* IN THE ARMS OF WAR.

bow down, [ ... ] earth - dweller.

[zmhati]

  nobody waits for me,   [ ... ]   nobody takes from me.

zmhati. the landwaker. independent &. private blog for z'mhati zheli, a player character based in square enix's final fantasy xiv. a tale of resilience, selfishness, and being the mothercrystal's unpaid intern. 21+ only, unaffiliated with the ff rpc, incredibly crossover friendly and oriented. ➜ carrd, blogroll.

free company members. n/a.

[eviefyres]

PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP MEME 0.2

over a year ago, i made this meme & since then, it’s blown up. so, over a year later — i thought i would make a new one. so here it is, after several requests & a pile of brains,  THE PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP MEME 0.2 send me a  ✿  and i’ll fill out the template below. bold for things i could definitely see or want, italics for things i could see or am unsure of and striked out for things i don’t want or cannot see.

FRIENDSHIP.     childhood friends  /  work buddies or coworkers  /  family friends  /  friends with benefits  /  smoking buddies  /  adventure buddies  /  fake friends  /  recently friends  /  party buddies  /  friendship of need  /  dying friendship  /  circumstantial friendship  /  partners in crime  /  old friendship  /  [ your muse ] is the good influence  /  [ your muse ] is the bad influence  /  [ my muse ] is the good influence  /  [ my muse ] is the bad influence  /  opposites attract  /  ride or die  /  frenemies  /  roommates or flatmates  /  penpals  /  exes to friends  /  enemies to friends  /  other

ROMANCE.     childhood sweethearts  /  [ your muse is mines ] childhood crush  /  [ my muse is yours ] childhood crush  /  exes  /  exes to lovers  /  forbidden lovers  /  highschool sweethearts  /  secret relationship  /  opposites attract  /  long distance  /  unrequited [ from your muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from my muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from both sides ]  /  skinny love  /  friends to lovers  /  enemies to lovers  /  spurious relationship  /  power couple  /  newly entered  /  soulmates [ metaphorical ]  /  soulmates  [ literal ]  /  awkward  /  turning toxic  /  toxic love  /  cheating [ on your muse ]  /  cheating [ with your muse ]  /  other 

FAMILIAL.     siblings [ half ]  /  siblings [ step ]  /  [ my muse ] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure  /  [ my muse ] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse  /  [ my muse ] is a parental figure to yours  /  [ my muse ] is a child figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal guardian  /  adoptive child  /  foster child  /  [ your muse ] is taken under mines wing  /  [ my muse ] is taken under yours wing  /  other

ANTAGONISTIC.     dangerous to each other  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into sexual or romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based of off circumstance  /  based of professional matters  /  based off misunderstanding or lies  /  conflict of ideology  /  betrayal  /  hero - villain dynamic  /  enemies  /  fight club  /  friends turned enemies  /  lovers turned enemies  /  exes turned enemies  /  other 

[zmhati]

off we go to start the most iconic vampire game ever.

[zmhati]

the og unedited "fallen angel"-esque shot is also so 👌. thank you holmgang for your spicy animation.

[zmhati]

look to those that walked before / the land waker, a lost hero of cartenau. z'mhati zheli, a final fantasy xiv character &. local warrior too stubborn to quit. 21+ only, extremely crossover friendly and oriented. / to lead those who walk after.

[zmhati]

after catching up with patches + raids (esp arcadion, just did m8), i can confidently say dt has mhati at his angriest ever. this man is picking fights with everyone bc he hates alexandria and how it treats its people so fucking bad.

[eternalswind]

again and again, they clash; within the umbilicus, the exarch's—- nay, g'raha tia's—- expression tightens by imperceptible degrees as the other man speaks. "needling me appears to bring you profound spiritual fulfillment, so who am i to deny you?" it's dryly delivered, with fatigue bleeding beneath the wit. "though i confess, i had hoped saving the first might purchase me at least a brief reprieve from public castigation." or, more specifically, from standing trial before z'mhati's personal tribunal. "alas. evidently, i remain unforgivably available for criticism." he leans back in his chair, unflinching in the face of z'mhati's hard, burning stare.

"i wonder..." his gaze narrows thoughtfully. "if you realize how alike we sound when we are furious." a small, humorless smile. "a dreadful revelation for us both, i should think. because for all this righteous outrage of yours, you are arguing from the exact same place i was." he tilts his head then. "you are furious that i decided my own suffering was negotiable—- that i chose martyrdom before anyone could object. and unless i am very mistaken, that discomfort comes from familiarity." he doesn't pause for clarification, now denying z'mhati any chance of interjection. "then you speak as though i romanticized the warrior of light because i thought her invincible. no, not at all." he shakes his head. "i romanticized her because i needed her to survive. there is a difference."

"the problem is that i knew exactly what she is: a person driven beyond every reasonable limit. a person the world strips apart over and over again and still demands more from. gods, i knew she was tired. i knew she was frightened. i knew she was mortal. i knew it every single time she smiled anyway and kept walking." he closes his eyes. his voice begins to tremble. "and i still asked more of her." watched her struggle on as he did. "so no—- this was never hero worship. it was necessity. desperation. you call it cruel. and perhaps it was. but after a century of watching this star die while i stood powerless to stop it—-" after waking up to a destroyed world—- to her already gone, to everyone and everything they had ever held dear lost to time he could not change—- he rises abruptly, books tumbling from their stacks in the wake of his own outburst—- "forgive me if my coping mechanisms lacked moral elegance." a haggard beat. "and do not mistake this for arrogance."

"but what i find most remarkable about this conversation, z'mhati, is not that you think i denied the warrior of light personhood. rather, it is that you have already decided what sort of man i must be for this to make sense to you. as though these choices were born from naïveté instead of grief." mismatched hands clench into fists at his sides. "as though i have not already spent so long condemning myself more thoroughly than you ever could." he glares at z'mhati. "so forgive me again if i seem unreceptive to what you have to say over my poor judgment."

[zmhati]

" that's a whole lotta words for a whole lotta nothin', " growls z'mhati, one foot forward in response to g'raha rising from his chair. but he's heard the exarch, listened to his every word, and the sad thing is that mhati understands. [ necessity and desperation; the latter so often happens to be the endpoint of grief. he won't ever fault g'raha for such things, not when as g'raha has so expertly deduced he's well acquainted with it. he still remembers when he found kutseena's broken body on the far reaches of the cartenau plains. ] the problem hasn't ever and won't ever be grief: it's how it's harnessed and acted upon. that's what lights a fire in z'mhati.

that and the exarch's passive - aggressiveness. well, mhati's never ignored a tough nut to crack.

" justify that idealization however you want; the point is that you did it regardless, even while well aware of what was goin' on. the demands you were puttin' on her, the strain of the aether, all while lyin' to our faces about what the endgame was gonna be. stars in your eyes are useless when your whole face is a mask of falsehoods. " it won't be difficult for the exarch to place where mhati's anger comes from. they would have helped, they would have all helped, had they understood the reality of the stakes from the start. but that would have denied g'raha his death, wouldn't it? the martyrdom he'd been working towards for almost a century. " it is cruel, g'raha. the stories you kept with you and that y'passed on, that hope damn right it inspires, but it'll always weigh heavy when put back on who it comes from. i don't care about moral elegance or whatever rot you're spewin'. ever talk to 'er? person to person, not "

some of mhati's edge has softened by now, in a way that could inspire some confidence that a reprieve is coming, however brief. he rakes a hand through his now - greyed hair, follows it up with a sharp exhale. " that's what i meant when i talked about personhood bein' taken away. that sometimes you gotta part the grief in front of your eyes and just look. a simple question like 'what's your favorite flower?' goes a long way. yeah, it's stupid when i put it that way, but that's how you reach past the dazzlin' heroism. " his own fatigue begins to show, thick like honey but lacking its sweetness. " hope's like the light that's been makin' your world waste away. it's bright, it's warm, it guides; sure, all of that but at such scale, it hurts those it touches. including you. "

[zmhati]

she knows her arrival is sensed before she makes any announcement ; full-aware of the keen senses of a trust companion, a friend. the night sky blesses with its presence, &. another sleepless night has brought the champion of the star for air ... but, it would be a lie to claim it was the only reason. no, she knew she'd find him there. she is not blind, nor deaf ; but it is the golden heart that sensed the tension in the atmosphere, &. witnesses how it lingers, swirls. it has not put a stop to the next steps, but it means it does not weigh heavy ... it does not mean that there is not added pressure there. ❝ it is beautiful, is it not? ❞ her voice comes out softly, staring with that instead, as she steps closer ... until her steps come to a halt beside him, ethreal goldens with their dim glows focused upwards.

she gives it a moment, ... then another, ... until she finally turns toward him, this time, with a slight furrow to her brow. ❝ something is bothering you, is it not? ❞ a question without being one. it is a statement that she knows, but still, with all of that grace within her that foes have mistaken for a lack of violence co-existing aside it, she allows room for denial anyway.

the thirstless shore is no la noscean beach but even now in the dead of night, it serves its intended purpose. both sarastus and the rest of the scions know that should he ever be missing during a restless night, z'mhati has gone to seek solace in the wild. sarastus tracks him easily, and not just because there are crystarium guards around to ask. mhati stands on the bleach - white sands at the end of a slow trail away from the imperative, cold waves lapping at his feet, and he welcomes her with a brief smile. he's ever only this quiet when something's on his mind, and of course sarastus is quick to ascertain that too. she turns to question him after a silent look skyward; for once, he can't bring himself to meet her radiant gaze, a beacon in the dark.

instead he pretends to adjust the sling of his boots over his shoulder. the habit to hide doesn't discriminate. yes, it's a beautiful sky ... and yes, something is bothering him. " y'know, i don't mean t' argue the way i do, " he says. it's seemingly apropos of nothing, but he's sure sarastus has heard about the last and most recent spat with the exarch, " but so much about this gets my hackles up and i ain't ever kept quiet about what bothers me. "

the waves retreat and then return, and the chill encourages him to speak. mhati's tired, and not because of a lack of sleep. " i've already gone through this. i showed up at cartenau, i did my part against the empire because it's what i had to do, and when the dust settled i was a memory. i wasn't even a name without a face, i was a title. warrior of light. 'n somehow, i survived t' see myself go from flesh and blood t' tale and recollection. i can't remember the number of times i wanted to speak up and say that was me, that i left the plains with my brother's body, whenever i heard mention of it all. but i never did. i didn't want thanks, i just ... "

mhati can't say it doesn't matter to him to go unacknowledged. he straddles the line between humility and selfishness: whenever he helps, he wants the world to know he was there. there's nothing worse than being a shapeless memory, with voids for eye sockets where the soul ought to be.

" i don't want that to happen t' you. you might be fine with that, you might say that it's fine 's long as you helped but legends always start with someone. and that deserves preservin' as much as the deeds themselves. " though he's turned his gaze to sarastus at last, it doesn't last long; he stares down at the sand. " that's all it is. "

semi - plotted asks, ft. @sarastuss.

[zmhati]

the flashbang - like experience of leaving my drafts after writing some sad shit and seeing reyes sowing chaos on main.

[zmhati]

waking up to the fact that g'raha and mhati are going to wail on each other verbally. what a gift this is.

[prayreturn]

― FFXIV : TANK ROLE QUESTS.

a collection of starter prompts taken from the tank role quests in ffxiv - there may be spoilers for these quests. change pronouns and gender as needed.

seen your fair share of fighting, have you?

when i first laid eyes on you, i had a feeling you were a tough bastard.

easy, killer. i couldn't care less who you are or what you've done

the only thing i'm looking for these days is a like-minded partner.

i like you, sinner.

you'll be doing them a favor putting them out of their misery.

you can be sure that they haven't forgotten the day the bastard came through…

well, i was planning to tell you the whole story eventually, but I suppose now is as good a time as any…

there wasn't time to mourn or to think.

i could never say no to her. not once in the years we'd been together.

i swore then and there i'd have my vengeance.

sorry to have kept you waiting, sinner.

"no such thing as a thing without value." that's the creed of these folk.

he… he can't keep getting away with it…

it's just… every time i cut one down, it reminds me of my first.

i've been there, so maybe it'll help me to find the right words. not that there ever are any.

how many such innocents will die before you do what must needs be done?

so I am to gamble with their lives instead? let them shield me while i alone take shelter and look down on them from on high!?

i will not stand idly by when i have the power to make a difference.

indeed, i have dealt with many a stubborn child in my life…

he's a murderer, and i'll not hear it said otherwise.

every night i go to bed dreaming of the day i'll take my revenge.

while your thirst for vengeance is quite natural and understandable, it is ultimately misguided.

hate and anger and vengeance are all i've got now!

this is how it has to be, hmm? who you have to be?

you are most tenacious, but everyone has their limits…

don't you touch her, you bastard!

am I… your princess still?

would you honor your vows, even now?

i'll not hesitate again. no matter the cost - no matter the sacrifice…

indeed, there is comfort and certainty in hatred… but it is a false and fleeting comfort.

the unwavering blade cares not whom it serves nor who it cuts.

i wanted to hollow myself out… and fill up that hole with hate.

“hard men” making hard choices… what rot.

i don't need the hate. never did.

i can't live off hate. shouldn't've made it this far, frankly.

no, i will not forsake compassion and love.

has the turmoil in your heart subsided at last?

are you getting misty-eyed at the thought of us parting ways?

you will forgive me for eschewing further formalities, as time is of the essence.

you saved my life, and one good turn deserves another.

in these troubled times, fear and despair can drive even the goodliest of souls to desperate ends.

no road is closed to those true of heart.

keep heart, for brighter days lie ahead of us.

we can cower in fear, or we can strive to lift one another's flagging spirits.

i've seen the dead with my own eyes - don't tell me what is and isn't true!

is there naught that can be done for these poor souls?

this storm has passed, but a darker tempest roils in the distance.

maybe we didn't choose to be born this way, but i don't think it makes us that different from everyone else.

you've suffered terrible trials, yet still you stand tall and resolute.

you grow numb to the violence and the killing out of necessity.

when the dust had settled, i was another body clinging to life amongst the fallen.

i could not keep watch over you at all hours, not even if I tried.

your reputation for magnanimity is well deserved!

truth be told, i couldn't remember the ancient rite's name, so I just made something up on the spot.

my duty weighed heavy on my heart - so heavy that at times i scarce remembered to breathe.

i was not there for you then, but i am here for you now

you were inspiring to behold - and not for the first time, I must say…

in all our time together, i have never seen you so hard-pressed.

i do what i love, and desire naught else.

[zmhati]

also everyone go yell at @valkury to come back right now.

[zmhati]

*gasps out of joy because i get to witness the return of the goat*

THE MAN RETURNS!! THE COWBOY DAD OF ALL TIME.

[zmhati]

listening to endwalker at work just injected me with such a desire to replay the whole expac. i have to get thru patches first and catch up properly but i think that's gonna be next on my list of things actually.

[zmhati]

"you have all the merciless clarity of an executioner, do you know that? must every conversation with you become an inquest into my poor decisions?" 🧍

it's fortunate that z'mhati is unarmed at the moment, or otherwise he would have accused g'raha of putting too fine a point on it. still, what the warrior lacks in armament, he's fully supplied in temper; it's apparent in the way he narrows his eyes and his fingers twitch. he won't do anything, however. of course he won't. contention may have defined the many moons they have been under the roof of cooperation for the sake of an entire reflection, but mhati will never turn on an ally, less so strike them. barking at them, however, is different. because in spite of the speed at which g'raha tia has had to steel himself to be the leader the crystarium needed him to be, there is no fast - track to wisdom or good judgment.

indignation flashes through mhati's features like ramuh's lightning. " you just ain't used to people needlin' you about said poor decisions, g'raha 'n i guess that's about to be my responsibility. " credit to the exarch where it's due: he's as much of a wall as mhati is. stalwart, unmoving, much like the tower at the heart of his domain. " one day you oughtta sit and apologize properly, an' i'm not talkin' about a simple 'i'm sorry for what i did'. or 'sorry for lyin' about lightwardens and my entire plan'. only do it after realizing that tales are just tales, and that the heroes you idealize so much are just people like you 'n me that had their whole person stripped away by the world. "

it happened to me. g'raha probably already knows about that because of the rest of the scions, so mhati smothers the thought.

" maybe after that, i'll go easy on ya. but not yet. "

semi - prompted asks, ft. @eternalswind + g'raha.

[zmhati]

"What are you wasting your time here for? I don't understand. You're better off just throwing in your lot and going home." (pls tell me i'm the first ask. ardbert btw)

" oh, stop tellin' me to quit; it's getting real tiring by this point. " give up. this world has had its fill of heroes. ardbert likes repeating himself like a broken orchestrion player and the man, the spectre, isn't afraid to show it but as mhati often says: mama raised a complainer, not a quitter. [ the complainer in question is walking the perimeter of the crystarium as the sun sets over the horizon, chosen as suitable company by the young ghostly hyur. ] baring a single fang, he half - turns to look pointedly at ardbert. " but sure, i'll be back at the source tomorrow and i'll sleep just fine knowin' i'm leaving everyone here t' fend for themselves. wish i could convince the others to come with. "

tch. the sound leaves him before he can stop himself, and he regrets it. there is only so much discouragement one can take before it either does the intended harm or it simply becomes too annoying to bear. mhati ducks back into the inside of the crystarium, stops at the threshold to the exedra, and once more focuses on ardbert.

" with how much you say that, you can't be serious. i can take the ascian bein' unhelpful and saying it's all useless, but not you. not given what we all know so just watch and let us take care'a business, alright? you kinda passed the torch, ardbert; now we get to run with ... and we'll make it to the end. "

unprompted asks, ft. @heartinhands + ardbert.

[zmhati]

taggity tags.