survival mode

erin // 20 // a musician, and these are a few of my favourite lives and stories that help me find comfort and grow reference list artwork references

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Introduction

My grandmother’s last words to me were “Sunflowers are the ugliest f-ing flowers I’ve ever seen’ But that wasn’t her, she was the most beautiful, happy, flower enthusiast I know who would never talk ill of the weeds in her garden let alone a beautiful sunflower.

Sunflowers and all flowers now remind me of beauty; beauty within myself, in life and in the world. And provides me with the courage even when the world starts to turn ugly.

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Foucault describes identity as belonging to a variety of different sectors in our social realm and our reaction to the tribulations of life, alluding to identity becoming a patchwork of multiple versions of ourselves (Weir on Foucault, 2009). The fracturing then comes from the power struggle of conflicting ideals in each identity we present and the inner imbalance it initiates (Mansfield, 2000). In an analysis of the movie ‘Psycho’ by Alfred Hitchcock, Marcia Heloisa analyses Villain Protagonist Norman Bates as ‘seemingly harmless and entirely human’, suggesting that this fracture within us is not so much ‘a monster’, but is us; living in a world where we can no longer discern the ‘blurred lines from the madness’.

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To those in psychology, the unconscious is the part of the mind which is  inaccessible to the conscious mind but has the same ability to affect thoughts and behaviours even when the subject least expects it (Mansfield 2000). It arguably becomes the gateway to the most repressed truths. In her final performance, Amy Winehouse was said to have been ‘existing in a chemically altered state of consciousness’(Hall, 2012). Unable to complete coherent sentences and remain upright, some might argue her true self came to the surface that day, whether she realized it or not. Her addiction and her body movements interpreted into a grave sadness and clear discomfort in her world. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRQGe1dTqJ0 (Video for Reference)

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According to Freud, all behavior is intrinsically linked to multiple influences, acquired directly from the consciousness but also stemming from the most repressed complexities (Mansfield, 2000). From seemingly mundane activities to the more motivated behaviors, there can never a singular reason causing a particular action or impulse, nor can it ever be truly unprovoked. Behaviors prescribed as symptoms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder are clear examples of psychological overdetermination, as many of the impulses are stemmed from past trauma or repressed fears that the body tries to control in a way that seems rational. Often the motivation is ‘a lot quieter and a lot deeper than the seen behaviour of ordering pencils in an exact formation or obsessive cleaning’ (Judy, 2017).

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Subjectivity is based on the processes of being human and how they allow us to experience ourselves and the world around us (Barker, 2012). Subjectivity elicits individual interpretation, which can sometimes stem conflict.  Humour can be incredibly subjective, but also provide a brilliant way of dealing with the darkest part of life. To some it may tread the line between offensive and funny, but by relishing in the taboo and uncomfortable, Black Comedy can help others use laughter as a ‘lubricant’ or ‘a sort of therapy’ (Higgins, 2016).

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Social identity refers to the expectations and opinions that others may have of you (Barker, 2012). Often times, this expectation is how people want you to be and less of a representation of how you want to be seen. However, all artists attempt to uphold an identity, whether they have constructed it themselves or by others. In ‘Scar’, Missy Higgins uses the lyrics;

‘A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle, he tried to cut me so id fit’

In reference to the mold people wanted her to fit into. For years, critics have commented on the ‘cheesiness’ of her lyrics, and her harsh Australian accent, which she vehemently ignores.

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The utilization of our senses gives us direct knowledge and access to the external world (Radovic 2016). However, we perhaps have been conditioned to not appreciate ‘the whole picture’ when we assume that we are. Radovic presents an Ontological claim, that there is a whole other world outside but we as humans do not register the depth (2016). Alain De Botton’s book ‘The Art of Travel’ exhibits the tiresome relationship between person and world. By cross-examining his work with Wordsworth, both scholars highlight the large disparity humans now share with the true nature of the earth and how the landscape sits dormant ‘begs to be interpreted’ (Strange, 2016).

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Creative Influence refers to the ‘inspiration’ and ‘motivation’ one can receive from a person, and their work. Dr Mark Batey’s ‘Extrinsic’ motivation, or taking inspiration from the works and ideas of others, helps to elicit progress and motivate new creativity within ourselves (2006). As Jimi Hendrix said, ‘We stand on the shoulders of the giants who came before us, learning and building from each other’s ideas’,who funnily enough developed that quote from the findings of Sir Isaac Newton ‘If I have seen further it is by standing on ye shoulders of Giants’.

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Authenticity refers to a strong sense of undisputed origin and being faithful to a reliable and accurate representation of one’s self. The idea that some things are really you and others aren't (Varga and Guignon, 2014). Freddie Mercury was known for refusing to shift from his strong sense of self. Known for his overbite, which he refused to have fixed and his lavish lifestyle, foreign background, open sexuality and extravagant dress, he confidently displaying himself through the media and through his music without ever wavering. ‘Being natural, and being actually genuine is what wins, and I hope it comes out in my songs’ (Mercury, 1985).

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To some theorists, identity consists of an essence that makes you who you are (Hallet, 1991). And so, Essentialism plays on the notion that the core of your identity is fixed. Music is a very common way of celebrating that essence ‘even when the world is trying to make you something else’(Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1803). Pop artist Jessie J promotes steadfast confidence in who you are even in the face of adversity; ‘Don’t lose who you are, in the blur of the stars….There’s nothing wrong with who you are!’ Her repetition of ‘Who you are’ in this song, suggests a core that should be unwavering and celebrated.

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Creative identity is utilizing various art forms to represent one’s sense of self to the world. It becomes a form of identity construction through creative expression and adds another layer of creative value (Glaveanu and Tanggaard, 2014). English singer/songwriter FKA Twigs uses her personal identity to construct her creative work and artist persona, including her name ‘Twigs’ which stems from a childhood nickname and the concept behind the music video for Pendulum, where she is suspended from the roof by her hair. This is said to convey a period in her life where she felt held back by her own fears (Twigs, 2014).