I've just realized that these two moments are almost exactly the same, except for the fact that, at the wedding, Penelope can't verbally ask the question, so instead, she does it silently.
I love it, because it illustrates their growth perfectly. In both moments, Penelope is laying all her flaws bare for him to see -- she is being honest, in the first, about her insecurities, and in the second, about her faults. She cedes any power, any claim she might have on his duty as a gentleman, and offers him a choice (both times).
And, in both moments, Colin decides that he loves her, regardless. He is consistent, but more than that, he expresses his agency in this, despite any hurt words hurled to the contrary. It's not default or duty-bound, for him, and he makes sure she knows it -- makes sure that, regardless of what it looks like on the outside, she knows he has chosen her. Both times he makes a vow -- to her, and only her -- and both times, he keeps it.
This is particularly touching when you realize that, in Seasons 1 & 2, the theme of duty is so strong. In contrast, Season 3 highlights the theme of choice.
I also think it speaks to Penelope's trust in him that she only ever asks him once, each time. She doesn't argue, she doesn't make excuses. There's no exchange. She only asks, and takes whatever answer he gives seriously.
It ties into Colin's larger question: "Then what good am I to you?" because this perfectly illustrates just how much Penelope needs him -- and only him -- to decide. Despite what anyone in the ton or their families might want/say, if Colin is sure, if Colin wants this, if Colin wants her, then that's enough.
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