[estherislost]

hi i'm esther

26, she/they

UK

please do not follow or interact if you are in recovery/recovered and/or under the age of 18, or you will be blocked

psa under the cut

i understand how triggering these blogs can be. i do not support or encourage €ds in any way - this is solely a place for me to discuss my struggles (respectfully and with awareness of triggers) with others in the same mental place as me. everything i post will be trigger tagged accordingly, and i will not share measurements or methods with anyone. €ds are dangerous, unhealthy and not worth pursuing if you do not have one already. please, please speak to someone if you are beginning to struggle with f00d yourself. you don't deserve this sort of miserable existence.

i encourage those for whom this blog might be triggering to please block me instead of reporting.

[theblackparadeisdead]

One day ur a suicidal 15 year old and then suddenly you wake up and you're 22 years old and genuinely debating the merits of iceberg vs romaine lettuce in the salad ur making. Life goes on ig

[whyenn-reader]

part of being an adult is figuring out what eveyone else's definition of "going crazy" is. to you it is not sleeping for 60 hours, writing 80k words in one sitting and expiriencing enough anxiety to kill a horse. to beth from accounting its buying a ticket to Columbus, Ohio. and to your friend its consuming so much ketamine you lose all of your posessions and wake up with five broken bones in a ditch somewhere and then proceeding to do it again the next day. to your other friend its writing a letter to their favourite actress about how much they appreciate her work. to your neighbour its laughing loudly in a grocery store whilst in pajamas. maya from uni hears the voice of her dead father making jokes with no punchlines and she considers that to be quite normal - to her going crazy would be hearing her husband instead. your downstairs neighbour will take night walks naked sometimes and claim there is nothing weird about him. there are literally no rules to life and all meaning is in the eye of the beholder.

[estherislost]

i hate how good it feels. how everything else is spiralling out of control, and yet there is this lighthouse in the storm, a beckoning hand. i know it isn't real. i know it's all false. i've been here long before and know the feeling of salt water in my lungs. i know that hand which turns to a fist, which breaks bones with ease, which wraps itself around throats like a snake. but if i cannot control my life spiralling into the abyss, then i will control this. i'll take its lonely hand. it is all i have

[mushroomering]

it's sooo much easier to have an £d as an adult than as a teenager, literally no one cares if you're not eating

[reguiarsalad]

God I fucking hate skinny culture what do you mean you consider 150 pounds to be obese what do you mean you're embarassed by being a size eight because it's "too big" what do you mean you tried to do a week-long fast with your friend but neither of you made it because you were hungry and that's just fucking normal to you?? It's normal to want to starve yourself??? I hate that the skinniest person I know has a pinterest board filled with weight loss tips I hate that I can never find crop tops in my size because god forbid you see a normal-sized human being's stomach I hate how artists drawing fat people is considered abnormal and receive either a lot of praise for being "brave" enough to do it or a lot of hate for "promoting unhealthy lifestyles" and I hate how I have to tag this with a tw for weight because of all of the people who have ended up with eating disorders because of fucking skinny culture

[thehorsefromhorselandd]

18+ 4n4s reblog if you’re active in August 🩵

[polkadotsandribbons]

Maybe if I lose enough, there won’t be anything left of me to hate…

[goodnightngo26]

[skeletonappreciationday-bones]

the urge to become a sickly alt twink

[nicotine-skeleton]

how am i supposed to not have an 3d when my literal 80 year old grandma just got on ozempic cause she hates her body and my almost 60 year old mom hasn't eaten a carb in 3 months cause she hates her body, and whether they'll admit it or not they 100% view each other as competition. it just never ends. not in 40 years, not in 60. a healthy relationship with my body was never an option

[corneliaavenue]

We NEED to keep talking about how celebrities are getting too thin. We need to talk about how that is not healthy, how it isnt and shouldn't be a beauty standard. We have to do it for Gen alpha growing up and for everyone else who lived through this once and recovered

[miawasthere]

who needs an enemy when you've got a dad lol

[comehomelittlesolider]

[silkangelkisses]

[321-noname-123]

Reboot if ur an 18+ 3d blog cmon I know yall r out there 😭

[pelopona]