Keep it way deep down;;

@erinspence

You're like CALIFORNIA rain in the summer, cause I don't wanna run for cover. I'm soaking you into my skin, d r o w n i n g out those that have been.

88 posts

billiemartinez:

Wiping at Erin’s tears, Billie smiled softly and bit her lip. Normally, she’d be jumping for joy at the slight fact that this even just happened. They may have been acting like getting back together was in their stars, but no one can promise the future. Even having the chance of being together again was enough for her to live happily. But now it’s official, yet she’s calmly sitting here, given the circumstances. Though calm, she couldn’t be happier. As she held onto the girl and sighed softly and nodded, knowing that they were going to need to get back to the real world soon enough. “Yeah, I know. Entitled little brats.” She joked, standing up and holding her hand out. “Stay the night tonight?” Billie asked, letting her head drop to the side. “We can just take the night slow. Spend it as a family, you know? We’ll make dinner and we can all sit down and watch a few movies.”

Giggling softly, Erin took hold of Billie’s hand and stood alongside her. “Sounds like a plan to me.” She confirmed. She felt nervousness flutter through her stomach. Despite their past, it felt like she was preparing for a first date. It didn’t help that she was going back to Billie’s family, even if she had met them before, it was different now. “How do you think they’ll take the news?” She joked as they made their way back to the car. She liked the twins and hoped that they wouldn’t think anything different of her now. “I’m gonna take you out this weekend.” She promised. She wanted them to have the best possible start, wanted to treat Billie the way she deserved.

billiemartinez:

It was as if time had slowed down the second Erin asked the question. After all they had been through, both apart and together, they were still in love and still wanted to be together. Billie put her through hell and won’t deny that she hurt herself in the process. She showed up unannounced, basically pushing herself back into Erin’s life. But here Erin was, asking if they could be together again. She looked over to her, her own expression softening as soon as they met eyes. Billie began to nodded gently, almost feeling quite bashful by answering. “I am yours,” she said, repeating just what Erin had said previously. Billie leaned in and pressed a kiss against her forehead and let it linger for a bit. “I’d like to spend the rest of my life with you too, you know.” She whispered, pulling back, only to tighten her arm’s grip around Erin’s shoulders. “Always have and I’m pretty sure it’ll always be the one thing that I’m absolutely positive about. You make me my happiest.”

The tears that fell from Erin’s eyes now were an opposite of those she had cried earlier. These were ones of happiness, of new beginnings. She knew that where they sat would no longer just hold sad memories for her, they now held this. Just like her parents, it had become a place of joy for her. She rested into Billie’s embrace as she felt the weight she had been carrying around, since the other woman had returned, lift, and she felt like her life was exactly how it should be, in this exact moment. Of course, they would soon have to return to real life, to responsibilities and everything else, but for this short time they could pretend that they were still teenagers, that the only thing that mattered was being around the other. “We should get back soon.” She murmured softly, not wanting to actually move. “The twins will think they’ve been abandoned if they don’t get greeted when they get home.” She joked, although knowing that she had already begun to care for them as if they were her own family.

billiemartinez:

Even though it wasn’t a bad question, Billie could feel her chest tightening up as she heard it, as well as her stomach tying itself into knots. She wanted Erin more than anything and was hoping that the other girl at least felt the same way. She swallowed and looked down to her, trying to figure out how to answer it. “Between us? We’re… ex-girlfriends. First loves.” Billie shrugged and sighed, knowing that was not the answer either of them were looking for. “I love you and I’ve never stopped loving you. I think you know that, or I hope that you do. But, Erin, I’m the one that fucked up and left. I know I’ve come back to try to repair us, and apologize constantly, but it’s ultimately not my choice. As much as I’d love to just turn to you right now and say that this is real, that you’re mine and I’m yours, I can’t. It’s not my call. I hurt you, it’s up to you whether we do anything about us or not.” She gave a soft smile, showing Erin that she was okay with whatever she chose. She’ll always love the girl, even if she decided they weren’t going to go any further than they are now. Erin will always be her first love and she will never love anyone the way she loves Erin.

At the use of the word ex, Erin couldn’t help but feel her stomach drop, until she continued, and the feeling of hope resurrected again. In all honesty, despite spending so many years feeling so hurt, she had already managed to have it replaced by the feeling of love, contentment, that being around Billie brought. She tried to think of her words carefully, knowing that she had to thin about what she wanted to say, about making sure that she got her feelings across well. “I am yours.” She confirmed, a small smile appearing. “I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you.” She looked away at the horizon, shrugging as she thought. “Everything that has happened, it has happened for a reason, and I honestly think it has only made us stronger.” She believed that they would be able to get through anything. “Will you be mine?” She asked, looking back at Billie.

billiemartinez:

Billie kissed the girl back with a tiny smile, allowing contentment to wash over them. She held on her a bit tighter as the kiss broke and let out a quiet sigh, just incredibly happy to be back here, having Erin in her arms, despite the situation. She kissed her cheek and moved up to press another one to her temple. Nodding slowly, Billie looked over and allowed her smile to grow. “Yeah, sure. That’d be fun. We can cook together and let the twins do their thing. It’ll be fun, they both adore you. Natalia never stops talking about you and Lucas is quite obsessed with you, I’m pretty sure he’s just waiting to hang all over you soon enough. Honestly, I think the only thing putting him off is because they don’t know what’s going on between us yet and don’t want to ruin it, or rush into treating you like family.” She bit her lip and leaned her head onto Erin’s. “Even if you already are.”

Erin smiled, glad that she had already made a good impression on the two teenagers. No matter what, she knew that they would always be the most important thing in Billie’s life, and if there was ever any doubt about Erin’s presence in their lives then she would back away, no matter how much it would hurt. Biting her lip, she looked away. It wasn’t just Lucas. She had no idea what was happening between them. She knew that she loved Billie, she knew that she didn’t want to be apart from her, but everything else just seemed so confusing. Taking a deep breath, she looked back up. “What is going on between us?” She asked, nervousness settling in her stomach, even though her brain was telling her that there was nothing to worry about, that the two were on the same page.

billiemartinez:

Biting her lip, Billie looked out and tried not to sigh. “I’ve done a few selfish things in my life. Losing my parents, losing you… it all made me realize that it’s not you, yourself, that you make your life about. You live for you, but you’re nothing without your own happiness. My happiness comes from making you and my brother and sister happy. You’re the ones I’m living for.” It was the nicest way she was able to say that she was correcting her fuck ups. Leaving Erin was the worst thing she had done and if she could go back in time, she’d tell the truth the second she heard it. But it’s too late now. All she could do was what she was currently doing. Repairing it all. She leaned her head to the side, letting it relax, her weight resting against Erin’s hand. Billie matched Erin’s smile, her eyes softening as she locked their gazes. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted. To make you happy. That’s all I’ll ever want. I just hope I can continue to do that.”

Erin could feel a small blush appearing on her cheeks as she listened to Billie. It felt wrong to feel so happy when she had felt so bad so recently, but she supposed that was just the way life worked. “Me too.” She murmured softly, before capturing Billie’s lips in a soft kiss. It was one full of innocence, an action of comfort, more than anything. She couldn’t express her feelings well with words, and so this was the best way she knew how. She moved back, taking a breath in as she smiled shyly. Even after everything the two had been through, her stomach still flipped at the kiss, which just further proved her theory that the two of them were made for each other. “The three of you should come for dinner this weekend.” She suggested.

billiemartinez:

Billie looked to Erin and smiled, her whole face softening. “I’m happy I’m back, too,” she whispered, holding her tighter as she leaned in again. “I’ve never been happier.” Being back in Erin’s life, having her around nearly every single day, she remembered what it was like back when they were young, dumb and in love. “Except a few years ago, huh?” It seemed that any time Erin was in her life is when she was at her happiest. She wasn’t letting go this time. “Yeah, I’m up for that.” Biting her lip, Billie knew it wasn’t the time to flail about at the thought of them having a future together, but she couldn’t stop the thought. It wasn’t a hope, it wasn’t a one sided thing. They both know they still love each other and they both want to have a future together. Officially a couple or not, in this moment, they were it for each other. They were all each other needed. “Anything to see you happy, to keep you happy.”

Erin blushed slightly, although in her mind agreeing with the sentiment. Despite everything, she was the happiest when she was with Billie. The first time they had dated, it was like she had always been on cloud nine, and now, even while there was still a little apprehension, she could feel that the happiness was blooming, in ways she could never have imagined. “You are the most selfless person I know.” She murmured, her hand raising up to Billie’s cheek. The other girl spent most of her life thinking about other people. She did everything for her siblings, she had given up her life for them, and now that she was back, she still put them, and Erin, above herself. She couldn’t help but think she didn’t deserve it, not after years of thinking the worst of Billie, of how harsh she had been when she had returned. But, she made it her mission to do the same for her. She would do anything to keep her smiling. “You make me happy.” She admitted, in a small voice.

billiemartinez:

Billie rested her cheek onto the top of Erin’s head as the girl leaned into her. She rubbed her thumb on the back of her hand and closed her eyes as they took the moment to stand there. Erin really needed her right now. She wasn’t able to be there for her back when it all first happened and she would do everything she could to give her comfort from now until the end of their days. The slight pick up in the wind send a chill through her body, but ignored it in order to hold onto Erin’s hand as long as she could. She allowed the girl to guide them to the bench and looked out beyond them. With Erin’s arms wrapped around her waist, Billie outstretched her own arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, pulling her in close to warm them as the breeze surrounded them. Smiling at the visual she had in mind of Erin’s parents sitting in this exact bench as they grew older together, she wished it was something she could have experienced. In every way, honestly. Being able to celebrate the anniversaries between Erin’s parents, her own if they never got divorced, and the possibility that her and Erin would have had in their future. Leaving was the worst thing she’d ever done in her life, even if it wasn’t exactly up to her. Her actions caused her to disappear, which sent both of them into hurt. But it wasn’t the point right now. This moment was about Erin and helping her cope with the loss of her parents. “They always were really cheesy like that. I don’t put it passed them. They were so in love.” Letting out a bittersweet chuckle, Billie used her free hand to reach over and rest on Erin’s lap, giving her each bit of comfort that she could. Listening to her speak, she fought the strong urge to sigh and apologize for not being there. Instead, she tried to keep the spirits up. “You can still do that,” she whispered. “You can still come here every day. I’ll come with you if you want me to. Or don’t make it every day and try to come here a little more often. Holidays, birthdays, your bad days, really good days. Anything. I’ll come with you. I’ll sit right here next to you or I’ll sit in the car and wait until you come back. Anything to make sure you guys have a continued relationship, even if they aren’t physically here. Anything, babe.”

Nodding, Erin couldn’t help but giggle alongside her. She was so glad that she had always had such a positive influence when it came to love growing up, because it helped her to be bitter about everything that happened. Well, not too bitter, anyway. There had been a fair bit of bitterness, but she had always still believed deep down that she would find her great love. As Billie spoke, her eyes filled up with tears again, this time accompanied with a smile. It was clear that she truly would do anything to make sure that Erin was happy, and it felt to her that she was doing whatever she could to try and make up for the heartbreak that she had caused, even if it had been felt by the both of them. Turning to face her, she continued to smile softly. “I’m so glad your back.” She sighed softly, leaning into her more. It was an understatement, one that she didn’t need to voice, but she felt like she had to. “I’ll keep that in mind.” She promised, before biting her lip, thinking. “Or we could start our own tradition, something for both of us.” She didn’t know what it could be, but she wanted to offer up a promise of a future in the midst of thinking about the past.

billiemartinez:

It didn’t really feel appropriate for Billie to reply with you’re welcome. It was the polite thing to do, but this wasn’t a situation that she was giving. She wasn’t just being generally kind to someone. She was giving the love of her life another chance to be with her parents, even if it’s just spiritually. And she was being there by her side as emotional support. She’d do anything for Erin to be able to smile, to be able to get through a day as tough as this one. Billie began to drive to the location, occasionally dropping her hand from the steering wheel to place onto Erin’s. She didn’t want to be completely unsafe, but she wanted to be able to comfort the girl as much as possible. It wasn’t easy dealing with something like this and she knew it probably wasn’t going to get any easier down the road. She was just glad that, after everything, she was here with her now. Able to help her as much as she could. Parking the car, she watched Erin get out of the car and followed suit, locking it behind the both of them. As the girl came closer and linked hands, Billie leaned in and pressed a few soft kisses to Erin’s temple. “Take your time.” She whispered, meaning it in several ways. She wanted Erin to be able to take in the moment before fully rushing into the spot her parents were last laid. She wanted her to be able to spend time there, as long as she wanted. “I’ll always be right here, I won’t leave your side unless you ask for me to.”

Taking Billie’s hand, Erin leaned into her, as if physically leaning into her would help Billie to keep her mentally upright too. She felt a little guilty, like she was relying on her to be able to help keep her up, when the other girl had been through the same experience, and had come out of it with two large responsibilities. She had come out of it with a house and loneliness, it didn’t exactly match up. Shivering slightly at the cool breeze, she tightened her grip, as if that would warm them both up. She thought that she would never ask Billie to leave, but she didn’t voice it out loud. She didn’t want to say things that in the future she may go back on. Sure, she never wanted her to leave, at this moment, but if she had learnt anything in her life, it was that you never knew what was going to happen, what could be around the corner to turn your life upside down. She led them to a bench, sitting down on it, her arms wrapping around the other woman’s waist. “They used to come her like every anniversary.” She smiled at the memory. Growing up, she had always thought her parents were always so lame. They had always been so obviously in love, and she had hated it. It was only as she got older that she strived for that kind of connection. She wanted to be the parent who would embarrass their children, always knowing that they had their one true love, that nothing could make her happier. She was certain she had that, she couldn’t imagine anyone else making her heart skip like Billie. “I think I must have come here every day for the first six months.” The time had been a bit of a blur, the adjustment to being alone not being one she coped well with.

billiemartinez:

Billie gave a sad smile and nodded in response. She stood up as well and stepped over to press a small kiss to her cheek. “Take your time.” Walking out of the room, she made her way downstairs and sat down. She didn’t exactly need anything, nor did she want it. All she wished for was for Erin to get all that she needed today. As time passed, Erin entered and popped Billie out of her thoughts. She nodded and walked over to the girl. “I’ll drive, you can relax, alright?” She said, quietly. Standing to her ex-girlfriend’s side, Billie rubbed her back momentarily and walked to the front door. Making their way to Billie’s car, she opened the side door for Erin and sighed softly before getting in on her own side.

Erin closed her eyes softly at the comfort. She nodded, taking a deep breath. Following Billie outside, she smiled her thanks as the door was opened. She let her head fall backwards onto the chair, falling to the side slightly, watching as Billie entered the car. “Thank you.” She whispered again. She reached over, her hand resting on the other woman’s leg as they drove. She kept a steady silence, not sure what she could say. She instead just turned to look out the windscreen, her mind a lot calmer than it had felt all day. As they parked up, Erin straightened up taking a deep breath. Nodding to herself, she steeled herself up, getting out the car. Instantly, she made her way round to Billie, taking her hand.

billiemartinez:

Billie let a small smile grow onto her lips, despite situation. It was the tiniest bit reassuring to know that Erin still had the same goals and thoughts that she had. They were just getting back onto good terms together, yet they both were still hopeful for a future together. A future with children at that. It wasn’t really the time to talk about it, so she stayed quiet for a little bit. Definitely wasn’t something she’d let go of. Letting her eyes close at the small kiss, Billie nodded, silently responding. As Erin settled in more, Billie tightened her arms around her. Erin needed to get up, but clearly neither of them were ready to let go just yet. Rubbing Erin’s side, Billie pressed a few kisses to her head, letting her lips stay in place for a bit longer. “Do you want me to leave? So you can get ready?” She asked in a volume that felt almost lower than a whisper.

It felt silly to ask Billie to leave to get ready, but she found herself nodding anyway. Dragging herself up off the bed, she ran a hand through her hair. “Feel free to help yourself to anything in the kitchen.” She smiled softly. Once she was alone, the first thing she did was to throw her up into a bun, and put on deodorant. She ideally should shower, but she didn’t have the energy to. Grabbing a sweater and leggings from the wardrobe, she decided that would be perfect; it allowed her to look all casual and put together, when realistically she just wanted something baggy she could pretend to hide within. Not bothering with make-up, she pulled on a pair of boots and made her way downstairs. It had been a matter of a few minutes. If only getting ready could always be so quick. Leaning on the door frame, she looked over at Billie. She couldn’t help but smile, even if it was a sad one, at the sight of her back here, back in this house. She wasn’t sure she would get used to it again. “I’m ready.” She finally spoke, still quietly, not wanting to return to a normal volume.

billiemartinez:

Billie’s heart warmed thinking about Erin spreading their ashes in the place they first meant. She was a bit upset that the girl had to do it all alone though. “That’s so sweet of you. Maybe our kids can do the same for us. Well, the school is kind of stupid.” She hadn’t really thought about what she said until it clicked, only resulting in her swearing at herself in her mind. “Not that I’m saying that’s gonna happen, I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing anything, like we’re not even together officially…” Sighing, Billie kissed the top of her head again. Not the time to be rambling about something like this. “Ignore all that I said.” Nodding, Billie pulled back to look into Erin’s eyes as well. “I’ll do anything for you. I’d love to go with you today. I think it’d be good to go.”

At any other moment, Erin would have definitely teased Billie for the slip up. But it felt wrong to do so now, although she could just as easily store it away, bring it back up at a later date. Instead, she smiled softly. “I’d like them to, too.” She replied, refusing to ignore it. In her mind, them not being official didn’t really mean anything. She had spent a good proportion of her life thinking that Billie was the one for her, and it hadn’t really changed now. She was adamant they would get there. They had got this far together, there was no one else she could see herself growing old with. “Thank you.” She reached up, pressing a small kiss to Billie’s cheek. Pulling back slightly, she surveyed herself. She was definitely not wearing clothes appropriate for outside. “I’ll just get dressed.” She announced, although didn’t move straight away, settling back down into Billie, just wanting to feel her close for another few moments. She closed her eyes and just listened to the steady sound of their combined breaths.

billiemartinez:

Having Erin move in even closer was enough to Billie to relax, hoping that this meant the girl was also doing the same. It was definitely a tough day for her and it was barely beginning. She was just glad that she was the person there for her. Finally. “I loved them.” She replied in a soft voice before chuckling and pressing a small kiss to the top of her head. “Team Billie is definitely the losing team, they’ve had it all wrong.” Billie rubbed Erin’s arm and took in a deep breath. Staying quiet for a moment, she thought about things she could do to cheer Erin up and celebrate the lives her parents led rather than sitting and mourning the lives that were lost. “Did you have a burial or were they cremated?” She asked quietly, hoping it wasn’t too touchy of a subject. “Because we can definitely go visit them. Either where they were laid to rest or where their ashes were spread. If they were, that is.”

Erin’s eyes closed briefly at the kiss, a wash of calm running through her body, from head to toe at the action. “Cremated.” She murmured, swallowing another lump in her throat. “I scattered them where they first met, at the park on the edge of town.” She remembered the day like it was yesterday. She had refused any company, instead, going alone, spending hours sat on a bench, staying there until it became too cold to handle. She couldn’t help but wonder if she would have pushed to be alone if Billie was there. But the what ifs were pointless. Neither of them could change the past. “Are you sure you want to go?” She questioned, looking up at her, knowing it would hardly be a fun day out.

billiemartinez:

Continuing to comfort Erin, Billie let her eyes close as she thought about all of the pain the both of them went through. They will always need enough more than ever and she was determined to never had Erin be without her again. Opening her eyes, she was about to begin speaking more comforting words until Erin spoke up first. Billie was more than surprised to hear it and didn’t let the cover up change the fact that she said it in the first place. “I love you too.” She whispered, pressing another kiss to Erin’s head. “I love you today and I’ll love you forever. Always have and always will.” Rubbing the girl’s arm, Billie grabbed hold of the blanket and situated it more on them as she took in a deep breath. It was definitely a happy moment to be able to say those words to Erin again, but the current mood didn’t really call for celebration. All she could do was be there for her and hold her close, letting her know that she was loved, even if two people that loved her the most have left the Earth.

The words made the breath stick in Erin's throat, even if she was the one to say if first. She had spent so long feeling like she hated Billie while she was gone, but it was such a fine line. She truly believed that she couldn't hate anyone that she didn't love. No one else would have such a hold over her emotions to be able to create such a negative reaction. But having her back, it made it so obvious just how easily the two feelings could be confused. As the blanket covered the two of them, she automatically snuggled in closer. "They loved you." She stated, smiling softly. "Even when you were gone, they were very team Billie." She rarely talked about them, but with Billie it just seemed easier. The girl had been through it too, and knew her better than anyone.

billiemartinez:

As Erin spoke, Billie’s heart felt like it was stopping and she could no longer breathe. Part of her felt like such crap for being away when she was. For doing what she did to get over her parents’ death. All while the love of her life was in the same place, having no clue where Billie was and having to deal with her own parents’ death. She could have been here for her but she wasn’t. Swallowing thickly, Billie rested her head on top of Erin’s, rubbing her arm as she cried. “Don’t say that, Erin. You aren’t obligated to tell anyone something like that. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry it happened and I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help you through it.” She’d never felt worse than she did at the moment. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. There was nothing more she could say. She knew exactly what it was like to lose her parents, and she knew that she hated the sympathetic things people would say to her. “I’m here for you. I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere again and I promise you that with my life. You’re allowed to be upset and take a day off from life.”

Erin wanted to tell her to stop apologising, wanted to tell her it wasn’t her fault, she had been going through her own stuff, but her throat felt too tight, she couldn’t get the words out. Instead she nodded, as more tears streamed down her face. As Billie promised she would never leave her, Erin truly believed it. Of course, if she had said that when they were younger then she would have believed her then too, but this time they had hindsight, and she believed that Billie wouldn’t do the same thing again, wouldn’t hurt her like that again. “I love you.” She choked out, before her eyes widened, realising what she had said. “I, uh, I mean, thank you. For being here.” She tried to backtrack, as if it was possible she had just muddled up her words. The two of them hadn’t even officially started making a go of things, they were just taking it as it came, and yet here she was, about twenty steps ahead.

billiemartinez:

Billie held the girl close, rubbing her back. If her position and appearance before wasn’t enough to tell her how upset she was, the tight grip and immediate contact definitely proved something. “Five years? Forgot what?” What could Erin possibly forget about her parents that was enough to make her this distraught? Come to think of it, Erin hadn’t spoke of her parents since the two reconnected. Maybe they had moved away five years ago and Erin forgot to visit. But even then, that wouldn’t call for her to lay in bed instead of going to work and cry out her feelings. She would be packing as fast as she could to make it there with an apology. It had to be much worse but nothing made sense. Then finally, the worst came to mind. They were just no longer in the picture. It was terrible to think about even though Billie didn’t know the full story, so she didn’t want to mention it just in case she was way wrong. “Erin… What happened with your parents?” Her tone was soft. Soft enough to let her know that she didn’t need to really talk about it, but if she wanted to she could. “I’m here for you.”

“There was a car accident.” She shook her head, biting her lip. “We were driving out of state, and it was just so wet out.” She let out a small, shaky breath. There were so many nights that she woke up, covered in sweat, her dreams playing out the memories. “I was lucky enough to come out with a broken rib and wrist…” Erin trailed off, finally looking at Billie. “They didn’t make it off the scene.” She knew there were more tears across her cheeks now, but she assumed she already looked a mess, so there would be barely any difference. “I’m sorry, I probably should have mentioned it before.” She apologised. It wasn’t like there had never been a chance, they had spoken about Billie’s parents, and she should have told her then, but she didn’t want it to sound like she was trying to make things about her.

billiemartinez:

Billie turned off her car and got out, confusion written on her face. “Forgot what? That I’m working? It’s not like the world’s ending, I forgive you, if that’s what you wanna hear?” She was about to let out a small chuckle to let her know it was okay, but for some reason, the situation seemed a little more pressing. “It’s okay, Erin, it’s only four hours, I have a ton built up because I very rarely have a reason to take off. Don’t worry, it’s not a big deal. But if you do want to go back to bed, you’re more than welcome to and I can just be there for you to wake up to? It’s up to you.” She walked into the building and stopped, knowing that she could probably lose signal if she walked in further. “I’ll be there in like twenty minutes, okay?” Ending the call, Billie walked in and did what she had to do as fast as she could and left with her things, heading to Erin’s. She had original plans to still stop and pick up some food and ice cream, but really felt as if being by Erin’s side was more important right now. Walking up to Erin’s door, Billie used the spare key and walked inside. “Erin?” She called out, walking right up to the girl’s room. Seeing the girl laying down, she sighed and slightly pouted. Her puffy eyes was definitely enough to let her know that something was definitely up. “Oh, Erin,” she said quietly, placing her things down and taking her shoes off before climbing on the bed. She sat beside her, wrapping her arms around her tightly, leaning her cheek onto Erin’s head. “What’s wrong?”

Erin simply muttered a quiet okay as Billie continued to talk. She knew that she sounded ridiculously pathetic right now and there was no way she could possibly argue with her to stay at work. And selfishly, she didn't want to. She wanted to be able to be held by Billie. The two may have been just starting their relationship once more, but there was still no one who made her feel safer. As she lay in wait for her, Erin debated getting up, but instead settled for poking her head out of the duvet. Hearing the key in the door, she braced herself, before burying her head into Billie's neck, gripping at her shirt as they embraced. "My parents..." She sighed, sitting back slightly. "It's been five years today and I forgot." Her lip quivered slightly. She was feeling so guilty, which wasn't helping the grief, the one she knew would never truly leave her. In a weird, twisted way, she was glad to have Billie her because she truly understood. Others may claim they did, but until you went through it yourself, you never truly did.

billiemartinez:

Ever since Erin’s surprise visit that one day, Billie had been living her life as if it was the best she’d ever had it. She couldn’t have been happier to have Erin back in her life in such a beautiful and romantic way. It was all she wanted since moving back, hell, since the second she moved away. Even the twins were happy. She assumed it was because they enjoyed having Erin around as well, but everyone else knew it was because of how much Billie had changed. She was no longer this girl that forced herself to get up in the morning because she had obligations. Now she woke up with a smile, knowing that her happiness was finally real and there again. Taking her lunch break, Billie decided to leave rather than stay, thinking maybe she could pick up something to eat and then bring it to Erin’s job, letting the two of them get at least ten minutes in together before having to wait the rest of the day.

Settling into her car, Billie dialed Erin’s number and began to pull out of the parking lot. She figured the other girl could pick what food they were going to eat. Hearing her pick up, she waited for her voice. But it was definitely unexpected to hear I need you rather than a normal hello. Her eyebrows furrowed quickly, looking at the time as Erin asked her a question. “Uh,” Billie started, pulling back into her lot and into the parking space. “I’m only on my lunch break, I don’t get of for another like,” calculating the time in her head, she continued, “four hours. I was calling to ask you what you wanted to eat, I was gonna stop by your job and bring you food but I can only assume that you’re not at work?” She knew her well enough to detect the sound of her voice. Something was definitely wrong and Erin had definitely just woken up. “Listen, I’ll go back inside right now and get the rest of my things and take the rest of the day off, alright? Are you okay?”

Any other time, Erin would have protested, not wanting Billie to lose out on some hours because of her, but she found herself agreeing. “Yeah, I’m at home.” She confirmed, her voice small. “I just, I can’t believe I forgot.” She could feel the tears threatening to break out again, and so instead focused on pushing them away instead of actually clarifying what she had forgotten. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be making you do this, you should go back to work, I’ll be fine until you finish, you shouldn’t take time off.” She rambled, her train of thought moving onto Billie, onto the present, as a distraction of thinking about the past. “I’ll just go back to bed, I doubt I’ll be going anywhere in the next four hours.” It was meant to be a joke, but it just sounded pathetic, even to her own ears.

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