ILL NEVER DIE!!! @etheerieal - Tumblr Blog

i want to live for the first time and its scaring and exciting me all at the same time

#for the latter i know i can do amazing things if i wanted!#but the former #im afraid of capitalism killing me theyre going to take away all my time theres going to be nothing left is there #i hope america burns thats the only way well actually get anywhere as a species #no idea how the tag system worked here

shame that ive been building what i thought was a decent person for a long time and now, like, 90% of what ive made myself into needs to die so i can get better

i WILL one day beat up my past self either verbally or physically this is a PROMIS

#0th3rstuff #at least i can recognize it now

I may have been lying to myself about being an awful person

it may have actually just been my paranoia telling me Im sadistic, that I dont really care about anyone

I know there was I time when I was a terrible human being

but I think I may have broken off from that earlier than I thought

huh

#s3lfkn0wl3dge #its kind of... nice to know Im not inherently some sort of monster #maybe I can just live that normal happy life that seems so alien to me right now #if nothing else #that feels nice to know

...Ive admitted I have a problem, thats the first step down, but. um. wheremst to from here

#0th3rstuff #do I just try and... roleplay as someone nicer??#thats dumb nerd shit but if it has a good effect who cares

I want people to see every aspect of me and how I think and how all the components of what I am work together, not really as a vulnerability thing I just want someone to be as curious about me as I am

#0th3rstuff

frens <3<3<3 Love em

#0th3rstuff

I always lived for myself and it isnt going too well so Ill just try and live for You now

Ill be real if youre real!

#v4gu3

Im drowning everyone I know in niceness but Im just! rly enthusiastic I cant help it!! like a dog cant help wagging its tail, I just hope no one thinks theyre Ingenuine or the effect has worn off thatd be quite not what I want at all

#0th3rstuff

half of my thoughts are just "shut up idiot" and, they always have been, but I mean it in sort of a "stop being mean to yourself" kinda way now

#s3lfkn0wl3dge #all numbered up so no one scrolling thru tags sees my nonsensé

sometimes I just rephrase things I think in my head to sound more dramatic??

I cant remember any examples beyond the knowledge that they Happened but Im still performing for an audience that Im too paranoid to believe doesnt exist

#s3lfkn0wl3dge

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ILL NEVER DIE!!!