I'd love to hear more of your DID! Dean thoughts!
Specifically about individual parts/alters, if possible. Like... How many are there? How many are aware they're part of a system? Do any have names for themselves/ each-other? Do they all have roles or are some just existing without knowing why? How do they each feel about Dean? About Sam? John? Cas?
I'd just love to know anything you're willing to share <3
thank you so much for this question now i have an excuse to talk about this more
how many are there — dean would have a lot of self parts i think, definitely multiple dozens especially after hell, maybe even a polyfragmented system. but not as many fully formed and distinct parts. many of them are similar to each other or share similar goals or purposes, others are extremely different. not all of them can be easily differentiated from one another.
do they have names — not exactly. some might have nicknames, especially parts that stay at a specific (young) age and might respond to "de" "boy" or "kiddo" better than "dean." and some introjects would probably answer to both dean’s name and the name of the original source (thinking about a mary caretaking introject being vaguely associated with the concept of "mom"). perpetrator-identified parts could maybe identify with said perpetrator’s name (thinking about alastair specifically) but not most of the time. overall i think dean’s self parts are not as distinct and differentiated as they can be in some systems, they are still close, they represent different self states and can be wildly different from one another but most of the time they don’t consciously identify as different people.
how many are aware that they are parts of a system — a good amount of them but none of them are aware of what a system is, if that makes sense. dean sees it as having different states of self and thinks it has to do mostly with emotions or situations, obviously you act/feel/think differently depending on the situation, he thinks it makes sense. there is a general awareness that different self states coexist and that he will feel very different if he is taking care of an injured sam than if he is alone after a hunt that just brought up his father, but that’s normal, so he doesn’t think of it as different parts. some parts have a better awareness of it, especially some of those that work to keep him productive and on his feet and that handle the organisation of the system, who holds what, how to force switches if necessary in a dangerous situation, etc, but also some perpetrator-identified ones — i think some parts associated with john or alastair would be a lot more aware of how dean’s dissociated mind and soul work. because they play with that. some parts do not have the awareness necessary to know about the rest because they are too lost in a specific moment, here i’m thinking about parts that do not have a fully distinct identity but that hold one memory or intense emotion, eg. a part who is 6 years old dean post-rape usually does not have the mental capacity to know about the rest of the system or to reach out, same for a part who holds one specific experience of torture in hell and only knows the pain and nothing else.
most of the time dean is aware that he has a system going on memory-wise to not remember everything all the time, but he figures everyone has it because he can’t just remember every trauma all the time, he can’t afford to be thinking about it, forgetting until it’s relevant is simply efficient self-preservation. but some parts will forget about the fact that they know they are forgetting, if that makes sense. some do not have the awareness that memories are being repressed and will go into shock or will always be unable to hold onto memories when they are brought up, another part will have to take over. the most developed parts who hold trauma memories are aware they are keeping it from the rest in order not to overwhelm the other parts so that dean can function; trauma fragments usually do not have that awareness since, as mentioned before, they hold a more intense and specific experience and find it difficult to be aware of other parts.
do they all have roles — they all have a role in that they all formed so that dean could stay alive, but not all of them have a distinctive and easily understood role within the system. some of them hold a very intense experience so that none of the others have to deal with the fullness of that pain: as mentioned before, one part might be constructed fully around a specific experience of torture and hold all that pain, so that even the other parts who know about said torture do not feel the fullness of it. some of them keep memories or previous states; dean has multiple younger self states, especially since he never got a real childhood. some of those younger self states are linked to a specific trauma experience, like the fire, multiple of them are selectively mute or even totally mute, some are formed around food insecurity, etc. perpetrator identified parts are somewhat programmed and follow the programming, so they endanger the system and alter dean’s view of himself. some parts hold dean’s gender dysphoria and other things about himself he cannot or will not think about most of the time. persecutors exist, mostly trying to protect the system but holding more anger and destruction; these are usually the ones who are able to feel angry at john. a good amount of parts are caretakers — said caretaking might be focused on dean but often caretakers are there to keep dean in a state where he is able to survive and to protect sam, and some of them have the explicit role of taking care of sam.
there is a general awareness in the system that sam is to be taken care of and protected at all costs, followed by everyone except maybe persecutor-identified alters and fragments who sometimes can’t be aware of the outside world. the vast majority of parts love sam, a few are scared of him if they’re linked to moments when sam went very far; some hold resentment against sam, like about stanford; many parts are in love with him if that’s something they are able to feel. overall there are obviously many complex emotions going on but the system remains built around the idea of loving sam and taking care of him.
different parts feel very different things about john, those who hold trauma memories are usually focused on desperation and either on incomprehension or on a desire to prove themselves good and be loved, depending on the experience they hold. parts oriented toward productivity in every day life and on hunts tend to be the ones who follow john relatively blindly. persecutors have the easiest time being angry at him, think dream a little dream of me. but those feelings just change a lot depending on what parts are aware of and what they focus on.
regarding castiel, i haven’t thought about it that much, i’d say some parts probably value him a lot more than others. many parts, especially ones formed early, are not aware of him or remain mostly indifferent. parts focused on sam (and there are a lot) might like castiel but simply not care that much unless the situation demands it. other parts are thankful, hold their friendship; some are angry at castiel for the times he fucked up; some parts are attracted to him (and depending on the part, it might be either to his anger and violence or to his friendship and care); at least one part must still experience the moment he saved dean from hell and has a heightened awareness of castiel’s grace and feels both awe and terror regarding that.
(obviously everything i said here applies only to the way i personally think of dean. different experiences of complex dissociative disorders can be very different from one another. i’m not speaking on DID in general. and of course feel free to share your own thoughts!)
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