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♀ // After the tower, comes the star

Been dwelling a bit on Charter Verse AU Ishtar lately- mainly since originally they were like, meant to be a charter of their own district while working under NSR? Both them & Zion since their concepts have been meant to be charters (& I'll delve into charter verse Zion at some point too), but honestly in my hcs I imagine they'd be like... They end up being more recently set up charters prior to the revolution? Like, they haven't been around as long as the other charters so to speak Their own aims & ambitions throughout becoming charters, for them both, were in their own hopes/aspirations to make things better throughout Vinyl City, not to mention sort of push back with more power against the way NSR originally was running things, since as charters they'd be able to have more say & thus, their own hopes of trying. I headcanon that they were like, NSR elite status prior to—in the sense that they had joined NSR's ranks as musicians, later ascended to being charters outright, with such an aim in mind. Especially as they ofc saw the glaring faults (& have. Always been ones to be critical about & oppose such things too, especially Zion given the kinda person he is)

Also, info on Ishtar's District, as some of it will be relevant

But, that all laid out, I'm going to focus a bit on Charter Verse Ishtar & just... Their overall ordeal as one? Tossing under read more cause this is lengthy, some of this may be disorganized wording (I hope its not) but regardless.

So, delving into their charter verse...

I'm going to establish a few things with Ishtar's past first that I think are important, with these things being applicable to them regardless if they're a charter, NSR artist but non-charter, purely indie musician AU (still thinkin abt that one whether it's a neutral end or bad end ordeal), or rock/metal AU (sort of a bad end outcome)

So, with Ishtar... This is a MAJOR tl;dr (believe me I can go VERY in depth in depth), but... the whole thing about them is the fact that they don't exactly come from the best of circumstances, formerly a music hobbyist who got caught up in aspiring to the music industry, was swept up in it a bit too early, & then... sadly, on top of the hardships faced in their upbringing, there came the rather brutal trials & tribulations that came as they stepped into the music industry, especially at the hands of a musician far more famous than them, known by the name "Kaletu" as he'd further springboard them abruptly into the industry, with their luck & rapid ascension in the industry a bit early on. Things went down as their story would play on the issue of "people in an industry who use their power/fame/status to abuse others & get away with", as Ishtar became his casualty, yet with Zion together would speak out on all the cruelties he'd committed—even if it didn't really lead to any legal repercussions. In this time they'd made plans to move off to Vinyl City, leave behind Catemaco which is where they're from, & close out such a painful chapter, with hopes for better--ambitions & aspirations leading them down the path of establishing themselves in NSR alongside Zion (altho they wouldn't do so right away)—yet, still finding themselves facing their own hardships in personal life (especially with Tammuz too, someone from their past they once were involved with). Yet even throughout this, maintaining compassion for those in Vinyl City, as they've always revolved around this element, & w/ the glaring faults from NSR, trying hard to use their position to help smaller artists, bridge the gap & hopefully from within help with furthering changes. As well as them extending compassion & support to other musicians, no matter if big or small, advocating for them, being critical of NSR & directly doing things to pose opposition from within, hoping it can do something to turn around the way NSR was running things, which does prove... more challenging than initially thought esp w their own personal shit too they have going on (as Zion does too, the two believing firmly in supporting one another & so on, so forth) Throughout everything, their whole personal story has been one of undergoing tons of trials & tribulations, yet rising above all their circumstances & holding on to their own hopes for better, & extending hopes to others too that they aid, & not only that, them having to learn to not lose themselves & who they are at their core to their past traumas, especially in their earlier years where the things they go through... For some time, do turn them cynical, hateful, full of anger that turns them into a person they're not--& in time it almost costing them their only remaining connection after their past, that being w Zion. Until they turn things around for themselves & further soar higher than before & make amends with him as well. But, amidst it, with trust & vulnerability issues it causes them to be withdrawn from most, struggling with connecting with others, which... Proves an issue if they want to be able to make their aspirations for change through their position a reality, in using their compassion to bring about further meaningful change too.

I could elaborate further, bc again this is a VERY quick run down but if I rambled on I'd end up with a 3290432 page google doc (only half joking, y'all should see the ramblings I go on about Zion & Ishtar to others b ut ANYWAY)

Amidst everything, the arcs w them as a character are not only to not let the past change them into something they're not, but also to move forward, to let themselves embrace trust/connections/vulnerability again, so it can aid them further in the change they want to advocate further for, as well as letting themselves receive the same love & compassion that they give to others (not to say they're all love & light btw. But again, another time)

But now, with all that out the way... Onto their charter AU in full...

So, given the timeline I have for them & all, honestly they wouldn’t have become a charter until most likely the stuff after Tammuz that went down w them being in Vinyl City, tbh? There’s no way that w the turbulence ongoing in their life back then that they would have become a charter shortly after arriving in Vinyl City, & I figure that things basically follow the same path of like. Them getting into NSR as an elite only at first, w the rest of the stuff that plays out in their regular timeline playing out the way it does—Zion in this AU would also be a charter too, he was quick in rising to charter status given the life he’d been paving for himself. but as a whole, Ishtar still goes through the stuff they do, up until the temporary falling out w Zion & the shit w Tammuz, & the end of that & the unhealthy behaviors they fell into again for some time before they end up making amends w Zion again

Its around the point in time that they make amends w Zion, however, that w them putting their foot down on everything, they decide to really spur their focus to soar higher & come out atop everything—prompting them to push harder, immerse themselves in full towards working on becoming a charter & also, not just bc of personal reasons but they figure in becoming a charter they could maybe, maybe, have more say in how things are run in Vinyl City to help turn things around w how NSR’s running shit, & also it further aiding in just rebuilding themselves after everything too ambitions that prove harder to fulfill than initially thought though—but still, they do ascend to charter status, w their district pathway being established… I wanna say between Metro & Dream fever tbh—

Esp considering this concept i had as a "What if in game?" thing here:

(also, an important sidenote that Ishtar & Zion are both really close friends. They have been through thick & thin w each other for so long, so yeah)

I wanna say that, with Ishtar rising to charter status, its… Considering that Ishtar was created with them being a charter in mind, their personality doesn’t exactly change all too much from what it is now? But there is the fact they actually do become more apprehensive, withdrawn from most around them compared to as a regular NSR artist—more guarded still now because its like… Lying low during periods they wanna lay low is now harder, & there’s even more a spotlight being put on them in a way to where they aren’t always able to withdraw/retreat into the bg in instances they may want to, making things all the more daunting for them for sure... Especially when they have issues around trust & vulnerability, & meanwhile are always sorta holding up this lighterhearted demeanor & this upkeep of their physical appearance bc—its so ingrained in them, & here in this AU? it becomes even further instilled in them, by comparison.

You have to constantly uphold your lighterhearted demeanor, you can't be viewed, ever, as unsightly, be it through your physique or overall personality

So a couple pre-existing traits that are now turned up higher…

Well—Somewhat, bc at the same time despite this, you still can see elements of them attempting more open vulnerability & more open connections, through the way they engage with those that reside within their district—

Through the way they allow themselves still to extend themselves out to smaller musicians, engage interact with them & even has invited em into collabs with at their main venue, or their secondary venue which this one is where they’re more versatile w diff genres. & Hell, they actively do shit where they literally allow for indie musicians to host performances in the main plazas of their district or ask them for their ordeal with their venue, does not matter the genre they do not care. & Tbh, wouldnt be surprised if they would have gotten shit from NSR for refusing to ban rock in their own district during the start of the revolution even? Them & Zion both had that element of defiance against forbidding rock from their districts, even if that put them at risk of losing their position bc—fuck that, the prohibiting of such a genre is absurd to them & especially to Zion, who believes in self expression through any creative outlet to embrace yourself in full

There’s also the fact that well, the Plutonic Gardens in their district itself is another means of this whole… attempts at such things.

(Some examples of what I envision for the plutonic gardens in their district, in terms of general vibe/aesthetic, are here? Used that cause discord links ain't ideal-)

The gardens here as I mentioned w the district locations thing are, well—this is p much a place where there’s an ample number of the crystalline sculptures Ishtar makes? These taking on a more personal tone, tying back to Ishtar themselves on a personal level, some touching on themes of their own past, some in general being a glimpse into their own overall self for who they are, beyond just the lighterhearted side of t hem they show... Yet, heavily ladden with symbolism that isn’t exactly easy to decipher for non-practicioners of occult stuff so—its why this is,,, a more indirect means of vulnerability on display, not entirely openly so due to the fact they’re still really guarded either way despite attempts

But still, an effort nonetheless

More open connection attempts also are made through how they generally. Try to be more open also w other NSR staff. Its a weird position though for them as they’re both in this in between space of trying but also withholding themselves (& is even moreso withdrawn from those they don’t get along with,) so, almost this back & forth w/ themselves in opening themselves up that’s probs more amplified? Compared to them just being an elite. But still, more open somehow. To an extent, its connecting more openly, but all more surface level probably i’d say. Getting deeper than surface level takes longer meanwhile.

This paradox of they’re somehow more open, but more withdrawn at the same time.

I will say, something that probably ends up not… Helping their guarded nature when it comes to this sort of thing is, well—

So, in my own headcanons (given i follow a personal hc that NSR also recruits musicians through keeping tabs on musicians in the industry across the world that they especially see are at the top, & inviting them to join the company, somethn I shared w Al), I've had it set that the famous musician that Ishtar once was involved with, Kaletu, likely was someone who was on NSR’s radar in terms of artists to invite onto the record label—this being in the time frame before everything about his cruelties, esp those towards Ishtar, came to light. Tl;dr he declines joining but says he’ll consider in the future to keep that line possibly open, but later on, & even knowing Ishtar’s part of the record label itself especially, tries to talk w NSR about reconsideration of his invitation—gets shot down immediately bc of all the things that are public about him & the shit he’s done, etc etc.

But that little context aside I figure that—given his own. Awareness of NSR & stuff. Likely, with Ishtar rising in status as a charter he would have caught on, & likely. Tried to take jabs, bc the fact that the one he’d targeted still remaining in the industry & ascending to such a status has him less than pleased & thus. While Ishtar has all lines of contact to him severed (since years ago), & they p much try their best to keep moving forward, I won’t deny that something like that does set them back initially in their own ordeal w becoming a charter—this awareness of how much less they’ll be able to display sides of them that could possibly be deemed ‘unfavorable’, vulnerability further tightly locked away at the start becomes even more guarded & clammed up. & For some moments it does make them contemplate if allowing themselves to have become a charter was the best decision, especially with this sort of awareness of how much more eyes will be on them, even from ones like him, etc etc. Things like that

Ultimately, they don’t let those factors cause them to back down—but. It is a factor that leaves them a lot more. In that weird paradoxical state of. Trying to push past everything be more open (esp bc in being more open they can better foster their own community & fans & better work towards bringing about better for those in their district &, in their hopes, Vinyl City), yet at the same time guarding themselves highly—

I feel they sort of fall into this sort of. Trap also. Of just. They start. Almost lowkey putting everyone else above themselves? Throughout their time as a charter?

They focus so heavily on their general ambition of bringing about better for others through use of their position as a charter—yet, there’s like… They’re shirking away from letting themselves be open, connect in ways more than just surface level out of fear, putting the focus on their fans way too heavily almost over themselves & caring more about everyone else

… All while their own internal struggles & stuff are kept sequestered away, locking them away harder, any pressures they feel kept to themselves, any sort of worries & fears & anxieties being things they dwell in alone, because—what’s to happen if your own district members start to see the sides of you that others once deemed unsightly? What’s to happen if your vulnerabilities slip out a bit too much rather than through the light drip-feeding you do (for ex through their sculptures that, display such things yet, it takes deciphering them to even register that in the first place) What’s to happen if you ever show anything that could make others instantly doubt your proficiency as a charter?

Others always have deemed you too emotional, too passionate to a degree that’s distasteful, too much in extremes too volatile regardless of how true that is on anything, a rejection of what you were like before being something that has been consistent & thus, with those experiences... It sort of amplifies the concern that w them being a charter now, that now there’s even more importance in making sure only the sides of them ppl like can be seen & not, anything else that lies beneath that typically turns people against you or drives them away

Ironically enough though this is somethn that DOES cause fans to worry because, it starts to slowly seep out in one way or another—&… those who especially have been long-standing fans of Ishtar. Start to. Notice.

However—You have a standard to uphold though, one that’s been instilled in you all your life since your upbringing & now that you’re in the position you’re at, that expectation has to be higher right? You cannot deviate from it, you have to live up to that standard Despite the fact they have been healing from a lot, well… there’s also the fact that these behaviors crop up still because they’re still… playing yet again into the very themes addressed with them so to speak

It doesn’t help that you’ve had an increase in weird parasocial &/or objectifying fans too now that you’re a charter (Something that is part of their history. Eventually that'll be discussed though). Not to a degree to where it was like their past at least, no, & their fanbase STILL actively spurns those types heavily so its not like the risk of their fanbase returning to what it once was is there, but its still… a notable increase.

You’re there constantly trying to help & please & make others happy & help them, care for them, turn things around for them—& you are passionate about that, sure. I mean its even why you enjoy your work w occult stuff on the side, because of that reason of what you use it for… Yet you suppress yourself from your community & won’t even welcome in any support from others amidst how all this affects you too, because you refuse to let your guard down. Which all the while isn’t beneficial to trying to foster community & bring em together better for better change, & meanwhile your own community is starting to worry in a way about you also through the things that slip through the cracks, because you’re so strung up in putting everyone else before you & neglecting yourself that at some point some of it will start to spill. But you hide it. Hide it well. Hide it well. You have to.

You dread what’d happen if you properly connected with them outside of the exterior you show—ironically enough though, you also hate that you can’t. Its. Being a paradox. You’re paradoxical as a charter.

Then you’ve also got to deal with those who are trying to find any single thing to deem you unfit as charter & to try to get rid of you too, despite the advocacy you constantly do alongside Zion for those in the city... Alongside other stuff w NSR that’s stressful (ESPECIALLY the ordeals w DJ, as I hc they clash heavy with him a lot in their hatred for musicians who view themselves atop everyone else), alongside the process of healing you’ve been on for a while that aint easy, alongside dealing w the increased shit from Kaletu & his messy ass fanbase, alongside weird parasocial &/or objectifying fans, alongside plenty other things that make you just wonder if you were in over your head amidst this all

Yet you still try your damn hardest... & Any concerns from coworkers you brush under the rug too, that's assuming they happen to catch on anyway.

A lot of this whole ordeal is ironic bc they’re pretty much caught up in this loop, because they’ve never really let themselves start opening up to closer connections in full yet at this point in time?

Its literally AFTER revolution that they start doing so. Similar to their non-charter NSR artist version of them

This whole winding up back in that loop, is… in a way, partially self inflicted—them being their own self undoing through this being their own worst enemy (In typical 12th houser style (me making an astrology joke only i understand maybe, leave me be /lh))

The reason i say its partially self inflicted is bc—To some extent, there is valid/legitimate reasoning for them falling into this guarded / suppressed version of themselves, bc they do have the issue of weird/parasocial/objectifying fans, that try to dig & pry at their personal life & in ways that are wildly uncomfortable or who act entitled to them & so on. They have the issues w ppl who have been harsh & unfair towards them still, they have had the whole… mess w being in the public eye & needing to really enforce & maintain their boundaries & whatnot which is harder given how fans can be, & its a bit harder to lay low now whenever they please, because of their status & their disdain in ONLY ever being in the spotlight but w/o bein able to pull back when they wish (This does also start to lead to some general slow progression of avoidance too w ppl which is another red flag that somethn’s up w them)

But its also for sure in some ways self inflicted, because like… In being so. I guess, to some degree self sacrificing? Bc of that, I kinda figure w the things they do for others & their fanbase & the fact they’re so openly compassionate w those in their district & everything—that leaves an impact on people, in a positive way to where fans HAVE wanted to also. Sort of care for them too. Even though to them they… they tend to not think highly of the things they do bc to them its “not enough” (WHICH IS. A TENDENCY THEY HAVE ACROSS ALL ITERATIONS OF THEM. FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING THEY DO. They don't seem to recognize the things they do happen to do for others that's valued because, in their eyes, it's just... They don't think as highly of the things they already do for others w/o second thought?)

To them, what they do isn’t enough, its never enough, they have to push further, they have to constantly be doing the most they can & it isn’t helped by those “fans” also who are unnecessarily pushy w them demanding of them in ways that are crossing lines, esp when they’re already actively trying the most they can to make things better w those in their district & hoping to help w making things better in Vinyl City at large You keep others walled off from you, because you think they’ll spurn you—when if anything its the opposite, they would literally welcome your full range of expression & you no longer suppressing yourself & so on if you JUST. LET YOURSELF. ACTUALLY. PUSH PAST THE SELF IMPOSED RESTRICTIONS YOU KEEP DOING TO YOURSELF

&, of course.

All this comes out in some ugly tipping point throughout their fight lmao

Bc like, w the revolution happening—the thing w them is that they already at that point have been… Well they’re not blind to the faults of NSR by this point &, with Zion, have been openly critical about it, they've probably had disputes in meetings over some things too within NSR. They’re also both newer charters to Vinyl City too, so being swept up in all this when they’re charters who openly have been trying to work in the system to try to change it well...

Getting caught up in that mess in & of itself already is less than ideal.

But the thing that gets to Ishtar is—Well, the fact that even amidst all they do for others & everything its not been enough. & Even in the moment of defiance that Ishtar & Zion show to NSR themselves, in the whole “no fuck you, we’re not banning rock in our districts, you can try, we're enabling it actually” & them trying to push back in their own other ways (which yeah probably DOES stir a bit of an issue) Well—The fact that for Ishtar, anything they tried doing in vouching for better for the city, anything they tried doing to make things better is like... Almost immediately tossed out & forgotten by those in the revolution? It stings, because it sorta adds to that whole feeling that what was done wasn’t enough—but then there’s also the fact that… well. The revolution gets out of hand to the way it does, to where they get caught in the crossfire, in unfair ways

W ishtar & Zion, they both end up having to undergo having their district completely trashed, & w Ishtar they have to end up seeing that things they’d created throughout the district that had deep personal significance to them get completely ruined, shattered

The thing w their district is—a lot of themselves was poured into it, as sort of a whole … creating something for themselves & rebuilding themselves after all their past shit they’d been through. W the reaching charter status & creating such a haven for both themselves & others, it was sort of this… Further means of leaving behind past stuff & really stepping into an era w them flourishing, even if things do get messy throughout the process considering. How they are. Sdflks

The things they put into their district, a lot of em have this personal connection & significance to them. & Especially the shit in the Plutonic Gardens w all the sculptures & stuff there that are indirect expressions of their own vulnerabilities & shit There’s a lot of deep personal significance in this whole place. & for such a haven getting trashed & havin even valuable sculptures of theirs that carried TONS of weight due to the things it ties to for them being shattered amidst the revolution, having others demean them despite the things they actively have tried for others throughout the revolution & everything Having all that be ruined or destroyed or trashed in some way I kinda hc there’s even one sculpt that had a lot of personal value that was given to them by some in their own fanbase, that was sort of a whole… its by older fans who did that as an appreciation thing for them & support in all their struggles esp from the era they dealt w Kaletu That getting destroyed

This is... Also not helped that this whole revolution started a day before their b-day (like, its canon that the banning of rock started on Aug 7th-

& Ishtar's b-day is... August 8th LMAO & I also kinda hc that some ppl in said revolution did stir shit in their district that day too. Even aware of this fact.

& All that’s not getting into the… directly going & fighting them after actively sabotaging their district. By which when you first meet them in their fight, the encounter takes place during a concert of theirs obvs & you can. See the effects of their music on the crowds—their. Music has a passive trance-like effect by default on those who listen, enchanting them with their music, pulling them in & immersing them under their spell, in their performance to really amplify a more otherworldly ethereal like experience Almost spiritual in a way

Pulling you in deeper into their astral realm

The entire venue is this. Its a dark atmosphere lit up with neon hues, vibrant glows & magic of their own, legit the entire venue is powered & lit up from their cosmic energy & it is NOT something that’s like easy on them. &... They have their usual demeanor upheld when you encounter them, but there very much is an obvious disdain in their tone, venom starting to seep into their words, the start of when everything seeps out really (Considering how i have Ishtar & Zion’s districts set up in this whole “you can go to either district first & the other after, but whichever you go after first leads to the other character’s difficulty being amplified more than usual compared to if you’d gone after them first” element… if you. Happened to go after Zion’s district & defeat it first before them? This demeanor would not be there & their emotional suppression is completely coming undone at their anger that you went after Zion)

(Btw, Ishtar has 4 phases throughout their fight. I'ma casually gesture over to their reference here, they start out in their human form but w each phase they change until they've reached their full alien form w diff coloration & all. Them having regular human skin tone in human form is intentional so that it really makes their alien self stand out as they start to shapeshift fully to it.)

& Throughout their fight it. It really causes this lighterhearted side to finally falter & give way to the more emotionally intense & passionate sides of them coming out on full display, emotional vulnerability starting to bleed out & ESPECIALLY during their end of 3rd phase & final phase where they. Make use of their lunarian 12H ability in those last two phases

Them pulling no punches by that point letting their emotions power & fuel their abilites in full so these def are. Difficult phases as their abilities are amplified due to their emotions but they also are v much risking hurting themselves & def pushing past their own limits (even MORESO if you go against them after Zion first)

Everything that’d been suppressed fully jumps out completely in this fight & esp during Lunarian 12H ability in their end phases taking effect. & There’s also things it draws out from Mayday & Zuke too that fuck them up mentally i figure bc of the way this shit works.

Drawing out a lot of their own subconscious emotions on full display to hurt, subconscious fears, & past hurts/pains. Using their lunarian 12H ability at its fullest potential, which To directly copy paste the impacts of this ability of theirs

“Can make the area around them look like an illusory, space-like/ethereal place, channeling the themes of the 12th House (in astrology], making it seem otherworldly. Given those themes, the area becomes imbued with an effect that makes emotions significantly more amplified, pulling them out from the subconscious–a 12H theme–to either induce an emotional high (during their performances) or intense emotional low (strictly during combat) on those within the affected area. To more intense degrees, desires that are repressed may come afloat more easily, whereas during combat, subconscious pains & fears come afloat, causing intense emotional suffering on the target. These take the form of illusions, only visible to the affected person… Or, if pushed to its absolute limits, said pains/fears take a physical manifestation that can be engaged with by anyone in the area, in addition to some parts of the area giving visuals to things around these fears/pains the person has. Again, 12th House themes. However, Ishtar does not like using their ability at full potency/intensity in combat given how taxing it is”

Aside from it towards the end as you defeat them, it drawing out. All of Ishtar’s own things in full. & the full weight of things w them & going against them really kicking in full swing.

Their fight is one that gets ugly & really. A lot of things that you see from them are not... They're things that would likely weigh on BBJ for going after em perhaps.

…& Funny enough post everything, they’re… There’s the dread that washes over them that, now that fans have seen all this. Unsightliness they’d suppressed for so long. Now that other charters may even have seen this side of them too. Other NSR staff. If they were keeping tabs on how things got during their fight.

That now, they’re going to be spurned, that all the things they fear will come true. When meanwhile, at least with their fans from what i know, that wouldn’t be the case exactly.

As for how others in NSR would view them following this... something to speculate on (& also toss at some other friends maybe w nsr ocs jsdlfd)

I also... Considering the things that got damaged, the things that happened with, I don't think they'd be so forgiving of BBJ. Not easily, not at all. It's something that's really up in the air & esp with the issues Ishtar has going on.

This is p much the general gist &... Yeah this got lengthy as is (now imagine my other in depth rambles about them on many other subjects, some which are heavier djslf). But it's sort of I guess. An overview? On the whole ordeal with Ishtar & them as a charter & the like, so yeah.

A lot of thoughts to condense into this post & I guess more public unveiling of things I think about them & esp w their charter verse being at the forefront mentally currently. (Most of this is p much set in stone it's just... Wording & maybe some slight tweaks here & there, but yeah.)

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