There and Not

Ava Starr//Ghost. MCU-based. Semi-selective, OC-friendly. Heavily headcanon-based. "Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self."

[etherealstarr]

                                                                  I stole for them.

                                                                  Spied for them.

                                                                 I killed for them.

                                             independent and semi-selective ava starr/ghost

                                                                     mcu-based

                            ★ Rules ★ Biography ★ Memes ★ Open Starters ★

[etherealstarr]

@hacker-codeq: x

Okay, so maybe she'd gone too far. But the hacker hadn't looked up from his work even once, and his brows continued to furrow deeper to the point that she was sure they would cover his eyes. A little lightening of the mood never hurt, right? Except when it did. In a way that was entirely unfunny. Blame her upbringing, she would say. Or lack thereof. Her humour did always venture into dark territory. "Look, it's not about me being bored." She chewed on the inside of her cheek as she idly "stabbed" herself in the side with the fake knife. "You look like you're giving birth to kittens without an epidural, and I thought you needed a break. But. You're right. I could've gone about that better. Let me make it up to you and make you a cuppa?"

[agentsterling]

Sterling followed Ava's eyes to the elevator and he nodded, gently shooing her toward it.

"Go. I'll be here. I promise." He wasn't sure that came out as reassuring as he had hoped. While he intended for it to feel like a friend promising they would be there for another friend, it might have felt more like he was there on official business and he was going to wait there all day to get what he needed from her. It had been a while since they'd spoken. A lot had happened. Did they really know each other anymore? Was Sterling still her friend, or was he just SHIELD's lapdog keeping tabs on her?

[etherealstarr]

"Promise" wasn't a word Ava took lightly. Where it should give hope, it only gave her despair, after years upon years of broken promises. She was still trying to unlearn all of that, to put some faith in a promise so that it could start to mean something else. It was the better part of 45 minutes before she returned, looking no different save for the buzz of tension radiating from her. To those with sensitive hearing, they would liken her to sound of a dull ugly tuning fork. "Sorry about that. Can we, uh, go somewhere else? This building is making my skin crawl."

[mantcdea]

Each kiss pressed to her lips drew a soft giggle from the empath, eyes shining, cheeks turning pink. She nuzzled the woman's face affectionately, grateful and honored to know that Ava trusted her to such an extent.

Mantis didn't always know when the woman actually wanted her to ask permission or not, so she would (usually) ask just to be safe. Still, learning that she was the source of such positive emotions according to Ava filled her with joy.

"Well, your head belongs to you," Mantis pointed out with a playful smile. Her hand cupped Ava's face, thumb running across her cheek, as the empath stifled another giggle. "I think that would end up driving us both to madness!"

[etherealstarr]

"Madness isn't always a bad thing..." To lose one's self in something like this? Ava would give up her years with SHIELD if she knew this kind of feeling was possible in her life. "What if I gift it to you? My mind. Would you care for it in my stead?" Then perhaps she wouldn't have to deal with those spontaneous bouts of negative thoughts that sapped her of her energy and left her feeling empty. If she could give her brain to someone else for a time while she drowned herself in the ocean of joy offered to her, she would take it in a heartbeat.

[honorarystripes]

"I'm really not way up. The illusion of superiority is just that. An illusion. I'm not the man that people try to tell me I am. And I'm not better than anyone."

"In fact, I'm the one guy that doesn't fit in with the world around me while everyone gets the impression he's superior. In reality, he doesn't belong anywhere."

[etherealstarr]

"Not superiority. I meant responsibility." What time would someone like Captain America have for a morally-grey scientific mistake who was a hitman for hire? "You have more important things to do, righting wrong and all that stuff, to have time for people like me. But... I have time now, if you're really that interested in getting to know me."

[mantcdea]

"Yes please! Let's start with hand-to-hand combat!" Mantis chirped, voice eager. She twirled the weapon between her fingers once again before stretching her arm, the tip of the blade pointing to Ava, though there was still enough distance between them. Her usually sweet smile widened into something sharper.

"What is the thing people of Earth say? En garde?"

[etherealstarr]

Ava huffed with amusement, her hands on her hips. "Well, that's for fencing, but I'll give you points for trying." She strode over to change her stance, moving her into a more hunch position with knees bent. "You hold out a knife like that, you're making it easy for someone to stab you in the arm. Think like a coiled spring. Close. Tight. So that you're ready to spring when they least expect it." To make her point, Ava took up a stance of her own for Mantis to mirror, her knife still strapped in its sheath. She, of course, didn't want to actually stab Mantis. "Ready?"

[talvisoldat]

"The New yorker sounds like a American..... Breaking news." Bucky replied with a dramatic sigh. He knew it wasn't hard to spot him as an American even when considering how little time he actually had spent there in the large scale of things. "It's soccer..." He added humorously.

[etherealstarr]

Ava overdramatically shoved a finger in his face, though the smile she wore as she leaned in said she took no offence. He was just doing it to rile her up but there was no harm in playing up the annoyance. "How very dare you. You take that back or I might have to volunteer you to help Alexei clean out his limo tomorrow..."

[mantcdea]

A tiny furrow formed between her eyebrows as the empath considered Ava's words. Danger... could be fun to those who weren't used to it. But the Guardians were used to it. They were in constant danger, it was part of the job. Still, Ava's suggestion was interesting.

"Do you crave danger?" Mantis asked with a bubbly voice, head tilting with amusement. "We could go see a knife fight. Those are dangerous — but not for us. Perhaps we could buy snacks and sit in the audience..." Her voice trailed off, eyes wide. "I- I am sorry. That is not very romantic."

[etherealstarr]

Crave was an easy word to put to it. Given the life she'd had, Ava could be considered something of an adrenaline junkie. Sitting around with nothing to do was nice and peaceful, but her bones sometimes demanded something else. Just to remind her she was still alive. "Says who? Anything can be romantic with the right person. But I don't want to just watch someone else have all the fun." Not that she was suggesting they be in a knife fight with each other, but her suggestion would be no different than watching a movie. "What's something you want to do, but were never allowed to? That we can do together."

[toskabarona]

"Are you suggesting we got a mock vacation?" Zemo asked a bit humorously, not that the idea was terrible. He just hadn't quite expected it. "They didn't take my funds no." The brooding however? It did come in waves. Little things that he would have loved to show Heike or something Karl would have liked. Grief was a strange thing like that. "I know the self pitty don't help, it's why i prefer to drown it in alcohol." He sigh before sipping his wine. He understood what Ava meant and he knew she was right. "As much as i admire your point of view.... I don't want to find it without them,"

[etherealstarr]

The alcohol was just another mask; everyone wore one to keep themselves separated from everyone else. She knew that all too well. Alcohol, however, could have never been her choice, given the effects it had on her. "Them. People who are gone now, from the sounds of it." Ava sighed heavily, her shoulders sagging. "You think they'd want you to sit here and be miserable for the rest of your life? Or do you think they'd want you to get off your ass and live your life doing something productive and meaningful?" It was easy to dig a hole and bury one's self in it to feel comfortable. Comfortable and small and unseen. But that was always a slow progression to the grave. "Survival's guilt looks pretty ugly on you."

[etherealstarr]

((I am not around as much as I used to be))

((I haven't had work in almost a year due to A.I. I've been struggling to find other means of making money so that I can continue to be a contributing member of society. And because of the lack of work, being online is just... not good for my brainspace when I'm getting no callbacks.))

((if you'd like to help, I have a book of short stories in my Ko-Fi shop or you can donate a few bucks to my Ko-Fi.))

[mantcdea]

Her breath hitched when Ava's fingers closed around the sensitive skin of her neck, not squeezing, just resting. Still, a warm flush of color painted Mantis' cheeks, and her posture became stiff — but she didn't step back, didn't pull away. She knew about the thought that had crossed the woman's mind, but thoughts couldn't hurt her; actions could.

"I know," she murmured when the woman remarked how quickly her heart was beating. Mantis swallowed, throat bobbing with the action, and her eyes closed to further emphasize her complete trust in her. "But I am not afraid."

[etherealstarr]

"Then...?" Did she like this? was this her subtle way of telling Ava what she was into? Or was she reading into this too much, casting the situation in a different direction to wipe away the horrible imagery from earlier? No, no beating around the bush. Just ask, Ava reminded herself. The woman was always honest with her answers. "... is this something that excites you?" Her voice was barely a whisper, her thumb following the path of her carotid artery. She had heard of people who were into this kind of thing, though she'd never explored it herself. Hands around throats were for only one purpose. "We can find out together, if you want..."

[talvisoldat]

He couldn't believe he actually let this conversation go on. Then again out of everyone? Ava was the one who got the most leanway with what he could talk about. "A bit scratchy with a moustache yeah." Bucky chuckled, shaking his head a bit. He had honestly not thought of that what so ever in the moment. "Why am i answering this?"

[etherealstarr]

Well, one, you're not drunk, so maybe you want to talk about it. Get it off your chest. Or two, you like shooting the shit with me for some reason. That, I can't answer for you." Ava's smugness was more than evident, as she took no care to hide it. Being a part of a group was one thing; being in a group where trust between them was blossoming was something else. "... I've never kissed someone I actually liked before, if it helps. For a mission, for appearances, sure. But not in the "makes you feel like you're flying" sort of way. Heh, that's kind of sad, isn't it?"

[mantcdea]

“Because you don’t listen!” Mantis insisted, voice firmer even as she refused to shout, to escalate. “Do you not understand that we are a team? That if you do your own thing, the entire course of action falls apart?”

She knew Ava was used to solo missions when she worked as an assassin and spy, carrying out the jobs that more traditional agents could not. But that wouldn’t work here.

“You keep trying to do everything yourself. Why? For what?”

[etherealstarr]

"So that you don't see the things I have to do to keep you safe!" Ava finally stopped her pacing and crowded Mantis' space, pushed up so close that her heated anger practically radiated off of her. "I don't want you to see me at my worst, the me that's some trained killer with nothing but murder behind me eyes. I don't want you to know what the old me is like! She chewed furiously on her lower lip for a few seconds before she turned to leave. "I don't want to give you a reason to be afraid of me."

[warwaited]

It's true. She wasn't. But, then, she's had a taste of the crowd's adoration in other ways, and honestly? It's something she's eager for more of. Being needed, having people look to her for protection or confidence... it's a bit of a head rush. "Yeah, I guess not. Must've been awesome. Usually when I handle things it's, like... six, maybe eight people clapping. Tops."

Unfortunately she's much less enthused by the stated plan, or the admission that Ava isn't exactly good at coming up with them on her own. "...okay. Just, uh, kick dirt in their eyes and sort it out like that."

A small chuckle.

[etherealstarr]

Awesome wasn't the word Ava would put to it, but she wasn't about to continue deflating the other woman's boat. Trying to convince her otherwise wasn't the point of this conversation. "I'm not going to yuck your yum if it's the applause you're going for. God knows you can have all of it for yourself if it gets eyes off the rest of us." She was pretty sure the rest of the Thund-... Avengers weren't the kind of people who enjoyed being in the limelight. "If they even have eyes to begin with. There are some really strange things out there, most of them nothing I could accurately describe." Some she would call nightmarish; others looked like something from an acid trip. "What's the strangest thing you've fought, so far?"

[mantcdea]

She did feel the wave of warmth Ava experienced, and Mantis' own lips pulled into a smile, soft and sweet. It filled her with joy to know that she was the one drawing such emotions from the woman. When Ava mentioned her reputation as an assassin though, Mantis blinked.

She knew Ava was probably joking, and yet... Mantis lifted her head to meet the other's eyes.

"What do you mean?" There was no accusation in her voice, only a hint of concern. "You don't feel as though you are a bad person, do you?"

[etherealstarr]

"... we've all done things in our lives we're not proud of. But I meant more that if someone were to see me like this, they'd have no reason to be afraid of me if I showed at their house. Just saying." The assassin known as Ghost, looking like a lovesick puppy? No doubt, if any of the Thunderbolts were here, they would never live it down. "... do you think you are...?" The question had to have come from somewhere, and Ava wanted to make sure it wasn't some kind of misplaced self-deprecation.

[doubleofloor]

Name. It was likely a risk, telling her. Maybe she'd refuse, and go behind their back, warn the jail of their plan. Maybe security would be ramped up. But maybe the risk was worth it, if it meant her help.

Nimble fingers dancing upon piano keys. Glimmering brown eyes and a melodic voice filling the air, alongside Milo's.

"Marya... Floor. She was wrongly accused of disappearing someone." Cas's voice was bitter, traced with anger not directed at Ava, but at the system. At the follow up question, she licked and bit at her lower lip, eyes behind glass lenses, darting to the countertop in the distance as she considered her response. Finally, she just swallowed and looked back to Ava. A rare flicker of vulnerability, "We want her back home."

Milo nodded, his own eyes heavy with a sadness carried over years. He reached over to give Cas's shoulder a squeeze.

[etherealstarr]

Marya Floor. Not a name Ava recognized, so there was nothing on her mental radar that this job was high profile. But that didn't mean SHIELD didn't lock her up for no reason. But that wasn't her issue: she was just supposed to get the woman in and out, then go about her day. Simple. But sometimes simple came with unexpected consequences. "And who's to say once she's out, you won't throw me under the bus to get SHIELD off your asses...?" Not that she expected them to tell the truth, but she wanted them to know that she still didn't trust them fully. Not until they gave her a reason to.

[talvisoldat]

"Wha....." Bucky had to pause for a moment to take in what Ava just actually had told him. "People have actually asked that?" He knew there could be some stupid questions comming from people but better than most but missunderstanding Ava's phasing that bad was.....Not what he expected

[etherealstarr]

"That. If I got pregnant, could I phase the baby out of me. Could I remove a tumour without surgery. Would I implode if I phased my own arm inside myself. So yes, being a freak like me definitely comes with the strange questions. I'm pretty sure you've had people ask 'so what can the arm do?' winky face."