff of a laugh, trying to lesson the potential blow of her explanation. “I understand insecurity, everyone’s got it. I understand not being perfect, cause, shit, who is? But the whole self-deprecation stuff? It’s not something everyone can hear. Some people will hear that,” she leaned in, speaking softer, “and it’ll be like the animal kingdom in here once they sniff out the weak one, especially if it’s a leader. I mean, she literally told me it was over when I talked to her. I understand if you’re having a bad day, but had I been someone else, someone with a bigger mouth, it would have spread amongst everyone–that a leader of Rogue had given up.”
If anyone could understand that Noa was looking out for what was best for the group, Erica could. At least she hoped. Noa straightened as she continued. “And she does this thing, ‘fake apathy’, she calls it and pulls away from the conversation which is not good at all. It fosters bad communication and if you want to make this group thrive, you’ve got to be able to communicate with those in charge effectively. That being said, I understand constructive criticism, believe me, I do, but I had a conversation with her, suggesting alternate methods and everything I suggested she nitpicked and found one little flaw and that was it while she wasn’t so quick to do the same for her suggestions. I’d be the first to admit if my plans sucked, and maybe some were wishful thinking, but that kind of stuff, if done to a young Rogue, being shut down so quickly–that’ll really negatively impact your relationship with them. They’ll feel like they can’t come to you, which is honestly how I feel with her.”
Erica sank back forward, hands at her temples again and an expression of concentration. Had she wanted to look like thinking didn’t take any effort, she probably would have managed to, but at that particular moment, she didn’t want to. Let Noa know she was doing her best, they all were. “To tell you the truth, New York appears to be working better than California. Probably also because both PROTECT and Nexus are based here as well. So at the moment, it doesn’t look like we should be moving on anytime soon. But in general, I think one of the strongest points we have at our disposal is flexibility, and that includes the ability to move camp should the situation require that.” She looked up again to conclude: “So no it’s not in the books yet, but I can’t exclude the possibility of us ever having to move.” She clicked her fingers. “It’s brilliant, exactly. The tool of those at a material disadvantage. Seems like it was just fashioned for us, doesn’t it? That’s why I think we should get on that, and assign that task to someone who doesn’t need major instructions.”
Erica swallowed as she tried to get the nagging feeling of inadequacy under control, a feeling of how she had been doing so, so much to make them believe in her, had tried so hard to make them see that she believed in them and only thought of their best only for it all to be in vain. But in a family, you didn’t voice that sort of thing. In a family, trust was implicit and innate, and Erica would do her best to foster that trust. “I’m glad you came to me with that concern but let me restate that there are no grounds for it. Where do I go if I’m not here or in California, hu? I understand that there are no alternatives for many of us, and there aren’t for me either.”
Responding to Noa’s comments about Carmen was harder, and Erica was silent for what she felt was too long a time. Maybe that was what happened if you had never really learned how to communicate in a real family - with the foster families, she had never really cared either way if a wrong comment would lead her to be expelled. They had all been as bad as one another. “Well, to begin with, I think it’s worth remembering that Famine unfortunately had to bear the brunt of too many things. Which was not fair on mine or Piper’s part, I admit that. But maybe she knew that it wasn’t anyone else? Maybe she, much like I do at this particular moment, felt she could trust you with that? When the pressure gets too much, everyone has to let go of things, even if it’s just for a very short moment. We’re all human..” she had to giggle at how that had slipped out, “....somehow.” There were some actual concerns in there though, things she should adress. Primarily about the communication culture. She’d need to be circumspect about it, but there was no alternative to building on their little family here. There hadn’t been in many years. “I will talk to Famine about that though, about how you feel you can’t come to her. That shouldn’t be happening. Take it as a sign of her trust in you though - things get to all of us, and everyone copes with that in different ways.” She paused, hoping for her next words to sound as genuine as she meant them to be. “Thank you for telling me all this.”
